KellyJellyBelly Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 hello, I have been in a happy and fulfilling relationship for 7 months now but my boyfriend is yet to tell me that he loves me. I know he likes me and enjoys spending time with me but I am sure there comes a time when one needs to hear it. We are both 39. I am a traditional woman and I will never say it first. I think he is rather traditional too. thank you for your opinions.
BikerAccnt Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 What about being traditional means you can't say it first? Do you feel it? 1
slizl Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Time to break tradition...You are 39, I think you can have an open conversation about your feelings for each other. I would rather know now than spend even more time with him to only find out that he will never love you... 1
Sunfire73 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Ehh, I said it first at around that time, 7 months. He didn't say it back to me at first but he told me he felt important when I expressed it. I also waited, but couldn't hold it anymore. Then 2 weeks after, he bought champagne and told me he loves me too. We've been together 16 months now. We say it everyday now.
Diezel Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 "I am a traditional woman" lololol What does that mean anymore? Because right now it means you spend more time on Facebook than in the kitchen... I keed, I keed. 1
newmoon Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 was with a guy 2+ years and he never said it. funny thing is, if they never say it, they don't feel it. lots of men will not agree, but it's true. if the words aren't coming yet, the feelings ain't there. 1
Mrin Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 You know, I think ILY is overrated. For many it is just a milestone and quickly becomes just another form of hello/goodbye. My GF and I have discussed this topic at great length and honestly, ILY isn't the highest compliment you can give a SO. I mean, there have been women who I loved and still cut out of my life. There have been women that drive me so nut that I can't stand to date them, but I still love them. No, I Love You isn't where its at sister... You know what it is for us? I choose you. And that's a constant thing. Choose - that's present tense. That's affirmation for you. Out of all the other people in this world, I choose you today. That's a proclamation that you're signing up again. You're investing again. Each and every day. I... choose... you. Ya. Means so much more. 8
preraph Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 To a lot of guys, and wisely so, saying "I love you" means commitment, like that you're ready for a next step. So 7 months isn't very long when viewed in that light. A whole lot of guys would never take another step for at least a year. And if you push for it, which you have not done, they take it as asking for commitment or taking it up to the next level. 7 months is too soon to be expecting that. A lot of guys "decide" when to say "I love you" and base whether they love you on whether they feel like you're "the one." I mean they ALL love you during sex, so.... 2
mariekatie Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 My boyfriend never knew what was love before he met me, he was scared of relationships as well. We are in a LDR and he said he loves me after 2 months but we were only official after 6 months. To be honest, at that time i knew i liked him alot but when he said "i love you", that's when i knew i really loved him. Now we say it everyday I agree that if a guy don't say it, he don't feel it. Especially after being together for 7 months, it should be more than enough time to know. I understand how you feel about the guy having to say it first, i waited for him to say it too. You have to talk to him about it. P.s Before he said he loves me, he said he was falling in love. It happened after he heard me singing and he thinks it was so cute!
Diezel Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I agree that if a guy don't say it, he don't feel it. WRONG. How many stories on here do you see of people who DID say "ILY" and they really didn't? If a guy doesn't say it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't feel it. My soon to be brother-in-law didn't say it to my sister until almost 2 years in. They are going to get married in June. I remember at the time she was freaking out because it had been so long, but all of his ACTIONS were speaking "ILY" to her but she couldn't see it. I actually asked him about this a few years later and he said he knew early on (6-8 months) that he loved her but the fear of it being not reciprocated was crippling... that and previous relationships were he jumped to say it way too quickly. I'm in the same school of thought. I'd rather say it later and mean it than earlier and "kinda" mean it. 1
newmoon Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) WRONG. How many stories on here do you see of people who DID say "ILY" and they really didn't? If a guy doesn't say it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't feel it. My soon to be brother-in-law didn't say it to my sister until almost 2 years in. They are going to get married in June. I remember at the time she was freaking out because it had been so long, but all of his ACTIONS were speaking "ILY" to her but she couldn't see it. I actually asked him about this a few years later and he said he knew early on (6-8 months) that he loved her but the fear of it being not reciprocated was crippling... that and previous relationships were he jumped to say it way too quickly. I'm in the same school of thought. I'd rather say it later and mean it than earlier and "kinda" mean it. i did say, in the post, that lots of men would like to disagree, so this is expected. at the very least, what it does say - if he takes 2 YEARS to say it, is that he has trouble with expressing his feelings, or that he has some magical threshold that needs to be reached before he can utter words of endearment. of course many men are willing to just say the words, but the OP is talking about her long-term bf so that is not the case here; there is an obvious difference between a man in a ltr who cannot/will not say ILY contrasted to a guy who just says that for sex. love is a very natural emotion and should be easy to say, so someone like yourself of your brother, who holds on to it for years in order to fully mean it, means that you're looking for reasons to not say it. actions & words, not one or the other. Edited December 5, 2014 by newmoon 2
Diezel Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 love is a very natural emotion and should be easy to say, so someone like yourself of your brother, who holds on to it for years in order to fully mean it, means that you're looking for reasons to not say it. actions & words, not one or the other. There are many natural emotions. Just because they are natural, it doesn't mean they are always easily expressed. I can't believe that you honestly think that just because someone doesn't say it for 2 years, it means you are looking for reasons to not say it. Stop projecting, not everyone lives according to your world perspective. If I were looking for reasons to not say it, then the case would be that I'd NEVER say it. Don't you think?
GSP21 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Who cares if he says it or not? How does he actually treat you? I never said the "L word" with my girlfriend of almost a year a few years ago either.
ivanatraump Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Why do you care about 3 stupid words. Words don't mean a thing. I can get drunk and say anyone that I love them. And they'll make a big deal out of it I wouldn't date a guy who says every girl he dated after just couple of months that he loves them. I don't trust people who say "I love you" to just some random people they are discovering and still getting to know each other. Work a bit of your equation, a guy you've been seeing for 7 months is someone you probably seen 20 times in your life... unless you date every day, or everyother day which is a luxury if you are an adult.
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