JohnBlue812 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Joeblue back with another chapter in my never ending saga. Keep in mind that we haven't meet or spoken on the phone since this started two weeks ago...all emails. We were supposed to meet this Sat but then she said she couldn't. Her email to me: Hey, I have been thinking and I don’t think it is a good idea to meet. We are at 2 different places for sure. In the past few weeks I have re-connected with someone. I will always be your friend, just like you said, and I am always willing to offer input when it comes to the girls and their mental health needs. You know that! Take good care, Susan I sent her an email (my email is in normal type...her responses in bold) I'm sorry for calling you yesterday. I shouldn't have done that...I was just so sad when I received your email. And we never got the chance to see each other since this happened. Things just happened so quickly. It wasn't long ago we were intimate and you looked into my eyes and said you feel more comfortable with me than you have with any other man you've been with. How quickly things change... Things did happen quickly but like you said, things were not right for many months. The summer was the downward spiral. I tried and tried to share and get us out of the rut and nothing I did or said worked. :-( You have someone else in your life now and I will respect your decision.Believe me, that did not happen during the summer and I did NOT cheat on you by any stretch. I would NEVER do that as a person and after what Eileen put you through...well know that that would NOT be me at all. I have a lot to contemplate. You were right about many things. And I'm going to make the changes I need to be a better man for myself and my girls. Funny...she actually came thru...got her inheritance and paid me back money she owed me. I'm setting up an appt with lawyer next week and get the ball rolling. That is was what I was waiting for...her getting the money. Now its time to end things for good. This is the part that kind of makes me angry. You were waiting for Eileen to get her money? I never knew that. The worst part for me was the waiting, the procrastinating, the always feeling like the low woman on the totem pole. I think the hardest lesson learned from this is to not be afraid to love...to show my love. Its the hardest lesson I have ever learned and has cost me dearly. Agreed. The last emails and texts you sent were the most loving and caring I have ever known you to be. Take care and thank you for offering to help with my girls. You've done so much already. I will always be there to help. I did not mean to upset you so much and really didn't think you cared that much. Ever to be honest. I don't want to get into it because there is no reason to and I am not going to start pointing out what didn't work and why. Yes, it was very upsetting for me to get that voicemail but I totally understand and I am not mad at you for that at all. I just wish you had shown that love and sensitivity from the beginning. Did you tell the girls? I sent her an email as follows: Susan, We need to see each other and talk. No expectations...no drama. Just talk. We both made mistakes. And there is much to be said and its not by email. We aren't teenagers who break up via email. The very subject came up when you were here last time...remember? You were appalled by the very idea. I deserve that much...and so do you. She agreed to meet me at my place tomorrow at 8? Do I have a chance?
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 No you don't have a chance. She is already with somebody else. You are broken up. There is only stuff to say if you are going to reconcile. She doesn't want that. Why waste your time & get your feelings hurt all over again by meeting? BTW her comment that you will always be friends only means she doesn't hate you not that she wants to continue interacting with you. She's trying to be nice. 2
Chi townD Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 She agreed to meet me at my place tomorrow at 8? Do I have a chance? Do. you. have. a. chance. Let me think on this one. Hmmmm. Nope! Not a snowballs chance in hell. DUDE!!!!! Re-read those responses from that email! All of that was blame shifting! Easing her guilt! Making it YOUR fault for the demise of the relationship! "if you would have done this, that and the other from the beginning things would be different" crap! All this meeting is going to accomplish is for her to reaffirm your not together and all the reason why it's ALL YOUR FAULT why you two are not together. You're giving her an opportunity to have you shoulder all the blame and for her to ease her guilt. All the while, trying to get you in the friend zone. Dude, cancel the meet up. You don't need to hear that blame shifting crap. 1
frigginlost Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I have been thinking and I don’t think it is a good idea to meet. We are at 2 different places for sure. In the past few weeks I have re-connected with someone. Read that over and over again... Considering the dating on your original thread stating that things came to a head on the 24th and 25th of November, her timeline of re-connection screams this dude was in the picture long before she is admitting... Cancel meeting up with her and become a ghost. I'm sorry buddy, but this one is dead in the water. Bury it. All she is doing is blame shifting to ease guilt....
HurtGator Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 JohnBlue, Don't waste your time meeting her. Take it from me, I just got my butt handed to me and I feel like complete crap, I wouldn't even bother meeting with her. The *ONLY* time I'll meet up with her one/one is if she's ready to apologize to me and wants to reconcile the relationship.
Author JohnBlue812 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 You know...i've been pondering this..saw the replies...replayed everything that occurred over the last 6 months. And it all makes sense now. I'm still tempted to meet her...no begging or pleading...because everyone who responded is right. She hasn't taken any responsibility for what has happened. And we all know it takes two people who truly love each to make a relationship work. And I like the last reply to my question 'send her a message and let her know when she is ready to apologize we can meet and talk about reconciliation' Either that...or I tell her to her face. And damn...I have so f'n turned the corner on this. If I do meet her, I will explain exactly what happened, where she was at fault, then make her feel like **** for 'reconnecting'. Votes please. NC Meet Email - send her a message and let her know when she is ready to apologize we can meet and talk about reconciliation...maybe with a little jab at 'have a good time with your new friend'. Thank you all
PaperCrane Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I've wanted to reply to this thread for awhile. Everyone else had it under lock and key though, but from everything I've read my vote goes to: NC (With a polite one sentence message telling her you no longer want to meet. No reasons, just clean up business and move on.)
frigginlost Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Negative on everything you want to do. You want to make a statement? Don't meet with her. Don't talk to her. Let her guilt consume her... because it will. Trying to explain *anything* to her is going to feed her ego. Become a ghost... 2
Author JohnBlue812 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Ok. Down to two votes. Total NC or a polite....I no longer wish to meet you...then total NC...let her stew
Elle1975 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Unless a lot of time has passed, I believe the only chance at getting a second shot is to have the dumper initiate the reconciliation, not the dumpee. Anything you say will be interpreted as some kind of begging. And beside, she's with someone else (who knows when she contacted this old flame..). Yes, I'm sure there's somebody out there who got dumped and ended up getting a second chance by initiating, but let's be honest, that's not the majority of the break ups. Salvage the whole thing and tell her that you realized you were okay with the break up, and decided to work on yourself, or something like that. She knows you love her, it didn't make her change her mind then, it's not gonna make her change her mind now. Don't let her pity you. Just imagine her as one of your old ex you don't care for anymore, or I should say, aren't in love with anymore.
Author JohnBlue812 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 I sent her a msg and said 'we don't need to meet'. all done.
frigginlost Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I feel for ya man.... Whatever you do, DO NOT reply to anything she texts you regarding not meeting. You are now a ghost. Your action of canceling is going to hit her sideways. Let it. Let her wonder...
Author JohnBlue812 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 I will. Thanks again to everyone for your advice. I'm done with her.
Author JohnBlue812 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 lol. she just replied 'i agree with talking. i just don't think you place what the right place to do it'
Shields boy Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Yeah best not meet up with her man. Once a woman gets their hands on a new toy, they like to try it out and see where it goes. Nothing good can come out of this.
Author JohnBlue812 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 yeah...man...you know...it hit me earlier...total epiphany. still hurts...but i will be strong...move on...
frigginlost Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 lol. she just replied 'i agree with talking. i just don't think you place what the right place to do it' There ya go... Right out of the guilt play book. Of course she wants to talk. She wants to ease the guilt. It's going to be extremely painful but do not reply to anything. She just showed her hand and has no idea she did so. I'm sorry buddy, her only wants are concerning her and relieving her guilt. Stay strong and vent here!
Simon Phoenix Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Ok. Down to two votes. Total NC or a polite....I no longer wish to meet you...then total NC...let her stew She's not going to stew. Only reason she's meeting with you is because you basically begged and badgered her to. You need to stop with the communication and go dark. Don't announce it, just fade to black.
dumbass2 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Your silence sends the strongest message possible. 1
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