Jimmyjackson Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I was dumped three months ago, recently I've been doing very well and starting to see the negatives in my ex; I've also started to find her less attractive. However, today I've felt down and wanted to talk to her, been no contact for 6 weeks now and I just need someone on this site to talk me out of it and make me feel positive I guess! Either way I won't contact her, but I'm just having one of those moments where I feel pessimistic
SoThatHappened Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 No sweat man. I've been out of the breakup for 6 months. It was LC the first week, a quick contact to avoid her coming to my house at 2 months, and absolutely no contact since. She is a monster. But, for whatever reason, she was really heavy on my mind 2 days ago. One of those waves that have been more rare as time goes on. Trust me, those tough days get fewer and further between. Just stick to your NC guns.
Chatmonkey Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Im with ya. Im creeping up on 6 weeks myself and thought I was completely over it 2 days ago and then wham she's all over my mind. The good thing is you know its just passing by and not here to stay and as sth said they will get fewer and further between... These times though really suck some serious ass though!!
Detectingfreak Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Don't contact her. Go out and get drunk with your friends or stay in and get drunk
Sweetescape910 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Since you DID reply to my last thread, I'll help you out with your situation. I went back to your first thread. It's weird because the same exact thing happened to my good guy friend. His girlfriend went away to camp and when she came back she was really distant, and they constantly argued. So trust me, you're not the only one who went through it. I cant tell you if she'll come back, and if no contact will make her miss you. However, when I wanted to contact my "ex" , I recieved this advice on love shack: "Would you be willing to repeat this mantra?: "I'm doing no contact for me and only me. I'm doing it to heal because I love myself." Keep repeating it. You may not believe in it at first, especially since you've expressed an interest in reconciliation. But keep saying it and see how it transforms your pain into something more healing, productive, nurturing, and self-loving." I know it's unbearable, you want to feel loved and you want to feel validated. Trust me I do too. But sometimes things don't work out.. when I was dumped by my first love, I was devestated. The pain was unbearable. I was soooo depressed. But one day, I promise you, you'll have that moment of CLEAN CRYSTAL CLARITY and realize you're over her. I know I cant give you step by step instructions on how to move on and it'll be guaranteed, but the only thing I can truly guarentee you is time heals all wounds. Time can be your best friend, but it can also be a little b!tch. Hope I helped. keep your head up! There's a great girl out there who's right for YOU. And if it helps, write in a journal and write a note to your ex saying everything you wanna say. Then take a lighter out and burn it. Best wishes. Xx
Sweetescape910 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 By the way, don't ever be hard on yourself for not moving on completley. From what I see, your taking steps. You're seeing negatives in her which is honestly great. Step by step.. Don't hate yourself and don't be an enemy. Be a friend to yourself!
Chi townD Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Don't contact her. Go out and get drunk with your friends or stay in and get drunk HAHA! NO! Don't do that right now. You have a strong chance of drunk dialing her.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 Since you DID reply to my last thread, I'll help you out with your situation. I went back to your first thread. It's weird because the same exact thing happened to my good guy friend. His girlfriend went away to camp and when she came back she was really distant, and they constantly argued. So trust me, you're not the only one who went through it. I cant tell you if she'll come back, and if no contact will make her miss you. However, when I wanted to contact my "ex" , I recieved this advice on love shack: "Would you be willing to repeat this mantra?: "I'm doing no contact for me and only me. I'm doing it to heal because I love myself." Keep repeating it. You may not believe in it at first, especially since you've expressed an interest in reconciliation. But keep saying it and see how it transforms your pain into something more healing, productive, nurturing, and self-loving." I know it's unbearable, you want to feel loved and you want to feel validated. Trust me I do too. But sometimes things don't work out.. when I was dumped by my first love, I was devestated. The pain was unbearable. I was soooo depressed. But one day, I promise you, you'll have that moment of CLEAN CRYSTAL CLARITY and realize you're over her. I know I cant give you step by step instructions on how to move on and it'll be guaranteed, but the only thing I can truly guarentee you is time heals all wounds. Time can be your best friend, but it can also be a little b!tch. Hope I helped. keep your head up! There's a great girl out there who's right for YOU. And if it helps, write in a journal and write a note to your ex saying everything you wanna say. Then take a lighter out and burn it. Best wishes. Xx Out of curiosity, how did things go with your friend when he had a similar situation? I am mostly over it to be honest with you I just get these odd moments when I think of her, mostly at night when I'm home alone with nothing to do.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 Thanks for the responses guys, I didn't contact her like I said I wouldn't anyway...felt a lot better even about an hour after posting this thread, was just one of those moments I guess.
PaperCrane Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I'll throw my 0.02 in on one of your statements. [...]mostly at night when I'm home alone with nothing to do. This used to be a big issue with me during a period of NC. The best thing to do is to acknowledge the fact you're thinking about her and then actively push that out of your mind and do something else, anything else. Well...not anything else. Stuff like skydiving without a parachute would count as 'anything', and would remove her from your mind, but that isn't very conducive to a happier future. The act of letting yourself know you are thinking about her and then knowingly pushing her from your mind is a way to reinforce to yourself that she is gone. That you can do things and think about things that do not involve her. I made it a point to myself after a certain number of weeks that if I were to dwell on her for more than 10 minutes it could constitute breaking NC. I allowed myself time to think, but creating that limiter helped me move on much more quickly.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 I'll throw my 0.02 in on one of your statements. This used to be a big issue with me during a period of NC. The best thing to do is to acknowledge the fact you're thinking about her and then actively push that out of your mind and do something else, anything else. Well...not anything else. Stuff like skydiving without a parachute would count as 'anything', and would remove her from your mind, but that isn't very conducive to a happier future. The act of letting yourself know you are thinking about her and then knowingly pushing her from your mind is a way to reinforce to yourself that she is gone. That you can do things and think about things that do not involve her. I made it a point to myself after a certain number of weeks that if I were to dwell on her for more than 10 minutes it could constitute breaking NC. I allowed myself time to think, but creating that limiter helped me move on much more quickly. Yeah I agree, often when I'm busy i do think of her a little in the back of my mind but it's nowhere near as prominent. I spent today job searching and I'm planning on moving away to London, something that I was scared to do because of the hope she would come back but now I'm accepting that there's a life out there for me filled with possibilities. The big city should hopefully present all of these opportunities to me!
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Having one of those moments again, late at night, looking at old pictures of her and realizing how hot she was. Keep trying to reassure myself that there are plenty of other hot girls I'm yet to meet...
flitzanu Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 the thing to remember, is, during these 6 weeks that you've wanted to contact her, what has she done? she's done nothing...she hasn't tried to contact you...so that means she doesn't want to talk to you. why do you want to waste your time on someone that doesn't care enough to try?
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 the thing to remember, is, during these 6 weeks that you've wanted to contact her, what has she done? she's done nothing...she hasn't tried to contact you...so that means she doesn't want to talk to you. why do you want to waste your time on someone that doesn't care enough to try? I never said I was going to contact her or anything, I was simply just missing her when I posted this.
PaperCrane Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I never said I was going to contact her or anything, I was simply just missing her when I posted this. Perhaps...are you missing the idea of her rather than her? A lot of times those lines get blurry. Especially because it seems it comes to you when your mind is allowed to wander when you have nothing else to do. The idea of her being there when you're alone is nice because it is like an old blanket you remember. However, when you investigate the blankey you realize it is; frayed, smelly, full of holes, and not quite what you actually remember. 1
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 Perhaps...are you missing the idea of her rather than her? A lot of times those lines get blurry. Especially because it seems it comes to you when your mind is allowed to wander when you have nothing else to do. The idea of her being there when you're alone is nice because it is like an old blanket you remember. However, when you investigate the blankey you realize it is; frayed, smelly, full of holes, and not quite what you actually remember. Yeah bit of both I guess, I do miss having a girlfriend, I enjoyed spending time with someone. But I do miss her too in the sense she had a lot of the qualities that I look for in a girl, even like the little things you know.
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