Teraskas Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Hi everyone. Sadly, this is the first time ever I'm posting in the 'breaks and breaking up' section, and I'd like a bit of advice. I met a girl on OKC...(Yeah, I know, the popular perception of 'it's a hook up site, not for something serious, etc.') But contrary to many, I'm from Belgium...and past experiences on OKC have shown me that the majority of these women who I went on a date with indeed were looking for something serious. There aren't a great deal of women to be found on there either. Perhaps a maximum of 20, I think. Anyhow, I met her online, and we decided to meet up. She lived 40km away in a city which I had never been to before. The date went fine, and at the conclusion she said she wanted to pursue a relationship with me. Flash forward: the relationship ended a few days short of 2 weeks. (I had been single for almost 3 years prior to that. She said that contrary to many women she didn't judge people on that, and understood how tough it is for guys. Heck, she was online on OKC for about 5 days and received 201 likes, whereas I had about 9 over the course of 3 years, lol.) And it ended because she started being paranoid of my 'lying.' (Just so you know, I am NOT a liar. If anything, I am hands down one of the most honest and straight up guys on this planet. I have no desire to be in the spotslights as a result of lying. Given due to the fact that I have memory loss, it's even tougher for me to lie as I have to remember everything I said, which is impossible for me, lol.) Anyhow, long story short: she accused me of lying and was convinced of it. I never received a 2nd chance, despite talking to her on the phone for hours trying to convince her. /Sigh. She was convinced of 'lying' along the lines of: 1) I never picked her up by car and thus she started to doubt whether or not I had a car at all, let alone had the appropriate driver's license. The car belongs to my grandparents, and I can't just claim it whenever I want, as they use it as well. As a result of this, I was often forced to take the bus & train. (From my place, it took 1 hour to get to the nearest train station: Antwerp Central, and ANOTHER hour to get to her place.) 2) According to her I wasn't doing enough 'effort'. Yet despite that, she was still a student so it was often tough to meet up. She lived in St Niklaas which is a good 40 kilometers (80km back and forth each time.) drive away from me. During the time of the relationship I went to St Niklaas at least 7 times, if not more...whereas she went to Antwerp like 3 times maximum. 3) (This happened on Tuesday) Despite her age (17, but just turned 18.), she seemed mature. But instead of talking about the problems we had on Tuesday evening, she went on a date with another guy... I feel empty...after 3 years of being rejected in dating for stupid reasons (Being led on, platonic friends, no spark, she became manipulative, experienced too many bad relationships in the past and didn't even bother to give me a chance, claimed I was too young, wasn't her type, rejected because of height, sidelined for another guy, wasn't ready to meet up, memory issues, etc. The list goes on.) My confidence has been significantly reduced. Why ? Because I finally found someone who plays the same games as me, has the same hobbies, interests, understands my gaming sense of humour, etc. She was truly pretty, and I'm blaming myself for losing her... I fear that I'll never encounter someone like her again. :/ Any more advice you can give me ? I closed several of my dating accounts because of her, but reactivated those to get back in the fight. I mean...I don't ask for much...all I want is someone who I can spend the rest of my life with. Despite my young age, I'm more than willing to settle down and I'm significantly more mature than my peers...
PegNosePete Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 1) I never picked her up by car and thus she started to doubt whether or not I had a car at all, let alone had the appropriate driver's license. The car belongs to my grandparents Then she is right, you don't have a car. You have access to a car that you can sometimes borrow. That is not the same thing. 2) According to her I wasn't doing enough 'effort'. How can her opinion be invalid? She wanted more effort than you put in. She has unrealistic expectations - but that's her problem not yours. You have no right to overrule her expectations. instead of talking about the problems we had on Tuesday evening, she went on a date with another guy... Well, she's shown you where her priorities lie. She is not that interested in you. Sorry to say - move on - NEXT. Dude you dated for 2 weeks. You need to not get invested so quickly. 2
Author Teraskas Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Then she is right, you don't have a car. You have access to a car that you can sometimes borrow. That is not the same thing. True, but I told her from day 1 that I had been driving with my grandparents' car, and was allowed to use this one for my job and going places for hobbies. Also told her that this vehicle wasn't constantly available to me. How can her opinion be invalid? She wanted more effort than you put in. She has unrealistic expectations - but that's her problem not yours. You have no right to overrule her expectations. There was only so much I could do. I had a job and used every single available spare time opportunity to meet up with her. Can't do more than that. :/ Well, she's shown you where her priorities lie. She is not that interested in you. Yeah, indeed...looks that way. :/ Sorry to say - move on - NEXT. Dude you dated for 2 weeks. You need to not get invested so quickly. You have a point, and it is one of my flaws that I get emotionally invested rather quickly. Hope that will one day pass.
Els Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Based on what I've read about women's experiences with OLD, I think many of them who have been on it for a while become really paranoid about men lying to them. It's understandable, to a degree. They've just had too many previous bad experiences with liars and flakes and cheats due to the high percentage of OLD dates that turn out that way, so they now jump ten feet into the air at the slightest whiff of potential 'something is not right' (even though in your case there really wasn't any lying). It sucks, and I'm sorry your date jumped to conclusions about you, but this is something that I think you have to just take in your stride if you insist on continuing with OLD. 1
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