Very sudden, dont understand this girl

[agg]

Sorry for the length but I put in the whole story. Start at fast forward to now if you dont want much back story.

So I met this girl at work. I had been working there a few months and then she started serving. At the time she was engaged, due to be married about a year later. I always thought she was cute but never engaged her or anything. She started bartending with me after a couple months and we became friends. I started to like this girl and could tell she liked me too. We would go out with her, her fiancé, their/my friends and my friends would always say dude this girl is in love with you how do you not see it? Id always pass it off as a thing that could never happen and even though I thought we liked each other, was too good to be true. She even tried to hook me up with her friends and other girls while we were out. I eventually started to talk to a girl whom she got me talking to and we hung out for a couple months, things weren’t really going anywhere and I broke ends with her. Meanwhile I guess her relationship was at a rocky point and had been for months before i started hanging out with her.

 

One night after work we went out and met up with one of her best friends (who also happened to be dating her fiancés best friend). Her friend questioned her like ‘oh whose this cute guy that you’re bringing around to meet me and other good friends’ she played it off like oh don’t tell my fiancé or your bf haha oops. That night we left her friend and went out just us two to another bar, still sober, she admits she has always had the biggest crush on me, I said I did too and went on the night flirting at the bar. Weeks went by of us doing similar things until one night she took a cab back with me to my place and said ‘I bet you wont kiss me I dare you’ I did and she smiled, spent the night cuddling in bed. Shed tell me how her relationship was bad and she called off the wedding, stopped wearing her ring and wanted to move out but she paid half the rent and they live with his dog whom she mostly takes care of. She said she has been sleeping on the couch for months, I knew they still hung out and did things together but see it as her using him to be able to do things. We started hanging more frequently, kissing often, shed spend the night, paying for each other’s tabs, holding hands and communicating via text almost all day and some calls. Tells me shes super into me, shortly there after that she loved me.

 

Then things started getting weird. The fiancé knew something was up and was super possessive (had a phone tracker, read her messages, would message me on fb asking if I knew where she was, she changed my name in her phone to a girls name)

 

She asked if I had sex with the girl I was seeing and it being none of her business, I told her no. she didn’t ask again but had found out one night that I had and got super pissed, yelled at me on the phone, said she couldn’t trust me why wasn’t I honest, etc. I told her it wasn’t her business and why did it matter anyways? She blocked me from facebook and instagram. Things blew over a few days later and all was fine. She said she would have never told me she liked me if she didn’t think something would come of it and that she thought I ended things with the other girl to start them with her. Then a couple weeks later, her friend OD’d and died and she had to attend the funeral and wake, that day a server from work texted her that when she leaves, I flirt with all the girls. Being in an already ****ty space, took it as is told me what the girl said, and not to contact her. I didn’t then a few days later, we met up and talked, everything blew over. We talked, she slept over and we cuddled all morning in bed, she said lets skip class and stay here all day. Earlier in the morning she said maybe we shouldnt do this anymore and talked about it. I asked if thats what she really wanted and she said no not at all and decided to keep seein eachother. We cuddled for a while then I drove her back and she said lets get lunch and call me after I shower. I get out of the shower to a text ‘I don’t think its a good idea we hang out. Sorry’ we talked about it a couple days later and worked everything out.

 

Fast forward to now, we hang out twice a week, know each others schedules and text daily. She told her parents and family about me a few weeks back and accepted it, ive only informally met them at work, when she had first started, nothing formally, they know what I look like, that’s it. Her mom said if that’s how she really feels, for her security, shed like her to do a 5 week marriage counseling to make sure shes done but that hasn’t happened yet. Last week she had to do a bridesmaid dress fitting. She had told her friends about me and how they didn’t want her to get married anyways and they liked me. Come Sunday were hanging out at work as I was bartending and she had just gotten cut. She tells me her ex fiancé (whom she still lives with, she sleeps on the couch and he in the bed) had contacted her mom and said their relationship failed cause she has a drinking problem. I explained that he lost you and will do anything to make it not his fault, even though the mom still loves the guy and wants her to be with him. We make plans to hang out Monday night and Thursday and she leaves. Monday afternoon comes around and she texts me that her mom had called from work and asked her to come over and that she couldn’t go out that night and was worried. Figuring shed want to talk about drinking, goes over there but then texts me well this isn’t going how I thought it would. She tells me theyre talking about me and its not going well. The mom says she thinks shes moving on too fast and isn’t over her ex fiancé. Apparently she mentioned to her mom that she thought of moving in with me after the lease is up in a month was a good idea and the mom said it’s the dumbest thing she could do. She needs to focus on school more and be single and not lead me on and figure things out. She said you always give me good advice and ill think about it and make the best decision for myself.

 

We kept texting that night but I could tell she was bothered. She said man she really bummed me out, I told her we had something good going and she knows more than her mom and not to be bummed. Couple hours went by and she said ‘maybe I just need to fall back for a while’ I said if that’s what you need. She said yes and I said ok.

 

Tuesday morning (10 hrs after her saying this) she texts me how this song on the radio was good and that one of my favorite artists was in it and how stoked she was on it. I waited a couple hours and said she should buy the albums. She texted back a little later that it was totally sex music. I waited a couple hours and said that yeah it was. She worked that night and at 1am texted me ‘youre awfully quiet tonight’ I told her that she said she wanted space and I was giving it to her. She says ‘okay.’ I said im not going to hit her up when she had just said that and she says ‘ha okay.’ 3am comes and she goes ‘so this is how youre going to react?’ I didn’t say anything.

 

Wednesday morning came and I texted her saying I thought she wanted space and I was surprised to hear from her and that I thought we were on the same page but I guess I wasn’t. I asked if she wanted to hear from me and what was going on? No response.

 

After talking with a few people I texted her at 10pm how class went. She said she ‘didn’t go and drank all day.’ I asked what she was doing now ‘city.’ Sent her a pic of my dog and he missed her she said ‘ooohhh my godddd I love him’ I said come cuddle with us and she said ‘dude.’ I was told she came into work with her ex fiancé and a couple friends then left a couple hours later. Didn’t sit next to eachother. Im not jealous of the guy, I don’t think theyre intimate and haven’t been. Nothing from her since. I don’t get whats going on at all but am choosing to not contact her. Maybe I shouldn’t have said any of that. Unfortunately I see her usually fri/sat at work but cant change that. I don’t know what to do and am super confused. When were doing things, its so fun, she treats me great, but then this **** happens.

 

Another day of no contact (thurs), now I get to bartend with her tonight. Oh boy.

Edited December 5, 2014 by agg

[agg]

Get to see her in four hours...

[ExpatInItaly]

She's not ready for a relaitonship right now. It's clear from all the hot-and-cold. I think you should step back and take a breather. Even if she wasn't happy with her ex, she evidently doesn't know what she really wants. It's going to hurt you in the long run, I think. Take some time apart for a while - don't text, hang out, etc.

[agg]

We talked after work last night. She needs space to think about te questions her mom raised to her and have answers when she talks to her again. She said she missed talking to me and hated not contacting me and that work was weird because I didn't say much to her an have fun like usual and that's what she wanted. She says we should keep talking but not as much and cut out the cute **** cause she knows she wants it. I said ok. I question whether to tell her let's not talk at all. What do you guys think?

[agg]

well last night after work we had a beer there and then met up with a few people from work down the street at a different bar. discussed a few things and everything was cool. i drove her back to her car and a little comment about me getting a haircut (in a style her ex had) that months ago i said id do, i said ha no way id ever do that. turned into me being wishy washy and her not trusting me and cant trust me since our first fight of when we first kissed and i was ending **** with the mentioned girl in the first post. within a week of me ending that, i had gone to her house to talk about things and we hooked up.

 

she said all she needed was that kiss and she thought we were something and it meant a lot and we havent been on the same page since then and hasnt trusted me since september which is when we first really started talking, thought there had been interest and kissed a month or two prior but we both lied to eachother and never made moves and acted as if we were just friends. we never had a talk about what we were doing, boundaries, etc. brought that up to her and she said we didnt need to, she knew what she wanted but i acted differently and things never really started cause of that. it went from civil conversation and about to say goodbye to her yelling and everything going from fine to END END END in a minute. Tried to calm her down and after a while, did.

 

we talked for an hour in her car, held hands, kissed, she shed a tear. said we cant talk, cant be friends, shell never get over this until she moves away and can never see me again or gets a new job... said we could have been so good and i would have been an amazing boyfriend, how much shell miss me. hugged and kissed goodbye.

 

hurting.

Edited December 7, 2014 by agg