Chi townD Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I really don't think this feeling is going away. I am so ridiculously gravitated to her. I see her and I die. Coworker was having a birthday lunch that I went to and she went as well. I sit down and and she makes her way to the table and she sit down right next to me. She orders a beer and she offers for me to take a sip because she thought I'd like it. This is torture. You should have got up and left. Congratulate the co-worker on their Birthday and excused yourself. Remember, this is about YOU! Healing YOUSELF right now. You're allowed to be a little selfish! 1
Author HurtGator Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 I can't leave really. I don't want to be rude to my friends. She also told people "we are going bowling tonight". I wish someone asked " who are you going with".
flightplan Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I really don't think this feeling is going away. I am so ridiculously gravitated to her. I see her and I die. Coworker was having a birthday lunch that I went to and she went as well. I sit down and and she makes her way to the table and she sit down right next to me. She orders a beer and she offers for me to take a sip because she thought I'd like it. This is torture. Are you serious? I know you love her and all, but dude, that is a total lack of awareness and empathy for the consequences of her decision. My self respect would have gotten up out of that chair and walked the hell out of there. If she is blind to the impact of her choice, or her willful choice to ignore it, then I'm not so sure you're losing a whole lot. That speaks volumes about her and her self centered behavior. 1
flightplan Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I can't leave really. I don't want to be rude to my friends. She also told people "we are going bowling tonight". I wish someone asked " who are you going with". Yeah, you can leave. You made a choice not to. I don't want to be a jerk, but at some point, you're bringing a lot more pain down on yourself by acting like milquetoast. People would understand if they knew... man, you got to put yourself first in these situations. 1
Chi townD Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I can't leave really. I don't want to be rude to my friends. She also told people "we are going bowling tonight". I wish someone asked " who are you going with". If you would have left, then you wouldn't have heard about her date for tonight. Are you even starting to see the importance of NC yet? 1
Author HurtGator Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Are you serious? I know you love her and all, but dude, that is a total lack of awareness and empathy for the consequences of her decision. My self respect would have gotten up out of that chair and walked the hell out of there. If she is blind to the impact of her choice, or her willful choice to ignore it, then I'm not so sure you're losing a whole lot. That speaks volumes about her and her self centered behavior. Yes, I'm serious. I don't think I can do this
Author HurtGator Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) If you would have left, then you wouldn't have heard about her date for tonight. Are you even starting to see the importance of NC yet? It might not have been with a date. Was probably with friends or family. I understand the importance of NC. It helps me clear my mind. But even when she's not around me I am dying. I am really being tortured with this. What did I do to deserve this? I have been nothing but nice to her and I did everything I can to make her happy. Every time I see her, my life crumbles. We went from amazing to crap in what feels like no time. Edited December 5, 2014 by HurtGator
Chi townD Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 It might not have been with a date. Was probably with friends or family. It MIGHT not have been with a date. But, might be as well. Hell, that sounds like first date activity to me. But, the point is, here you were HOPING that someone would ask her with who? If you weren't there, you would be none the wiser and now you might drive yourself crazy tonight wondering who's she's with. I can't stress NC any harder, dude. 1
Author HurtGator Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) It MIGHT not have been with a date. But, might be as well. Hell, that sounds like first date activity to me. But, the point is, here you were HOPING that someone would ask her with who? If you weren't there, you would be none the wiser and now you might drive yourself crazy tonight wondering who's she's with. I can't stress NC any harder, dude. I know. I'm worried I will be going into a deep depression. I got completely blind-sided. I found out the bowling event was a work event for people who worked on a certain project. Edited December 5, 2014 by HurtGator
Chi townD Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I know. I'm worried I will be going into a deep depression. I got completely blind-sided. Dude, this is an advice forum and not the law. You can take advice or leave it. But, you are getting advice from people that have been where you are and have come out the other side. There's hope for a really good life and we can give you the tools you need to make that happen. We're not telling you to go NC to be a jackass to people around you or to come off as jerk. We're saying NC to help protect you. NC is a tool to aid you in healing and to help you move on from this relationship. It isn't for our Ex's or to punish our Ex's, it's for us. Dude, we can get you through this and NC is going to be super tough. I'm not going to lie. But, here's the thing, whenever you feel weak, there will be someone here to help you through this. I promise you things will get better. 1
Author HurtGator Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Dude, this is an advice forum and not the law. You can take advice or leave it. But, you are getting advice from people that have been where you are and have come out the other side. There's hope for a really good life and we can give you the tools you need to make that happen. We're not telling you to go NC to be a jackass to people around you or to come off as jerk. We're saying NC to help protect you. NC is a tool to aid you in healing and to help you move on from this relationship. It isn't for our Ex's or to punish our Ex's, it's for us. Dude, we can get you through this and NC is going to be super tough. I'm not going to lie. But, here's the thing, whenever you feel weak, there will be someone here to help you through this. I promise you things will get better. I know, I really appreciate the support you guys are giving me. I think eventually I will come out the other side but I'm not sure how long it will take me. I also feel bad for ranting so much here in this thread because I'm sure you guys are going to get sick of me (if you haven't already). lol The best part from all of this is losing 15 lbs so far. It's funny because people at work were coming to me saying "hey man, what diet or gym plan are you on?? looks like you're losing a lot of weight fast!". I joke and tell them that they don't want to be on the diet plan that I am.
Author HurtGator Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Also, why does it seem like the 2-year mark is a common period for break up? anything to do with the honeymoon period?
flightplan Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I know, I really appreciate the support you guys are giving me. I think eventually I will come out the other side but I'm not sure how long it will take me. I also feel bad for ranting so much here in this thread because I'm sure you guys are going to get sick of me (if you haven't already). No worries, it's going to take time and even more time if you stay in contact with her. Do yourself a favor, next time she feels compelled to offer you a sip of her delicious, frothy beer, tell her: "I don't think it would be good to talk or be around each other right now. I'm not feeling normal, I'm sad and disappointed in what happened and my trust is gone. It's crushing me right now, so please back off, give me space and if I need a delicious beer, I'll get it myself..." or something to that affect. Hang in there my friend. This too shall pass.
Author HurtGator Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Yes I understand. Now she is starting to do somethibg interesting. She is beginning to alienate me from our common work friends. Outside of her and her family, the work friends were people we used to hang out the most with. Now all of a sudden she would organize these events and not invite me. It is probably putting the friends in an awkward position of whether or not they should tell me. So not only did she break up with me, she has successfully cut my friends out. Wth would she do that? I pinged one of the mutual friends and they aren't even responding.
WomenWubber Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 It might not have been with a date. Was probably with friends or family. I understand the importance of NC. It helps me clear my mind. But even when she's not around me I am dying. I am really being tortured with this. What did I do to deserve this? I have been nothing but nice to her and I did everything I can to make her happy. Every time I see her, my life crumbles. We went from amazing to crap in what feels like no time. The thing is she's already happy without you, so you have no use for her now. Keeping her happy means you will have to stay in the floor crying until she comes and picks you up from where she dropped you. Rinse and repeat until she sees her toy is no longer useable and has to go get another one. In the greater scheme of things, you're getting exactly what you deserve. If you don't like it, then you'll have to change your ways. I know this sounds simple, but you have to internalize it and that's the hard part. It may take you to hit rock botom to realize this. 1
Author HurtGator Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 The thing is she's already happy without you, so you have no use for her now. Keeping her happy means you will have to stay in the floor crying until she comes and picks you up from where she dropped you. Rinse and repeat until she sees her toy is no longer useable and has to go get another one. In the greater scheme of things, you're getting exactly what you deserve. If you don't like it, then you'll have to change your ways. I know this sounds simple, but you have to internalize it and that's the hard part. It may take you to hit rock botom to realize this. You're saying I deserve this because I'm letting it effect me?
JollyDays Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 (edited) You're saying I deserve this because I'm letting it effect me? I've been reading these postings, and man, I'm going to sound like the GOP leadership in 1974 when they met Pres. Nixon privately in the oval office over Watergate to deliver the news, but how can I express it to you any clearer... IT'S OVER. O-V-E-R GIVE IT UP MAN. Think about it. She hasn't contacted you, she is bragging about going out bowling with someone---and believe me, in all likelihood, she's going out with someone else, and it's not a relative---and she had the gall to sit next to you at the bar, order up a beer, and offer you to take a sip. SHE'S PLAYING WITH YOUR MIND, HUMILIATING YOU IN THE PROCESS, AND YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A LOVESICK PUPPY. I've been there, done that, and it never ends well. Personally, I would've laughed at her, and strolled away from the bar minus saying a word. But enough about me. As everyone is telling you, regain your mental strength. Get a new hobby, go on a vacation, hang out with friends, go NC like we're all saying, but please, PLEASE, leave that chick alone. Edited December 6, 2014 by JollyDays
lolablue17 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I advice you to wait maybe she changes her mind. Don't lose hope... continue talking about how much you want her, and love her, and how great she is... Yes, keep on doing it! And by that you're on a direction straight to HELL! If you want to be in pain all the time, if you wish her to have the upper hand - continue doing what you're doing since she left you... Do the same, and get the same results over and over again. 1
sooshi Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 HurtGator, I read your first post and something really stood out to me. It was all about her. Where are you in all of this? What about you? What about your wants, needs, your happiness, just... where are you? You say you did everything for her and tried to make her as happy as you possibly could. What about doing things for you? What about making yourself happy? Reading my response here, can you see any good coming out of this breakup? You get to find yourself again. 2
Author HurtGator Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 HurtGator, I read your first post and something really stood out to me. It was all about her. Where are you in all of this? What about you? What about your wants, needs, your happiness, just... where are you? You say you did everything for her and tried to make her as happy as you possibly could. What about doing things for you? What about making yourself happy? Reading my response here, can you see any good coming out of this breakup? You get to find yourself again. I know I'm a good person with a big heart. The only answers I'm lost in is this break up. My happiness didn't necessarily depend on her but she provided a great deal of comfort and happiness in my life. It was great thinking that we would be there for each other for the rest of our lives with the person I truly deeply loved and who I thought truely deeply loved me back. Sure we had arguments, fights, disagreements, etc. But in my head I tried to get those resolved as quickly as possible so that we get back to enjoying each others company again. What is good is that I know she's not the type that is emotionally dependable. It appears she left me for someone else so she was probably either emotionally cheating me or she's just now in a mode where she just wants to fool around with people. I'm trying to figure out what kind person would do such a thing after telling me how amazing I was for the course of two years of a very committed relationship? What hurts so much is I trusted her. My family trusted her. She was probably playing me all along. Maybe the honeymoon phase of the relationship started to die off and she just wanted to look for something to keep the Disney World feeling going? 1
Author HurtGator Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 I've been reading these postings, and man, I'm going to sound like the GOP leadership in 1974 when they met Pres. Nixon privately in the oval office over Watergate to deliver the news, but how can I express it to you any clearer... IT'S OVER. O-V-E-R GIVE IT UP MAN. Think about it. She hasn't contacted you, she is bragging about going out bowling with someone---and believe me, in all likelihood, she's going out with someone else, and it's not a relative---and she had the gall to sit next to you at the bar, order up a beer, and offer you to take a sip. SHE'S PLAYING WITH YOUR MIND, HUMILIATING YOU IN THE PROCESS, AND YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A LOVESICK PUPPY. I've been there, done that, and it never ends well. Personally, I would've laughed at her, and strolled away from the bar minus saying a word. But enough about me. As everyone is telling you, regain your mental strength. Get a new hobby, go on a vacation, hang out with friends, go NC like we're all saying, but please, PLEASE, leave that chick alone. I understand what you're saying. Right now hard to start over again since everything we did, we did together. We shared the same friends and hobbies and we did all the family events together. I don't remember if I mentioned this earlier but what she is doing now is planning events with mutual friends and excluding me from them. So essentially she has alienated me from the mutual friends. This also puts the mutual friends in a weird position if they extend the invitation to me.
JollyDays Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I understand what you're saying. Right now hard to start over again since everything we did, we did together. We shared the same friends and hobbies and we did all the family events together. I don't remember if I mentioned this earlier but what she is doing now is planning events with mutual friends and excluding me from them. So essentially she has alienated me from the mutual friends. This also puts the mutual friends in a weird position if they extend the invitation to me. She's playing games, and not only has broken up with you, but has decided she's going to break up your friendships as well. Or maybe you need to reevaluate who your real friends are. She seems to be a five star manipulator of the highest order. What is it that you see in her again?
Author HurtGator Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 My two+ year exgf dumped me a month ago and she gave me no reason at all for doing it. Her reason was "It had nothing to do with your actions. You did nothing wrong. My feelings changed for you." But I'm still very hurt. She also started hanging out outside of work with another coworker guy. She's been apparently doing some shady things with him. As I posted in my first thread, my relationship with my exgf was very serious where we talked about marriage with both of our families getting very involved in each other's lives. She was always telling me how amazing I was and how lucky she was to have me. Then I suspected something with this coworker guy before the breakup and now they are always together. How do I interact with her? She seems like sometimes she tries to be nice to me sometimes she ignores me. I don't want to come off as being bitter in front of her front of others. If I come across as bitter, she will have gotten the best of me. If I am nice back, she will think everything is ok and peachy.
d0nnivain Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 You avoid her if possible, without compromising your job or your professionalism.
oldshirt Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 If you don't have to have her in your airspace, don't. If you can't avoid her then just common curtesy and social graces that you would afford to any other coworker. 1
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