mysteriouschic Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I've been back chatting to guys online tinder, I've realised I keep running into the same thing the guy indirectly asks me out a couple times and I accidently reject them not realising that they are trying to ask me out. And then they stop talking to me as much but they always reply when I text them then gradually stop then if I text them again some days they always reply. I just keep missing the hints maybe a little hesitation my part trying to not act too interested as a protective thing. Guy 1: how old is your cat?u bring your cat for a walk with my dog it'd be cute (said other things too) Me:Aw I don't know how the cat and dog would get along ha We have swapped numbers and have each other on twitter and he always asks about my plans for the day but hasn't yet asked me out directly only a couple times indirectly I keep missing the hints. I've only just noticed that me and him have been texting for almost a month guess maybe he wants to meet up and text less? but I keep missing the hints. We text about the same way we did at the start. Guy 2: He's asked me out directly a few times but each time I've said some time later and this week I said maybe at the end of the week. "well I hope you get a car then you can pick me up" (along with other stuff) I replied "might be a bit long until I've mastered the driving ha" again turning him down without realising what I'm doing. We've been speaking a few weeks. What should I do? I keep rejecting these guys without meaning to might be looking like all I want to do is chat maybe bored of texting without face to face?. Should I ask them out now? just say "we should me up sometime " in a conversation or text them casually again and bring it up?
PegNosePete Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I don't think you're rejecting them. You're just chatting. It's up to them to make their invitation more explicit. (Explicit meaning the opposite of implicit, not explicit!!!) No harm in asking them if they want to meet - what do you have to lose?
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 They've both asked a few times the first one always indirectly the other was direct at the start and said I should let him know when. Would they just be not liking texting as much without face to face as it has been pretty long more for the first guy the start of last month we're texting about in the same way like he often forgets to reply then a few days later I'd text an he always replies but he's done that from the start and then we swapped number and he asked for facebook/twitter we still text in the same way. We have been speaking very long.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Guy 1: how old is your cat?u bring your cat for a walk with my dog it'd be cute (said other things too) Me:Aw I don't know how the cat and dog would get along ha This guy wasn't direct. He ask you out in a weird way too. You don't take a cat out for a walk, like you do a dog. I don't think you lost anything by not going out with him. He wasn't assertive enough. Guy 2: He's asked me out directly a few times but each time I've said some time later and this week I said maybe at the end of the week. "well I hope you get a car then you can pick me up" (along with other stuff) I replied "might be a bit long until I've mastered the driving ha" again turning him down without realising what I'm doing. We've been speaking a few weeks. This guy has asked you directly and you've turned him down directly. You don't have any interest in him. Also he didn't pick up the hint of lack of interest on your part. When a girl says "I'm busy" without suggesting an alternative time, it is the universal meaning a girl wants nothing to do with the guy. What should I do? I keep rejecting these guys without meaning to might be looking like all I want to do is chat maybe bored of texting without face to face?. Should I ask them out now? just say "we should me up sometime " in a conversation or text them casually again and bring it up? This is the crux of the matter. You have a back-and-forth with these guys over text, and it goes on before the guy asks you out directly. So you get bored. Nothing wrong with that, because I as a man would get bored with a girl that just wanted to text, but not meet me for a date. Also, I do encourage you to take the initiative, and ask the guy out. There is nothing wrong with that. But don't say "we should me up sometime". Just mention a specific day or the weekend. Of course if the guy doesn't get the hint, then drop him, and move on to a more assertive man. 2
PegNosePete Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 the other was direct at the start and said I should let him know when. So, let him know. You're not there to make text buddies are you? If you want to meet, then meet.
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 This guy wasn't direct. He ask you out in a weird way too. You don't take a cat out for a walk, like you do a dog. I don't think you lost anything by not going out with him. He wasn't assertive enough. This guy has asked you directly and you've turned him down directly. You don't have any interest in him. Also he didn't pick up the hint of lack of interest on your part. When a girl says "I'm busy" without suggesting an alternative time, it is the universal meaning a girl wants nothing to do with the guy. This is the crux of the matter. You have a back-and-forth with these guys over text, and it goes on before the guy asks you out directly. So you get bored. Nothing wrong with that, because I as a man would get bored with a girl that just wanted to text, but not meet me for a date. Also, I do encourage you to take the initiative, and ask the guy out. There is nothing wrong with that. But don't say "we should me up sometime". Just mention a specific day or the weekend. Of course if the guy doesn't get the hint, then drop him, and move on to a more assertive man. The first guy before also said "I'll have to explain it to you when I see you" when we were speaking about tennis sometime . I just said yeah and nothing more just responding with the conversation. He hasn't replied to my last message yet but we were talking just that particular message he does that often but always replies the next time a few days later if I text him. Oh I didn't realise a guy would see that as rejection I just said maybe at the end of the week. I'm not good at planning far ahead sometimes so it's just maybe for now. What would be a good way to ask them? if I wanted to ask them out kind of in a casual way? The first guy maybe "do you fancy meeting up sometime" or we could meet up sometime if you're free?" The other I can be more direct as he's been direct about wanting me to let him know.
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 What would be a good message to send? Would "hey hows it going? are you up to much for the weekend / the rest of the week?" to see if he's free or not thats to the 2nd guy don't know if I'd say that to the first guy.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 The first guy is either not being assertive, or he has low interest in you, just like you do for him. Regardless which guy you want to go out with, just be confident, and don't be too subtle. Say something like "There's this [cafe/sandwich spot/or whatever] I've been wanting try out, but haven't had anyone to go with. Would you want to go with me?", or a bit more direct "If you ask me out on a date, I'll say yes.", or just be completely direct "Hey you're fun, I want to go out with you on a date. Would you join me?". You choose your flavor from the above.
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 The first guy is either not being assertive, or he has low interest in you, just like you do for him. Regardless which guy you want to go out with, just be confident, and don't be too subtle. Say something like "There's this [cafe/sandwich spot/or whatever] I've been wanting try out, but haven't had anyone to go with. Would you want to go with me?", or a bit more direct "If you ask me out on a date, I'll say yes.", or just be completely direct "Hey you're fun, I want to go out with you on a date. Would you join me?". You choose your flavor from the above. The first guy hasn't really change he acts about the same he never really texted too much to begin with. He was the one to ask about the facebook/twitter just asked if I used them. I was the one who got us to swap numbers. Maybe I've been more of the proactive one he did forget to reply back at the start too then always replied a few days later busy with work and tired from football training. . Are there other indirect ones. Or could I just say so do you fancy/want meeting up sometime?
Frank2thepoint Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 It is interesting that you seem to be more interested in the first guy (the one that is not direct). Does his ambivalence attract you more, not knowing if he is really interested in you? Is it a challenge for you? As for the indirectly asking out the guy, just ask him if he want to meet up sometime. Don't be surprised if it doesn't go anywhere, even after several weeks of back-and-forth. 2
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 It is interesting that you seem to be more interested in the first guy (the one that is not direct). Does his ambivalence attract you more, not knowing if he is really interested in you? Is it a challenge for you? As for the indirectly asking out the guy, just ask him if he want to meet up sometime. Don't be surprised if it doesn't go anywhere, even after several weeks of back-and-forth. Hmm I'm not sure maybe because I've been speaking to him much more longer . The mystery is still good. oh so the indirect thing might not work? It seems more casual like just going with the flow with him in a laid back way. Not as forward . Oh you mean like he might not set a time to meet or something?like it might not happen? I do like directness too but I know the ball is in my court with the other guy now so I it's more like I need to make a decision. I am interested it's probably more of a not knowing what will happen thats keeping me back an since the last guy a year guy we met very quickly got together quickly so I seem to be trying to be slower meeting guys not rushing out asap. It's probably worth meeting up with both if I can rather than wondering about the what ifs
Gloria25 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 It is interesting that you seem to be more interested in the first guy (the one that is not direct). Does his ambivalence attract you more, not knowing if he is really interested in you? Is it a challenge for you? As for the indirectly asking out the guy, just ask him if he want to meet up sometime. Don't be surprised if it doesn't go anywhere, even after several weeks of back-and-forth. Yeah, maybe the "direct" guy is a turn-off cuz he's too available? No, I'm not into PUA games, but if a guy is too available, it sorta is a turn off. But I wonder if the OP is kinda like me, where I prefer to be the one taking the lead? I know this sounds weird, but when a guy makes initial contact with me and/or approaches me, I am like "suspicious" about what he wants with me (even if I am attracted and/or like him)....I guess it goes back into my need to be the one in "control" of the situation. I guess I feel that if "I" pick them, it's safer? Crazy, I know... 1
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) Yeah, maybe the "direct" guy is a turn-off cuz he's too available? No, I'm not into PUA games, but if a guy is too available, it sorta is a turn off. But I wonder if the OP is kinda like me, where I prefer to be the one taking the lead? I know this sounds weird, but when a guy makes initial contact with me and/or approaches me, I am like "suspicious" about what he wants with me (even if I am attracted and/or like him)....I guess it goes back into my need to be the one in "control" of the situation. I guess I feel that if "I" pick them, it's safer? Crazy, I know... Hmm interesting it sure seems like I am the one more in control with the other guy although he made the initial contact but after a few days if he hadn't said something back in conversation sometime days later I'd text and see how he is and thats kind of how we text and he asked about the social media I only gave him my twitter not facebook. I also was the one who gave him my number he never asked. I just said "we could whatsapp" if you want if thats easier an he asked for it then an don't think he saw it right away texted him a couple days later cause you don't always see the messages just asking how is weekend was and he text me then so I guess I am more in control with this guy. And I figured pretty early that he didn't seem to be too much off a texter he's not on the tinder app that often either. Usually I go for the ones who are more in controlling but usually they don't always work or I've misjudged them they turn out to be different then I expected or just don't work out. I didn't realise I was more in control with this guy and I am p independent and it doesn't feel like anything is rushed it's more of a go with the flow.. Whereas the other guy it is good but it seems like I need to make a decision quickly . I'm indecisive so when the balls in my court then and I know it is I have to make a decision quickly . We've been messaging since late November. I messaged him asking if he still wanted to meet saying I was free at the weekend. To see how it'd go so I won't be wondering how it could've gone. I've also realised I'm usually the one who initiates contact with my friends to meet up and that after I haven't seen them so I guess Im used to doing that getting us to meet and do something. Edited December 5, 2014 by mysteriouschic
Frank2thepoint Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Hmm I'm not sure maybe because I've been speaking to him much more longer . The mystery is still good. oh so the indirect thing might not work? It seems more casual like just going with the flow with him in a laid back way. Not as forward . Oh you mean like he might not set a time to meet or something?like it might not happen? Hmm interesting it sure seems like I am the one more in control with the other guy although he made the initial contact but after a few days if he hadn't said something back in conversation sometime days later I'd text and see how he is and thats kind of how we text and he asked about the social media I only gave him my twitter not facebook. I also was the one who gave him my number he never asked. I just said "we could whatsapp" if you want if thats easier an he asked for it then an don't think he saw it right away texted him a couple days later cause you don't always see the messages just asking how is weekend was and he text me then so I guess I am more in control with this guy. And I figured pretty early that he didn't seem to be too much off a texter he's not on the tinder app that often either. Usually I go for the ones who are more in controlling but usually they don't always work or I've misjudged them they turn out to be different then I expected or just don't work out. From my perspective, and knowledge from other threads on the similarity of your situation, I figure the laid back guy isn't fully interested. Since you took the initiative with pretty much everything, the guy is enjoying the attention, while taking you for granted at the same time. If you message him to hangout sometime, he'll probably just give a vague "Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun" answer. Leaving the control of setting up the date with you. I'm not sure how much of this you are tolerant of, but I figure eventually you'll get tired of the lack of initiative on his part. But this is all conjecture on my part, and I am curious as to how it works out. So keep posting your experience and updates. Yeah, maybe the "direct" guy is a turn-off cuz he's too available? No, I'm not into PUA games, but if a guy is too available, it sorta is a turn off. But I wonder if the OP is kinda like me, where I prefer to be the one taking the lead? I know this sounds weird, but when a guy makes initial contact with me and/or approaches me, I am like "suspicious" about what he wants with me (even if I am attracted and/or like him)....I guess it goes back into my need to be the one in "control" of the situation. I guess I feel that if "I" pick them, it's safer? Crazy, I know... I've never figured an assertive man, who knows what he wants, and pursues a woman is seen as too available and/or as a PUA. Since you say this, I wonder if it was a small factor with the women I've dated that seemed to have lost interest after two or three dates. Maybe they've felt loss of control, and loss of mystery, from me showing clear interest. Oh the joys and frustrations of a man dating a woman. 1
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) From my perspective, and knowledge from other threads on the similarity of your situation, I figure the laid back guy isn't fully interested. Since you took the initiative with pretty much everything, the guy is enjoying the attention, while taking you for granted at the same time. If you message him to hangout sometime, he'll probably just give a vague "Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun" answer. Leaving the control of setting up the date with you. I'm not sure how much of this you are tolerant of, but I figure eventually you'll get tired of the lack of initiative on his part. But this is all conjecture on my part, and I am curious as to how it works out. So keep posting your experience and updates. Would some guys not be less assertive? letting the girl take the lead more? he's suggested things indirectly just never really direct yet and every time I've missed the hint. I'll give it a try anyway it's worth a shot to if he sets or we end up meeting. Am I coming across to him as interested? I don't text him all the time. Although the last time I asked him the same question twice when we'd already talked about it by mistake I don't know if it depends on the topic of the conversation. He doesn't use the tinder often he's usually off it quite a bit not always on. Edited December 5, 2014 by mysteriouschic
Frank2thepoint Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Would some guys not be less assertive? letting the girl take the lead more? he's suggested things indirectly just never really direct yet and every time I've missed the hint. I'll give it a try anyway it's worth a shot to if he sets or we end up meeting. Am I coming across to him as interested? I don't text him all the time. Although the last time I asked him the same question twice when we'd already talked about it by mistake I don't know if it depends on the topic of the conversation. He doesn't use the tinder often he's usually off it quite a bit not always on. Some guys do let a woman take the lead more, and they are assertive enough to allow it. Some guys just take advantage of a woman's advances, and barely reciprocate. It's all about an individual's personality, which can never be fully predicted. Just give it a try and see what happens. Keep us posted on your adventures. By the way, since you mentioned he hasn't been on Tinder that often, it made me wonder if he is juggling multiple girls. No guarantee of course, because there is no way to know, but his laid back demeanor may indicate he has more than one girl on his mind.
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Seeing the direct guy tomorrow we were supposed to meet today but he wasn't going to be finishing to late so it's tomorrow sometime we haven't said what time yet.
Author mysteriouschic Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Some guys do let a woman take the lead more, and they are assertive enough to allow it. Some guys just take advantage of a woman's advances, and barely reciprocate. It's all about an individual's personality, which can never be fully predicted. Just give it a try and see what happens. Keep us posted on your adventures. By the way, since you mentioned he hasn't been on Tinder that often, it made me wonder if he is juggling multiple girls. No guarantee of course, because there is no way to know, but his laid back demeanor may indicate he has more than one girl on his mind. I'm not sure but I looked through all our messages we text slightly more but in the same way we did at the start nothing has really changed he doesn't really go on that a lot. He plays a lot of football and watches football all the time he did forget to text back sometimes on tinder to but he wouldn't have been online for like days sometimes and he'd apologise an thats when he asked about social media facebook or twitter .Then I suggested the whatsapp sometime later so it's the same really like he hasn't suddenly started acting this way he asks me questions too. Although I'm usually the type to not act too interested not give to much away so I might not come off as too interested or just wanting to chat. I think he does want to meet from what he's said just not asked yet I'll ask him out anyway then I'll know for sure maybe ask him about walking his dog with him or something ? not sure
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