flowerpower1 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Hi all, Just looking for some advice/to rant. My bf and I have been together for 5 yrs since we were 16. Recently he broke up with me, saying he no longer felt anything for me/never did. It was very unexpected, we recently opened a bank account etc. Last week, after 3 weeks of not being together he said he wanted to try again, he was miserable with out me etc. I agreed to take it very slowly. 6 days later, he "broke up" with me via text, saying nothing changed (in 6 days!!) I have had no contact with him since then (3 days) When we were 16 he broke up with me, and started seeing another woman for 1 week. She was 10 yrs older, an alcoholic and has 3 kids. I have been told that he is in contact with her after she reached out to him when news of our break up reached her. She is not a nice person, and I am devastated that he would go to her, clearly for sex knowing him. I don't know how to deal with this, especially as his family & I suspect he is suffering from depression. Why am I so devastated and how do I get over this anger, hurt and strange desire to get back with him? Please, any advice/support
Jenmarie Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 "I am devastated that he would go to her, clearly for sex knowing him" Just keep in this in your mind. Do you really want someone who would leave you just to have sex with some other girl? Seems like a scumbag to me, regardless of how many years you've spent with this person. He obviously isn't the guy you fell in love with. You deserve someone who sticks around, who loves you unconditionally and wouldn't think of losing feelings for you or leaving you for someone else. Keep telling yourself that, focus on yourself. Keep sticking to No Contact, gain your confidence and independence back. Focus on getting better and being happy so you can find someone who is worth your time.
d0nnivain Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Most relationships do not last the transition from being a teenager to being an adult. I know that statistic doesn't ease your broken heart but it should give you some comfort to know you are not alone. He was kind of mean to open the joint account with you before breaking up but that was probably the catalyst that scared him. No matter his reasons, he wants out. You have to let him go.
Author flowerpower1 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 He still hasn't closed our joint account or cancelled our £4000 holiday... He is still in a relationship on fb, and my pictures/posts are still there? I'm very confused. I'm trying to go nc, but I broke it yesterday wishing him luck at a job interview. He didn't reply, he hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or anything though. Am I reading too much into this?
BC1980 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 He still hasn't closed our joint account or cancelled our £4000 holiday... He is still in a relationship on fb, and my pictures/posts are still there? I'm very confused. I'm trying to go nc, but I broke it yesterday wishing him luck at a job interview. He didn't reply, he hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or anything though. Am I reading too much into this? Some people detach in stages. Some people do it all at once and get rid of everything associated with an ex immediately. Everyone does it differently, but it doesn't mean he still wants to be with you. You can't read something into the fact that the account is still open or the FB status. My ex wanted me to keep a key to his house and the credit card on our account. It didn't mean he wanted to be with me. On the other hand, I pretty much got rid of anything related to him immediately. He has communicated that he no longer wants to be with you, so you have to take him at his word unfortunately.
Elle1975 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Just keep up the no contact. Personally I'd go out, get me some make-up, nice pair of jeans, and I'd go out with my friends. Not saying you should ignore your feelings, but you should also try and live without him, see how it goes. Also, you probably shouldn't have accepted to take him back so fast. If he crawls back, make him work for it. No contact is a good thing, it says "hey, I'm fine without you. You forgot I was with you because I wanted to be, not because I had to."
Author flowerpower1 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 I posted here before about my break up, and I have taken your advice to be no contact, until a couple of dates ago. He messaged me about cancelling our holiday and the refund for it twice, both times I simply replied "thanks, I'll let you know when it comes". He tried to carry the conversation on both times. Today he went to a funeral (As well as currently waiting for news about a job and trying to start a relationship with someone else) and messaged me to tell me the money should have gone through for the holiday. I replied to letting him know as soon as I got it I'd give him his share. He then basically carried the conversation on repeating himself and telling me all over again that we were broken up. I replied politely and told him I understood the situation, and he didn't need to feel like he had to tell me I was/am respecting his decision. He took this as I was accusing him of rubbing my face in it, being a horrible person to him etc. and generally being nasty. I don't really understand why he felt the need to text me such obvious things about our relationship and the money (across a few days) and don't really know what to do. It's important to me that things don't end things on an argument or bad terms, but it seems like it may be the only option? It almost feels like he doesn't want to be with me, but can't let me go either.
Author flowerpower1 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Before someone asks, I know I broke NC and shouldn't have, but felt that it was important to get the money sorted for an expensive holiday as I can't afford to lose it! I didn't expect it to turn into something about our relationship as as far as I was aware he's moved on and I'm trying to do the same.
Chi townD Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 You're not really breaking NC when you're conducting unfinished business. But, I hope all of your text conversations was about the money and the money only. The first time he went off topic is when you should have gone silent. ONLY responding to business and nothing else. If you did that, then you really didn't break NC. I would just give him the money as soon as it arrives so he has no other reason to contact you in the future.
Zahara Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Yes, dumpers go through their own withdrawals after an ending so his behavior isn't out of the ordinary. You should keep communication to a minimum and just respond when it comes to the refund. This is not the time to worry about ending on bad terms -- he ended with you and it's only natural if things don't end as well as we would like it too. Just stay NC.
blackcat777 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Is there ever a time to worry about ending on bad terms? (I don't mean for this question to come across in a snarky way.)
Zahara Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Is there ever a time to worry about ending on bad terms? (I don't mean for this question to come across in a snarky way.) OP mentioned it was important for her to not end things on bad terms, therefore I told her it's not the time to worry about such things. Make sense? And to answer your question, no, there is never a time to worry about how things end. Endings are usually messy.
Elle1975 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 That's the cruel thing about break up. They know they aren't in love, but it's hard to let go. They like you, so they let go of your slowly, on THEIR own terms. Ya.. screw that. Stop reading between the lines. Send his money, don't let him give you a guilt trip. HE walked away. Enough with the bs, and keep your head high. Your answers were classy, keep it that way.
BC1980 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Breakups so rarely end on good terms, and I guess it also depends on what people even define as good terms. There's always going to be one person who feels betrayed and heartbroken. I think that next time he contacts you about the money, say that you feel it is best for both of you to keep it to business. Leave it at that. Hopefully, the money comes in soon, and you can both go your separate ways.
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