Elpida Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Hello, I need your advice please. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 1.5 years but I've not been feeling things are working out between us for a while now so I was gearing up to break up with him very shortly (I am waiting for him to come back from a holiday). We do not live together. However, during few last weeks I started to get attracted to one of the guys I go to the gym with. Often we go out together in a bigger group a for a drink, he flirts with me too, but he never asked me out for a date nor for my phone No. He knows I have a boyfriend. Two weeks ago, in the club, we kissed, and then came over to my place. We kissed again and slept in the same bed but did not have sex (I stopped him). I know this is not honest or fair neither to my BF or this guy nor myself but, regretfully and shamefully, this happened, and I cannot undo this. He sent me an email message he had a great time but again, he has not asked me out nor asked for a phone No. Now, four days ago this new guy asked me if he can come over to my place again and cook dinner together. I was reluctant and made suggestions to go for a drink instead but he persisted. At the end I told him I cannot have him over as I am still with a boyfriend, and that we should wait till I am single. He asked me if another time “was a lie” and that it “did get complicated for a second”. Then he wrote that one day, when I am ready to discover and enjoy the world I should let him know, and he will show that doing this together is much more fun. After that there was silence... I did not contact him again. I am feeling so much shame I was flirting with him and more, and led him on, I want to break up with my BF for myself and my BF (and not that guy), and I will do so very soon, but how can I show him I am still interested, that I do want to go out on a date with him when I am single? No to purely to have sex but see if there could be more in it... Do I contact him in the meantime? Do I inform him when I am single? Do I continue flirting? Do I ask him out for a date? As we are in the same gym circle I guess I will continue seeing him around for some time... I so completely messed it all up.... Thank you!
Chemist Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Break up ASAP like you said. It will lift a guilt, I have been there. Be honest as you can when doing so without being harsh. Good luck, there will be tears and it will suck. New guy, after doing so, wait a couple weeks to get your **** together, then send him an email. Really, that simple. "Hi! So, I'm single now, how about that dinner?"
Darth_Matt Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Break up with him ASAP. Its only fair. Can you call him? I understand waiting to do it face to face. That's very respectful of you. But the longer you wait you're just making yourself feel bad.
Mrin Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 How long before BF is back? You need to break up with him in the manner you think does your relationship with him justice. For me that would be in person. Then, it is really up to you as to how soon to contact Other Guy. Honestly, no matter how you deal with it Other Guy will end up being a rebound. But someone has to be! There is no need to rush things along with Other Guy right now. In fact, how you conduct yourself through this limbo period will determine how Other Guy perceives you. If you date him and maybe even sleep with him while waiting for BF to come back, then he will just see you as a dishonest good time girl. If all you're looking for with Other Guy is a NSA casual dating experience, then that might not be a bad thing.
Author Elpida Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 Thank you very much for your advice... BF is coming back in a week time, he is a lovely guy, just not a right guy for me I think, and I'd really hate to upset and hurt him like this but I feel I must as this will not get better. I want to do this in person, there is no other way really after 1.5 years. As per New Guy - I will try just to be friendly with him till I am single and ready, and then, judging on his behavior in the meantime, will ask him to try again. I am not very confident this will work as he has not even asked for my phone No, but it is ok, he is not the real and only reason for my break up... Mind, it will be rather scary to be out there on my own again, at 40, but at least I will know that I've done the right thing.
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 The next time you talk to new guy tell him you are interested but you have a few loose ends to tie up first. Then end things with your BF.
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