Brutel Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Hello all. I really need some advice because I think I'm driving myself crazy. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. She broke up with me once last year and I accepted it and let her go. She came back about a week later, said she didn't do anything talk to anyone etc. well I found out she did and she lied to me about it. She also lied and went behind my back, talked to other guys while we where together, went on dates, made out with some. She only admits to making out she doesn't say anything more about any of the times. Now, the only reason I even knew any of this happened is because I found out from other people. When I confront her about it, she completely turns things around on me, threatens to kill herself, tells me we are done its old news she proves herself to me etc etc. makes me look and fee stupid to everyone because she doesn't tel anyone the full truth just things that will make her look good. Then she tells me I'm asking questions because of my self esteem? Lol. Am I crazy for asking her questions about things she did behind my back? She won't take blame for any of It and feels she did nothing at all wrong. Now remember I didn't know anything until other people told me. Then she admits to bits and pieces. So I just don't know what to do and I don't get how it gets turned around on me every time. Someone please give me some advice, I could really use it Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 You're just crazy for being with her...guys like you get treated this way by girls like this because they know they can do it to you. You're just being stupid at this point...you had to find out from other people and you're still there, how foolish can you be? Who gives a damn what she says. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Really? You need advice? You need a kick in the pants or your head examining! What you need to do, is to leave, and not look back. She's treating you like a doormat, and all you're doing is inviting her to keep wiping her feet all over you. Jeesh, I'm sorry to spell it out, but she doesn't love you: You're useful to her because she gets what she wants form you, while giving you nothing in return. And please don't come back with all her wonderful virtues, now. If she was really any good, you would have pointed it out already. You need to break up with HER - and go total No Contact and never, ever even think of taking her back! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brutel Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 I did break up with her for over 2 months hooked up with other girls etc and I heard from everyone and herself how upset and depressed she was. She kept leaving letters in my mailbox and really fighting for me to come back so I dont understand why she does what she does when we are together then begs for me back when I leave. I don't get it that's why i need advice I'm sorry I didnt explain enough Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Just accept it for what it is and get on with your life. Only thing you'll gain by talking about or to her is a headache. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I did break up with her for over 2 months hooked up with other girls etc and I heard from everyone and herself how upset and depressed she was. Yes, narcissistic attention-seekers do miss the devotion when it's removed.... She kept leaving letters in my mailbox and really fighting for me to come back I thought I explained this in my last post.... didn't I?? OK, here it is again: She's treating you like a doormat, and all you're doing is inviting her to keep wiping her feet all over you..... she doesn't love you: You're useful to her because she gets what she wants from you, while giving you nothing in return. so I dont understand why she does what she does when we are together then begs for me back when I leave. Because breaking in a new victim-BF is going to be so much harder than relying on a willing ex-BF. You are so gullible, she knows she can reel you back in, any time she wants.... I don't get it that's why i need advice I'm sorry I didnt explain enough[Well hopefully I did, and you get it now. You need to dump her like a four-day-old fish covered in cow dung and never ever pick her up again. Got it now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I did break up with her for over 2 months hooked up with other girls etc and I heard from everyone and herself how upset and depressed she was. She kept leaving letters in my mailbox and really fighting for me to come back so I dont understand why she does what she does when we are together then begs for me back when I leave. I don't get it that's why i need advice I'm sorry I didnt explain enough You're a doormat. You allow a woman to question your own sanity and turn things around to alleviate her own guilt and you sit there and ask, but why? She does what she does when you're together because she can treat you like a doormat. When you both are not together, she doesn't have the doormat to kiss her behind so she tries to get back with you. Your self-esteem is really in the tank. That's the one thing she has right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brutel Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 Thank you guys honestly i needed to hear this and i wanted answers as to why she acts like she does when I leave and if it was because she really loves me or what the deal is. I feel bad for her that's why i haven't fully left her because i thought what she was doing was because of that not because she wanted to keep using me. I was her first i took her virginity so I was just curious. The whole situation is confusing Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Thank you guys honestly i needed to hear this and i wanted answers as to why she acts like she does when I leave and if it was because she really loves me or what the deal is. I feel bad for her that's why i haven't fully left her because i thought what she was doing was because of that not because she wanted to keep using me. I was her first i took her virginity so I was just curious. The whole situation is confusing She's just manipulating man, some women will do that in order to keep a man in her clutches for her own personal issues and basically lean on you when her dysfunction takes over. You're that security net at the end of the day she falls into, and she can't be honest with you about what she thinks and feels because she knows she risks losing you if she does that...she just needs to keep you on the hook as long as possible, she's not thinking about your needs, she's thinking about what's in her best interest. She's using your pity and twisting the game on to you to keep herself from having to take responsibility and feel bad about herself...a lot of people do that and justify it by saying they can't tolerate hearing anything bad about themselves...they feel too bad already, they don't want to hear negative things and what you're saying is just making it worse and yadda yadda yadda... These people aren't caring about you, they're just using you for a reason...in a way they need you, not because the love you, but because they've come dependent on you for that support...but she's never going to be able to reciprocate those feelings and you can spend all day and night trying to figure it out, harassing her for answers...but it'll never change, it'll always be that way, you'll always feel that void. Don't be an idiot, use your own brain...you know better already, you're just hoping you're somehow magically wrong, but you're not...and that's what so hard for you to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Thank you guys honestly i needed to hear this and i wanted answers as to why she acts like she does when I leave and if it was because she really loves me or what the deal is. I feel bad for her that's why i haven't fully left her because i thought what she was doing was because of that not because she wanted to keep using me. I was her first i took her virginity so I was just curious. The whole situation is confusing Stop feeling bad for her. Feel bad for yourself because no one should treat you like that. Gaslighting, threatening suicide, shutting you out, making you look and feel stupid, etc. Start feeling bad for you and let this crazy go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brutel Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 Thanks everyone. I do agree and I need to work on myself and getting rid of her. This just really opened my eyes to a lot and I just wanted to hear it. it's funny because I think about it and she is always sick cuz of me and can't go to work because she's crying etc but she goes anyways and seems perfectly fine while there and lies about people asking her if she's ok, lies and says guys always flirt and leave them there number etc. I think I'm starting to catch on Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Thanks everyone. I do agree and I need to work on myself and getting rid of her. This just really opened my eyes to a lot and I just wanted to hear it. it's funny because I think about it and she is always sick cuz of me and can't go to work because she's crying etc but she goes anyways and seems perfectly fine while there and lies about people asking her if she's ok, lies and says guys always flirt and leave them there number etc. I think I'm starting to catch on Get rid of her yesterday and start working on yourself. Can't work on yourself when you have this drama and craziness in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 said she didn't do anything talk to anyone etc. well I found out she did and she lied to me about it. She also lied and went behind my back, talked to other guys while we where together, went on dates, made out with some. she completely turns things around on me, threatens to kill herself She won't take blame for any of It and feels she did nothing at all wrong So. She's a liar. She has no sense of personal responsibility. And she makes suicide threats. These are major character flaws that will take years if not decades to change, if they ever do. I'd move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brutel Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 Yeah I know thank you. I'm just sick of it being turned on me I can't even ask a question. She's pretty rude to everyone including her own family and they all fight all the time. It's never calm in the house. She makes everyone feel bad for living life honestly. She goes to a therapist, lies and manipulates the therapist to the point where even she turns **** on me and says I need to come in for a visit because it's my own issues ? Even if I try to talk about almost anything even calmly she flips out and goes crazy and brings up **** I've done and throws it in my face as her get out of jail free. She threatens to call girls I've hung out with and ask them about it and make me look stupid etc. she does it every time we argue and she went through my phone while I was sleeping and took there numbers and uses it agenst me like blackmail Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brutel Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 Thanks everyone for the input Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Yeah I know thank you. I'm just sick of it being turned on me I can't even ask a question. She's pretty rude to everyone including her own family and they all fight all the time. It's never calm in the house. She makes everyone feel bad for living life honestly. She goes to a therapist, lies and manipulates the therapist to the point where even she turns **** on me and says I need to come in for a visit because it's my own issues ? Even if I try to talk about almost anything even calmly she flips out and goes crazy and brings up **** I've done and throws it in my face as her get out of jail free. She threatens to call girls I've hung out with and ask them about it and make me look stupid etc. she does it every time we argue and she went through my phone while I was sleeping and took there numbers and uses it agenst me like blackmail And you feel bad for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 She's going to continue threatening you...a woman like that you can't leave unless she leaves you, it goes with her self-esteem and all this crap...too much to explain all the issues here and now but you're in way over your head...you need to be the kind of guy that can "check" her, but you haven't been that guy...you've been the doormat and you've likely not go it into you to be anyone else..and she knows that and she will exploit you to her advantage as long as you let her do it. She will make threats or anything it takes to stop you from leaving her, she stills sees herself as the victim in all of this. She is not going to let you just go, she's going to really go full on for a while, but you've got to call her bluff. Manipulative women are always good at having multiple faces, they know how to play with peoples minds and look good or a certain way to make people think of them in a favorable way...she'd never let for example someone else see her that way...so set up a recorder and taper her @ss...turn the tables on her, she'll be scared of you if she thinks you got little testicles at least in your pants...she doesn't respect you now though. You're just in way over your head, I could drop kick this girl into next week (figure of speech of course)...but you my friend, are holding a hot potato...better pass it on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brutel Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 Thank you and thanks everyone it's hard to let someone go who you think cares so much. I never saw it just being her own selfishness but I understand now Link to post Share on other sites
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