VSgirl Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 (edited) Hi all. I've posted on here a couple of times before and have gotten great feedback. I've trying to pursue online dating and meeting guys in general in a manner that shows that I have confidence and not getting hooked on a guy too quickly. It's not an overnight transformation..but I'm definitely working on it. So around a week or so ago I started talking to a guy on a site. We seemed to hit off pretty well..definitely seemed able to talk about interests, flirt a bit but not overboard sexual,etc. He has a good job, seems smart and funny..and at least so what mature. We were talking on the site kind of alternating initiating the convo..or he might fall asleep but continue the convo the next morning kind of thing. So a couple days ago he gave me his number..we texted that day and i texted him that evening. I was out with one of my girlfriends and a while between messages and he seemed very into talking to me. He'd respond lightening fast to my messages. I ended the convo later on that evening and told him I was going to bed and id enjoyed talking to him. He said he was right there with me on that. And right before that he'd been asking about what area of town I lived in and seeming to be setting up for a date/us meeting. He was also talking about how he wanted to make me laugh. At any rate things seemed to be going well. I didn't hear from him yesterday during the day. I know he's been busy at work and so have I..so I just shot him a casual text to say hi around 5pm before I went into my 2nd job. He wrote back and still seemed cool. We exchanged a couple of texts on my break and such. He knew I was at work but leaving soon. Around 8 when I left, I sent him a message that said something like "oh cool, what are you up to?" and didn't hear back that night. I figured maybe he fell asleep. I didn't hear anything from him today or tonight either. I obviously don't know this guy well and things may be just fine. But I wanted to ask on here since I'm trying to be more confident and happy in dating guys...what would your advice be or your thoughts on this? Just not worry about it and see if he texts me? Edited December 4, 2014 by VSgirl title
StalwartMind Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 There really is no way of knowing why he didn't reply. It's easy to assume the worst in others but from my experience it's extremely dangerous to assume anything about anyone, because more often than not we are wrong. This of course won't stop people from basking in their own glory when they are right, but it's so easy to be correct in hindsight. People have very different ideas of how to communicate and exchange conversation no matter if written or in vocal. When you are getting to know someone new, it will take a bit of time to completely establish a decent image of how someone else is and acts. I would not worry myself since it's too soon to tell, also mind you that such things can dynamically change further down the road in your relationship. Typically if you share a lot of values and get a long well, you will both adapt to each other in a natural way where things just flow smoothly, that doesn't mean though that there won't be a few obstacles to overcome. If two people genuinely are meant to have a friendship or relationship between them, then they'll also be willing to put in the amount of effort required to fulfill the needs of the other, no matter how big or small.
PegNosePete Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 what would your advice be My advice would be, don't spend so much time on someone you've never met. Conversations on the dating site? Texting and worrying about how long it takes to reply? There is plenty of time for those kind of issues when you're a couple. For now just ask him if he wants to meet. 1
losangelena Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I agree with PNP. One way to get more confident in dating is to hold off on any kind of emotional involvement until you actually meet the person. When I was trying to meet guys, I would try and keep pre-meeting communication to a minimum. Lots of texting or chatting before meeting creates this build up of anticipation and emotion that might not ever pan out when you meet in person—people are different online than they are face-to-face. Anyway, I found that keeping my expectation very low, or at zero, towards the beginning made it much easier to take if and when guys ever just disappeared. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't look forward to meeting a guy, just don't get too invested in "what it all means" before there's anything to even worry about. Dating is hard. Good luck!
Author VSgirl Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 I feel like all of you make valid points. I need to stop getting so worried or invested in guys I don't know that much about. I also need to stop worrying about all this texting and focus more on meeting them if there is a possible connection. All in all, I shouldn't be stressing. I haven't heard from that guy yet, but who knows..he could pop up tomorrow. Either way I shouldn't be so focused or worried about it. 1
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