hurting so much- long read (Updated)

[unspokenlove]

We dated for over a year. Shes younger than me and in college, and I'm in my second year of college. Please spare the you are young, shes young and in college also thing please.

 

I loved this girl..like serious dedication. I made visits to her at college, which was 2.3 hours away not that bad. I have a lot of anxiety driving but I braved it through to see/surprise her. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. We both knew the moment we met this was going to go far, we were just 100% compatible. We broke up in August as it was her first week, she was extremely stressed out, I was stressed out from the way she was acting towards me because she doesn't handle stress well. She gets very very angry. We got back together 2-3 days later because she apologized and said its not what she wanted at all. She is a deeply emotional and loving person, would never cheat or anything like that, and I am the same way.

 

She would get upset following college because school stress, and her room mate and friends left her out of things, so she cried and called me and I tried to help as best as I could. Fast forward to when we broke up November 10th. We had been having a terrible week, we got into an argument which I could have prevented but I was being stubborn and I was trying new anxiety medication that did the opposite and made me panic and feel 100% off. That Wed, I was at work she called and it just got bad and we broke up mutually cause we said its not working. I regretted it and cried in the bathroom the rest of the day. We kept talking until a few days later she said she needed space to move on, well I still loved her and I knew if we got back together it wouldn't happen again..I'd try very very hard. She stopped replying, wouldn't talk to me at all. I'm coming off this medicine and I'm having panic attacks over and over again, and I find out my mom might have breast cancer the same week..I just wanted my best friend.

 

This is where I completely messed up, I thought I was like friends with her friends..Her room mate went to the same highschool as me and her, I hungout and talked with her alot when I visited. I messaged her asking if there was anything I could do and such, and is she okay? Well my ex of course found out and told me to leave her friends the F alone. I didn't give space at all, I felt like I was losing her completely. I admit my stupid mistake, and she blocks me on everything to give herself space. Our mutual friends tell me she deleted most of our instagram pictures together except 3 recent, out of a lot she deleted. She always was adamant that deleted pictures hurt alot, and got upset when I mentioned I might.

 

A week later she visits for thanksgiving break, I run by her house to give her, her stuff back and get closure..and also give small gifts I got her non returnable that I had planned to give that week. She thanks me for the gifts, and she won't come near me and her hugs are very awkward. I get upset, and she asks me to leave. She proceeds to say that the last 3 months since August were "torture" and she was saying she cried everyday over us. When it wasn't that at all, like I said previously it was school and friends. She convinced herself that we were toxic for each other and just bad, forcing herself to move on with anger and hate. I asked her when she was unblocking me and she said its going to be a long time until we both move on. During all this breakup, she cusses excessively with F words towards me, she hates cussing or when I rarely ever did.

 

3 days later she unblocks me, and is being nice to me. We talk and its okay, still awkward she is very short and doesn't seem interested at all talking to me. We literally talked every single day, face time every night, and calls every lunch break and now she is acting like she doesn't know me. She gets angry one night, some guy was suppose to hangout with her a "good friend" and he stood her up, straight up ignoring her on purpose. She vented this all to me, and I'm just thinking wow..this hurts and I feel jealous..which I never am. She notices and says I thought we wanted to be friends, and I was like well you know I still love you..Like I just went to your house 3 days ago upset and telling you I wanted you..and you unblocked me. Shes like that was obviously a mistake.

 

She calls one night telling me to leave her alone randomly, and I say this isn't fair at all than I told her all the things I planned to do Christmas and New years with her and how I feel towards her and I could tell she was crying/upset and she said she couldn't do this and hung up. She said she still loved me, and still has feelings for me but she can't go back to that, because I know she convinced herself that our relationship was terrible..when it wasn't and it makes me extremely upset she remembers us that way. Yesterday was the last time we talked, she told me, F you, Fing leave me alone because I said this isn't fair to me because I have tried everything to be nice and loving as always. And now shes so full of anger and hate it's 100% not like her at all, and it scares/worries me so much.

 

I've been upset since day 1 of the breakup, I can't watch any of my tv shows because we watched every show on netflix together. My entire instagram is full of pictures of her, and my phone and facebook. I just get upset during the day remembering the good things, and the things she has said to me recently. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and it went sour so fast, and I don't know why she changed so fast from caring and loving to bitter towards me, I did so so much for her.

[unspokenlove]

any chance of getting back together? I'm giving space and I know the anger and hate is because of finals and school friends. But I can't even describe how close we were together, it was that strong. And we both use tumblr, and she posts alot of romantic stuff, and poems about missing. Yet she is still sticking to NC.

[Shields boy]

Sorry for your pain man. I know it's tough.

 

It's obvious that you need to back off and let her go judging by her reactions.

 

I know it's a cliche, but move on man. It's probably your best move here to get her back.

[unspokenlove]

Sorry for your pain man. I know it's tough.

 

It's obvious that you need to back off and let her go judging by her reactions.

 

I know it's a cliche, but move on man. It's probably your best move here to get her back.

Yeah I made that mistake, but I didn't think she would get as angry and bitter as she did because I know 100% roles reversed she would have done it worst. Shes done it before, but when I do it..its a travesty compared.

[Shields boy]

If you have not already, I would suggest heading over to the second chances section of the forum. Look for the thread " if you want them back" by lifegoeson, and follow his advice to the letter.

[unspokenlove]

If you have not already, I would suggest heading over to the second chances section of the forum. Look for the thread " if you want them back" by lifegoeson, and follow his advice to the letter.

 

 

I'm going to follow it, NC and move on and if she loves me she will come back. Its terrible, because I feel like the more time she has away from me the more time shes like oh...this isn't the worst cause shes in college. I have a terrible memory, I was previously with a girl that emotionally abused me even after the breakup and now since I spent so much time upset and such I can't even remember her at all, not one single thing. I'm scared of that happening now, because our relationship was amazing to me.

[Shields boy]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back

 

If you have not already.

[Shields boy]

Good to hear mate. Just don't wait or expect her to come back.

 

Not to give you any hope or anything. It took my ex 2 years and 8 months to come back. It's when you least expect it.

 

Heal your wounds and start living life to the full man.

[I'mBatman]

K man firsts things first cut ALLLLLL contact. I mean every little damn thing you can think of including her friends. It will suck so much believe me i went through only 3 weeks of it and it was hell.

 

So here what i think and im gana be super honest. She is USING you. Now dont take it as a bad thing. She is very hot and cold with you which is actually an awesome sign! She obviously is very unhappy about the breakup because she truly misses you. Otherwise she would have stopped talking. She loves you one day because she misses you and wants to talk but after you give in to her little game she realizes she has the power and goes right back to being a real jerk. Believed me bro ive played this game and ive played it well. Right now she knows you are there for her and there is NOTHING more unattractive than being there for her after a breakup and trying to get her back. I repeat NOTHING is more unattractive.

 

You got to play hard ball right now man. She knows you're there and she loves the fact that she can ween herself off of you while she gets over the break-up. On top of that she still has you as a safety net to fall back on if SHE ever decides to, this is super unlikely in my opinion.

 

So here is what you got to do. Wait for her to text/message or whatever and when she does tell her YOU ARE MOVING ON!!!!! Tell her everything was great and that you accept the break up. Tell her if she doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you you're not going to stick around to be her friend. Then STOP TALKING TO HER!!! Biggest thing to remember dude is to MEAN everything. Its not gana mean anything it you just play mind games with her.

 

You know what women find attractive. Things they cant have and you sir need to go from the safety net to the guy who is about to walk out of her life. Go lice your life man. Do stuff you couldnt when you were together. Like talking to other girls! Surround yourself with positivity and beautiful women.

 

Depending on how close you guys were, and you say you were super compatable, she will be crushed by your indifference of the breakup. She will hate you for a little bit, and when i say little its like no time at all when those feelings of hate subside she is left with a hole with nobody(YOU) to fill and loneliness. She will now realize she has a choice and not options. Instead of options like staying, leaving, coming back to you after a rebound etc she now has to choose either be with you or lose you forever.

 

Also maybe try some marijuana for the anxiety. You need to chill out and medical marijuana is becoming legal in alot of places. I don't smoke but i know people who have done much better with college stress after doing it.

 

best of luck mate

[evanescentworld]

No, do NOT try the marijuana. I can't believe you would encourage anyone to risk getting a legal fine or worse still ane eventual record by doing soemthing which in many locations, is totally illegal!!

 

OP, by all means look to the above advice, but fer chrissakes, do NOT go for the dope!

 

(Unless, of course, you're an habitual user already, in which case....meh.... )

[lolablue17]

My advice is that you block her on everything, delete all instagram + FB mutual photos, and never contact her again, and ignore if she's trying to talk to you.

 

You can't do it? So you're going to suffer a lot!

[unspokenlove]

My advice is that you block her on everything, delete all instagram + FB mutual photos, and never contact her again, and ignore if she's trying to talk to you.

 

You can't do it? So you're going to suffer a lot!

 

 

She has me blocked still on Facebook, she only unblocked me on texting and instagram. But she followed me on instagram after she blocked me. If I delete all the pictures and block her there is a 0% chance she will come back.

[evanescentworld]

She has me blocked still on Facebook, she only unblocked me on texting and instagram. But she followed me on instagram after she blocked me. If I delete all the pictures and block her there is a 0% chance she will come back.

 

HURRAAAAAY!

 

That's exactly the point!!

You do NOT want her back!

 

That's the whole point, the main crux of No Contact!

Healing, moving on, and starting a brand new life, turning over a new leaf and surviving, successfully, without them!!

 

You really need to change your mind-set, because she is the last person you want or need in your life, right now!

 

I know you disagree...I know your heart is absolutely refuting this, and fighting it tooth and nail - but trust me - and everyone else - we're right, and you're entirely wrong to try to prolong this....

Leave it be, drop it, walk away, move on....

[I'mBatman]

Not condoning doing anything illegal and was referring to him doing it if it was recreational or medically legal in his state.

 

No, do NOT try the marijuana. I can't believe you would encourage anyone to risk getting a legal fine or worse still ane eventual record by doing soemthing which in many locations, is totally illegal!!

 

OP, by all means look to the above advice, but fer chrissakes, do NOT go for the dope!

 

(Unless, of course, you're an habitual user already, in which case....meh.... )

[evanescentworld]

Not condoning doing anything illegal and was referring to him doing it if it was recreational or medically legal in his state.

 

Fairy Nuff.....

 

I'm from across the Pond, and anything to do with Marijuana is totally illegal. I forget the USA likes to move the goalposts, State by State...still it keeps the American Citizen on their toes....

[unspokenlove]

I tried no contact, I woke up in a great mood and I was sitting on the couch watching a movie and I opened tumblr and she posted 3 pictures of a guy on top of her, making cute faces with the caption. football game today with my favorite people in my life. I broke the NC, and messaged her saying why would you post that on something only I can see? she has no other followers. She told me to go F myself, that I was the one who broke her heart and ended our relationship. Than she re blocked me on everything. I ended up out of anger deleting every single picture of us, on instagram also. I'm done, and she's a bitter person. She was an extremely loving person and I can't over look how she's treated me these past few weeks. She wants me to hurt, she actively goes out of her way to make sure I hurt. That is not someone I need around.

[Chi townD]

I tried no contact, I woke up in a great mood and I was sitting on the couch watching a movie and I opened tumblr and she posted 3 pictures of a guy on top of her, making cute faces with the caption. football game today with my favorite people in my life. I broke the NC, and messaged her saying why would you post that on something only I can see? she has no other followers. She told me to go F myself, that I was the one who broke her heart and ended our relationship. Than she re blocked me on everything. I ended up out of anger deleting every single picture of us, on instagram also. I'm done, and she's a bitter person. She was an extremely loving person and I can't over look how she's treated me these past few weeks. She wants me to hurt, she actively goes out of her way to make sure I hurt. That is not someone I need around.

 

 

BRAVO!!! FINALLY! But, if you went on her instagram, then you weren't NC.

 

 

Now! It's time to get your revenge! The best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life! Start making positive changes in your life. Go to school yourself and get your degree. Go to the gym and A LOT! Run on the treadmill and push weight. Get plenty of sleep and eat right. Then, you're working towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are definitely going to like. Then, get some new hobbies and join some clubs. Join a running club or cycling club, take dive lessons or a cooking course. KEEP BUSY!!!

 

 

Then, finally, travel! Go see something new! Something cool! If there's a place you've always wanted to visit, make a plan. Save for the trip and go!!! There's a big world out there, go see it!

 

 

Here's the rub. That guy in those pics? That's the guy she was cheating on you with. She went to school and then she started to turn into a major bitch. She had to demonize you in her head to so she could continue to see this guy with as little as guilt as possible. She even got bat sh*t crazy that you were talking to her friends at school! Did you ever think why? She was afraid they might have accidentally tip you off about this other dude.

 

 

Now, here's the deal. IS she going to contact you again? Probably. She knows that posting those pics were a pretty sh*t thing to do. So, as soon as she comes to her senses and gets out of the "honeymoon" phase of this new relationship she'll think about what she did. One thing about MOST girls is they can't stand the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them or doesn't think they're a nice person. So, she'll contact you to see if you hate her. Here is the hardest thing for you to do. When she reaches out, IGNORE IT!! Do NOT respond to ANY texts or emails. Let ALL calls go to voicemail.

 

 

Time to heal from this. Go NC and start making those positive changes to your life.

[unspokenlove]

BRAVO!!! FINALLY! But, if you went on her instagram, then you weren't NC.

 

 

Now! It's time to get your revenge! The best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life! Start making positive changes in your life. Go to school yourself and get your degree. Go to the gym and A LOT! Run on the treadmill and push weight. Get plenty of sleep and eat right. Then, you're working towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are definitely going to like. Then, get some new hobbies and join some clubs. Join a running club or cycling club, take dive lessons or a cooking course. KEEP BUSY!!!

 

 

Then, finally, travel! Go see something new! Something cool! If there's a place you've always wanted to visit, make a plan. Save for the trip and go!!! There's a big world out there, go see it!

 

 

Here's the rub. That guy in those pics? That's the guy she was cheating on you with. She went to school and then she started to turn into a major bitch. She had to demonize you in her head to so she could continue to see this guy with as little as guilt as possible. She even got bat sh*t crazy that you were talking to her friends at school! Did you ever think why? She was afraid they might have accidentally tip you off about this other dude.

 

 

Now, here's the deal. IS she going to contact you again? Probably. She knows that posting those pics were a pretty sh*t thing to do. So, as soon as she comes to her senses and gets out of the "honeymoon" phase of this new relationship she'll think about what she did. One thing about MOST girls is they can't stand the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them or doesn't think they're a nice person. So, she'll contact you to see if you hate her. Here is the hardest thing for you to do. When she reaches out, IGNORE IT!! Do NOT respond to ANY texts or emails. Let ALL calls go to voicemail.

 

 

Time to heal from this. Go NC and start making those positive changes to your life.

 

 

Well we both followed each other on instagram, and since I'm blocked on everything else I broke the NC by sending a direct message. She didn't cheat on me, it just makes me so angry because more than a month ago we were face timing and that same guy was all cuddling with her room mate and she was upset saying I wish you were here.

[Chi townD]

Well we both followed each other on instagram, and since I'm blocked on everything else I broke the NC by sending a direct message. She didn't cheat on me, it just makes me so angry because more than a month ago we were face timing and that same guy was all cuddling with her room mate and she was upset saying I wish you were here.

 

And yet here she is, cuddling up with the same guy in her photo's. Ironic. Dude, you don't have to have sex in order to cheat.

[unspokenlove]

this is my first thread, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/504866-hurting-so-much-long-read

 

She messaged me, and asked if I was okay randomly. I deleted her number so it came from hers cause I kind of remember it. I didn't reply. Later that night I broke it, and just got on tumblr and there she is posting dozens of pictures of this new guy together cuddling and stuff. I immediately closed the app, but I saw one picture where she posted with the caption- he makes me happier than I've been in months, with tags saying he's cute and he's the best ever. I visited her 3 times in that time, I sold my games and nintendo 3ds to have enough money to visit her and take her out because I didn't have a job. I took her shopping and breakfast lunch dinner, I slept over in her dorm and we were close all night, and went for walks everywhere and had an amazing time. I understand she is probably posting these things to get at me, since she never posts pictures on tumblr. she never posted one of me or anything else. I'm still trying to move on, its just someone i spent so long with..goes and says that and it makes me feel like crap. She just belittled everything i did for her, and that stuff meant the world to me.

[irresolute]

Stop visiting her profile. She is happier and you are hurting yourself. You sold your games to take her for dinner?

 

Please move on and please do not do that kinds of things for people who doesn't deserve to.

[unspokenlove]

Stop visiting her profile. She is happier and you are hurting yourself. You sold your games to take her for dinner?

 

Please move on and please do not do that kinds of things for people who doesn't deserve to.

 

I sold my stuff since I was too busy with school and such to even play them, and visiting her meant a lot to me. I sold them to pay for gas cause its expensive to drive there and back, and i took her to dinner, and we just did fun things.

[unspokenlove]

its the fact we just broke up after over a year together, and she jumps right into another one and acts like everything I did for her, and all the times we had didn't mean anything as she puts it. throughout the relationship she was the more serious one, and I kept up. I deleted my tumblr cause I don't want to go there anymore, its like she intentionally posts those pictures for me to see..why? I don't know.

[lauri]

I'll tell you exactly what is happening here...she is trying to give the illusion that she is happy and in a great relationship. That is all it is, an illusion. People who spend a lot of time trying to pretend that they made the right choice and that they are happier...when in reality they are most likely doubting what they have done (this normally happens if you go NC). However, if you stuck around and begged, it'll just re-assure her that she is "right" and that you are "weak" and "unable to find anyone else". Who wants to be with a guy like that?

 

You have gone way above the call of duty for a girl who left you. Why would you sell personal possessions and go over the top for someone left you / is with someone else? It makes zero sense. Yeah you two had a good time...it was so easy for her because she feels like she has you anytime she snaps her finger and you'll go running to her (huge turn off btw).

 

So now what? Now all you can do is realize that your situation is most likely over with her forever. There is no going back. She can flaunt her new guy all she wants online and try to convince people around her that she is "super happy". NOW YOU are going to go NC. You are going to show the biggest sign of strength and indifference by sticking to NC and not responding to anything she has to say.

 

It's time to do things for you man...she doesn't deserve your time, money or energy anymore.

[unforgotten]

and she jumps right into another one and acts like everything I did for her, and all the times we had didn't mean anything as she puts it Ugh, I feel you bro!

 

Like lauri said! I'm 14 days into NC and am finally feeling a little bit better. 14 days ago I wouldn't say I would be able to feel this "good" (if I can use this word since I'm still far from good) so quick. However, it's been hell for me since the BU (1,5 months or so) but the NC is doing the job. I am not there yet but I know one day I will be. Man, we were together for 7(!) years and I feel you because mine did exactly like yours. Just a couple of days after the BU she'd already be with a new guy posting photos on the FB and acting all euphoric and happy. I'd say even too happy to be genuine. I think she's fooling herself telling herself she did nothing wrong and she made the right choice, met her knight on the white horse blah blah blah + the honeymoon stage is doing it's job. I soon realized it's not my job to question how she feels and what she's doing. Who cares? That's her problem now. She wanted me out of her life so I'm gone. Yes my thoughts wander, I feel depressed, angry etc. but it's getting better day by day. It's hard but just stick to the NC and avoid her on every level. That's the best you can do. Oh, and your ego is hurt. Go hang out with buddies and text some girls, I guarantee you you'll feel better in a while because they'll repair your ego and give you some confidence. I'm even going on a date this week yeey, it'll be fun. Just don't give in to dwelling, fill your schedule and go do something for yourself. Don't give up. We are in this together and in a couple of years we'll look back and laugh to all this.

Edited December 9, 2014 by unforgotten