amymiller6228 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 After almost a year, my ex ended things 2 weeks ago, though we never really had big problems, I think he got overwhelmed. I'm someone who needs my space, I am very busy on my own and I like to keep my social life separate so that I can be the best version of myself around the people I love. He was very affectionate which i did NOT mind, so I ignored my "urge" to "demand" more space and it bit me in the butt. I found myself feeding into nonsense that I normally would let go, and it was primarily because I was too smothered-feeling. 1 week BEFORE the breakup, we had a discussion. He wasn't sure if we could keep dating and I apologized, explained that space is probably necessary even though I treated it as optional, and he apologized too and agreed we would take some space. We did, and it was going great. Then we saw each other, and had the time of our lives! (We usually do have the time of our lives, even recently, everytime we're in person! Our arguments occur over the phone, during the week, when we're apart). Then a misunderstanding occured and like I said, out of character for him, he didn't let me explain anything, got too overwhelmed and ended it. He came to say "goodbye" to me 3 days later and I acted very positive, friendly, normal, which he seemed confused but mostly in a good way. He even mentioned being friends and taking me for "1 more ride" in his car that he is almost finished fixing, and I just nonchalantly said "sure" although I know I can't accept just friendship. He mentioned things he would miss, but he doesn't like to change his mind on things. I know I have to give him time. I texted him 2 days later to casually say I hope his mom did well and he responded. I made the mistake (i'm sure) of contacting him again a few days after that, very briefly, to "thank him" for everything and to let him know that even though it was an upsetting, unexpected and sad breakup, I was glad it happened because it set us both free, and I asked him how he was doing, I told him I missed him but I was happy, and he said he felt the same. Then I left it alone. I also had a gift sent to him (I ordered it BEFORE the breakup and couldn't cancel) so I texted him today (1 week since last contact) to tell him it was coming and explain that it was from before, and he said ok. I ended each of the 3 convo's very quickly and I kept them all brief and positive, and I know I should completely cut contact now, right? Did I ruin anything? Should I reach out in 3 or 4 weeks, or just assume he's never coming back by then? Thanks.
evanescentworld Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Go No Contact. If he contacts you again, tell him this is more painful than you thought, and unless he would like to commit to trying again, and maybe ironing out the problems that arose, like adults, then contact needs to be terminated. If he feels that it's an irreversible situation, and he's not willing to really give it a shot - maybe with counselling and a lesson or two in effective, positive, constructive communication - then to let you know, and call it a day, because being friends is simply too painful right now. But quit contacting him, and let him come to you. If he doesn't come to you, well then, you know what that means....
Amalthea Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I know it's difficult, but you shouldn't assume or over think what you did or didn't do. You did it. It's done, and you can't change it. You need to start moving on. If this guy cares about you, you will hear from him again. If you don't, that means he wasn't the right one. Don't waste time dwelling on it or else you might miss meeting the right one.
Recommended Posts