Talk about a physco girlfriend

[Nobuddy]

So I have been dating my current girlfriend for 3 years. When we are together she is loving and caring and will do a lot for me, and I'll do the same for her. She takes care of me when I'm sick and vise versa although she is sick almost everyday for whatever reason I don't know why. Always a stomach / headache etc. Anyways, last year we broke up for about a month, I didn't beg/ plead try to contact her etc. she came back to me and begged for me back, so i agreed and asked her if she did anything with anyone else. She said no no she was just sad and couldn't stop thinking of me etc. Well I found out differently and accepted the fact we where apart, just that she lied to me about it and would still hang out with the same crowd of people even after we got back together and I had no idea about anything. I didn't want to tell her her own friend told me, so I made up a fake story of how I found out because I didn't wanna blow my source up, so yes I know I manipulated her by not saying how I heard it but anyways she just turned it on me, said I was a manipulator a liar etc etc she's gonna kill herself cries so hard she can't even breathe etc. She says I'm a physco because I find things out about her and that she did, then turns it on me. I cannot ask questions because she will go absolutely insane scream yell turn it on me jump in her car and drive like a lunatic etc. Anyways, while we are together, she gets a text from someone who she previously asked me if I cared if she went on a date with him. I was like wtf? She said she just asked me to see how I'd react to see if I cared about her but she knew I would care so I think it was to hurt me. Anyways, the text was "hey I feel like you vanished on me here were you just not feelin it?" When I asked her about it, she denied any clue why he'd say that, said he was crazy etc. come to find out 6 days before that she was out on a date with him to dinner, then back to his house. her friend told me, so once again I lied about how I found out, and she admitted it and said he kissed her before she left and that was it. Since I asked questions, it is my insecurities I'm a physco once again she screams yells tells me I need help for asking because it's old news. She just completely turns it on me, tells her friends I'm crazy and everything else. Twists stories to everyone so I sound crazy she even has her therapist on her side, but it's because these people only see what she wants them to see, not who she actually is. If I try to leave her over it, she threatens to call girls that i talked to, she went through my phone and took screen shots of text messages and emailed them to herself and uses them agenst me, won't let me drive away because she will jump behind my car. But like I said she continues to tell me I'm crazy. She shows she loves me, but I don't know if it's love or if it's just because I take this horrible treatment. She tells me because i bring up things she did and ask questions I'm insane i need to stop thinking about things etc but in reality I'm just trying to get answers to things and I get them little by little. When she hears something she doesn't like she will tell me to die how much better her life would be etc. She lied about being drunk with some kid, called me crying in the morning about how she doesn't remember anything and then said she talked to the kid and she didn't do anything. But once again I found out she did, made up how I found out and she absolutely freaked once again, told me big deal they made out get over it all they did was make out etc... Once again, if I try to leave she blackmails me freaks out calls me **** threatens me. Then once I get her to calm down, she acts all sad apologizes says just how she wants to be with me and is never dealing with this again like basically trying to make it seem like I caused it. Since I get mad about things, I'm bipolar, crazy need help etc. this is according to her. Am i crazy? I know I am for staying but I don't know if I'm crazy like she says or if she just has a problem and turns it on me ??

 

I was just in a fight with her about the same thing, she's all upset and enraged then brings up her friends birthday party this Saturday, and how since she asked me to go her friends don't wanna ride there with her anymore, and how it's gonna be all girls so she doesn't see why i should go, and then said well there will be 1 guy there but he is gay and I know she's lying. And 2 minutes before this she was ready to kill herself over the argument we where in, then just throws this in there too so I'd say I don't wanna go anymore. Now she's all apologetic after telling me her life would be better if I died, but is sad and saying sorry because she didn't actually mean it she was just mad at me. Like, I don't understand what I am doing wrong to have these problems, and I don't understand how she is turning it and everyone on me making me seem crazy I'm almost starting to believe I have the problem but I don't I just can't see what I'm doing wrong. I really need some advice this is such a big mess

[Chemist]

t I just can't see what I'm doing wrong. I really need some advice this is such a big mess

 

 

Staying with her. This girl has straight up sociopathic and narcisstic behavior. She projects all of the problems on you and never takes responsibility for her actions and how they affect her and the relationship.

 

I encourage you to try and get her to go see a therapist. She has some deep rooted problems that won't be solved just by you two working on things.

 

Then you need to decide if you're in it for the long haul. I suggest get her into therapy, and then run the **** away. If she refused treatment, run the **** away as fast as you can. She will drag you down for years man.

Edited December 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

She is not stable and not girlfriend material. She lies, manipulates you, has impulse control problems, and is generally emotionally stunted. it also very much sounds like she is still seeing other guys. You know this. And no, it's not love. It's co-dependency and extremely toxic and abusive.

 

Having said that, you are part of the problem here. You are choosing to stay, and you are tacitly enabling her irrational and unacceptable behaviour. Why do you choose that life for yourself? If you really want things to improve, walk away. Let her threaten you. She is a child and not "the one." Not by a very long shot.

[Chemist]

She is not stable and not girlfriend material. She lies, manipulates you, has impulse control problems, and is generally emotionally stunted. it also very much sounds like she is still seeing other guys. You know this. And no, it's not love. It's co-dependency and extremely toxic and abusive.

 

Having said that, you are part of the problem here. You are choosing to stay, and you are tacitly enabling her irrational and unacceptable behaviour. Why do you choose that life for yourself? If you really want things to improve, walk away. Let her threaten you. She is a child and not "the one." Not by a very long shot.

 

Anyone who threatens suicide if you break it off is emotionally controlling to the max! I am with Italy here, you need to get out.

[Nobuddy]

Yea I know I have to go but it's hard because of the blackmail she uses on me

Thank you everyone for the replies

[Nobuddy]

Sorry, I also forgot to mention that she is indeed in therapy and her therapist also thinks I'm crazy as she turns everything around on me, and when she can say what she wants to defend herself and completely bash me of course everyone will take her side. If I told anyone I associate with about any of this, they would probably smack me

[Chemist]

Sorry, I also forgot to mention that she is indeed in therapy and her therapist also thinks I'm crazy as she turns everything around on me, and when she can say what she wants to defend herself and completely bash me of course everyone will take her side. If I told anyone I associate with about any of this, they would probably smack me

 

The therapist only sees it through the eyes of her. Really, in the end, regardless of who is at fault, this relationship is toxic and unhealthy to both you. For the sake of your future and happiness, rip the bandaid off.

[Mirages]

I also forgot to mention that she is indeed in therapy and her therapist also thinks I'm crazy

This becomes a troubling one, prior to my divorce I was tagged by one marriage counselor in the same manner. Fed enough lies, they believe the nonsense. Do not lose hope, after many months it became evident who was crazy (the one that is still living a disordered life, refusing to recover and move on).

 

The brief (pun intended, not really brief!) paragraph you wrote suggests Borderline Personality Disorder, the pattern of blaming you for her ills is often called projection.

 

These folks often surround themselves with hyper-emotional types who will side with them. My experience called for confidently addressing the wolves to get out of my life, and abandoning them as well.

 

Procedure:

1) make certain to not allow pregnancy to happen

2) split up

3) find new friends, don't worry about the wolves she will train on you

4) try to word this departure so as to prevent a suicide on her part, even involve her family if needed to be gentle and professional.

 

This doesn't have to be complicated, you can do it.

[Nobuddy]

Thank you everyone. And thanks for sharing your similar story. I understand I can go, but it is not as easy as it sounds. She has actually shown up at my house job etc pretty much stalking, then just says it's love because her mom tells her that's what it is. For what it's worth, her mom was manipulated by her dad her whole life, he had basically a whole nother family the whole time they where together. Always fought etc and sense her mom agrees with her, I once again get portrayed as the bad guy from her mom, saying she went through the same with her dad etc etc. her dad became a drug addict and left the family and the mom went absolutely insane and completely hit rock bottom. The brother, mother and my girlfriend are always fighting. I feel like I'm on edge in the most hostile place ever every time I'm over because a screaming match could break loose at any second. I never ever argue with people in my family. Ever. The ONLY person I argue with is her, and she turns it all around on me and makes me look horrible to everyone. It's literally driving me insane I can't escape this because I know she will do something absolutely stupid and then BLAME ME. She could drive crazy, total her car and almost die and everyone will hate ME for it because the blame will be passed to me. I don't get it !!!!!!!

[bubbletea]

She is a manipulator. She is good at what she does... Cut her off cold turkey, no contact. Don't acknowledge her or she will keep drawing you back in and you will never escape the cycle of it all.

 

Cut her off for good. You will feel better once you do and it's all over.

[Mirages]

She has actually shown up at my house job etc pretty much stalking

I feel your pain; be professional, use the government to control the problem. For example if the mayor of a large city had this issue, would not the police, etc. contain it, sorry but stalking at work and mommy agreeing would not challenge the mayor if he was you. Now, take steps to split up. Speak to your workplace, they will sympathize. The tools: defamation lawsuit, letter from lawyer, protective order, mean dog, hidden cameras. Don't know your location's laws, but you probably have some; the most practical is the $100 letter from a lawyer. That shuts people down pretty quick.

 

It was a painful life for me, with kids, and over a decade tied to such a nut, I don't wish it upon you.

[Zahara]

Tell her that you will be calling the authorities the next time she stalks you. She stalks and shows up because you do nothing about it so she does whatever she wants. If you show her and take steps to enforce that it is not tolerated, she will leave you alone. She only does it because she knows she can control you.

[elaine567]

Read this - Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central