togobag Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Let me just start by saying that I've googled so many things, and I think it's just made me more confused and I don't know what to believe. I don't even know if the responses I get here will help at all or just confuse me even more, but I'm gonna give it a try. The things I found were just so broad online, so maybe this will narrow down what I can actually take in I am 17 years old and I recently got into my first actual, real relationship about two months ago. We only dated for a month and three weeks, and then he broke it off with me. It's been about a month of not being together with him anymore, and I don't know, I just can't stop thinking about it. I think it's because I don't have closure, but just thinking about it, I feel like even if I do get closure from him, no burden is gonna be lifted off. I think I'll just be even more sad knowing that we can never be together again, and that it's really over. Some background: I'm only 17. I come from a strong family background with morals. This was my first relationship. I have never had sex before. The guy is the same age. It was also his first real relationship. Same thing, he comes from a strong family background. Just imagine like a guy that usually just hangs out with his buddies a lot, and doesn't really show that he's into girls or relationships all that much. He's not a jock. He's known to be very respectful and treats girls and people in general with politeness. Anyway, here's the story. At school we don't see each other often because it's school ya know and we only have one class together, and so we usually get to talk to each other after class on the way to lunch. I also have a half day, so I just get to talk to him for a little and then I have to leave. On a Friday, as we were saying goodbye and hugging he reminded me that he was gonna hang out with his guy friends that night, and I thought to myself ya no problem! Hang out with your friends, you need time with them too. So the rest of the day I didn't hear from him once, and I didn't take it as anything because he was probably having a good time with his friends. Usually at night thought, he or I will send a goodnight text just to like make sure and just for reassurance, and he didn't, but I took it as he's probably busy with his friends. Next day, Saturday, I asked him if he wanted to go to this event with me, and he was like maybe, I have a church thing, I'll let you know. Then, we started texting like normal but then he just stopped responding, until two hours later he texted back saying he for sure couldn't come with me. I was like bummed out but I understood and I was like that's totally fine, but can I come over just to see you for a few minutes. He said I couldn't because he was too busy, so I was just like okay. He never texted me back for the rest of the night, and again no goodnight text. I, however sent him one and he responded by just saying "Goodnight," like nothing else. Usually he'll say something like see you tomorrow babe with all these emojis but nope, and so I responded saying "are you okay?" and he never responded. Next day, Sunday, he still didn't even answer my question. And I don't know, I'm the kind of person where if something doesnt feel write or something is unresolved, I can't stop thinking about it. That's why I feel like this is constantly still in my mind all the time. Anyway, I kinda just waited for him to text me or call me or something and he never did. So me, trying to be optimistic, I texted him just trying to start a conversation, and his responses were just there, nothing happy or exciting at all. So then I brought it up and I was like is there something wrong? I don't know if it's me or if you're that busy but something doesnt feel right, and he said nothing was wrong and that he's just really busy, and then didnt talk to me for the rest of the night, so something was still not right. I could just feel it. Next day, Monday, I go to school and I don't see him until the class we have together, and I'm just upset that day so I ignore him completely all day. We didn't say one word to each other at all that day. no phone call or text, nothing. I talked to my friend about the terrible weekend, and she advised me to just give him space and let him come to me (which we both thought he would). He never did, so we didn't talk to each other at all. The next day, tuesday, I was still in a bad mood to school, and the same thing happened where I kinda just left without saying anything to him. It was a half day that day though, so when I got home, I thought to myself like what a great day to catch up with him and talk about the weekend together. I texted him asking if he was busy and he said, "No, can I come over? We can talk in my truck." so now he wants to talk. To me, I didn't realize this was a bad thing. I thought it was a good thing because I thought we were gonna talk about the terrible weekend where he just left me hanging. He gets to my house and I get in his car and he looks sad and awkward and unhappy and I go, "what's going on?" and he was like, I've been thinking about it alot this weekend and for a couple of weeks (???) and I just think my feelings have changed and I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I had nothing to say to him because I thought we were gonna talk about the weekend, so this completely blindsided me. And so I go inside and cry and whatever but then questions started popping in my head, like what happened? why? when? So I went back to his that night and we talked. I asked him like what happened? And he said that after being with me for a month, he saw this becoming serious and just didn't think he could handle it anymore. And I asked him but you've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks, and he said yes. and i was like why didnt you come to me about it. and he said that he couldnt come to me because it wasn't something that we could fix or work on, his feelings just changed. plus, the thing is, this guy is very different from other guys. Like, he took our relationship pretty slow, and didn't try to force me into anything and I met his whole family and he has an older brother & sister who are married, so it's not like he doesn't know whats going on, so I thought he knew what he was going into. And he said that he didn't see this coming. He really wanted to be with me but once he got into it, it was more than he expected. I haven't talked to him since at all. Its been like a month and a week now, I don't know how I can approach him because I don't want him to see that this is still bothering me so much. I feel like if I go to him, hes gonna be like omg she's not over this. The thing is that he said that he's been thinking about this for a couple of weeks, but he acted so normal around me before he broke up with me, or before that weekend happened. Not even a week before our breakup, we'd still kiss, he talked and texted me completely normal, and held my hand in the car around places, so I don't know what to think when he said he's been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. If you were to be thinking about your relationship for a couple of weeks wouldn't you act weird around the person and abnormal. He played it off so well, which is why I don't know if he's telling me the entire truth? What do you think? I've also thought that maybe he hasn't been thinking about it that long but how do feelings like that just come up? Or that maybe that Friday where he hung out with his guys friends, did they say something to him that freaked him out and realized he couldn't do this anymore? It could so many ways, and I know that all I'm doing is speculating, but I just need ideas. Do you think that he still thinks about this or us? He's made no effort to try and talk to me, so is he just trying to move on completely? Like I don't understand how he could be this and then totally like that so fast?! Granted, I haven't made it seem like I want to talk to him either too. I make it look like I have no problem at school, so maybe he sees I'm okay, so hes ok? I don't know. What are your thoughts on this whole thing? Sorry this is so long... lol. I have a lot on my mind :/
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