Conundrum Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Yo, To make a long story short, I was dating a girl for 2 years. She is 20 and I am 25. i was her first boyfriend. She really didnt date in highschool. I recently finished college and she still has two more years left, thus the last 6 months of the relationship was long distance. Anyways, one month ago she told me she wanted to talk about our relationship. She took me to Wendy's (yes the fast food restaurant) then proceded to tell me the last few weeks she had been thingking and that she could not date me anymore and that she didnt love me and could not see her being with me. This conversation lasted about ten minutes and she dropped me off home like I was a hot potato. She was that eager to get me out of her life. I was in total shock, as much of us here have probaby felt. Mind you, we have talked about marriage numerous times, which she was super excited about and brought it up more than I, especially about planning the wedding (mostly b/c I let slip that I was saving for a ring). I suppose what I am trying to get at, is why she broke up with me. I have a couple of deductions: 1.) she is telling the truth and just fell out of love, i know this can happen 2.) she has another love interest 3.) she suddenly realized i was serious and realized how young she was, and that she isnt ready. Anyways, the following week of the break up, I tried to contact her that I understand, and want to be friends. she did not reply at all. As a typical male idiot, I drove to her appartment and tried to talk to her. Neither her or her roommate would come out to talk to me and her roommate yelled through the door for me to go away and that they are calling the police. That was three weeks ago and i havent tried nor will I try to contact her. On a side note, my ex is also the type to bottle up emotions. I understand no contact is the best was to move on, I was just wonder why she was so eager to get rid of me. Did i possible scare her off and sufficate her? Thanks for listening.
Pocky Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 It could be a number of reasons. Some of what you listed, some you didn't. There's really no way of knowing why, but at least she was honest with you and ended the relationship instead of doing something that may have been hurtful while you were in the relationship. It's probably best just to move on like you're doing. It appears as though she has no interest in keeping contact anyway.
Author Conundrum Posted March 21, 2005 Author Posted March 21, 2005 Word, Some questions in life we will never get the answers to. I am just going to respect her decission and move on. It was just so unlike her, but then again, that's what we all say.
Missromantic Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Dear Pocky! Reading your post made me sympathise with you a lot! The way she broke up with you was the cruelst! and the way her roommate yelled at you through the door to get away! Who speaks to people like this? Doesn't it tell you something about the character of your ex-girfriend? Would you really want to be her friend? She doesn't have the slightest respect for your feelings! I mean it was a long-term relationship and as you said she dumped you as a hot potato ! That's so sad! I know it's hard to break up with someone but you deserve a better treatment! Have pride in yourself! Don't let this girl bruise your ego like this! DO NOT CALL HER again! DO NOT drive to her apartment again! I know it hurts! It's painful and you want to have answers to all your questions! But do you seriously think she was ready for marriage with this kind of attitude? Would you like to marry this kind of girl? I don't know her so I cannot really judge her but the way she has done it is so bad and so heartless! If I were you I would not even consider talking to her! Let her beg you come back to her but think twice wether you would like to be put through such pain and disprespectful treatment again! You are making the right decision not to contact her! You are asking why do you think she was so eager to end it! I think this is the hardest part for everyone who goes through break-up! We all have the same questions. The thing is she could have told you anything at this point and you would probably still have more and more questions. If you read my post "Have I lost him completely? Is there a hope?" you will see that my ex-boyfriend (now ) has been honest with me. But does it really help me? Not really because I am not sure whether he was just trying to let me go in a less painful way or he is actually honest! Who knows! The most important thing is that they broke up with us. She had time to think about your relationship and whether it's really what she wanted. It's obviously a shock for you becasue you didn't spend your time thinking the same. I can totally understand you because my ex had told me the same that he had been thinking. That's why it seems easier for them to end it. Unfortunately like in my case, your relationship became long-distance. Having a long-distance relationship can be hard for most people. But I am not really sure why she ended it. She might have realised with the distance that she no longer wants to be so serious and she still wants to experience her freedom before settling down. But I am just guessing from my own experience. You sound like a nice, genuine guy! You deserve a girl who is going to appreciate you! Who will want the same thing as you! But if you still love her and you are still hoping for her coming back to you, there is only one way to win her back! You must become a challenge! You must disappear! You must be hard to get! She needs to feel worried that she has lost you! but then you must be careful if she comes back! You must not be so easily available! You must have a lot of respect for yourself so she will respect you back! But please remember she said it clearly to you she doesn't see herself with you! So please don't make it so easy for her! It must have hurt a lot! So protect your heart now! Don't jump into a new relationship straight away! Take time out! and take care of yourself! Good luck!
Missromantic Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Sorry I meant to say "dear Conundrum" and not "dear pocky"
Author Conundrum Posted March 21, 2005 Author Posted March 21, 2005 Missromantic, yes, I have actually read some of your posts before! I guess it just feels reassuring there are other people in the same situation. I do still love her and will always have that specail place in my hear for her (cough cough "cliche" cough). I mean for God's sake, was going to ask her to marry me. Just goes to show you may think you know someone, when in reality you really dont.
Missromantic Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I am sure it will take you time to move on.. but I think it's better to know the truth now than after 10 years of marriage! I know you still love her! In my opinion, the decision to get married should be handeled really carefully! You said that you were her first boyfriend! I think if we don't experience enough, we might always feel tempted and like we have missed out on something... So if you are really so in love with her thinking she is the one, let her have some time on her own, let her experience her freedom and if you are willing to wait for her, if you are the one for her, it will happen later! But it depends how long you are prepared to wait for her! I am not sure whether you believe the cliche "if it's meant to be, it will be"! I am not sure myself! But I guess it helps to say it to ourselves. It gives us a little hope and it prevents us from chasing after someone who might not meant to be the one for us! Would you have an opinion on my situation please? i would really appreciate if you don't mind! I am kind of low and sad Good luck to you and be strong! Just remember she decided to break up with you meaning she took the biggest risk and that is to loose you for good! How strong her love is shoud be your question!
boursin_cheese Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Hey Conundrum, just curious -- what is your estimate of elapsed time between your "saving-for-ring" slip and the break-up?
Author Conundrum Posted April 4, 2005 Author Posted April 4, 2005 Okay, I let saving for a ring slip in December, even though we had been talking about marriage for a few months (maybe five) . In January, she gave me a picture of an engagment ring she wanted. I mean she was gung-ho about marriage. This was a picture she had had since she was in highschool. Sometime after the picture giving is when we had that discussion about horses and land (still in January). Then bam, a week after valentines day, she broke up with me. Everytime I talk to my friends, still going to the same University as she, they say its because she is too young. It makes sense. The night before she broke up with me she told me that 20 years old is soooo old (very facetiously). But if it is about her age, then why didnt she come out and say it, instead of saying she could not see herself with me. Honestly I think it just maybe a combination of the two. She will not talk to me though, thats the killer. I have no closure. But I think thats my fault. Early in January one of her friends broke up with her boyfriend. We were discussing that, And I mentioned the best way to get over someone is no contact for about six months, and she agreed. I'm kicking myslef in in the a$$ for saying that now.
Author Conundrum Posted April 4, 2005 Author Posted April 4, 2005 Also what kills me is her lack of emotional attachment. Before me, she had never done anything but kiss a few guys. Then I come along and we do everything under the sun. How can she not be emotionally attached. Its killing me!! I know she has been going out and having parties. I guess she really is moving on (or maybe just having some fun) Thanks for listening
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