enchanted771 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 How often do you talk to someone if your trying to get to know them? just trying to figure out if this guy is interested or killing time. Last week we started messaging eachother and I wasn't sure if I was quite interested in him, so I was slightly aloof. Then he wanted to talk on the phone but I was out so I couldn't pick up. He starts sending 5 messages in a row. Then a couple days ago I texted him and we are chatting away. That day we talk on the phone, he says I seem nice and normal and would like to get to know me. Great. He texted me yesterday morning saying good morning, have a great day bla bla bla and then nothing for the rest of the night. Then again this morning, ttyl xoxo. I reply back tell him to have a great day, etc. Maybe I am being needy, but I just need opinons, because if I should back off I will. He was making it quite obvious he was interested before and now it seems that I am showing interest he is being more aloof. He straight up told me he likes me the other night, but I am basing things more on actions than words. Am I overthinking this or expecting too much? or should I back off a little? just want to do the right thing and it would be nice if I didn't scare him away! lol
Redhead14 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) How often do you talk to someone if your trying to get to know them? just trying to figure out if this guy is interested or killing time. Last week we started messaging eachother and I wasn't sure if I was quite interested in him, so I was slightly aloof. Then he wanted to talk on the phone but I was out so I couldn't pick up. He starts sending 5 messages in a row. Then a couple days ago I texted him and we are chatting away. That day we talk on the phone, he says I seem nice and normal and would like to get to know me. Great. He texted me yesterday morning saying good morning, have a great day bla bla bla and then nothing for the rest of the night. Then again this morning, ttyl xoxo. I reply back tell him to have a great day, etc. Maybe I am being needy, but I just need opinons, because if I should back off I will. He was making it quite obvious he was interested before and now it seems that I am showing interest he is being more aloof. He straight up told me he likes me the other night, but I am basing things more on actions than words. Am I overthinking this or expecting too much? or should I back off a little? just want to do the right thing and it would be nice if I didn't scare him away! lol You let him do most of the initiating and you respond in a balanced way. There is nothing you've said above that says he's being more aloof now. Just because he didn't say anything for the rest of the night doesn't mean anything. He texted in the morning, you responded. That's all you should be doing at this point. After some time, a couple of weeks maybe, then you can do a little more of the initiating. But for now, it's on him. Edited December 5, 2014 by Redhead14
Author enchanted771 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 You let him do most of the initiating and you respond in a balanced way. There is nothing you've said above that says he's being more aloof now. Just because he didn't say anything for the rest of the night doesn't mean anything. He texted in the morning, you responded. That's all you should be doing at this point. After some time, a couple of weeks maybe, then you can do a little more of the initiating. But for now, it's on him. Thank you. I am a little insecure so intend to think if a guy isn't talking to you that much then it means he isn't interested. And the last thing I want to do, is text him too much because then he will surely lose interest.
fred123 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 have you met yet? he's lucky he got you on the phone! i wasted 2 months thinking a girl was interested in me and i had the same questions as you. how often do you talk to someone your getting to know. Be careful because ,y girl was just killiong time/bored/wanted to be just friends. i wish she had picked up the phone once to chat lol
Author enchanted771 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 have you met yet? he's lucky he got you on the phone! i wasted 2 months thinking a girl was interested in me and i had the same questions as you. how often do you talk to someone your getting to know. Be careful because ,y girl was just killiong time/bored/wanted to be just friends. i wish she had picked up the phone once to chat lol We chatted a couple days ago on the phone and he seemed interested but who knows? We haven't met yet, but if it doesn't show any movement soon I'll assume he's Doing the same. I don't waste time on things that are unproductive.
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I don't like texting "conversations" For more than 2-3 back & forth I'd rather talk. When I'm just getting to now each other, I don't want a lot of interaction. I want 1-2 dates per week & maybe 1-2 phone conversations between them, max. I'd rather they were quick confirmations of when we are meeting rather than these hour long sit on the phone or computer sessions. I am on a far extreme with this. Most people want a lot more communication. However, in the beginning if some guy tried to talk to me every day, I'd ask him to back off & if he didn't I'd end it because I'd feel smothered which would tell me we are not compatible. Somebody who wants that much attention early is going to want / need more then I could possibly give as the relationship deepens. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Thank you. I am a little insecure so intend to think if a guy isn't talking to you that much then it means he isn't interested. And the last thing I want to do, is text him too much because then he will surely lose interest. Like I said, it's about balance especially in the beginning. He is talking to you, just not as much as you'd hoped for. He may be thinking similarly. You let him contact you and you respond. It really becomes more of an issue if he's not contacting you for more than a week at a time. It will usually become more frequent over time. As you get to know him, you'll be able to find out what his communication likes/patterns are. If you like him enough, you wait it out a little and in the meantime date others to take the focus off him a little. Being receptive and needy are two different things. Needy would be "why don't you call me more often?" "why don't you respond", etc. When he does contact you and you are actually happy to hear from him, you respond, say you're happy to hear from him and go from there. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Like I said, it's about balance especially in the beginning. He is talking to you, just not as much as you'd hoped for. He may be thinking similarly. You let him contact you and you respond. It really becomes more of an issue if he's not contacting you for more than a week at a time. It will usually become more frequent over time. As you get to know him, you'll be able to find out what his communication likes/patterns are. If you like him enough, you wait it out a little and in the meantime date others to take the focus off him a little. Being receptive and needy are two different things. Needy would be "why don't you call me more often?" "why don't you respond", etc. When he does contact you and you are actually happy to hear from him, you respond, say you're happy to hear from him and go from there. ok, thanks that makes sense.
losangelena Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I would not get so invested if y'all haven't even met in person yet. Is he interested? Who knows at this point. You're no more than a virtual person to him right now. I don't mean that offensively, but I think it's much easier to project fantasies onto someone when you don't know them. Maybe that's what he's doing with you. The best thing you can do is remain aloof until you meet. This is why I constantly advocate meeting quickly and early, and not much contact before. At this point, you should not be giving it a second thought, you should be out in the world busy doing you. Instead, you're building all of this anticipation for something that might be a complete non-starter, and for what? What a waste of emotional and mental energy, not to mention time spent communicating with someone for whom you were no more than a passing fancy or distraction. You're worth more than that.
fred123 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 how did you guys meet online? just curious? mine was on facebook rather than a dating website or app so maybe its different. what if your guy is just chatting to you as a friend? how do you know? is one allowed to be annoyed if he is only talking as a friend?
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