MistaYates Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 My ex gf cheated on me with her ex. Has lied to me multiple times on different occations, mostly about her ex, and them playing around with each other. We have been off and on multiple times, and she was always the one crying for me back. Every single time. Funny thing is, i finally wanted HER back. She told me to leave her alone, and to never talk to her again. That im like a high maintenance girlfriend. Obviously, after she cheated on me, and the lies she has told me, made me become a whole different person. I became clingy and wanting to know her every move. I wasnt like this in the beginning. Maybe i was, but definitely not as bad. Am i really high maintenance? Makes me feel bad.. I know i should move on and not care what she thinks, but it hurts so bad..
evanescentworld Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Probably. Take a look at all your threads. Do they sound as if they've been posted by a smart, confident, self-assured, dignified man? No, I don't think so either. Look, really, what she thinks is no longer relevant. She's your ex. Gone. Past. Finished with. Over. Done. You really should be focusing on growing a spine and boosting your own self-image, because I'm sorry, but really, you sound a bit feeble to me. man up and get a grip, dearest.... 1
Amalthea Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I'm high maintenance. It's impossible to tell from one post, but your description of the situation does not make you sound high maintenance. You DO need to stop giving your ex the upper hand though. She cheated on you, and now she is rejecting you. She obviously doesn't want you, and you shouldn't want her either. She cheated on you. High maintenance or not, no one deserves that kind of disrespect. Forget her. 2
Author MistaYates Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) Probably. Take a look at all your threads. Do they sound as if they've been posted by a smart, confident, self-assured, dignified man? No, I don't think so either. Look, really, what she thinks is no longer relevant. She's your ex. Gone. Past. Finished with. Over. Done. You really should be focusing on growing a spine and boosting your own self-image, because I'm sorry, but really, you sound a bit feeble to me. man up and get a grip, dearest.... I thought i was allowed to come on here and post my situation? You cant really judge my situation based on how many posts i post on this website. I just need help. She approached me, she asked me out, she always texted ME first. She was always doing everything. Then i started getting suspicious, then she cheated. Now im clingy, and i have to know everything shes doing. Not my fault, she cheated. That made me insecure. I know from all my posts, it makes me seem like a wuss, but i just cant get over this at all. Sorry if im annoying you, but i like to get new opinions. Edited December 6, 2014 by MistaYates
HereNorThere Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Look up "psychological projection" but basically she's just victim blaming you. You may not be high maintenance, but you certainly don't have any self-respect if you're still talking to a person who treats you this way and cheats on you. Let go.. 2
Author MistaYates Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Look up "psychological projection" but basically she's just victim blaming you. You may not be high maintenance, but you certainly don't have any self-respect if you're still talking to a person who treats you this way and cheats on you. Let go.. I know man. I dont even know why i do myself. She says she never wants to talk to me again and she doesnt want to be with someone that thinks of her as a "Stupid Bitch". But yet she cheated on me, lied to me about it, begged for me back just to use me, and all types of other ****.
Gloria25 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I know man. I dont even know why i do myself. She says she never wants to talk to me again and she doesnt want to be with someone that thinks of her as a "Stupid Bitch". But yet she cheated on me, lied to me about it, begged for me back just to use me, and all types of other ****. So, she flips it on you - making you think that it's something you did/didn't do to make her cheat? Look, some people think that the harder they try, the more the person would want them - but the contrary happens, which is, the person loses respect for you and/or takes you for granted.
Author MistaYates Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 So, she flips it on you - making you think that it's something you did/didn't do to make her cheat? Look, some people think that the harder they try, the more the person would want them - but the contrary happens, which is, the person loses respect for you and/or takes you for granted. I never knew people like that existed until it happened. Why are there people like that.. I kept going back because i just couldnt believe that someone could use me. There HAD to be another reason to me. But there wasnt.. She just wanted to play.
Gloria25 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I never knew people like that existed until it happened. Why are there people like that.. I kept going back because i just couldnt believe that someone could use me. There HAD to be another reason to me. But there wasnt.. She just wanted to play. Well, that's part of what cheaters are all about. When they get caught, they don't just throw up their hands in the air and say "ok, you got me". They usually blame you, the sky, etc. Lol, like the Cheaters show...like 90% of the time, when they get caught, they are quick to snap back at the person they are cheating on saying something like 'Yea, I cheated, but look at you and all these cameras, who's worst?'. 1
Arieswoman Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Mista Yates, 99.9% of the time when cheaters are caught they don't take responsibility for their actions. So don't fall for her blameshifting tactics. You deserve better, move on. Good luck.
Author MistaYates Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Mista Yates, 99.9% of the time when cheaters are caught they don't take responsibility for their actions. So don't fall for her blameshifting tactics. You deserve better, move on. Good luck. I really agree. Its just hard to cope with. Im completely heartbroken.. This girl was all i've ever known, and we did have a lot of good times together. She never wanted to make her mind up, beg for me back, then say you hate me and never talk to me again.. But then beg for me back AGAIN soon after. Like make your mind up already.. She has told me to leave her alone, but i havent, and thats why shes calling me "High Maintenance". I havent spoke to her in a couple of days, but she has ALWAYS begged for ME back. I've never begged for her. Now that i am, because i just wanted it to work this time, shes using it as an advantage to make me look clingy. But she was always the one begging for me. She approached me in the beginning, and wanted ME. Now shes doing this.. Wtf. I know its the ex boyfriend. I just know it.
Author MistaYates Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Well, that's part of what cheaters are all about. When they get caught, they don't just throw up their hands in the air and say "ok, you got me". They usually blame you, the sky, etc. Lol, like the Cheaters show...like 90% of the time, when they get caught, they are quick to snap back at the person they are cheating on saying something like 'Yea, I cheated, but look at you and all these cameras, who's worst?'. Yeah, i never knew a human being could be so evil, until i met her.
Zahara Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Don't tell me that she isnt worth it. Because i think she is. All i need is for someone to tell me how to regain the trust, and not be this way. I can't believe how much this girl has changed me. I'm whipped. This is your problem. All this "high maintenance" stuff is nonsense. She was never worth it. She was a cheater and a liar, unless your standards are so low that someone that is of such character is considered a valuable addition to your life. She didn't like you watching her every move and she didn't care to appease your feelings or fight for your trust and make you feel secure so she slapped you as high-maintenance to make you feel insecure and keep you off her back. You're whipped. Your self-esteem and self-respect has hit a low. If anything, taking her back was you teaching her a lesson -- a lesson that you tolerate being treated badly. And she did it again. This woman coming back crying all the time was her manipulating you into accepting her back. It's all game playing. Someone that cheats and lies only has one thing in mind -- themselves. Stop talking to her. Regain your confidence. Your self-respect. Don't be a doormat. Show strength. Hold on strong to your dignity and let that pull you through. And if you know you are whipped, don't keep staying there.
Author MistaYates Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 This is your problem. All this "high maintenance" stuff is nonsense. She was never worth it. She was a cheater and a liar, unless your standards are so low that someone that is of such character is considered a valuable addition to your life. She didn't like you watching her every move and she didn't care to appease your feelings or fight for your trust and make you feel secure so she slapped you as high-maintenance to make you feel insecure and keep you off her back. You're whipped. Your self-esteem and self-respect has hit a low. If anything, taking her back was you teaching her a lesson -- a lesson that you tolerate being treated badly. And she did it again. This woman coming back crying all the time was her manipulating you into accepting her back. It's all game playing. Someone that cheats and lies only has one thing in mind -- themselves. Stop talking to her. Regain your confidence. Your self-respect. Don't be a doormat. Show strength. Hold on strong to your dignity and let that pull you through. And if you know you are whipped, don't keep staying there. She was my first love. I couldnt resist. I've never been given attention from such a beautiful girl before, and i just gave her my all. I definetely cant go back now. Shes obviously done using me, and she wants me out of her life. So she tells me to basically F-Off, and to never talk to her again. Everytime i tried to talk to her about what has been going on, she would tell me to leave her alone, and that im so annoying. She never has talked about it. Thanks alot for that reply. I honestly think that was what i need Zahara. Just because i wanted to be commited, rather than play a big game with her, im High Maintenance.
Zahara Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 She was my first love. I couldnt resist. I've never been given attention from such a beautiful girl before, and i just gave her my all. I definetely cant go back now. Shes obviously done using me, and she wants me out of her life. So she tells me to basically F-Off, and to never talk to her again. Everytime i tried to talk to her about what has been going on, she would tell me to leave her alone, and that im so annoying. She never has talked about it. We've all had first loves. The feelings you have for a first love does not justify tolerated and being treated badly and nor does it come at the expense of your self-respect and your dignity. This was a 6 month relationship and I have to say if I wonder if it was so much love but your idealization of her based on her looks. She never talked about it because she didn't care to validate your feelings.
Author MistaYates Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 We've all had first loves. The feelings you have for a first love does not justify tolerated and being treated badly and nor does it come at the expense of your self-respect and your dignity. This was a 6 month relationship and I have to say if I wonder if it was so much love but your idealization of her based on her looks. She never talked about it because she didn't care to validate your feelings. She was very beautiful. We had a lot of good memories, and all my firsts were taken from me by her. It completely breaks my heart to a point where i dont even know what life is anymore. Im a different person... I thought of her as, shes very beautiful, and maybe its worth it to stay with her and fix her. I felt like she was helpless, but she wasn't. I'm brainwashed on everything she did, i think it wasnt on purpose to hurt me, but she did it anyways. I dont know why i think that. I have pictured her in my mind as a wonderful person, but in reality shes just a user.. I just wish i had her heart..
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 She was very beautiful. We had a lot of good memories, and all my firsts were taken from me by her. It completely breaks my heart to a point where i dont even know what life is anymore. Im a different person... I thought of her as, shes very beautiful, and maybe its worth it to stay with her and fix her. I felt like she was helpless, but she wasn't. I'm brainwashed on everything she did, i think it wasnt on purpose to hurt me, but she did it anyways. I dont know why i think that. I have pictured her in my mind as a wonderful person, but in reality shes just a user.. I just wish i had her heart.. I hate to have to tell you this but she did it on purpose knowing it would hurt you because she's a selfish lying cheater. She knew every wrong act she did would HURT YOU. All she cared about was her and her needs/wants. She didn't care at all about how her actions would make you feel. I know how you feel about being brainwashed my abusive ex tried bringing me down. He brainwashed me into feeling awful about myself especially my looks. Thanks to him and other men I feel uglier than I am. Because of their words I feel like something is wrong with my body when I know there's not but I feel like there is based on their words.
Zahara Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 She was very beautiful. We had a lot of good memories, and all my firsts were taken from me by her. It completely breaks my heart to a point where i dont even know what life is anymore. Im a different person... I thought of her as, shes very beautiful, and maybe its worth it to stay with her and fix her. I felt like she was helpless, but she wasn't. I'm brainwashed on everything she did, i think it wasnt on purpose to hurt me, but she did it anyways. I dont know why i think that. I have pictured her in my mind as a wonderful person, but in reality shes just a user.. I just wish i had her heart.. You keep focusing on her external beauty but in terms of her inner beauty, she fails. It's incredibly shallow to want to be with someone and tolerate disrespect because of how they look. Deep down you probably know its irrational. If anyone needs fixing, it's YOU. She hurt you on purpose. No question about it. There's nothing beautiful about a cheater and liar.
Author MistaYates Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) You keep focusing on her external beauty but in terms of her inner beauty, she fails. It's incredibly shallow to want to be with someone and tolerate disrespect because of how they look. Deep down you probably know its irrational. If anyone needs fixing, it's YOU. She hurt you on purpose. No question about it. There's nothing beautiful about a cheater and liar. I HAD self respect. Once someone i care about so much, cheats on me, when i thought she never would, i felt like maybe im just not good enough. I thought she would never cheat on me, because her ex cheated on her. Which made me think she wouldnt do that to someone since she knows how it hurts so much. But she did. Its hard to have self respect after someone takes advantage of you with no guilt, or care that they did it. Especially when you thought they loved you. When they lied about that too. Especially when they knew that you were their first experience and their first love? Why would she do that? I can't believe it so much, that i feel like she didnt even do it on purpose, that shes just helpless. But thats not true at all. Im stuck in a world where i dont belong.. I just wish i can gain it back. After this, i just dont know how. Edited December 9, 2014 by MistaYates
Omei Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) If this ex was a lier and a cheater why would you think anything they had to say about you as a person has any relevance at all. Btw when you tried to described her in a past post you couldn't produce anything about her that came to mind other than shes beautiful(twice) or how she took your sexual firsts, so if thats all that comes to mind when you discribe her why don't you just got get another beautiful girl hopefully one that doesn't cheat and maybe she will have things about her that actually come to mind when you try describing her because unlike your ex she will have qualitys other than "shes beautiful" Edited December 9, 2014 by Omei
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I HAD self respect. Once someone i care about so much, cheats on me, when i thought she never would, i felt like maybe im just not good enough. I thought she would never cheat on me, because her ex cheated on her. Which made me think she wouldnt do that to someone since she knows how it hurts so much. But she did. Its hard to have self respect after someone takes advantage of you with no guilt, or care that they did it. Especially when you thought they loved you. When they lied about that too. Especially when they knew that you were their first experience and their first love? Why would she do that? I can't believe it so much, that i feel like she didnt even do it on purpose, that shes just helpless. But thats not true at all. Im stuck in a world where i dont belong.. I just wish i can gain it back. After this, i just dont know how. Your ex was NOT helpless she DECIDED to cheat no one made her cheat. She also did it on PURPOSE she knew she was cheating plain and simple. She made her choices. She is a common whore plain and simple. You are much better off without her. So she's beautiful so what there are tons of beautiful women in the world. Just because her ex cheated was no guarantee she wouldn't cheat. He apparantly taught her how to cheat.
Author MistaYates Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Your ex was NOT helpless she DECIDED to cheat no one made her cheat. She also did it on PURPOSE she knew she was cheating plain and simple. She made her choices. She is a common whore plain and simple. You are much better off without her. So she's beautiful so what there are tons of beautiful women in the world. Just because her ex cheated was no guarantee she wouldn't cheat. He apparantly taught her how to cheat. I just feel like maybe i could have prevented her from cheating on me. She was with her ex for 3 years.. So she obviously can be faithful. But i wasnt good enough to her... I hate this. People like me shouldnt be treated like this. Shes out having a good time with some guy, and im sitting here mourning the relationship.. I cant see myself with anyone atm..
Zahara Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I just feel like maybe i could have prevented her from cheating on me. She was with her ex for 3 years.. So she obviously can be faithful. But i wasnt good enough to her... I hate this. People like me shouldnt be treated like this. Shes out having a good time with some guy, and im sitting here mourning the relationship.. I cant see myself with anyone atm.. Stop. You can't prevent someone from cheating. You can't force someone to have a moral compass, integrity and honesty. And stop demeaning yourself as being the reason she cheated. The flaw lies in her, not you. Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people. It has happened to most of us. No one deserves to be cheated on but it's happened and you have to deal with it. It will get better, eventhough you don't see that happening right now.
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I just feel like maybe i could have prevented her from cheating on me. She was with her ex for 3 years.. So she obviously can be faithful. But i wasnt good enough to her... I hate this. People like me shouldnt be treated like this. Shes out having a good time with some guy, and im sitting here mourning the relationship.. I cant see myself with anyone atm.. It's not your fault she cheated. You seem like the nice guy type. Is her ex the bad boy type? Most women seem attracted to bad boys. I was with one for six months bad boys are awful for relationships. Some women can't handle a nice guy because they are not exciting enough. I know how you feel though about being nice and alone. Men have even said I am too nice. Yet here I am at home responding on a dating forum.
Author MistaYates Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 It's not your fault she cheated. You seem like the nice guy type. Is her ex the bad boy type? Most women seem attracted to bad boys. I was with one for six months bad boys are awful for relationships. Some women can't handle a nice guy because they are not exciting enough. I know how you feel though about being nice and alone. Men have even said I am too nice. Yet here I am at home responding on a dating forum. Im not sure if he is or not. I do know that she told me he doesnt care about her. Yeah, he probably is. Guess im just a lost cause.
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