Online dating etiquette question

[RoosterFrame]

I had a first in the online dating world and wanted to get you guys' advice.

 

I (31yoM) recently matched with a girl (30yoF) on Tinder.

We exchanged a few messages at a healthy pace and have a fair amount in common.

Thanksgiving happened and I didn't hear back from my last question to her.

I waited until Sunday afternoon (4 days) and followed up.

We both live in the same part of town, both have dogs and both frequent the dog park, so I sent a light-hearted text and included an invitation to meet at a dog park one day this week.

Never heard back. No harm, no foul. Part of the online dating scene.

 

THEN...

 

This same girl pops up in my OkCupid QuickMatch today as a 99% Match/ 1% Enemy.

 

We have 250-ish questions in common. Similar politics, worldview, interests, cultural tastes, education, and both looking for the same thing out of online dating.

 

I understand full well that OKC and Tinder matches only mean so much. Tinder match says we find each other attractive enough and OKC high match says we've got a lot in common. In my mind, that's worth a 45 minute, low-pressure meeting and I'm hoping she sees it that way as well.

 

Any advice on how to approach this without being weird?

 

I feel like if I contacted her on OKC too soon that could be creepy.

 

My thought is to wait awhile and see if she comes across me on OKC and if she's still on there in a couple months, but hasn't contacted me go for it.

 

All advice appreciated.

[d0nnivain]

I'd send her a message like:

 

 

We now have two sets of computers telling us were a match & since everyone knows computers are never wrong, what do you say we get together to see if they are onto something? My invite to the dog park is still open.

[losangelena]

Yeah, I would say wait.

 

If you invited her to the dog park and she hasn't responded, then wait. I'm sure she either has or will see that you're such a high percentage match on OKC. Give it time. If, in a couple of weeks, you see that she hasn't gotten back to you, it won't do you any harm to reach out again. She'll either be interested or you won't hear from her.

[smackie9]

People don't message you back because they don't want to....get the hint?

 

Tinder is a hook up site.....just so you know.

[RoosterFrame]

losangelena, I'm thinking approaching it through OKC in a couple of weeks or so is the way to go. Maybe wait until after all the holidays. I'm in no rush, just extremely curious now.

[smackie9]

People don't put much stock in you being a "match" or how really compatible you are....Their assessment is more about your vibe and how attractive you are to them.

[RoosterFrame]

Fair enough, smackie9. Since you know about Tinder, you also know that it involves physical appearance and swiping. In other words, you don't swipe on someone unless you find them physically attractive, dig?

[smackie9]

Just going by what the users have told me about it.....majority is hookup. It's a no brainer everyone wants to do someone attractive. Plus whos to say everyone is honest about their profile? I sense there is a lot of fake photos etc.

[smackie9]

A friend of mine showed me some profiles....a lot of them show very little if anything with a photo of scenery or a pic of their dog.

[RoosterFrame]

I definitely agree with you about the fake profiles.

 

That said, this particular girl's isn't. Basically, I'm pretty damn curious to meet her now after seeing on OKC how high of a match we are and that we apparently find each other attractive enough to right swipe on tinder.

 

I've never had that double whammy and have a lot of experience at this. If you don't understand my curiosity, fair enough. I'm well aware that she could suck as a person but the curiosity is there. I have nothing to lose, dig?

[angel.eyes]

If you know you matched on 250 questions, that means you checked out her profile on OKCupid. You'll pop up on her account as viewing her. If she were interested, she now has two sites on which she can make contact.

 

Not what you want to hear, but honestly she no longer seems interested. Maybe it's something you said in one of your text exchanges. Maybe it's the vibe she gets from your responses. Who knows? It happens. It's not like you even met, so just move on to others on the site.

[Rydo]

If she was interested she would be in touch still. It really is that simple.

[smackie9]

People don't message you back because they don't want to....get the hint?

 

Like I said.......

[D.Mc.]

Hi RoosterFrame,

 

I found an ad on CL that was fascinating to me. I replied. He responded immediately & we emailed back & forth every day for about 2 weeks...exchanged a lot of personal info & he sounded real enthusiastic about meeting me. Last 2 emails I gave him my phone #/got his & asked him to call me. No call & no more emails. This was the week of Thanksgiving so I gave it time & a week later sent him one quick email asking how things were & to give me a call. No response. 2 days ago: I'm on CL again & see another ad w/no pic this time but it sounds like it was written by him. I reply asking "Is this who I think it is, you'll know who I am by this email address, if not sorry for the mistaken identity". Email comes back to me from his address: 'I'm sorry I've been out of touch..." & asks if he can call me - I say yes,, right now if you want to: No call & no more emails from him. I sure won't be sending anymore to him even though I was attracted to him enough to recognize his style of writing from 2 different CL ads.

 

 

I told you that to tell you this: even if you are feeling attracted & connected to someone online, even if you feel you have a connection w/them: you don't, not until you meet IRL, & an IRL meet will only happen if both people want it.