xyz1234 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 So I recently started dating a girl I really like so far, and we've now been on three dates and planning a fourth. Problem is, I met her online dating and of course while it's usually a drought for me when it rains it pours and there are a few other girls also wanting to date me at the moment. I have already been on a date with one, and the others I've been holding off on asking for a first date. Luckily, it's usually on the guy to ask for the first date, but one of the girls is pretty aggressive and has asked me out a couple times now and I've been stalling in order to wait and see what happens with the girl I've been on a few dates with because I want to see where that goes first. The way I feel about it is that if I hold off on meeting the girl who keeps asking me out I won't have to reject her if things end up going well with the girl I've been dating. The problem is she'll obviously eventually think I'm just not interested. So what I have done sometimes in the past is tell a girl the truth and that I've been on a few dates with someone and want to see where that goes first before I meet someone new. I feel that by doing that it leaves them open as a potential option in the future, instead of meeting for a first date, having it go well, but having to turn them down in favor of the first girl I met. If I don't meet this girl in person I feel like it makes it feel like less of a rejection and leaves them possible open to dating down the road. How do you guys feel about this? I want to figure out the best way to handle this sort of situation because it seems to present itself pretty often with online dating.
Jules Dash Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Hey, I would keep going full force and dating as many of the dates you can handle. Don't wait until you see how it goes with someone else unless things have progressed to the point that it becomes obvious that both of you want an exclusive relationship. When it rains, it pours in dating because the momentum you develop with success in getting multiple dates makes you more attractive because you develop an attractive persona from the confidence you gain from.your success. This often changes when the numbers start to get low and you could find yourself empty-handed soon afterward. Keep going full force for as long as you can.
prettyinpink1 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 No no no...nobody likes a guy like that. Dating multiple women wont make you look more "attractive" or whatever, it will make you look very undesirable. 2
Andy_K Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Personally what I would do is exactly what you're doing. Date one at a time, and if you need to, tell others you're talking to that you met someone else, rather than make up some BS excuse they'll see right through. If there's one thing which goes a long way with girls online, it's honesty 1
Darth_Matt Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 (edited) Do what your gut is telling you. Some guys/girls love playing the field when they are not in a serious relationship. And some guys/girls stick with one date at a time. If this is making you feel uncomfortable and weird then don't do it. Just date the girl you really like. Nothing wrong with that. It just means you're a good guy. The "other" girls are most likely going to be a waste of your time because you really like the girl you've been on 4 dates with. Don't you? You have some thinking to do my friend! Edited December 4, 2014 by Darth_Matt
Frank2thepoint Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 So what I have done sometimes in the past is tell a girl the truth and that I've been on a few dates with someone and want to see where that goes first before I meet someone new. I feel that by doing that it leaves them open as a potential option in the future, instead of meeting for a first date, having it go well, but having to turn them down in favor of the first girl I met. If I don't meet this girl in person I feel like it makes it feel like less of a rejection and leaves them possible open to dating down the road. Every person is different. Some people like to multi-date, some stick to only dating one at a time. You should do what you are comfortable with. There are no rules on how to approach dating, contrary to what many people think. Concerning the above quote, being honest makes you genuine and trustworthy. But to point something out, there will be women that will think they are your backup option, in case if things didn't work out with the first woman. They might think you aren't genuinely interested in them, but only in the idea of dating a woman. Any woman. Of course if a woman does reveal this, you know you have an insecure person on your hands. But most won't say anything, they'll just turn you down for a date, even though a few days prior they showed strong interest.
Lokin4AReason Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 building a positive foundation in any relationship is being honest and telling the truth ( no matter at how much it will hurt )
PogoStick Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Why don't you tell the 2nd girl that you've already been on a couple dates with the first girl but it hasn't turned serious yet. Let the 2nd decide if she feels comfortable going out with you or if she'd rather wait. If she says it's ok maybe you'll feel ok too. Plus, it would be interesting to see if the situation causes her to compete and try to win you. I'd go for it!
Author xyz1234 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Why don't you tell the 2nd girl that you've already been on a couple dates with the first girl but it hasn't turned serious yet. Let the 2nd decide if she feels comfortable going out with you or if she'd rather wait. If she says it's ok maybe you'll feel ok too. Plus, it would be interesting to see if the situation causes her to compete and try to win you. I'd go for it! Thanks for the suggestions guys, it was really helpful! I ended up going with something along the lines of what PogoStick said here. I totally did not think she would want to meet me after saying it but she does, so that's nice. I guess it must make me look pretty loyal. I mean, the kind of guy who says something like this so early in dating is probably going to be pretty faithful and not a scumbag, haha. 1
taryntan Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Every person is different. Some people like to multi-date, some stick to only dating one at a time. You should do what you are comfortable with. There are no rules on how to approach dating, contrary to what many people think. Concerning the above quote, being honest makes you genuine and trustworthy. But to point something out, there will be women that will think they are your backup option, in case if things didn't work out with the first woman. They might think you aren't genuinely interested in them, but only in the idea of dating a woman. Any woman. Of course if a woman does reveal this, you know you have an insecure person on your hands. But most won't say anything, they'll just turn you down for a date, even though a few days prior they showed strong interest. I don't think it necessarily means they are insecure. I don't multidate past 5 or 6 dates or whenever sex is had with someone I like. The first 5ish dates when you hardly know each other, multidating doesn't bother me, but if a guy who fits that description is going on dates with other girls and cannot stop, I'd think he is selfish or has commitment issues... I wouldn't continue to date him but I am not insecure. Id just rather date someone who will focus their attention on me at some point rather than a guy trying to get girls to compete for him or cannot be alone so he must multidate to prevent that from happening.
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