Broke NC and I don't know what to do (Updated)

[Zahara]

I don't think you ever will understand and for me, therein lies part of the pain and uncertainty. You never get the "why" answered and the pain lingers. It really does suck. I have this overwhelming desire to contact her because it's hard to see my future without her, but what would be the point. It really is tragic.

 

Future without her? Your past/present was riddled with disgusting behavior. Try and grasp your reality for a bit when you start to romanticize and idealize this woman. Honestly, what future do you speak of when your time with her caused you such pain. She didn't just go out there and ooops, kiss a guy -- she went out there and cheated around with more than one person.

 

So, when you want to contact because you can't see your life without her, rein yourself in, sit back, breathe and focus -- what is my reality, the facts, the bad, the pain.

 

Even if you contact, what would change? She will still be there person that she is and you will still end up hanging up the phone and living the nightmare.

 

This pain you feel is temporary. The pain you will feel being with someone like her will be indefinite.

[ConfusedMike]

You know this pain you are feeling today? How long do you want to feel that way? Because if you contact her AGAIN, you've just doubled (at a minimum) the amount of additional time you will feel bad. You have to be strong. There are no answers. She made her bed, let her sleep in it. She lost a great guy (in you), let her be someone else's problem now. It's not easy, but trust me, it's the right decision.

 

Thanks J. Definitely will not break no contact. The panic and desire to communicate comes in waves, but I've opened my eyes. I see her for who she really is and I'm done. Thanks for your support and insight in all this. I hope you're doing ok too.

[ConfusedMike]

Future without her? Your past/present was riddled with disgusting behavior. Try and grasp your reality for a bit when you start to romanticize and idealize this woman. Honestly, what future do you speak of when your time with her caused you such pain. She didn't just go out there and ooops, kiss a guy -- she went out there and cheated around with more than one person.

 

So, when you want to contact because you can't see your life without her, rein yourself in, sit back, breathe and focus -- what is my reality, the facts, the bad, the pain.

 

Even if you contact, what would change? She will still be there person that she is and you will still end up hanging up the phone and living the nightmare.

 

This pain you feel is temporary. The pain you will feel being with someone like her will be indefinite.

 

Thanks for the sanity check. Believe me I will not break NC. The feelings are sometimes overwhelming but I've learned the hard way that it srecess no purpose. At this time, I can't overlook what she's done and I accept this for what it is. Sometimes you feel like without answers you can't let go and you can't move on, until you come to accept that there are no answers. That realization hit me Saturday and I've been NC since. When the urge to break NC creeps in, I post on LS or write in my journal and the feeling eventually subsides. thank you!!

[Ganz7]

I can't believe how much pain I'm in. I can't eat or sleep...I dream about her and it's so real. I see her everywhere. See a girl in lulu, leggings or jeans with stilettos...and there she is. It's a damn nightmare while she goes about her life. I deleted her from LinkedIn which is the only thing we had in common...thank God I don't have a FB or Instagram account. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and I can barely go through my day. I'm a dysfunctional robot on autopilot. When does this nightmare end.

 

Mike

 

I've been going through the very same thing for the last two months! It sucks! I was totalled when my ex walked out on me and I had the double whammy of being cheated on. I've been a shell of my former self at work. Lost interest in things I was interested in before. I end up looking into cafe windows to see if she is there. I even drive around , when I get the chance, in the area she now lives (I know it's stalking) in the hope of catching a glimpse of her. It's excrutiating to live this way. My ex is now gone. Like people have said on this forum if you take her back you are saying to her that cheating is acceptable and forgivable (ok maybe forgivable) but it should never be forgettable and that is why there can never be a future with a cheater.

 

One poster said here to make new happy memories with friends you have got. Then the focus will slowly shift from your ex. This actually happened to me this week. When you get thoughts of her do your best to stop those thoughts.

 

The symptoms you have are so identical to mine that this must be the way we all react when a loved one leaves in a break up. Make new happy memories with friends and family. One more thing don't meet up. She was fine about meeting me but it set me back in the recovery process and I wished I hadn't done it at all. Hang in there.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Ganz7

[ConfusedMike]

Mike

 

I've been going through the very same thing for the last two months! It sucks! I was totalled when my ex walked out on me and I had the double whammy of being cheated on. I've been a shell of my former self at work. Lost interest in things I was interested in before. I end up looking into cafe windows to see if she is there. I even drive around , when I get the chance, in the area she now lives (I know it's stalking) in the hope of catching a glimpse of her. It's excrutiating to live this way. My ex is now gone. Like people have said on this forum if you take her back you are saying to her that cheating is acceptable and forgivable (ok maybe forgivable) but it should never be forgettable and that is why there can never be a future with a cheater.

 

One poster said here to make new happy memories with friends you have got. Then the focus will slowly shift from your ex. This actually happened to me this week. When you get thoughts of her do your best to stop those thoughts.

 

The symptoms you have are so identical to mine that this must be the way we all react when a loved one leaves in a break up. Make new happy memories with friends and family. One more thing don't meet up. She was fine about meeting me but it set me back in the recovery process and I wished I hadn't done it at all. Hang in there.

 

Ganz, I'm sorry you're going through this too. I've started to fill the void left by her by reestablishing relationships I've inexcusably neglected. It's helped but isn't the same. Really for me, only time will really fix the damage. It's ok. I've experienced the good and unfortunately the bad, but better than not having experiencing anything and I hope I'm better for it. Hang in there and we'll all get through this together.

[BC1980]

Thanks for the sanity check. Believe me I will not break NC. The feelings are sometimes overwhelming but I've learned the hard way that it srecess no purpose. At this time, I can't overlook what she's done and I accept this for what it is. Sometimes you feel like without answers you can't let go and you can't move on, until you come to accept that there are no answers. That realization hit me Saturday and I've been NC since. When the urge to break NC creeps in, I post on LS or write in my journal and the feeling eventually subsides. thank you!!

 

NC is one of those things that gets worse before it gets better. It's like going through a withdrawal, but always tell yourself the pain is temporary. Yes, it hurts like heck right now, but it will not always be this bad. A lot of people seem to get tripped up and break NC because they are not looking at the big picture. They feel bad NOW, so they reach out to the ex who can help them NOW. And yes, if you reached out to her, you would feel good for a little while. It would feel nice for that short time, and that is very attractive. But down the line, it won't feel so great. You will be back to square one and stuck in an endless cycle where you never move on.

 

When I first started NC, I can't tell you how many days I had where I thought I would never feel any worse that I did in that moment. I thought it would never get better. I would wonder how people ever move on. But I kept telling myself, it will get better. It can't always be this bad. It just can't because there are so many people out there who have been through this. Try to sit with the feelings, and be rational. The urge to contact will pass if you give it some time. The bad feelings will pass if you give it some time.

[ConfusedMike]

NC is one of those things that gets worse before it gets better. It's like going through a withdrawal, but always tell yourself the pain is temporary. Yes, it hurts like heck right now, but it will not always be this bad. A lot of people seem to get tripped up and break NC because they are not looking at the big picture. They feel bad NOW, so they reach out to the ex who can help them NOW. And yes, if you reached out to her, you would feel good for a little while. It would feel nice for that short time, and that is very attractive. But down the line, it won't feel so great. You will be back to square one and stuck in an endless cycle where you never move on.

 

When I first started NC, I can't tell you how many days I had where I thought I would never feel any worse that I did in that moment. I thought it would never get better. I would wonder how people ever move on. But I kept telling myself, it will get better. It can't always be this bad. It just can't because there are so many people out there who have been through this. Try to sit with the feelings, and be rational. The urge to contact will pass if you give it some time. The bad feelings will pass if you give it some time.

 

Thanks again! The feelings eventually subside, I take a deep breath and I continue my day. I'll tell you though, the desire to break NC and the sheer panic and fear that comes in waves completely envelopes me and is overwhelming at times. I really appreciate you sharing your experiences because it gives me hope that I will get through this and come out stronger.

[angiefly]

Mike, you are placing her on a pedestal and you're only thinking about her good qualities... Because you wanted this to work out so bad, you have always looked to her good qualities and ignored the red flags. You, my friend, deserve respect, love and all of the good things companionship entails. You need to work on your self worth and figure out why you are sacrificing your own happiness just to be "loved" by someone. As I read through your post, and I gotta be honest here, this woman doesn't sound very nice, she wasn't fair to you and she didn't treat you with respect or loyalty. Maybe you were more in love with the idea of what "could have been" between you two?? If so then the good news is you still have the ability to love another person... That love you felt was yours, it belongs to you and hopefully you realize that the love you have to give to another person is a beautiful thing and someone worthy WILL reciprocate it. I struggle with many of the same things you do but we just have to realize our worth... when I read your post I see a good guy with a great heart so please don't sell yourself short. We can get through this... keep posting and just remember why your relationship didn't work. We deserve better but we won't get that by going back to our exes. Hang in there Mike...We can do this!

[jbear0111]

Wow,just reading this thread has helped me immensely

 

The last week has been what I would consider the darkest,saddest,toughest etc etc week i have had since the BU 12 weeks ago.

 

I am just over 4 weeks NC but the urge to reach out this week has been enormous,the urge to get out of the pain I am in without her,the urge for everything to be ok with my life if she was back in it.

 

I know this is illogical and would be a short term fix and not resolve the issues that caused the break up in the first place.

 

I too invested my whole self into her but her constant demands and pressures in the relationship never made it normal and I too suspected she was playing away although I could never prove it.

 

It was a toxic relationship and I admit we both had our faults in it but we both wanted it to work and both expressed our endless love for each other and that we were "the ones" for each other.

 

Anyway she walked out 12 weeks ago and I've heard through the grapevine there is another man on the scene with her now,hence my NC commencement.

 

I obsess continuously about the what ifs etc and the pedestal,rose tinted spec,idealization,romanticism are still in my mind when she probably couldnt give two hoots about me and my feelings.

 

Reading this thread this morning has inspired me again as I have been feeling so low this week and know it's a matter of time and being positive and you guys on here

[angiefly]

Wow,just reading this thread has helped me immensely

 

The last week has been what I would consider the darkest,saddest,toughest etc etc week i have had since the BU 12 weeks ago.

 

I am just over 4 weeks NC but the urge to reach out this week has been enormous,the urge to get out of the pain I am in without her,the urge for everything to be ok with my life if she was back in it.

 

I know this is illogical and would be a short term fix and not resolve the issues that caused the break up in the first place.

 

I too invested my whole self into her but her constant demands and pressures in the relationship never made it normal and I too suspected she was playing away although I could never prove it.

 

It was a toxic relationship and I admit we both had our faults in it but we both wanted it to work and both expressed our endless love for each other and that we were "the ones" for each other.

 

Anyway she walked out 12 weeks ago and I've heard through the grapevine there is another man on the scene with her now,hence my NC commencement.

 

I obsess continuously about the what ifs etc and the pedestal,rose tinted spec,idealization,romanticism are still in my mind when she probably couldnt give two hoots about me and my feelings.

 

Reading this thread this morning has inspired me again as I have been feeling so low this week and know it's a matter of time and being positive and you guys on here

Hey jbear I hear ya, it helps me too when I read other people's stories/experiences on here. Sorry for the pain you are going through. Maybe just for today you can make the choice to be happy and put her out of your mind? You can pine over her tomorrow if ya want but today is yours to be happy and relax! Hope you have a good day

[jbear0111]

Thanks angiefly.Today is better and like so many others have described,the pain seems to come in waves and I have to be thankful for the good days.

The time of year doesnt help either.

I know I over analyse to the nth degree but at the end of the day she's made her decision and I have to get on with my life without her in it.I cant control what she does or doesnt feel or think about me and the relationship and in time I dont want to care.Roll on that day!

 

I hope you have a great day too:D

[Michael 93]

Mike, you are placing her on a pedestal and you're only thinking about her good qualities... Because you wanted this to work out so bad, you have always looked to her good qualities and ignored the red flags. You, my friend, deserve respect, love and all of the good things companionship entails. You need to work on your self worth and figure out why you are sacrificing your own happiness just to be "loved" by someone. As I read through your post, and I gotta be honest here, this woman doesn't sound very nice, she wasn't fair to you and she didn't treat you with respect or loyalty. Maybe you were more in love with the idea of what "could have been" between you two?? If so then the good news is you still have the ability to love another person... That love you felt was yours, it belongs to you and hopefully you realize that the love you have to give to another person is a beautiful thing and someone worthy WILL reciprocate it. I struggle with many of the same things you do but we just have to realize our worth... when I read your post I see a good guy with a great heart so please don't sell yourself short. We can get through this... keep posting and just remember why your relationship didn't work. We deserve better but we won't get that by going back to our exes. Hang in there Mike...We can do this!

 

 

What a refreshing comment.

[ConfusedMike]

Mike, you are placing her on a pedestal and you're only thinking about her good qualities... Because you wanted this to work out so bad, you have always looked to her good qualities and ignored the red flags. You, my friend, deserve respect, love and all of the good things companionship entails. You need to work on your self worth and figure out why you are sacrificing your own happiness just to be "loved" by someone. As I read through your post, and I gotta be honest here, this woman doesn't sound very nice, she wasn't fair to you and she didn't treat you with respect or loyalty. Maybe you were more in love with the idea of what "could have been" between you two?? If so then the good news is you still have the ability to love another person... That love you felt was yours, it belongs to you and hopefully you realize that the love you have to give to another person is a beautiful thing and someone worthy WILL reciprocate it. I struggle with many of the same things you do but we just have to realize our worth... when I read your post I see a good guy with a great heart so please don't sell yourself short. We can get through this... keep posting and just remember why your relationship didn't work. We deserve better but we won't get that by going back to our exes. Hang in there Mike...We can do this!

 

More than anything, I miss the familiarity. The happiness that comfort brings and all the things I thought that meant. I find this experience tragic, not because of what she did, but because of what it could have been. Unfortunately people change and for whatever reason do the things they do. I guess it's an unfortunate part of life. I know I won't get back the beauty and the innocence of what I thought our relationship was, I've seen too much and although I do miss her like crazy, I know there's no point in going back, but I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind. It really does help sharing with cool people who are unfortunately going through the same experience. Not something I'd wish on anyone.

[johnson_j]

Youre talking just like I was a few months ago. Almost a mirror. And let me tell you, the "sting" never goes away (it hasn't for me). The hoping for what "could have been if it hadn't all been a lie". But the truth is that it was "all a lie". She lied to you, ask yourself, do you want someone like that in your life? Would you do that to someone else? The answers should be No and No.

 

 

There's no easy way to cut it - she disrespected you and that needs to be the overriding thought on your head. Don't think about the magical moments or what may have been, because she disrespected you. She lied. She doesn't deserve you. Let her find a fellow liar and see how well that works for them both.

[Ganz7]

My ex lied to me whilst she was cheating on me. I too am deeply in love with her but have asked myself the question: would I have her back? Yes. Partly because I know it would stop the pain I'm going through. So that in itself it a selfish reason (it's about me again). Would I trust her again? No. It's a catch 22. If I have her back after her cheating on me then she would have no respect for me because I had no respect for myself for having her back. It's a non-starter. It's these mixed feelings which isn't helping me get over her. The thought of having her back fills me with happines but at the same time the thought that I could not trust her or forget that she cheated means any relationship between us is impossible. Marriage.. how could I bring any kids into the world (not sure I want kids anyway) knowing that mum was a cheater. She wouldn't want to live with that realisation either. That's why she will never come back.

 

Lessons learnt for me are: dump liars. The thing is, there was a time where I was quite good at dumping liars when the warning signs were there. The difference this time was as she became more of a habitual liar we were already a few years into our relationship and therefore,foolsihly, I supported her lies because I loved her. Big mistake. As poster Toodaloo says keep your standards high and others will follow.

 

Lessons learnt.

Edited December 14, 2014 by Ganz7

[ConfusedMike]

Well she contacted me and told me she loves me and wants to marry me. I told her that I love her but have serious trust issues, couldn't be sure that there wasn't someone else and what that would do to me. She's off to her hometown for the next 2.5 weeks.

[ConfusedMike]

Thought I'd follow up from this morning. I spoke to her again and told her I can't do this anymore and wished her the best. She told me she's not with her ex, but I know that's a lie. I love this girl, but I don't trust her whenever she's out of my sight. Love can't overcome cheating. As much as I wish I could, I don't know how and this is incredibly unhealthy and I'm obsessing about what she's doing. I'm numb now, but I know I'll feel like crap in the coming days. The girl that I loved and planned to marry can't remain faithful to me. Now I have to start NC all over again. God this sucks.

[whichwayisup]

Thought I'd follow up from this morning. I spoke to her again and told her I can't do this anymore and wished her the best. She told me she's not with her ex, but I know that's a lie. I love this girl, but I don't trust her whenever she's out of my sight. Love can't overcome cheating. As much as I wish I could, I don't know how and this is incredibly unhealthy and I'm obsessing about what she's doing. I'm numb now, but I know I'll feel like crap in the coming days. The girl that I loved and planned to marry can't remain faithful to me. Now I have to start NC all over again. God this sucks.

 

Love isn't always enough. If there's no trust, no way will it work out.

 

Love can over come cheating but it takes a lot of effort and work for both people to make it work. Your ex is still lying to you. Better to know now than marry her and have her cheat on you again.

 

Sorry you're hurting. I hope you heal well and really grieve the loss for good this time. Close the door, cut her out of your life. Ask her to please respect your decision to leave you alone.

[ConfusedMike]

I received a text from my ex-gf's mom. I really like her alot and we had a nice conversation and she's genuinely sad and shocked at what's happened. She told me that my ex is heartbroken, and perhaps she is, but it doesn't change the facts. I still struggle everyday and I have to convince myself not to reach out to her. Her mom asked if we could be friends and I told her it would be too hard...that it's survival for me at this point and she said she's heartbroken also but understands why I need to disappear. I asked her to support her daughter and she said she'd do her best and said she wishes that everything had worked out and I was her son-in-law...I'm not gonna lie, I almost started crying and I feel like I'm back to square 1.

 

Life can be incredibly cruel.

[Seeker12]

Mate youre fortunate to have a gfs mum who is/was like that. My exs mum was the reason why we had to end it/break up, give it all up, she just wasnt accepting of me and my background. Fastforward a few months, we tried to be friends by i just found it too hard, and although im past the initial NC phase im getting to terms with disappearing out of my exs life. Its not something i want to do, but its for the best, i can see how the whole ordeal with her parents has affected our relationship/friendship and we are just getting further apart now, her parents have a major say in her marriage, due to religious and cultural reasons, with religious rulings being the ones that cant be overlooked, so we knew once they turned a blind eye to me, that was it.

 

Unfortunately the last piece of contact i had with my ex, who i now know i wont be marrying at all anytime soon, was a fallout/ultimatum which was stupid from my part and triggered still by my feelings for her so i became overbearing, especially when i saw her detach away from me. Not how i wanted things to end at all, but sometimes parents can make or break a relationship especially when its looking at marriage, sounds like you found a gem of a possible mother in law.

[Sandrino]

Mike, i didnt read anything past page 1, when i probably should have, but, i would like to say, your situation, is the EXACT same as mine. I'm gonna give you some tips to you, that im trying on myself.

 

You have your answers obviously. The girl sees you as a toy, a crutch, a second choice, a crying shoulder, whatever you want to call it. She doesnt give a sht about you. Since you took her back after what she did, she no longer sees you as a human being. When you took her back, it told her, like im sure some others have said, that you are nothing.

 

Stop questioning. That does nothing. The best thing to do, which is what im doing, is to just accept what kind of person she is. Yes, there are probably good qualities about her that you will miss. But obviously, the bad qualities have overpowered them, and shes just not worth it. Dude, she lied to you because she wanted her cake and to eat it too.

 

I understand loving someone so much, that you could care less what they do to you, i understand loving someone so much you just dont even think rationally. I took my ex back MULTIPLE times even though she kept cheating on me with her ex. I called her phone one time and HE answered. She swore she was over him, and she told me she'd quit every time. There was another guy that she used to sleep with, that was on her top snapchat friends.

 

He lived in another state, but thats just not cool in my book. I understand the whole "hiding the phone" thing. She had my password, she had all my private sht, but i couldnt have any of hers.. One time, i got her phone, she literally almost fist fought me. It was sad. The going out of town thing. God its like your me. She did the same thing. Said she was going out of town to see her grandmother, found out the next day from her mother that she went to an amusement park with her ex.

 

I know it hurts so bad man. I've cried just about every single day over this bitch, when i shouldnt. I miss her so much, and i dont even know why after what she was doing.

 

We gotta get out of this shthole man. We gotta move on. They arent good for us. They're just going to keep using us. We gotta have faith that there are girls out there that actually have morals and respect the love that us type of guys will shower on them.

 

I know this is long, and i hope you read it. But i just wanted to share this with you, because i know EXACTLY how you feel. I can go on all night about it. Stop asking questions, stop thinking about it.

 

Lets do this together.

[ConfusedMike]

Mike, i didnt read anything past page 1, when i probably should have, but, i would like to say, your situation, is the EXACT same as mine. I'm gonna give you some tips to you, that im trying on myself.

 

You have your answers obviously. The girl sees you as a toy, a crutch, a second choice, a crying shoulder, whatever you want to call it. She doesnt give a sht about you. Since you took her back after what she did, she no longer sees you as a human being. When you took her back, it told her, like im sure some others have said, that you are nothing.

 

Stop questioning. That does nothing. The best thing to do, which is what im doing, is to just accept what kind of person she is. Yes, there are probably good qualities about her that you will miss. But obviously, the bad qualities have overpowered them, and shes just not worth it. Dude, she lied to you because she wanted her cake and to eat it too.

 

I understand loving someone so much, that you could care less what they do to you, i understand loving someone so much you just dont even think rationally. I took my ex back MULTIPLE times even though she kept cheating on me with her ex. I called her phone one time and HE answered. She swore she was over him, and she told me she'd quit every time. There was another guy that she used to sleep with, that was on her top snapchat friends.

 

He lived in another state, but thats just not cool in my book. I understand the whole "hiding the phone" thing. She had my password, she had all my private sht, but i couldnt have any of hers.. One time, i got her phone, she literally almost fist fought me. It was sad. The going out of town thing. God its like your me. She did the same thing. Said she was going out of town to see her grandmother, found out the next day from her mother that she went to an amusement park with her ex.

 

I know it hurts so bad man. I've cried just about every single day over this bitch, when i shouldnt. I miss her so much, and i dont even know why after what she was doing.

 

We gotta get out of this shthole man. We gotta move on. They arent good for us. They're just going to keep using us. We gotta have faith that there are girls out there that actually have morals and respect the love that us type of guys will shower on them.

 

I know this is long, and i hope you read it. But i just wanted to share this with you, because i know EXACTLY how you feel. I can go on all night about it. Stop asking questions, stop thinking about it.

 

Lets do this together.

 

Sandrino, thanks for the support. It sucks that we have to experience this type of pain from people we loved and never thought were capable of such things. I know I'm in love with the person I knew, not the person she is, but it doesn't seem to make it any easier. I thought it would get easier with time, but it hasn't and the urge to reach out can be overwhelming. I completely agree with you that I've enabled her behavior because I've taken her back. I convince myself that that is not the "real" her, but it is...all smoke and mirrors and no real substance. I'm not naive and I would never tolerate that type of behavior, but love really can make you stupid and the heart can completely override logic and reasoning. I'm gonna read what you wrote when I have my panic attacks and moments of weakness and agreed, together, we'll get through this and come out the other side.

[ConfusedMike]

Mate youre fortunate to have a gfs mum who is/was like that. My exs mum was the reason why we had to end it/break up, give it all up, she just wasnt accepting of me and my background. Fastforward a few months, we tried to be friends by i just found it too hard, and although im past the initial NC phase im getting to terms with disappearing out of my exs life. Its not something i want to do, but its for the best, i can see how the whole ordeal with her parents has affected our relationship/friendship and we are just getting further apart now, her parents have a major say in her marriage, due to religious and cultural reasons, with religious rulings being the ones that cant be overlooked, so we knew once they turned a blind eye to me, that was it.

 

Unfortunately the last piece of contact i had with my ex, who i now know i wont be marrying at all anytime soon, was a fallout/ultimatum which was stupid from my part and triggered still by my feelings for her so i became overbearing, especially when i saw her detach away from me. Not how i wanted things to end at all, but sometimes parents can make or break a relationship especially when its looking at marriage, sounds like you found a gem of a possible mother in law.

 

I did find a potentially great mother in law, but unfortunately, I didn't find a gem of a girl so it won't do me any good. Her mom asked me if I would remain friends with her and I told her sadly, that was not possible because it would cause too much pain. So I've lost not only the girl, but a great family. I really need to figure out how to move on from this nightmare.

[mtnbiker3000]

I suggest the book: No More Mr Nice Guy, by Robert Glover. May give you some insight as to why you are in this situation, as it obviously goes beyond your ex!!!

[ConfusedMike]

Wow,just reading this thread has helped me immensely

 

The last week has been what I would consider the darkest,saddest,toughest etc etc week i have had since the BU 12 weeks ago.

 

I am just over 4 weeks NC but the urge to reach out this week has been enormous,the urge to get out of the pain I am in without her,the urge for everything to be ok with my life if she was back in it.

 

I know this is illogical and would be a short term fix and not resolve the issues that caused the break up in the first place.

 

I too invested my whole self into her but her constant demands and pressures in the relationship never made it normal and I too suspected she was playing away although I could never prove it.

 

It was a toxic relationship and I admit we both had our faults in it but we both wanted it to work and both expressed our endless love for each other and that we were "the ones" for each other.

 

Anyway she walked out 12 weeks ago and I've heard through the grapevine there is another man on the scene with her now,hence my NC commencement.

 

I obsess continuously about the what ifs etc and the pedestal,rose tinted spec,idealization,romanticism are still in my mind when she probably couldnt give two hoots about me and my feelings.

 

Reading this thread this morning has inspired me again as I have been feeling so low this week and know it's a matter of time and being positive and you guys on here

 

jbear, I don't know how I missed your post, but your comments speak to me and like you, I find comfort sharing my feelings and experiences and reading about others. I guess it's knowing that there are others going through similar heartbreak. Admittedly, my heart overrides my brain, even though I know better. Even now, I sometimes think "hey I can make it work, she loves me," but eventually reality sinks in and I recognize the futility of such dreams. I do romanticize what I thought we had and what I believed we could have been and it plays on my mind constantly. So much so that I'm perpetually tired and sleep way more than I should. Such is life and I'm hopeful that the pain will subside in time. Take care my friend.