Broke up after five years, kissed someone else, now regretting everything

[lmac]

I was with my boyfriend for five years, since we were fifteen until we were twenty.

A quarter of our lives to be precise.

Two months ago, I broke up with him. It was the toughest thing I have ever done but something had been niggling in the back of my head for a long time and up until then, I had completely ignored it. Something wasn't right and I decided to end it.

It ended amicably but it was an awful shock for him and I know that I hurt him so much.

However, I do still love my boyfriend and now I'm beginning to wonder whether I should try win him back. The only thing is, is that I kissed someone since we broke up. He's someone who I went to school with and used to be best friends with. It was only ever fun/rebounding/I've-been-in-a-relationship-so-long-so-****-it kind of a situation but the guilt and regret I feel over it is overpowering. I know we were broken up so technically I didn't do anything wrong but I know that if my ex knew, he would never forgive me nor get back with me.

I'm so confused and don't know whether me wanting him back is just post-break up loneliness or whether I can actually see myself spending my life with him. I love him so so much, we grew up together and he means so much to me.

 

I'm so confused as to what to do. Should I give us more time apart to figure things out? What if I leave it too long and he won't want me? Would he take me back after kissing someone else? How would I tell him?

 

Thanks for any response, it's much appreciated.

[unforgotten]

Love is so much more than just current feelings which are basically only chemical reactions in your brain. Figure out what it was that bothered you about him. Talk to him what it was that bothered him about you. What will it be different if you two get back together? You have to nurture the relationship. It doesn't really matter who you're with. The honeymoon phase comes and goes, how you react to the serious problems when they occur is what really matters. Sounds like you're an honest and smart girl and you have a great boyfriend. I don't see why you too shouldn't be together. Love is also about forgiving. If he loves you enough he'll understand and will forgive you and give you another chance. He cannot blame you for a stupid kiss. But if he does forgive you and wants you back make sure he won't act like he is entitled now to do some stupid ****. You two are supposed to be equal. And for **** sake if you do get back together don't do that to him again. Think it through and then express yourself to him and be completely honest.

 

Man I wish my girlfriend would think like you in this moment. And I'd want someone to give her the same advice. Yes, do get back together. The guy loves you and you love him. When some time will pass, if you both make positive changes to your relationship, you won't even feel that confused feelings that you do now. Take some time and think about it, perhaps you're driving a Ferrari now and you don't even know it. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Don't be so hard headed and admit your mistake if you made one. Admitting of being wrong is hard but it is also one's greatest achievement.

Edited December 5, 2014 by unforgotten