Tayken Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 "Happy wife, happy life"...how ridiculous does that sound in this day and age, and do any of you fellas subscribe to this? All this does is cement the entitlement mentality, and create a situation where a person thinks they deserve something, always have to have their way, and have the last say ....just because I guess for the husband it doesn't matter what he wants, because he is a second class citizen in the relationship. Your thoughts
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 The first thought that crossed my mind was "give me the man of my dreams, and I will treat him like a king". And then I added consciously "but he also must think Im the woman of his dreams and treat me like a queen". And then I came to the conclusion that I will stay forever alone
littleblackheart Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 "Happy wife, happy life"...how ridiculous does that sound in this day and age, and do any of you fellas subscribe to this? All this does is cement the entitlement mentality, and create a situation where a person thinks they deserve something, always have to have their way, and have the last say ....just because I guess for the husband it doesn't matter what he wants, because he is a second class citizen in the relationship. Your thoughts Study Finds That 'Happy Wife, Happy Life' Is Pretty Dead On
littleblackheart Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 On the other hand The Perfect Husband Is Healthy, Attractive, and Aggreable
CrystalCastles Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 "Happy wife, happy life"...how ridiculous does that sound in this day and age, and do any of you fellas subscribe to this? I'm not a "fella" but this quote makes sense. If you love your wife, why wouldn't you want to make sure she's happy? Why wouldn't you put in the effort to please her? In return she'll do the same, which will give you a happy life. Its called being loving and selfless. If you marry someone who is the same, they'll be loving and selfless in return. All this does is cement the entitlement mentality, and create a situation where a person thinks they deserve something, always have to have their way, and have the last say ....just because I guess for the husband it doesn't matter what he wants, because he is a second class citizen in the relationship. Your thoughts My thoughts? Is that you missed the point of the quote completely. I have no idea where you got this entitlement thing from, but I doubt that's what the quote is saying. I don't see where in the quote it says anything about men being second class citizens. I don't know how you came to such a bitter and angry conclusion. Of course it matters what the husband thinks, but that is obvious. God, some of the things in your post remind me of my sister when she was little, and my mom would compliment me on my artwork or good grades, and she would say "where's MY compliment?!?". If I were married and my husband was unhappy, that would make me unhappy. I don't want my husband to be unhappy. Simply because it doesn't mention the word "husband" in the quote, does not mean a husband's happiness doesn't matter. 2
salparadise Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Study Finds That 'Happy Wife, Happy Life' Is Pretty Dead On This is essentially how I interpret the idiom, and I think it's true... A man wants peace, harmony, congruency. He wants his wife to be happy; he wants to make her happy. Regardless if other circumstances, a contented wife is comforting and has an overall stabilizing effect on his mood and his life. On the other hand, a woman who is predisposed to being dissatisfied... wanting what she doesn't have, seeing her glass as half empty, never-ending drama, taking issue with everything from her dislike of tv commercials to the way her groceries are bagged... this kind of woman undermines the inherent harmony of the universe and it will make a man miserable. Don't ask me how I know. 2
xxoo Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 "Happy wife, happy life"...how ridiculous does that sound in this day and age, and do any of you fellas subscribe to this? It's my husband's motto. He's pretty happy! But really, it's reciprocal. This is just catchy because it rhymes. 1
Gloria25 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 (edited) Well, "duh", If wife is mad, no sex, she walks around the house pouting and/or upset...worst, she may throw a hissy fit and cry. Men want sex, so they're not gonna upset the wifey.... While I've never been married, being under the same roof with someone pouty and/or upset (i.e. "mom") just makes you want to just agree with whatever to just "keep the peace". I don't know what it is about the male psyche, but men hate to see women cry. The "water works" can bring a man to their knees. Hence, why some guys do the "fade" instead of dealing with the break up. Funny, the other day I was listening to my podcast and she was saying the reasons why men and women went ahead and married despite red flags....Well, the female's reasons were "They wanna have their "day in a white dress" and ain't giving that up and/or be embarrassed in front of family/friends(in other words, all about "them/the female")...But, the males were more worried about the "honor" of going through with their promise to the bride and/or not wanting to see her cry (in other words, all about the female, not the male). So, all and all, seems like guys are hardwired to cater to females - women have more power than they are aware of....and, I'm not talking about all that "equality" nonsense. Just being a "woman" is more power than you know...I have yet to tap into that power...lol (hence me being perpetually single). Edited December 4, 2014 by Gloria25
Darren2013 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 No the man's wants are not as important as the woman's wants in the relationship. The same goes for interest level. The woman's interest level is more important than the man's interest level. Honestly the higher her interest level the more fun the relationship will be for both of them. Ideally it is better that her interest level is higher than his. That's the way it has been for a long time and it isn't going to change anytime soon. That's why I am willing to give things a chance with a certain woman that I presently have lukewarm interest in. Having lukewarm interest is really a moot point until I get a better idea what's really there on her end first.
Gloria25 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 No the man's wants are not as important as the woman's wants in the relationship. The same goes for interest level. The woman's interest level is more important than the man's interest level. Honestly the higher her interest level the more fun the relationship will be for both of them. Ideally it is better that her interest level is higher than his. That's the way it has been for a long time and it isn't going to change anytime soon. That's why I am willing to give things a chance with a certain woman that I presently have lukewarm interest in. Having lukewarm interest is really a moot point until I get a better idea what's really there on her end first. I'm sorry, but I beg to differ.... RLs - the good ones - are endless giving back and forth. My fav podcaster says to 'wake up every morning thinking what can you do to make that other person happy'...So, imagine that. If both the man and woman wake up every day thinking how to make each other happy, it's endless back and forth like positive vibes. On my "free premium channel" weekend, I was watching this movie, and in the bedroom the guy and gal were trying to decide "who goes on top" and I was like "OMG, really?". Who does that? In sex, he's on top, she's on top, he gives oral and/or fondles her and she reciprocates. When it's one person doing everything and/or having to "ask" the other partner "who's turn is it", IMO, something is wrong. Both, should be giving to both. The sad thing is that in reality, some RLs are "fear" based - not "pleasure" based. Some women - especially one of my sibling's ex - thought that you had to constantly "keep a guy on his toes" through threats, intimidation, insults, neediness, insecurities, etc....kinda the contrary of "You can get more flies with honey". Her motto probably was "You can "trap" more flies with vinegar cuz their wings would get weighed down". So, some men run around trying to make sure wifey is "happy" cuz they don't wanna rock the boat. I would hate to live like that. Why would I want to be in a situation where my needs are 2nd place cuz the other person "must be kept content"? That kinda goes back to that FWB video you posted a while back. Some men are getting tired of the push and pull and rather be the one keeping her on her toes. Cuz, until you put that ring on, women are probably be on their best behavior cuz they have no leverage. If you don't like what they're doing, you'll be like "next". Many guys that call my podcaster "want their girlfriend back"...in other words, when women get laxed in a RL, the make-up stops, the date night stops, trying to impress them stops, etc. Now, if you're talking about keeping her interest level higher than yours - in the sense that you wanna impress her, I guess that's cool cuz like for a job - you wanna make yourself stand out from the rest....but, if you want her interest level be higher - at the sacrifice of yours (i.e. dating someone who's a 3 and you're a 6), then to me that's not something I'd be into. I wanna be with someone who I'm also interested in. I wouldn't settle just cuz they like me. 1
Darren2013 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I also made the point before that the lower a guy's interest level the more his rational brain will rule his decision making and that's a good thing. When there's a conflict between the feelings of the heart vs. the rational brain then as the God of karate said (Mr. Miyagi) don't put passion before principle. To me it is more important that the woman is having a good time than worrying about myself having a good time. Just knowing that she enjoys my company makes me feel good even if I'm not feeling on fire for her.
Gloria25 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I also made the point before that the lower a guy's interest level the more his rational brain will rule his decision making and that's a good thing. When there's a conflict between the feelings of the heart vs. the rational brain then as the God of karate said (Mr. Miyagi) don't put passion before principle. To me it is more important that the woman is having a good time than worrying about myself having a good time. Just knowing that she enjoys my company makes me feel good even if I'm not feeling on fire for her. At first I would think that this ties into the masochistic fantasies you mentioned, but I believe this leans more towards your need to be in control in RLs. The fear of being hurt and/or rejected makes you want to be with someone you have low interest in, that way if/when the hurt and/or rejection takes place - it would be easier for you to let go. You also believe that if you have low interest in the person, you will be able to control yourself from getting taken advantage of ("played"), and/or won't be doing over the top stuff (i.e. stalking them in your mind) cuz of your low attraction towards them. This is sorta akin to what I do by pursuing FWB situations. By putting myself in a RL that eventually is gonna end, I don't have to worry about putting my heart out there to be hurt cuz it's gonna end on its own - so actually, I was never hurt and/or rejected. The thing that scares me while there was one time I'd get with FWBs that had characteristics that I didn't like (but I did not sacrifice attraction), now I am picky with FWBs. I want a FWB that has characteristics in someone that I'd normally date - which is scary cuz if I like them more, when the FWB situation ends, I get the hurt/rejection that I was trying to avoid. I feel bad for ya cuz I guess it's hard for you to get close to someone you really wanna be with (I think it is your crush), cuz you're afraid that one day she may break your heart if it ever ends. You may also fear the "hold" she may have on you cuz she "is" who you want to be with. So I guess you don't trust your ability to keep your emotions in check so you "date down". Well, I sorta think that's how some people like the OP's thread is referring to get into those types of RLs. They think that if they only appease the dragon, they will be happy - but what they end up with is the dragon blowing fire on them 24/7 cuz the dragon is never happy, the dragon wants what the dragon wants, and the bit of happiness you were hoping for (51% I believe) won't even come to pass.
Shepp Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I think as rhyming sayings go its not an awful one!! I cant think of many occasions when my wife's not happy and simultaneously by lifes perfect! Her being in a mood sucks! If she's happy and we can laugh together then whatevers happening in the world never seems quite so bad. Its not like its all about kowtowing to your girls every want..it kinda works the other way too, cause if my lifes going rough for an external reason shes not going to be on top of the world!
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