justagirl1121 Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 I am working with this guy who I've over the past couple months grown fond of. I'm 22, he's 27. He's witty and funny. I don't normally attract guys, in fact, i've never dated anyone, or had much attention from any guys, so I'm not sure at all what my crush's behavior might be telling me. Is he flirting because he's interested or because that's the way he is? I get the impression he likes me at least as a bud...and I would say myself he is interested, but that's where the problem comes in....am I right or not? First, though, some things have to be explained: There was a girl who worked in our department. She's 24. Has a 2 yr old kid and is sorta with the father I think... She's still at the same job but in a different department. However, she will probably be coming to the same department in a couple weeks. I think he has a crush on her, but I'm not sure if he's only got eyes for her, or just likes her as a bud...I know he text messages her and probably talks to her a little on the phone, but other than that, I'm not sure. I don't think it goes any further than that. However, he doesn't txt me or anything like that.... Secondly, in our department, there are some other girls of course, however, some are older than they appear and most have kids. So, I'm not sure if his behavior around me is just because I'm the only one in "available" status to be like that with. With that said, here's what he's been doing around me... -Once or twice, when he walked past the cubicle i was in, he tapped my head with a pen, or a sheet of paper. -I was in the aisle, and he came by and he said "you're in my way." So I purposely stood in his way, my back to him. He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me forward so he could get to his seat. He was like "you think you can stop me, I'm twice as big as you." -After that, he walked past me like 3 times within a few minutes and bumped his arm against mine. -We work on the phones and he was able to get offline work right fro the start of his shift but I got stuck waiting for the right supervisor to come in so I could get off and it wasn’t a guarantee…he’d come by and be like ‘im gonna try to get you offline.’ Stuff like that… -one day, because of our 6mo temping there, one of our programs we use wouldn’t allow us to log in, just me and him. He emailed me then and said something about it. I emailed him back. He emailed me back. That was the end of that though, but just b/c it didn’t seem really reasonable to email when we ended up not being at our desks. -Also, one day, since new ppl were coming in, we no longer had our own cubicles. I was walkng past and he comes down the aisle and he says my name and is like ‘sit here.’ (in front of him.) so I am. And when we’re working, he’ll say my name and ask questions and make comments about work related stuff, etc…. -He wanted to order food the one day, and joking, he tells another co worker, "all she does is eat. She weighs like 98 lbs but all she wants to do is eat, eat, eat...." Then he goes, "i probably just insulted you, telling you you weigh 98 lbs and you only weigh 70..." -I'd be standing, leaning against the front cubicle, talking to someone and he came over and gave me the department cell phone we were using when he had to go on his break, and he almost leaned against me side by side, his arm next to mine, to hand me the phone. -Earlier this week, I was getting ticked at him about something and he knew it. He was like "aww, do you need a hug?" and i said no, i don't. and he followed me when i walked away and came around and put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. -A little while later, while talking to one of our leaders, the topic came up and i turned away to do something and he took it the wrong way and he was like 'oh come on now, what do i have to do, buy you flowers?" ............This list goes on........ -We leave work at the same time and he makes me wait for him. He's like "don't go yet." so i tease and call him a slow poke. I was like 'you're so slow, like my brother" (who's 11). and he's like "you compare me to your brother a lot, he must be a really great guy, like me." -Also, we've been doing a lot of overtime. I would kinda see what time he was staying till and if he was staying, i'd put in to stay that day and if he wasn't I wouldnt. I don't know if he kind of did the same thing b/c he'd ask me also if i was staying and if i said yeah and go "are you?" and he'd say yeah. And a couple times he was like "stay till 9." like he wanted me to stay till 9 with him instead of just 8. -Since we use that cell phone when reps need help on calls, we call it the BAT phone, some of the other girls started calling us the BAT couple and depict our compatibility as a couple. He told 2 other co workers about what they were doing. -He'll ask me to file some paperwork or get him a stapler and he'll be like "aww, you're such a sweetheart." -The other day, I was sitting in my chair but looking over the cubicle at his computer, and my arms were over the cube and I was pointing at the computer screen trying to tell him to do something and he wasn't doing it right, and i was like 'you're being a spaz' and he grabbed my wrist and gave it a little back and forth motion, then let go. -We walk out to our cars together. -Another thing, there is actually another kid who likes me, and he’s emailed me and is like ‘we should hang out’, but I just feel kind of awkward around this guy and the feelings just are not there. I can joke with my crush and stuff and not be fazed. My crush has brought up the fact this other kid likes me and the only occurance my crush has seen is like 2 x the guy was on our side of the building and was like ‘what’s up’….he was like if you like him, start conversation, if not then be creeped out cause he’s into you. And I was like ‘i’m not really interested’ and he’s like ok. And I’m like why do you keep bringing it up…and how can you tell anyway…….and he’s like ‘i’m a guy, I can tell. Body language. SO WHY CANT I TELL IF MY CRUSH LIKES ME!? AHHH!! Some other things that have been happening also.... Another co worker, he was like "is there something i am missing....you two...all this overtime...." iwas like what are you talking about, and he's like 'i'm just kidding with you..." Also, one other lady was saying something, i heard "is your girlfriend working tomorrow" i think saying that to him meaning me....she wasnt making much sense tho, we were both like 'what are you talking about" but i got the jist she was making some sort of innuedo... Also, when I had to wait for him so we could leave, I was in the middle of saying "I'm nice and wait for him and he's being mean" (because he was like 'come on jeez, are you ready to go yet" mocking me) and one of the other older ladies jokes and says "going on your date?" and he just kinda gave me this smile stick your tongue between your teeth thing goofy face. Yeah, so what does it MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This other girl will be coming back to the department, I am a little jealous, but I can't tell him my true feelings. I don't know if he knows i like him...maybe that's why he started acting this way towards me....is it interest or am i just a friend? Last time there were some signs with a guy, and i ended up telling him i liked him, he told me he liked this other girl....i can't do that again!!! HELP!!!
Also a 22-yo Female Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 Alright Girl, from your post, all I can tell is that the two of you are really comfortable around each other. You're right, I can't tell either if the crush is mutual. But you know what else? Most of the time, when someone finds him-/herself crushing over someone, they don't know if the other person likes them back-- until they make a move!! It is entirely normal to be nervous about making a move when you don't know how the other person will react. But you can't let that stop you from ever making a move! How will you ever know if this guy likes you?? Secondly, the last thing you mentioned-- that there was another guy you liked before and when you told him, you found out he wasn't interested. You say that you can't do that again. Hun, everyone does that. Everyone gets crushes on people who don't like them back. Everyone gets rejected sometimes. That's life. If you can't accept that you will sometimes get hurt as you play the dating game, you will never be willing to take the chances that you need to take in order to find a guy you can enjoy a happy relationship with. Getting hurt sometimes is part of being human. It can also make you a stronger, more courageous, and kinder person. Stronger and more courageous because you will find that your self-worth can survive the occasional blow, and kinder because once you realize how rejection can hurt, you will take care to reject more gently when you are in the position to reject. (And you will be, almost everyone take a little and dishes a little.) So what do you do in this situation? I can think of a couple of options. First, you can put the word out that you like him. This will alow two things. First, you may be able to find out from others if he likes you (if he has been talking). Second, if you really let word get around, and he finds out, if he does like you, he just might put the moves on you. OR, if he doesn't like you that way, he may tone down his flirtation a lot when he realized he has been sending the wrong signals. Second, you can step up your flirtation with him. Be a little more obvious, a little more suggestive, a little more cuddly. He should get the idea, and as with my first suggestion, if he likes you, he will also begin to flirt more intensely or even ask you out. If he doesn't, he will realize he gave you the wrong idea and will start sending some serious "not interested" vibes. Third, you can be direct. Ask him if he'd like to hang out after work, just the two of you. You can even do this in a way that leaves the meaning of hanging-out open-ended. Then you can see how he interprets it. If you go out and he treats you like a buddy, then you are two buds hangin' out. If you go out and he is all touchy-feely, then it's a date. Even more direct than that-- tell him flat out that you like him. There are some trade-offs to these different approaches. The less direct you are and the more you rely on word-of-mouth and flirty signals, the less vulnerable you are to direct rejection, BUT the potential for signals to get lost in translation is greater. What if he misinterprets your signals? Guys can be ridiculously clueless-- it's frightening sometimes! Just remember that it is not the end of the world if he's not interested. He sounds like a nice enough guy. I bet if he does reject you, he will at least do it gently. And if he doesn't, he is not nice enough to be worth crushing over! Anyway, I the potential happiness that can come out of putting yourself on the line is worth it. However you decide to do it, Go for it, Girl!
Author justagirl1121 Posted March 24, 2005 Author Posted March 24, 2005 Thanks....your advice was super. I was feeling pretty good a few days ago with stuff, but today is another story. On Sunday, I was at work and this lady next to me is like "you two will end up going out." i feined it, i should have asked more questiosn. I was like whhhaaat? shes like 'you two may not see it, but the rest of us around do. christina and i have talked about it, haven't we?" so that made me feel good. I should have been like, why what do you see? I dont know if that still stands. I am trying to work up my courage to be like 'i need to talk to you' to her and find out what she sees. Last few days have been kind of quiet though. Hasn't been much talking. Usually he's calling my name and asking a question or making a comment about something, but all week that hasn't been the case. You know how things just suddenly change drastically....it's almost like that. Today, the other girl, sara, came up to visit when she was done working. I asked her what she'd done the other night (she'd mentioned going out) and her response was a little.....off. There was definitely some eye thing going on with her when i asked her, like she looked at scott behind me and had this like mixed up excuse about her kid having a 104 temp, which maybe he did but it seemed kind of flustered. so maybe they hung out. cause she was all like i dont remember, i havent gotten any sleep, i'm still out of it. then when she went to talk to scott, i heard him ask her 'you doing anything tonight?" she said 'no, i can't really for the next few days, with branden"....etc....he was like 'oh okay..." sooooooooo........at that point today the day kind of turned itself around. i wish i could just forget it. i know i'll never know if i dont say anything, but it's never worked out, i know it'll never work out with him. i know that's negative, i just wish i could get over it. put it out of my mind. i'm not quite sure what she has that i don't have....i mean she's pretty enough, i'm no model, but i'm not ugly. in fact, the other morning, some lady on the elevator was like 'for a minute, i thought you two were twins!" i was like 'really???" so i dont know if that's a good thing or bad thing, lol.....i've had some friends who i just looooooved their personality. her's is cool but to me nothing outragiously spectacular, so i just really super dont know what to think, i just wish i could stop thinking. i can't even believe i'm rambling on to myself on a msg board.
Author justagirl1121 Posted March 26, 2005 Author Posted March 26, 2005 I wanna make a comment to the first post by the other girl.....where my way of thinking is coming in, and don't take me too seriously, as you can see I'm pretty messed up in the head, but by comparison, it seems like your guy had a definite interest in you, and I'm really clueless as to why things might have changed suddenly. I don't know what your situation has turned into in the last week, but I'd say there was something there for a short time. Either it was just a fling thing for him or he's convinced himself you're not interested at all, I would be the last person to take seriously. I'm not going to tell you to tell him you like him, if you are interesed because I can't do that myself, though we both know that is the right direction to head ourselves, isn't it??? I say, life sucks, girls and guys are just stupid. I don't get this whole guy/girl thing at ALL. Today, there was some more joking. A tech guy criticized me on the phone. He was like "are you a temp?" and I was like "yeah." and he's like "no wonder you didn't know that then" and Scott's like, that you're bf?" and i was like 'shhh don't tell" and he's like "what, don't tell your other bf?" and i was like 'geez, don't let the secrets out will you?" and he was like "this is what i'm going to do, i'm going to talk to you, and i'm going to spread it around that you are with all these guys...etc"" and i'm like "oh, i'm a player???" and he's like "yeah, you know, cause you look all innocent no one would believe it, where me, on the ohter hand, they would tend to blieve more..." IT was something like that. We worked w/ a girl he doesnt like. i told him i was going to call her and tell her he likes her, talks about her. he starts saying stuff like oh yeah, i'm passionately in love with her, blah bhal and i was like 'i'm committing this all to memory....this way when i tell her all these things, i wont be lying, b/c you're saying them!" hahah....we know we're mean, we discussed that.... but when we left work, i was like what you doing tonite? he's like "i dont really feel like going out. but i've made plans. either the bar or a movie" and there was 2 girls/ladies on the elevator and she's like 'a movie is more relaxing" whatever that means and when just us two were walkign to our car he's like 'that girl with the long hair, theother day i was going to the bathroom adn she was around and i heard her saying 'hey, that's the one i was telling you about' and scott's like 'i looked around and i was the only one there, i was like oh boy" and i was like haha you get em all huh, maybe i'll tell her you like her too, while we're at it. and he's like you better not. and i was like oh and what about connie...adn he didnt remember connie, this other lady, who he has no idea how they even sorta became acquanted. i guess she's emailed him at work a couple times, like 'don't you ever work haha?" or something like that. then he's like 'walk closer, maybe she'll think you're my girlfriend, she wont bother me." i was like 'oh you want me to walk up and knock on her window?" (She was getting in the car)...he's like 'oh yeah, be like hey that's my man, leave him a lone' i was like 'hey, yeah you can have him!" and he's like 'oh hey now,' and punched my arm. that was that, but it was interesting......i wouldnt mind being his girlfriend, i just wish i could tell if he's trying to hint ro what........cause earlier when we were joking i was telling him about how that girl heather just never got a clue when it came ot these guys...and scott's like 'if i guy is interested, he'll make it known" so i'm not sure how to take that.......was he implying anything today or WHAT THE HELL????? *cries over her stupid problem*
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