Hope4thefuture Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I recently starting dating someone who is separated. The divorce is not finalized. I am divorced. We started out as friends with our situations in common. We began talking more and more. One day we met for coffee. We have gone out on some more dates the past couple of months. Is it wrong of me to date a man who is not divorced?
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Is it wrong of me to date a man who is not divorced? His wife will think so if she is unaware that he is supposedly divorcing her and dating you. Otherwise if both parties are pursuing the divorce and it's just a matter of going through the process then there are no moral or ethic problems with it. The are some practical considerations though. - It's not at all rare for people to drop the divorce proceedings in the 11th hour and attempt to reconcile. Some even succeed in reconciling. - divorce proceedings can be very costly, time-consuming and emotionally stressful and draining. The person in the divorce is often very distracted and not really "there" in the relationship. - many times the person they are dating while the divorce is pending is their distraction and their bed warmer until they are fully divorced and then they dump that person and move on to dating others. Sometimes many others. - many times the first few people a divorcing/divorced person dates are just transitional relationships and are just temporary diversions during the divorce. - even if your relationship was not technically an "affair" or cheating, many of the church ladies and friends and relatives of the ex spouse and even other people in the community or social circles will see you as "the other woman." - many friends and relatives will never accept you as a legitimate partner. - there is potential you could get dragged in to their legal squabbles. Those are just a few of the things I could think off the top of my head. I'm sure there are other issues in addition to those.
Toodaloo Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Listen to Old Shirt. A few months ago I was briefly involved with a separated man. At the time he was adamant on divorce. Now he wants to stay married, his wife still wants a divorce but has agreed to stay married to him so he will pay the house hold bills? Its a mess. It was whirlwind. I am still struggling with the attachment I have towards him despite many more months passing where it has been over then we were actually seeing each other. Its actually been harder and more emotionally taxing letting go of him than a relationship that lasted several years... Tread very carefully.
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