Abaddon Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I was reading another thread about a guy not saying I love you after a certain period of time, and it (plus the responses) got me thinking about the different perceptions on when to drop the big ILY in a relationship. I'd love to hear your thoughts. When do you say it? Are you a man who always says it first? Are you a woman who always waits for the man to say it first? Do you wait a specific amount of time even if you know beforehand? Do you say it whenever you know, even if it's three weeks in? What's your ILY strategy?
ponchsox Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Never. Love is made up BS unless it's a family member, friend, or pet. 1
me85 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I would say, when you feel it but then again, I've stopped talking to a couple of guys after they said the L word way too soon. As in weeks or a mere month and a half…and I did not feel the same at all. I barely even knew them enough to really like them.
dichotomy Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I was reading another thread about a guy not saying I love you after a certain period of time, and it (plus the responses) got me thinking about the different perceptions on when to drop the big ILY in a relationship. I'd love to hear your thoughts. When do you say it? Are you a man who always says it first? Are you a woman who always waits for the man to say it first? Do you wait a specific amount of time even if you know beforehand? Do you say it whenever you know, even if it's three weeks in? What's your ILY strategy? I waited three months after "feeling it". She had been saying it for while. I said it after I thought i understood who she was at heart - how she loved. I guessed wrong. He meaning of love was not mine. If there is a next time - I would wait again and when a woman started saying ILY I would respond "what do you mean? - what does loving someone mean to you? how can you know you love me, and conversely what would be unloving?". See this is the problem - two people can say I LOVE YOU ! ....and when you investigate and ask them to define it - each one has a difference meaning. P.S. Lynda Carter is a classic .
Art_Critic Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I've posted this viewpoint many times on LS... You say ILY when you feel it.. not a moment sooner and not a moment later.. 3
carhill Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 What's your ILY strategy? Never had one, rather expressed my love as felt, in word and deed. Results varied widely! 1
Giggle Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I don't believe in holding back for whatever silly reason. I don't want somebody wondering. Me telling my boyfriend that I loved him didn't occur out of the blue. Made him chuckle a few times randomly telling him that I really liked him. And said in silly ways like 'well yeah, I love ya like that' before a flat out serious I love you.
Lokin4AReason Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 thats a touchy subject IMO .... is it love or lust ..... ???
Author Abaddon Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 I would say, when you feel it but then again, I've stopped talking to a couple of guys after they said the L word way too soon. As in weeks or a mere month and a half…and I did not feel the same at all. I barely even knew them enough to really like them. This is interesting to me. Is that really a matter of them saying it too soon, or is it a matter of you just not feeling the same way? If you felt the same after a month, would you still think it's too soon?
Molly Hooper Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 My instinct would be to say it when you feel it... But when I think about it... I have actually never been the one who has said it first. Not on purpose, but I just haven't. I felt it REALLY quickly with my current SO - A very deep, powerful connection that I knew was beyond just lust - and it was just... way too soon to say it to him. He would have to think I am insane. Even though it was quick, I finally got the balls to just tell him, and he seriously ended up saying it approximately 5 seconds before I was going to. So I guess I would go back to my original say-it-when-you-feel-it answer. I don't know.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I would recommend a woman waiting for a man to say it...as often men say it out of reciprocation without really having the emotions themselves, it's just kind of one of those things guys will say just to keep the situation solid. But even then, there are a lot of people who say "I love you" whenever they "feel it"...which, unless you think the world is free of personal issues, I honestly wouldn't take it too much to heart. IMO as someone who's been through these kind of circumstances often enough to know better, it's not as significant as you might think it would be...it basically doesn't mean you're going to be together six months from now, a year from now, etc...it shows little indication of anything, the meaning and value of it is basically dependent on your perception. A lot of people like to get lost in those initial romance feelings that make them feel "in love" and so elated...but the reality is there's a time that will come that will really prove whether it's true or not...words are easy to say at the end of the day, no matter what it is or what promises are made. So IMO I would say give the relationship some time, so that you give at least some time for the relationship to develop...if you really want something solid and that will count and you take your words serious and what you want, and you want that to actually represent something...then be careful what you do and say that may in reality get yourself way in over your head, once you start initiating those kind of "stages" that especially women seem to be really be eager to get through...you start putting the cart before the horse and you're really not basing the relationship off substance, but more off feelings that may dissipate....think of it like that food or thing you always used to love to drink or eat, and it was like your "favorite" thing and you swore you would never get tired of it...and then one day it just got old and you got over it just naturally. That's just my advice based on my experience and knowledge, of course it's not the kind of advice romantics want to believe in or even take...but it's just a warning, that there is a likely chance if you are doing and saying things very soon, there's a good chance it's going to end just as soon as easily as it started. So as they say...easy come, easy go. Relationships need time to develop, love needs time to be proven.
denise_xo Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) I've never had a strategy, I've said it when I felt like it. Sometimes I've said it before the man. I don't see why a specific gender should have to initiate that. Edited December 5, 2014 by denise_xo
Targetlock Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 i said it after the fifth date, she said it straight back but the relationship fell apart after almost three months all too fast probably, she got afraid of things getting too serious broke up with me very suddenly and through messaging and i never heard from her again :/ funnily enough i never regretted saying it then because that it is how i felt. Say when you feel it, not when you feel you have to say it is my opinion on it
me85 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) This is interesting to me. Is that really a matter of them saying it too soon, or is it a matter of you just not feeling the same way? If you felt the same after a month, would you still think it's too soon? My last ex said he loved me after a month or so of dating. We both fell hard and fast for each other. So, I was only creeped out with those other guys because I didn't feel that kind of connection at all. I mean, not the least little bit. My current ex has been the only exception and you know what? I can't even remember the ex before him telling me he loved me. I know we said it but I do not remember a single time we said it to each other. Is that not just awful??? We were together 2.5 years and lived with each other pretty much the entire time. Sorry. Off subject. But I wish I could forget details from my last RS. I remember the first time he told me he loved me (he said it first) and where we were and everything. I really loved him. Say it when you want to say it. Simple. Edited December 5, 2014 by me85
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Everyone is different, of course, but I think in adult relationships you should wait at least four or five months. If you say it too early you're just saying that you're in love with the person; that you're inflamed with passion and feel like you're on cloud nine and they make you want to high-five strangers and stuff like that. Sure, that's nice. But to me "I love you" implies something deeper and more serious. I do not want anyone to say they love me until after they've fought with me, woken me up from a screaming nightmare, and observed me being obnoxious, stupid, or whatever. I want my partner to see all of me before they decide they truly love me. 2
Giggle Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Why not wait until after the 2+ yrs when the honeymoon period is over and the masks have fallen away. 5 months isn't nearly long enough for that
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