Trying to build attraction but failing

[solivervolo]

I'm going to try and keep this short, ex and I were together for 9 years (17-26) over the last 2 years or so we grew apart and she lost attraction to me, we were not intimate for the last 2 years of relationship and eventually she cheated.

 

I moved out 3 months ago and we have been in Limited contact ever since, if I call/text she answers and she also initiates contact. We still see each other once or twice a week (go to dinner or lunch) and are on friendly terms. I have made a lot of changes (new job, gym, going out and becoming more social) and she is starting to notice but still doesn't really try and escalate attraction.

 

I believe the reason she lost attraction is due to me being depressed for about 4 months 2 years ago not paying attention to her, being needy/clingy and pushing her away sexually. My question now is do I keep limited contact or go no contact? I have never gone no contact on her and am not sure what the outcome would be (she can be stubborn) and am a bit scared to do it as it's been 3 months since the break and she seems to be taking it a bit better than me (even though I don't show it).

 

I'm not really into playing games and would like to just tell her that I still have feelings for her and cannot continue being her friend and leaving the door open if she wants to come back in the future but feel that showing those emotions will just push her away further.

Edited December 4, 2014 by solivervolo

[erklat]

Hey dude. I'm fighting with severe depression for the better part of past five years.

 

I was also left brokenhearted on top of that. Meeting her is always validating whatever

she did. Her benefits are void as of moment she left the relationship.

 

I think you should stop pretending like it is alright. It's OK to go nc straight away but

if you feel like explaining tell her you're not friends and never will be. You're past lovers.

[solivervolo]

Ok so today is one example of what i'm dealing with. I went over her house last night and picked up something I needed, we talked for a few minutes and she hugged me (but pulled away a little bit when I put my arm around her). After I left she sent a message saying "I wasn't being mean" and I didn't respond.

 

Today I get a message around 1:00pm saying "I'm going to get my nails done" (which I don't respond to), she then calls me an hour later (which I don't pickup) and sends me a text asking if I was ignoring her. I responded 15 minutes later with "i'm at work" and left it at that.

 

I guess my question is why does she do this? Is it a power trip or just to keep me on a string? Maybe she just genuinely doesn't want to lose me as a friend? She isn't seeing anyone after 3 months and at this point I'm unsure of her feelings.....

Edited December 4, 2014 by solivervolo