Need to keep my eye on the ball.

[PaperCrane]

Well, I knew things were too good to be true.

 

A few months back I posted about a situation with my friend and now new roommate. Usual story; known her for awhile, fast friends, lots of tension, mixed signals, and a guy falling in love way in over his head and too quickly, also a cat that makes me want to flip tables but that's outside of relevance.

 

We ended up seeing each other and things escalated as they do although not all the way. She refused to allow me to give a name to "what we're doing". She did however agree to the fact that what we had been doing is dating for going on a year, but she felt weird being official about it. Everyone assumed we were a couple.

 

Later on I was told she had a thing for one of my friends, she woke me up to get his number one night, followed a few days later with messages about "how she'd be lucky to build a relationship with someone when she lives with a guy who is into her" and "if she had wanted to date me for real, she would have by now." and the whole "I just don't see you like you see me" blah blah blah. I get it, that's fine.

 

So, I gave her what she wanted, which is me out of the picture. Total and utter NC outside of what is necessary for the apartment. I'm polite and nice when I speak but it is never anything besides the main topic. I refuse to be a silver medal at best and a lap dog at worst. It has been 18 days so far.

 

This isn't settling well with her. She'll find excuses to bring mutual friends over without telling me so I can't just go off and do my own thing because now I have to entertain guests and she gets to speak to me during this time and spends a lot of the time when this happens telling stories about 'adventures'. Using the 'we' and 'us' quite often. She will touch me when we pass each other. I receive 'goodnight' texts from the other room. I am requested to give hugs, that I no longer give, because she says she misses me.

 

I am not a robot. Feelings exist and there have been some other things that she does that plays on my mind heavily. Outside of this, as pure roommates we work very well together. The apartment is nice and clean and chores are always done on time by both ends. I want to make sure that is saved, at least because I've had my fair share of horrid ones.

 

I know what I need to do as far as NC and LC goes, but today seems harder than the previous 18.

[CaliGypsy]

If SHE invites friends over, even mutual ones, that doesn't mean you need to be there. Politely excuse yourself.

 

She made it abundantly clear she didn't want a relationship so she doesn't get to dictate to you the term of what is comfortable to you. Ignore the requests for hugs and goodnight texts. She's being careless with your feelings.

 

I know you like her roommate style, but is the situation worth it to you?

[PaperCrane]

Yeah, it can be fine for me. It is rare that you can find someone to roommate with that you can just trust not to burn the whole thing down. Well, at least from my history anyways.

 

I've come a long way during these almost three weeks and I believe once the storm has been weathered it will be fine. It is just the weathering the storm part that can be tough for me. I put other peoples feelings ahead of mine quite often because I know how cruddy things can be at times. So the denial of texting and hugs and all that has been rough but I haven't broken at all.

 

The only reason I entertain guests when that happens is because I was taught by my parents to be that way, to be proud of your home and to make sure guests in your house are treated as such.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, it can be fine for me. It is rare that you can find someone to roommate with that you can just trust not to burn the whole thing down. Well, at least from my history anyways.

 

I've come a long way during these almost three weeks and I believe once the storm has been weathered it will be fine. It is just the weathering the storm part that can be tough for me.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, until the first time she really gets pissed off at you! Comes home with this dude after a night out drinking in the clubs and the next thing you know, you have to deal with hearing her moan the headboard knocking on your wall all night long. Only to get an apology the next morning saying, "I was drunk and didn't mean for that to happen."

 

 

Dude, you seriously need to move.

[PaperCrane]

For sure Chi, that will be around August when the lease is up. By then I'll know for sure how my head is sitting and if something like that would even bother me. It will also give me time to scope out some new places. Housing around here may be plentiful but the neighborhoods aren't all quite the same in terms of 'niceness'.

 

I'm starting the process some other users suggest of just listing all the negative traits she has, even the superficial ones, just so if and when things happen I can just NGAF. If your scenario were to come to fruition it would probably be beneficial for me moving her completely out of my head as well. After that point I could never see her in the same light

 

Time will tell on that front.

 

Just having a melancholy day of nostalgia. Blah.

[Chi townD]

For sure Chi, that will be around August when the lease is up. By then I'll know for sure how my head is sitting and if something like that would even bother me. It will also give me time to scope out some new places. Housing around here may be plentiful but the neighborhoods aren't all quite the same in terms of 'niceness'.

 

I'm starting the process some other users suggest of just listing all the negative traits she has, even the superficial ones, just so if and when things happen I can just NGAF. If your scenario were to come to fruition it would probably be beneficial for me moving her completely out of my head as well. After that point I could never see her in the same light

 

Time will tell on that front.

 

Just having a melancholy day of nostalgia. Blah.

 

 

Nah dude, that scenario would do your head in but good.

 

 

Dude, it's the weekend! Go plan something last minute! You deserve some fun and decompression!

[PaperCrane]

Well, I done and went and goofed. All was going pretty well. Had lots of fun this weekend. Went on a casual date. Got some new clothes and some suits since I recently lost over 100 pounds. Sounds awesome, and it was until early this morning.

 

I was getting ready to head out to visit my mom and help her with some stuff around her house, roommate was getting ready for work as well, when she suddenly commented on how nice I looked. I plainly but politely said thanks and continued to lace up my shoes. She walked over and leaned over me and asked nervously if I'd like to go see a movie with her on Tuesday. In my morning stupor I responded with a "yeah, sure."

 

All that work on NC down the drain in an instant. Barely a week until a month had been completed.

 

Blah.

 

Days accident free: 0

 

Edit: I know she didn't ask as a date. It feels crappy to lose to upper hand over the situation so easily.

 

Need to think of a way to not go, I know she only wants me around as a friend but my heart isn't healed yet.

Edited December 8, 2014 by PaperCrane
Clarification

[PaperCrane]

Hate to do just a bump reply, but the thread fell off page 1 and I just feel utterly confused still. I guess part of me still hopes for something more and her asking me to see a movie... I am just not sure of her intentions.

 

Should I stay full NC after saying I can't go?

Go and see what happens, and if nothing just start NC over again?

[Chi townD]

Uh, well....You're making changes to your life. You lost a 100 pounds and you were looking pretty good when she saw you. Something might have went off in her head thinking that she was about to lose you. Therefore, she humbled herself and asked YOU out on a date. So,....go! But, tread lightly. See how things go. Don't think too much about it. Put it out of your head and only view it as a night out on the town.

 

 

But, also beware that she may end up canceling on you as well. That tends to happen too. They want to see if the dog is still on the leash. Meaning that if they want something, you're still agreeable to give it to them.

[PaperCrane]

Alright, I'll give it a go. I was thinking the same as you, thinking she may be testing to see if I'm willing to do what she asks. I did, however, decline several invitations before this like going over for Thanksgiving or going out bowling with her and friends and other similar things.

 

Something I didn't mention in the OP is that she's also taken to getting me gifts. Leaving me my favorite snack on the counter with an 'Eat Me ' note on it, or a special edition vinyl album and a record player, a favorite candle of mine, etc. This is the type of stuff that got all me all gooey to begin with, you know, mixed signals and cutesy stuff.

 

Both of you guys are right though, I pretty much should just keep a benign distance. I'll just watch what she does on Tuesday. Will report back.

 

Thanks again for the help.

[PaperCrane]

Well, it went how I expected. Got home after work wearing one of the new suits I picked up that actually fit properly. When my topcoat came off she immediately stopped talking and just stared at me for probably about a full silent minute and told me I looked "simply amazing". As we got ready and left she acted like nothing had changed at all in 3 weeks. I just played along and mirrored actions. She was touchy, flirty, even ran from behind me to jump into giving me a hug and ran her fingers over mine looking into my eyes and holding it over and over. She was so off the walls happy to be doing things with me.

 

We ended up meeting up with some of her friends after and went shopping for a few minutes. I needed some gloves and a new belt. In the store it just kept getting more and more energy filled, to me it felt like sparks flying through the air the entire time. Her friends commented that we should "just get together already" and she replied with the usual "noooooo...".

 

It was an amazing night, although I think I understand my position a lot better now.

 

She sent me a text this morning after I got to work telling me how much fun she had and thanking me for hanging out with her followed by a selfie. I said I did too and left it at that.

 

It is either an all or nothing thing. My feelings for her can't just be as a friend and I can't be an emotional and sexual tension punching bag while I wait for her to figure out if she's coming or going. I love her immensely, but I guess this was just a good learning experience for life. Some people have told me they wish they were in this position with a girl as cute and amazing as she is. They have no idea the emotional ass kicking this comes with. Some have said I should just learn to swallow my feelings to be her friend or that I need to know the difference between friends and feelings when it comes to girls. I know the difference, I've been around the block and I understand my position. It is just hers that I do not understand.

 

Fun little social experiment on myself that was, time to start it all over.

 

Day 1 restart; commence.

[lauri]

Well, it went how I expected. Got home after work wearing one of the new suits I picked up that actually fit properly. When my topcoat came off she immediately stopped talking and just stared at me for probably about a full silent minute and told me I looked "simply amazing". As we got ready and left she acted like nothing had changed at all in 3 weeks. I just played along and mirrored actions. She was touchy, flirty, even ran from behind me to jump into giving me a hug and ran her fingers over mine looking into my eyes and holding it over and over. She was so off the walls happy to be doing things with me.

 

We ended up meeting up with some of her friends after and went shopping for a few minutes. I needed some gloves and a new belt. In the store it just kept getting more and more energy filled, to me it felt like sparks flying through the air the entire time. Her friends commented that we should "just get together already" and she replied with the usual "noooooo...".

 

It was an amazing night, although I think I understand my position a lot better now.

 

She sent me a text this morning after I got to work telling me how much fun she had and thanking me for hanging out with her followed by a selfie. I said I did too and left it at that.

 

It is either an all or nothing thing. My feelings for her can't just be as a friend and I can't be an emotional and sexual tension punching bag while I wait for her to figure out if she's coming or going. I love her immensely, but I guess this was just a good learning experience for life. Some people have told me they wish they were in this position with a girl as cute and amazing as she is. They have no idea the emotional ass kicking this comes with. Some have said I should just learn to swallow my feelings to be her friend or that I need to know the difference between friends and feelings when it comes to girls. I know the difference, I've been around the block and I understand my position. It is just hers that I do not understand.

 

Fun little social experiment on myself that was, time to start it all over.

 

Day 1 restart; commence.

 

Whomever told you to "swallow your feelings" to be her friend should never be listened to...was it one of her friends or someone who completely is obvious to how you feel? I can't believe some of the advice some people give these days. Thats a huge loss for you and a huge win for her if you do that. It's almost like they want you to just accept everything that a "cute and amazing" girl wants even if its at the expense of your own emotions and feelings.

 

Listen man, as far as I am concerned, you are the prize. She should be sacrificing to get back with YOU. You aren't gonna sit around and wait for her, because you lost weight, you look good and other girls want you too (always have this mentality).

 

She sounds really immature in my opinion. Next time she asks you out on a "date", I would cancel. As far as I am concerned, her bringing her friends along on your "date" kind of is a flag to me. Normally, if she was trying to fix things / realized her mistake, she would be doing everything ALONE with you to try to win you back. I don't think you should go off of her schedule anymore..and to be honest, she needs to realize that she lost you and the only way you can do that is by actually going NC, ignoring her advances and dating other women.

 

Sadly, I think that is the only way she will show you her cards and ask for you back (out of selfishness). Even if she does ask for you back, I would be very very cautious..chances are she may be going after you for the "chase" because you are unattainable. Once she has you, she may lose that interest all over again and leave you. I honestly think you're best to leave it alone unless she full out says she made a mistake and regrets leaving you.

Edited December 10, 2014 by lauri

[PaperCrane]

Yeah, I was hoping it was just going to be us, and they showed up after the movie. In the store we paired off anyways.

 

I see your point, and what everyone else here says as well. I just went along with last night because it was 3 weeks into NC and I felt that it may have been an earnest attempt.

 

The ones telling me to swallow my feelings have all been girls and older women whom know her as well as don't know her. I was told to just be there for her and if she wants me she'll take me, as if I have no agency of my own.

[PaperCrane]

Things change quickly and I think I need some help. However, this will not be a short read. Details included because I guess subtle details in this kind of thing can be important.

 

Little backstory; we bowl on a league together. The past few weeks they've been the same. I'd find other stuff to do between frames and I'd respectfully keep my distance.

 

Today is our league day. I came home and she had decided to make my favorite Indian food dish, a pie and spaghettios with a grilled cheese. She felt bad about the 'date' and wanted to do something special for me, as she said.

 

I didn't know what to make of it so I said thank you and ate some, which was really good. We got ready and headed out to the car and rode with just music on, as usual to the bowling alley. When she was getting ready and taking off her coat she was wearing the tank top that I had told her months ago was probably my favorite out of what ones she had, and yoga pants.

 

She then, while bowling was just all over me. Grabbing my hands for high fives and she put her fingers through mine. I'm trying my best to just detach and focus on bowling. Right after that I bowled a triple strike, winning the game (big deal for candlepin) and she runs up and jumps into a hug and just wraps around me so I'm holding her up. The next two games she's just play flirting with me. She makes sure I get to see certain things on her. Grabs my foot with hers and pulls it under her leg and squeezes in with her leg so I can't get it out. My shoes had been sticking and I made a joke to my other teammate that I'm probably going to superman fall and smash my face and die or something, normal bowling joke. She just looks at me and says "you can't die..." I told her it was just a joke. She replies "I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'd provably just end up inside staring at the ceiling. I couldn't stand it if you were gone forever...even though you've been gone for almost a month..." With that sentence she just looks at me and reaches out and puts her hand on my knee.

 

At this point I'm just a roller coaster. I excuse myself and go outside for a bit.

 

When I come back inside I follow my normal routine and finish the rest of the night. We leave and get into the car. Put my mp3 on shuffle and leave. Normal routine. A band I listened to that apparently she loves comes on randomly. I never knew she liked this band so I turned it up a bit and it so happens to be a song about lost love and realizing what is gone only when it's lost. She starts singing to it which just kills me because she had an amazing singing voice, no tinted glasses on that fact.

 

We approach a red light and the song finishes, she looks over at me and tells me she misses me again. My will almost breaks but I just look over and not say anything. The mp3 player decides it also likes this band and then plays a song about making up for past mistakes. I'm thinking to myself that stuff like this seriously doesn't happen. This is textbook romcom stuff. There is no way this is real. We get to another red light, she's still lightly singing along and just looks over at me and holds her gaze there. In that moment I decide that if this is happening, I'm going to write the rules. None of this "I'm happy with friends crap". She looks back out the window and I reach over, put my hands on hers and just say "I miss you too." She kind of shock gasps and puts her hand on my shoulder and stats rubbing the back of my neck. I reach up and put my hand on hers again and just start rubbing her fingers. She turns hers around and we're in this awkward hand hold for a minute not saying anything and just doing the usual handhold stuff and I go to adjust mine and she just opens her fingers up and grabs mine again. I look over and put my cheek on top of her hand and she just smiles at me.

 

We stay like this for the rest of the ride as the mp3 player literally lines up the most perfect following 2 songs from the same band in the order of subject; finding yourself, and a typical regular love song about being together.

 

Pulling into the parking spot we just stay as we are. I put the car in park and just look over, I hold on a little bit tighter and she giggles. I kiss her and we pull away and let out our grip slowly. She sighs and says she has to leave because she made plans with a friend so she has to, using air quotes "fulfill her obligations". I walk over and hug her from behind, she pushes into me and the hand ends up over mine again.

 

Now I'm sitting on my couch, watching guardians of the galaxy that was rented for me, and writing this. Also, I get a text after all of this from a friend saying they know of someone who was going to ask her out soon.

 

This is all new to me. I don't know how to take this. Part of me thinks this is just affection from missing a friend. A part of wants to believe it means something more. Another part doesn't believe this happened. My head is a swirling mess and I need some grounding.

[lauri]

You made too many mistakes here man...

 

She now thinks she has you...I don't have the time right now to write a full response but I suggest you don't talk to her about these things and don't give in so easily.

[Chatmonkey]

Things change quickly and I think I need some help. However, this will not be a short read. Details included because I guess subtle details in this kind of thing can be important.

 

Little backstory; we bowl on a league together. The past few weeks they've been the same. I'd find other stuff to do between frames and I'd respectfully keep my distance.

 

Today is our league day. I came home and she had decided to make my favorite Indian food dish, a pie and spaghettios with a grilled cheese. She felt bad about the 'date' and wanted to do something special for me, as she said.

 

I didn't know what to make of it so I said thank you and ate some, which was really good. We got ready and headed out to the car and rode with just music on, as usual to the bowling alley. When she was getting ready and taking off her coat she was wearing the tank top that I had told her months ago was probably my favorite out of what ones she had, and yoga pants.

 

She then, while bowling was just all over me. Grabbing my hands for high fives and she put her fingers through mine. I'm trying my best to just detach and focus on bowling. Right after that I bowled a triple strike, winning the game (big deal for candlepin) and she runs up and jumps into a hug and just wraps around me so I'm holding her up. The next two games she's just play flirting with me. She makes sure I get to see certain things on her. Grabs my foot with hers and pulls it under her leg and squeezes in with her leg so I can't get it out. My shoes had been sticking and I made a joke to my other teammate that I'm probably going to superman fall and smash my face and die or something, normal bowling joke. She just looks at me and says "you can't die..." I told her it was just a joke. She replies "I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'd provably just end up inside staring at the ceiling. I couldn't stand it if you were gone forever...even though you've been gone for almost a month..." With that sentence she just looks at me and reaches out and puts her hand on my knee.

 

At this point I'm just a roller coaster. I excuse myself and go outside for a bit.

 

When I come back inside I follow my normal routine and finish the rest of the night. We leave and get into the car. Put my mp3 on shuffle and leave. Normal routine. A band I listened to that apparently she loves comes on randomly. I never knew she liked this band so I turned it up a bit and it so happens to be a song about lost love and realizing what is gone only when it's lost. She starts singing to it which just kills me because she had an amazing singing voice, no tinted glasses on that fact.

 

We approach a red light and the song finishes, she looks over at me and tells me she misses me again. My will almost breaks but I just look over and not say anything. The mp3 player decides it also likes this band and then plays a song about making up for past mistakes. I'm thinking to myself that stuff like this seriously doesn't happen. This is textbook romcom stuff. There is no way this is real. We get to another red light, she's still lightly singing along and just looks over at me and holds her gaze there. In that moment I decide that if this is happening, I'm going to write the rules. None of this "I'm happy with friends crap". She looks back out the window and I reach over, put my hands on hers and just say "I miss you too." She kind of shock gasps and puts her hand on my shoulder and stats rubbing the back of my neck. I reach up and put my hand on hers again and just start rubbing her fingers. She turns hers around and we're in this awkward hand hold for a minute not saying anything and just doing the usual handhold stuff and I go to adjust mine and she just opens her fingers up and grabs mine again. I look over and put my cheek on top of her hand and she just smiles at me.

 

We stay like this for the rest of the ride as the mp3 player literally lines up the most perfect following 2 songs from the same band in the order of subject; finding yourself, and a typical regular love song about being together.

 

Pulling into the parking spot we just stay as we are. I put the car in park and just look over, I hold on a little bit tighter and she giggles. I kiss her and we pull away and let out our grip slowly. She sighs and says she has to leave because she made plans with a friend so she has to, using air quotes "fulfill her obligations". I walk over and hug her from behind, she pushes into me and the hand ends up over mine again.

 

Now I'm sitting on my couch, watching guardians of the galaxy that was rented for me, and writing this. Also, I get a text after all of this from a friend saying they know of someone who was going to ask her out soon.

 

This is all new to me. I don't know how to take this. Part of me thinks this is just affection from missing a friend. A part of wants to believe it means something more. Another part doesn't believe this happened. My head is a swirling mess and I need some grounding.

 

Good read. This is indeed a bit of a rollercoaster eh! All I can say is if this does happen to go the direction it seems to be heading, my worry is that once she has you it will be different due to the whole want what you can't have concept. Definitely don't want to be negative here, as it seems positive, but a healthy dose of skepticism is good to have (which you seem to already employ). Fingers crossed for you my friend.

 

As your title suggests though, keep your eye on the ball, don't be easy to get. If this continues, do what you said and keep it on your terms, let her keep chasing you.

[PaperCrane]

Thanks for the responses. I'll reply to both. I was operating on maybe four hours of sleep yesterday as well, which makes these things harder to do, but an excuse is just an excuse.

 

You made too many mistakes here man...

 

She now thinks she has you...I don't have the time right now to write a full response but I suggest you don't talk to her about these things and don't give in so easily.

 

I had a few people in my mind from here when this was going down. Your reply from earlier was one of them. The whole 'unattainable' thing. To be honest she has never had a man do this to her before and stick with it beyond 3-5 days. They all come crawling back begging for her attention. She's never had to actually try before, so it may be her just wanting to control this new situation. However, I cannot know what she thinks. The only thing I do know is myself, and last night I was like an AA member thrown into an open bar.

 

Good read. This is indeed a bit of a rollercoaster eh! All I can say is if this does happen to go the direction it seems to be heading, my worry is that once she has you it will be different due to the whole want what you can't have concept. Definitely don't want to be negative here, as it seems positive, but a healthy dose of skepticism is good to have (which you seem to already employ). Fingers crossed for you my friend.

 

As your title suggests though, keep your eye on the ball, don't be easy to get. If this continues, do what you said and keep it on your terms, let her keep chasing you.

 

This seems to be the overwhelming consensus from here and from my best friend as well. I'll just sit along for the ride.

 

The way I saw this whole thing, starting earlier in the night I thought "Well, this has all gone to hell in a hand basket anyways." and the Bill Burr quote of:

"There's a critical point, when you've stayed single too long, that your brain switches from "No, don't say that" to "Eh, **** it. Say it, see what happens."

 

Probably a not so helpful mindset, but then again I was basically drunk on lack of sleep.

 

One of my friends has said I've "successfully hit the reset button" and brought the whole thing back to the beginning chase phase again, not sure if that is true. I do know my phone has been just about vibrating off of my desk and has taken the form of a bear trap in my mind. Not sure if I should reply or not.

[lauri]

Thanks for the responses. I'll reply to both. I was operating on maybe four hours of sleep yesterday as well, which makes these things harder to do, but an excuse is just an excuse.

 

 

 

I had a few people in my mind from here when this was going down. Your reply from earlier was one of them. The whole 'unattainable' thing. To be honest she has never had a man do this to her before and stick with it beyond 3-5 days. They all come crawling back begging for her attention. She's never had to actually try before, so it may be her just wanting to control this new situation. However, I cannot know what she thinks. The only thing I do know is myself, and last night I was like an AA member thrown into an open bar.

 

 

 

This seems to be the overwhelming consensus from here and from my best friend as well. I'll just sit along for the ride.

 

The way I saw this whole thing, starting earlier in the night I thought "Well, this has all gone to hell in a hand basket anyways." and the Bill Burr quote of:

"There's a critical point, when you've stayed single too long, that your brain switches from "No, don't say that" to "Eh, **** it. Say it, see what happens."

 

Probably a not so helpful mindset, but then again I was basically drunk on lack of sleep.

 

One of my friends has said I've "successfully hit the reset button" and brought the whole thing back to the beginning chase phase again, not sure if that is true. I do know my phone has been just about vibrating off of my desk and has taken the form of a bear trap in my mind. Not sure if I should reply or not.

 

This situation isn't unique by any means and it defiantly isn't going to have that much of a different outcome than what I've seen before. The best way to describe any relationship or situation with a girl is like this:

 

You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to catch the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment). When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.

 

So by admitting you like her, you miss her and by being so "Easy" to recapture after she hurt you, it makes her think that you are still wounded and are willing to fly right back into that "cage / commitment" with her. Instead, you should be proving to her that you are a "good catch" and that you aren't willing to go back into that life with her so fast. She has to prove she is worth your time and energy.

 

And generally speaking, when a girl leaves you, she's lost interest and has this image of you that sketched in her brain forever. Its extremely difficult to change that...I know from experience and I've seen it with my friends.

 

All I'm saying is, continue to be free and don't let this bring you down. Keep dating other women (because chances are she has other guys shes seeing / seen) and keep moving forward. If she's worth it, you'll find out through her actions.

[movingonnow1]

The best way to describe any relationship or situation with a girl is like this:

 

You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to catch the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment). When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.

 

This is so true. I showed my ex extremely quickly that I wanted to commit to her, after all the hurt, and it actually turned her off. She wanted me because I kept NC and I pushed her away for an entire year. Finally, when she got in touch with me and saw me..we kissed, everything almost the same as your situation.

 

Within 1 week, only ONE week, she was being cold to me again and wanted nothing to do with me. Now she was in control and she no longer had those "feelings anymore". I believe in that quote that Lauri put above as it is actually true...had I handled it differently, she would have respected me a lot more and wouldn't have thought of me as so weak.

[PaperCrane]

There it is! That hard logic I was looking to find. For whatever reason, or for the exact reason everyone does what I did, I declined to follow basic common sense. And you're right, it isn't unique.

[movingonnow1]

There it is! That hard logic I was looking to find. For whatever reason, or for the exact reason everyone does what I did, I declined to follow basic common sense. And you're right, it isn't unique.

 

Exactly. Believe me, I thought the same. A lot of my friends, unintentionally and unknowingly, would give me advice similar to what your friends are saying. "Just ride it out", "Go with the flow" etc...I wish I had more solid advice like you have here to help you realize that this isn't unique.

[PaperCrane]

Everyone wants to believe it is unique and wonderful, hell I do too. The problem is, is that each of our love lives is like this microverse existing all on its own where everything in it is exponentially larger than what it actually is. The stuff that happens is painfully cliche and redundant in the grand scheme of things, but not to the person experiencing it.

 

I guess that is the beauty of places like this. The sheer amount of cumulative knowledge helps to fight back all the bad decisions and undue heartache.

[PaperCrane]

Good thing I've been skeptical after my last update. I kept my distance, no talking since there really wasn't a chance anyways, and just kinda watched what was going on. The little note I added about the guy asking her out was true and that night she went to see him. Whatever causes her to lead me on, and whatever it is that I do that allows it isn't going to change. NC is the only real answer, so it feels good to have a clear cut goal now.

 

They're out right now and after I let myself have a 10 minute pity party I came to realize; what kind of a guy am I that allows this to happen? I'll never find someone who respects me if I can't respect myself enough to know when to remove myself from bad situations.

 

You know, if it wasn't for you guys keeping me in line this could have turned out much worse. So I wanted to just say thank you all for that.

[movingonnow1]

Good thing I've been skeptical after my last update. I kept my distance, no talking since there really wasn't a chance anyways, and just kinda watched what was going on. The little note I added about the guy asking her out was true and that night she went to see him. Whatever causes her to lead me on, and whatever it is that I do that allows it isn't going to change. NC is the only real answer, so it feels good to have a clear cut goal now.

 

They're out right now and after I let myself have a 10 minute pity party I came to realize; what kind of a guy am I that allows this to happen? I'll never find someone who respects me if I can't respect myself enough to know when to remove myself from bad situations.

 

You know, if it wasn't for you guys keeping me in line this could have turned out much worse. So I wanted to just say thank you all for that.

 

Beautiful man. I'm glad to read what yoy have said and wish I had the same mentality you had during my break up iniaitally.

[PaperCrane]

Beautiful man. I'm glad to read what yoy have said and wish I had the same mentality you had during my break up iniaitally.

 

I wish I had just stuck to it from the get go, allowing that small crack in my defenses let in more pain than I thought it could.

 

It's been tough. These past two days have been harder than when I first made this thread. I would have to say that each restart of NC becomes even more difficult. If I knew what going cold turkey on drugs felt like, I think I would compare the two.