Girl Isn't Ready For Relationship....YET?

[kuji]

Hello everybody! First I must apologize that I am adding to the endless thread about this topic. Also if this in the weong section, mods please feel free to move to the appropriate place. Now then, I like this girl...no kidding lol, I've know her about a year. We are coworkers that's how we met. Normally I would NEVER date a coworker (gossip gossip) but we work in different departments so I guess it's ok. I am 3 years older than her, she is 17, I am 20. We both agree that the age isn't an issue, both her and my parents are cool with it.

Now I have been hanging out with this girl alot, going to dinner, coffee etc. Over the year I've know her I've developed a crush on her. Just as a joke I consider her my little sister and she considers me her big brother. Me I am an only child, and she has a little brother.

Whenever we text each other we always flirt and joke about dating and stuff like that. A couple of days ago we were texting and she asked me if 'we' would ever be more that friends.

That started my gears turning that she is into me. We were taking and we both agreed if we were to date then we would keep it on the down low; don't want anybody from work to find out like I said.

Yesterday we went to dinner, and then were siting in my car just talking, and I popped the question, I know it's a weird place to do it, but I had no other alternative. I told her I really like her and I want to take it to the next level. I figured that since she texted me that blurb, she wanted the same.

She replied by saying that she isn't ready for a relationship yet, and we need to take it slow, but that she really likes me. The wa??

She said to be patient and I told her no problem, I didn't really know what else to say lol. Did she just tell me she's not interested and sees me more as a friend?

If she said she doesn't like me like that, then that's fine I can live with that, but the fact that SHE asked me if we would ever be more that friends was what originally got my gears turning in the first place. And what's key is she said 'not ready YET'.

She has had crushes on some of my guy friends/coworkers before, and she told me that I would act differently around them when she was interested in them.

One thing I need to mention is she had a big crush on a guy I know for a couple of months, I was obviously jealous and she told me she that she noticed it, however they did break it off recently because he was being an a**hole to her.

So if she's still not completely over that guy, I get that. My fear though is I just got friend zoned. If she was really into me then wouldn't she have said yes regardless?

Some of my friends said to keep persuading her, but some also said it was just a polite way of saying no and to move on. I'm leaning more towards the latter, but still, that text she sent me....was that just a tease or what?

I have had crushes like this in the past, and I would always bend over backwards for them, and in the end I guess I end up being too nice, get played or get friendzoned. Then my credit card company starts to yell at me for racking up all kinds of charges lol

One more thing I should mention is she still has her v card, I do not however. Don't know it makes a difference or not but I figured id mention it.

I feel embarrassed about having to ask this online, but I don't know what else to do. She said she wants to go see a movie soon btw.

 

 

Anyway sorry for the long post

Cheers

Edited December 4, 2014 by kuji

[d0nnivain]

Whenever somebody tells somebody else that they are not ready for a relationship, there is prepositional phrase missing from the end of that disclaimer: with you. If the person was all that into you it wouldn't matter if they just got out of past relationship 5 minutes ago, they'd be chomping at the bit to be with you. Absent that, it's simply a way to let somebody down gently, even though it's inherently disingenuous.

[Diezel]

Donnivain nailed it.

 

/thread

[Darth_Matt]

I don't even have to read your whole Thread to know what I need (want) to say

 

I just ended it with the girl I'm with, for the same reason. Mine may be a little more complex but the same words were used "I'm not ready" Take a look at my Thread, if you like.

 

End it!! Even if its noting to end. But, move on. Like they just said. She know where to find you "when she's ready". Don't waste your time and energy. You''ll just end up getting hurt and loosing your self respect in the long run. Again, she knows where to find you..Also sounds like she's looking for attention more then a romantic partner.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Darth_Matt

[Frank2thepoint]

I am going to give a different perspective from the other posters. I think the girl isn't ready for a relationship because she has options, for example, at work. She had a crush on a guy for several months, and I'm sure her feelings for him are still present. Her wanting to take it slow means she is keeping her options open in case the guy that she is really interested in becomes available. At the moment, you are a safety net, a back up option she'll settle for in case big crush doesn't come around and sweep her off her feet. You are not friendzoned, so don't worry about that. My suggestion is just continue joking around with her, keep it friendly, nothing serious. Don't get attached to her because she won't to you. She is too young for anything serious.

[Dallers]

Whenever somebody tells somebody else that they are not ready for a relationship, there is prepositional phrase missing from the end of that disclaimer: with you. If the person was all that into you it wouldn't matter if they just got out of past relationship 5 minutes ago, they'd be chomping at the bit to be with you. Absent that, it's simply a way to let somebody down gently, even though it's inherently disingenuous.

 

This ^^ or they are happily banging someone on the side and do not wish for that to stop (Might be an ex they are still not over) Move on pronto.

[GemmaUK]

Sorry to confuse but I'm taking a different angle from everyone above.

 

 

This is based upon me when I was her age and also a virgin.

 

 

I had by her age dated someone for a whopping 2 weeks!

We kissed (my first kiss) and we had 3 dates. I had a crush on him (I was 16 at the time btw) but to be honest I preferred the crush to the dates.

I felt shy and awkward and he was more experienced than me.

 

 

We didn't hang out a lot or anything like that - it felt a bit - well - fake and pointless!

 

 

Has she dated before?

 

 

Crushes are hugely different to dating.

It might just be that like me it was a big step to take - and if you have liked her for a while she may have only just recently thought of the idea of dating you (hence her pretty open text).

 

 

Confidence in dating someone (when you are not so experienced) comes in many ways from that person being reliable, trustworthy, fun and kind.

The thought of dating you has clearly come into her mind.

She may need just a bit of the same as you have ben doing already to see that you're a gentleman who will treat her kindly.

There are so many horror stories about dating.

I still don't think I would quite be ready to date at 17...unless the guy was a lovely one.

 

 

You are clearly already being lovely or she wouldn't hang out with you so much. But if she has only just recently thought about dating you then she will need to get her head around that - especially as you work at the same company.

 

 

I say give her time.

If you really like her then you have time too - you are only 20.

 

 

Some fall in love forever at 20 but many don't until mid twenties ish so you have time to play with also.

[truth_seeker]

Whenever somebody tells somebody else that they are not ready for a relationship, there is prepositional phrase missing from the end of that disclaimer: with you. If the person was all that into you it wouldn't matter if they just got out of past relationship 5 minutes ago, they'd be chomping at the bit to be with you. Absent that, it's simply a way to let somebody down gently, even though it's inherently disingenuous.

 

Re-read the above OP, and anyone else with this issue, until it sticks.

[truth_seeker]

I am going to give a different perspective from the other posters. I think the girl isn't ready for a relationship because she has options, for example, at work. She had a crush on a guy for several months, and I'm sure her feelings for him are still present. Her wanting to take it slow means she is keeping her options open in case the guy that she is really interested in becomes available. At the moment, you are a safety net, a back up option she'll settle for in case big crush doesn't come around and sweep her off her feet. You are not friendzoned, so don't worry about that. My suggestion is just continue joking around with her, keep it friendly, nothing serious. Don't get attached to her because she won't to you. She is too young for anything serious.

 

Oh, I agree with this. Never be someone's back up. They will never respect you or love you. As soon as a better option comes into play, they are on it and will ditch you. Best way to handle a person like this is either to ditch them or go along with it and not catch feelings -- play their own game on them.

[Omei]

Hate it when people ask if you would ever date them then if they actually suggest doing it you get a no.

 

AKA I just wanted a ego boost out of knowing you fancy me

[tombadtom]

Whenever somebody tells somebody else that they are not ready for a relationship, there is prepositional phrase missing from the end of that disclaimer: with you. If the person was all that into you it wouldn't matter if they just got out of past relationship 5 minutes ago, they'd be chomping at the bit to be with you. Absent that, it's simply a way to let somebody down gently, even though it's inherently disingenuous.

 

I agree!

step back, chill for some time, see how. don't just wait for her, go date with other girls at the same time.

[kuji]

Thanks for the replies everybody! I'm afraid however that I did get friendzoned. We were talking over text the other night, and she said, in so many words, this: I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, and your friendship means to much to me to jeprodize. So I think it's safe to say that that's the end of that then. She sees me for as a friends and not a lover. This kinda thing always happened to me, I'm nice to girls and I bend over backwards for them, and then when I pop the question, I either get played or friendzoned. I kinda think she was playing me though. Like why ask if we'd be more than just friends, then say you don't want a relationship? Like wtf? Oh well I told her I says the best thing for us to do is this point is to forget this whole thing and remain friends, because again we are coworkers and I don't want it to be awkward.

 

As far as my feelings for her go, who knows maybe eventually she'll come around, but I'm not going to stick around and wait for it. As one poster said, if she was really into me, it wouldn't matter the circumstances, she would have said yes in a heartbeat.

 

 

Girls what can ya do

Cheers

[Redhead14]

Hello everybody! First I must apologize that I am adding to the endless thread about this topic. Also if this in the weong section, mods please feel free to move to the appropriate place. Now then, I like this girl...no kidding lol, I've know her about a year. We are coworkers that's how we met. Normally I would NEVER date a coworker (gossip gossip) but we work in different departments so I guess it's ok. I am 3 years older than her, she is 17, I am 20. We both agree that the age isn't an issue, both her and my parents are cool with it.

Now I have been hanging out with this girl alot, going to dinner, coffee etc. Over the year I've know her I've developed a crush on her. Just as a joke I consider her my little sister and she considers me her big brother. Me I am an only child, and she has a little brother.

Whenever we text each other we always flirt and joke about dating and stuff like that. A couple of days ago we were texting and she asked me if 'we' would ever be more that friends.

That started my gears turning that she is into me. We were taking and we both agreed if we were to date then we would keep it on the down low; don't want anybody from work to find out like I said.

Yesterday we went to dinner, and then were siting in my car just talking, and I popped the question, I know it's a weird place to do it, but I had no other alternative. I told her I really like her and I want to take it to the next level. I figured that since she texted me that blurb, she wanted the same.

She replied by saying that she isn't ready for a relationship yet, and we need to take it slow, but that she really likes me. The wa??

She said to be patient and I told her no problem, I didn't really know what else to say lol. Did she just tell me she's not interested and sees me more as a friend?

If she said she doesn't like me like that, then that's fine I can live with that, but the fact that SHE asked me if we would ever be more that friends was what originally got my gears turning in the first place. And what's key is she said 'not ready YET'.

She has had crushes on some of my guy friends/coworkers before, and she told me that I would act differently around them when she was interested in them.

One thing I need to mention is she had a big crush on a guy I know for a couple of months, I was obviously jealous and she told me she that she noticed it, however they did break it off recently because he was being an a**hole to her.

So if she's still not completely over that guy, I get that. My fear though is I just got friend zoned. If she was really into me then wouldn't she have said yes regardless?

Some of my friends said to keep persuading her, but some also said it was just a polite way of saying no and to move on. I'm leaning more towards the latter, but still, that text she sent me....was that just a tease or what?

I have had crushes like this in the past, and I would always bend over backwards for them, and in the end I guess I end up being too nice, get played or get friendzoned. Then my credit card company starts to yell at me for racking up all kinds of charges lol

One more thing I should mention is she still has her v card, I do not however. Don't know it makes a difference or not but I figured id mention it.

I feel embarrassed about having to ask this online, but I don't know what else to do. She said she wants to go see a movie soon btw.

 

 

Anyway sorry for the long post

Cheers

 

When two people are dating especially early on, how would they know if they are ready for a relationship with you yet? This phrase shouldn't be interpreted with a blanket assumption. She wants to go out with you now and you really like her, date her for awhile, give her the opportunity to decide if she wants a relationship with you. Then you at some point do some reality checks . . . right now you need to try to pin down whether she simply doesn't want a boyfriend now or ever. Casually and non-specifically discuss what your dating goals are, both of yours, what you two want in the long run. Then you'll have a better sense of what to do here. Just say something like "I'm hoping to find the right girl for me and get married some day" but don't say with her. Just overall goals.