isisisweeping Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 The other thread had me wondering. Have you ever waited for someone? How long did you wait, and how did it end? Have you ever "let" someone wait for you? How long, and how did it end? Personal experiences verse only the common wisdom. I'm now dating a guy I had told I wasn't ready for a relationship... He told me he doubt he'd meet someone like me very soon, so let him know if I change my mind, and that he'd like to be friends... but he actually acted like a friend, not some guy who only wanted me growing increasingly angry when I didn't reciprocate, which made a difference. It's going well. I tried waiting recently and nothing changed. I'm friends with the person now and the act of waiting sapped every bit of desire and romantic affection I initially had for the guy. It lowered my opinion of him and his strength (which matters to me) drastically. Even had it not, I doubt anything would have ever changed. "just not that into me" as they say, regardless of his claims to the contrary. What is your experience? (also include genders lest that makes a difference.)
Frank2thepoint Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 A man here. I've gotten the "I'm not ready for a serious relationship right now" bit several times. It is a frustrating line to hear, because I don't give off douchebag signals where I want to have a casual, sexual fling. I've made it to three dates with several women, only to have my bubble burst with a line like that. The frustrating part is why do they let it go on past one date. In retrospect, the women could have been using me for an ego boost, or they became insecure that they couldn't meet me emotionally. To answer your question, I don't wait around anymore. I did long time ago when I was younger, when I had bright eyes and high hopes. I've learned there is no point in waiting around, because the person is either really not ready due a recent or traumatic breakup, or I'm just an ego boost. For me, the best course of action is to move on, and never look back once that line is uttered. I would recommend the same to anyone. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Probably not the correct answer but I waited not expecting anything for 4 months. My life did not at all revolve around him in any way shape or form. He was dating someone else but we had clicked and made friends and the chemistry was all there. I bumped into him several times in those months and we always said hello and had a chat - all just friendly. When we did get together he was single. I asked him out and we were together 14 years. We split as we grew apart. We are still friendly - but sometimes it feels awkward for us both. He is now married with a little one. Wrong answer though as he never 'said' he wasn't ready for a RS'.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Hmm I waited for maybe... two or three months? On a guy. I had dated him when I was 14, we split up. And then four or five years later we reconnected, got talking. Shortly afterwards he got dumped by his girlfriend of 18 months and took it really hard (unrelated to us talking again, it was a handful of totally innocent MSN conversations about music and catching up on life and she wanted out for other reasons). I realised how into him I still was and how badly I wanted to be with him and made it pretty clear but he wasn't ready to start something new with anyone while he was still grieving his last relationship. So we agreed to be 'just friends' but hung out quite a bit, kissing and stuff, light foreplay after a few weeks. My friends told me to stop being an idiot and he was just using me for sex but after the two or three months he ended up asking me out and then we were together for four years. I'm not sure why I waited to be honest, I really can't remember, it feels so long ago. I just know that I liked him enough that I felt he'd be worth the wait if we got together I guess. I wouldn't advise people to wait because 99 times outta 100 it doesn't work out and is just a massive waste of everyone's time and energy. But for me it just sorta happened and yeah, it worked out in the end.
Maleficent Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Last year I met someone online. He was telling me that he had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't sure he was ready to date. My first reaction was to back off but he said he was interested in me and wasn't sure what to do. So we talked and I decided to wait. Turns out he thought I was too fat and was dating someone else while I was waiting for him to get over his breakup. Never.ever.again. Edit: never had anyone wait for me either (at least not that I know of lol)
Darth_Matt Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 (edited) Why wait? All can do is tell that person; "When you're ready contact me. But, I'm NOT going to wait on you. I have to live my life, because I am ready". If you "wait" you're going to miss out on an opportunity to meet someone good for you. Why focus all your attention and energy on a person who doesn't want you? You could be messing out on the person is perfect for you. Let her / him contact you. You go live you're life. The best way to get over someone and show a person they made a mistake letting you go is to live a great life!! Edited December 4, 2014 by Darth_Matt 1
todreaminblue Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I have never waited for a guy ......when i am ready to date i date.....until recently i havent really jumped the gun and asked a guy out i havent had to do that.... the ones i like normally ask me first and i can tell they like me.....before they ask me out.....guys have waited for me ...because it does normally take me a while to know them....but i haven't ever really waited for a guy......and i am not normally attracted to guys where the interest isn't reciprocated...life is too short...deb
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