Mullers Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Here is my story: My ex (as of last night) is moving to Chile in September 2015 to be with his kids. The mother of his children lives there with them, moved after they split up two years ago. He and I have been together for a year and first we were just casual, but fell deeply in love. We separated and tried life apart several times but both of us ran back to each other in misery within days. We had a plan that was that he would go to Chile in September next year, stay there until the following May, come home for four months, then go for four months, and we would see how it would work out and how we could work this. (I have children who are 3 years off leaving home, so I cannot move country right now). We researched long distance relationships, had counselling and we both felt totally positive about this trial - a way for him to have his children, and also me, until they were grown enough for us to find a permanent life together. He went back to Chile to visit in October, and came back in a deep depression. After a few weeks he started to surface from it but was still hard to reach. This last weekend he came 'back' and we were the same closeness. We sat on the hill we always go to to talk and we reiterated how we would be able to make this work, and re-pledged to work in the way we had discovered with the counsellor and reading on long distance relationships. At the end of the weekend he confessed that he had actually been telling the mother of his kids that he loved her and they were going to be together again. She had fallen apart one night and he had told her he loved her because he did, but not "in love" but he couldn't see the mother of his kids that distraught. He said he knew it was wrong she knew about me, they did not have sex (quite honestly I would have preferred sex than love declarations) he said he was coming home to end it with me. Obviously he didn't do that but he said on Sunday night that he knew he had to fix it and that he would tell her, and he would come back to me and us and our life. He did tell her, sent me the texts and conversations on Skype, including her responses. She then went mad and told him that if he did not go back to her, then he would not have access to his children again. She made his children call him crying and asking him why. He facetimed me, and said that it was not about what he wanted, but about them, about his kids. If the only way for his to see his kids and for them to be happy with their mother not being distraught was for him to not think about what he wanted, or us - but to go back, for them. Last night we did the house clearing thing and I took all of his stuff out of mine and he took all of my stuff out of his, I cried (a lot) but did not beg, it was a terrible situation for both of us. He was just quiet, silent, we hugged and cried, and spooned. We did not have sex, I said no because now he belonged to someone else. I left after an hour. Today I feel like I have been hit by a truck. My heart and head say that I have to move on. But my brain KNOWS that his relationship with her was broken fully before she left for Chile, and there was nothing there. His family all welcomed me in and we were not a secret couple - so he was not pretending not to be with her all along. And I know that her bribing him with his kids to come back, will obviously bring him back to her. She will always have that hold. But in the end he will be unhappy and leave. Does anyone have any advice, experience or knowledge of what I can do, anything I can do. I am not contacting him, for my sake as much as his - because he needs to fully feel the life he has chosen. Without me. He is still here until September 2015, this makes it worse/harder. I *want* to go back to the agreement we had. I don't even know if I can make that happen - even if I am clever.
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