ponchsox Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 And getting to know you? It seems like they break off contact unless you have a fat wallet or they want a hook up. Seems like a big waste of time. I don't even do drinks or dinner anymore. I may come across as cheap meeting for coffee, but I'll let some sucker become a free meal ticket. I actually want to get to know someone, what they like, what makes them who they are, etc. Women think I'm weird because I actually call them first instead of just texting? Really? I guess I'm doomed I'm actually very happy alone. I have great friends, family, pets, a house, I can buy whatever I want when I want, and not wake up one morning to a wife that suddenly wants a divorce because she "wants something different."
Jules Dash Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 The title of your thread implies that they once cared in the past but now they seem to not care. You sound very frustrated. Be careful... it will be picked up very easily by those you date... extremely easy. 1
Author ponchsox Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 The title of your thread implies that they once cared in the past but now they seem to not care. You sound very frustrated. Be careful... it will be picked up very easily by those you date... extremely easy. I know and honestly I don't care anymore because it doesn't matter. I'm throwing in the towel.
Jules Dash Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I know and honestly I don't care anymore because it doesn't matter. I'm throwing in the towel. Well I guess if you are happy alone then there is not much to be gained with being with someone so you should be fine. 1
Phoe Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I care. I responded to every message that wasn't sexual, because I wanted to have pleasant conversations and gauge who I got along well with. I had several pleasant convos, then dated the first person to actually ask me out. But being able to talk with the person and connect with them was the most important part about it. 2
kolleamm Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 And getting to know you? It seems like they break off contact unless you have a fat wallet or they want a hook up. Seems like a big waste of time. I don't even do drinks or dinner anymore. I may come across as cheap meeting for coffee, but I'll let some sucker become a free meal ticket. I actually want to get to know someone, what they like, what makes them who they are, etc. Women think I'm weird because I actually call them first instead of just texting? Really? I guess I'm doomed I'm actually very happy alone. I have great friends, family, pets, a house, I can buy whatever I want when I want, and not wake up one morning to a wife that suddenly wants a divorce because she "wants something different." I hear you man, been there, what did I learn? Don't do OLD, its a "convenient" way to destroy yourself. Take your chances out in the real world no matter how tedious it may seem. 1
ascendotum Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I care. I responded to every message that wasn't sexual, because I wanted to have pleasant conversations and gauge who I got along well with. I had several pleasant convos, then dated the first person to actually ask me out. Yeah but you're a freak (of nature). 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Most are probably going to want to meet right away before having any kind of online conversation...that's the multidating and revolving door approach that a lot of women take with online dating. They want to know everything instantly, chemistry and romantic interest, if they're attracted to you etc..then take it to the bedroom, or relationship state asap, or even the chapel.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Most are probably going to want to meet right away before having any kind of online conversation...that's the multidating and revolving door approach that a lot of women take with online dating. They want to know everything instantly, chemistry and romantic interest, if they're attracted to you etc..then take it to the bedroom, or relationship state asap, or even the chapel. I must admit that's what I do. I have no patience for building an online connection that doesn't translate into real life. I also feel bored with sharing my interests/life story/whatever so many times - it's always the same type of conversation and I can't feel excited anymore. The only way for an OLD guy to get my interest is to ask me on a date ASAP - within the first couple of messages. Hopefully others aren't as jaded as me. 5
Toodaloo Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I must admit that's what I do. I have no patience for building an online connection that doesn't translate into real life. I also feel bored with sharing my interests/life story/whatever so many times - it's always the same type of conversation and I can't feel excited anymore. The only way for an OLD guy to get my interest is to ask me on a date ASAP - within the first couple of messages. Hopefully others aren't as jaded as me. I am kind of thinking the same way. If I don't get asked out thats it I can't be bothered. But then I have only had 1 message from a person who I really don't think I am going to be attracted to. A friend did point out that I have eclectic tastes and to quote "just give the dude a chance". So I am taking that chance and we shall see. I think I am way too outward going and active for him though... As it stands I just can't see it... we shall see he may end up being my knight in shining armor... 1
PegNosePete Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I had no problems finding women who wanted to meet me. I didn't really bother with "conversations" before meeting - I'm there to meet people, not make pen pals. A bit of chat to get to know if we're a good match, sure, but no more than a week between first contact and first meeting. If you've having "conversations" then you can be sure that other guys aren't, they are asking them out. And they are going to get bored with you. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I think a lot of guys go wrong with trying to make women comfortable with building up conversations. Be bold and ask her out within a few messages. There is another issue as well. In my experience the men that hesitated to meet me had one of these issues: 1. Not really that interested in dating so doing OLD for some light entertaiment 2. Not really single 3. EXTREMELY socially awkward 4. False representation in pics/profile 3
Diezel Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I think the mobile apps have changed the way online dating is done now. Everything has to be instant, quick, and to the point. When I did OLD in 2009, people had to still sit down at their computers and type out messages, so it was easier to get into a conversation and then ask someone out. Now, people are just on their profiles and TEXTING their responses. You get the "hey how r u". Drives me banana sandwich. Yet, "hey how r u" is the same thing you see plastered on hundreds of women's profiles listed as a thing they WILL NOT respond to. So now, I just ask "Hey, how are you? Enjoying the weather?" Everything nowadays apparently takes the minimum amount of effort.
Toodaloo Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I had no problems finding women who wanted to meet me. Thats just because you are a stud! Sorry couldn't resist. But your are right dwaldling is not a good idea.
insert_name Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Oh I've got no hesitation to meet- within 3 to 5 messages. Cant ask someone out if I dont get the opportunity to even have a conversation in the first place though!
insert_name Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I think the mobile apps have changed the way online dating is done now. Everything has to be instant, quick, and to the point. When I did OLD in 2009, people had to still sit down at their computers and type out messages, so it was easier to get into a conversation and then ask someone out. Now, people are just on their profiles and TEXTING their responses. You get the "hey how r u". Drives me banana sandwich. Yet, "hey how r u" is the same thing you see plastered on hundreds of women's profiles listed as a thing they WILL NOT respond to. So now, I just ask "Hey, how are you? Enjoying the weather?" Everything nowadays apparently takes the minimum amount of effort. How is thst opening line working out for you out of interest? I get so little return out of reading profiles and tailoring well crafted messages based on something funny about her interests that I need to save myself the time and just not bother...but I cant let it go because I have no confidence in "hey how are you?".
Author ponchsox Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 If a woman isn't willing to be chased and shown a little bit of chivalry first, she's not worth my time. This is a huge red flag that she's got the wrong intentions.
kolleamm Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Why don't people just skype video chat before meeting? I guess women need to rush men so they could get a free meal out of them. No thanks
BikerAccnt Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I must admit that's what I do. I have no patience for building an online connection that doesn't translate into real life. I also feel bored with sharing my interests/life story/whatever so many times - it's always the same type of conversation and I can't feel excited anymore. The only way for an OLD guy to get my interest is to ask me on a date ASAP - within the first couple of messages. Hopefully others aren't as jaded as me. I agree with you ES. When I was still dating and using OLD, I didn't mess around messaging for more than 2 or 3. I was on it to get dates, not to form message board relationships. If I sent someone, say you (wink) a message , and I felt that we connected after a few messages, I'd ask you out for coffee to see if the feeling continued after meeting. I think people mistake OLD sites as being similar to message boards, and feel you need to get to know someone BEFORE you meet them. I think that's the wrong approach. Just as you generally don't get to know someone in RL before you date them, neither should you on OLD. In my opinion of course. 2
CaliGypsy Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I don't think there is a right or wrong way . Different people are going to have different styles and different comfort levels when it comes to meeting. The guy I'm currently dating I exchanged messages with for about a week. That works for me and my comfort level. I need a little more than a couple of messages. However, if that's how the man approaching me feels, I understand and wish him the best of luck.
kolleamm Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 No wonder so many people go on so many bad dates, they rush everything. With today's technology there is simply no excuse.
phineas Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I must admit that's what I do. I have no patience for building an online connection that doesn't translate into real life. I also feel bored with sharing my interests/life story/whatever so many times - it's always the same type of conversation and I can't feel excited anymore. The only way for an OLD guy to get my interest is to ask me on a date ASAP - within the first couple of messages. Hopefully others aren't as jaded as me. I number close in about 4 or 5 messages then after a few texts tell them I'd like to talk on the phone. if they aren't "yolo" / Live laugh love" retards over the phone i arrange the date. I get a lot of those in the 40yr old range. Talking on the phone lets me figure out if I want to actually talk to them in person & and if they are interested enough to actually take 20 mins out of their life & speak over the phone. 1
Superman2024 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I think a lot of guys go wrong with trying to make women comfortable with building up conversations. Be bold and ask her out within a few messages. There is another issue as well. In my experience the men that hesitated to meet me had one of these issues: 1. Not really that interested in dating so doing OLD for some light entertaiment 2. Not really single 3. EXTREMELY socially awkward 4. False representation in pics/profile You must be an exception because most women I communicate with online disappear when I suggest exchanging numbers after a few messages. If I get someone's number we'll text a few times and then I find out when they'd like to talk. This is another point when they disappear. If we actually have a conversation and I find out when they'd like to meet, they disappear. I can't win whether I move things fast or slow. I'm getting the impression that I'm actually moving too fast. While I carry the conversation and escalate things they just stop responding. The last girl I communicated with gave me her number and said she wanted to move slow and wanted to text for a while before even talking. You guessed it, she disappeared!
kolleamm Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 You must be an exception because most women I communicate with online disappear when I suggest exchanging numbers after a few messages. If I get someone's number we'll text a few times and then I find out when they'd like to talk. This is another point when they disappear. If we actually have a conversation and I find out when they'd like to meet, they disappear. I can't win whether I move things fast or slow. I'm getting the impression that I'm actually moving too fast. While I carry the conversation and escalate things they just stop responding. The last girl I communicated with gave me her number and said she wanted to move slow and wanted to text for a while before even talking. You guessed it, she disappeared! And your gonna keep doing OLD?
Superman2024 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I've been trying different ways to meet women but so far it's not worked out. I've thought about stopping OLD a few times but I keep having this illusion that I'll find someone. It might even be holding me back from pursuing better opportunities, so I'm spending less time on it and may stop it completely in the near future.
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