BarronVonYolo Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 First thread got closed, here is my new description for viewers of previous one, also would like to get your opinions on this one, thanks: "I'm Joel and in my spare time, I like to save the world from bad guys, feed children in Africa, and help old ladies cross the street. Some of the things I'm interested in are history, various cultures and human psychology. I often go clubbing with friends on weekends and love to hit the dance floor. If you’d like to know more, just drop me a “hi”. I didn’t reveal a lot about my self for you to read on purpose. Rather we chat, talk, engage in conversation to get to know each other instead of us reading through a long page in this section about each other. Also, just because someone looks like a good match “on paper”, doesn’t necessarily translate in reality. Thanks. "
CarrieT Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I like to save the world from bad guys How? feed children in Africa Do you really or are you being pithy? If you really do, elaborate how; i.e., which organization do you work with and in what capacity. If you don't and are being pithy, remove it - it is disingenuous. If you’d like to know more, just drop me a “hi”. I didn’t reveal a lot about my self for you to read on purpose. Not going to work. You are putting the onus of wanting/having a girl reach out to you which they rarely do. Read the stats on how many responses a girl gets from OLD. They are INUNDATED with messages and will not contact you. Rather we chat, talk, engage in conversation to get to know each other instead of us reading through a long page in this section about each other. You are stating the obvious and doesn't need to be said. Also, just because someone looks like a good match “on paper”, doesn’t necessarily translate in reality. I know you don't mean to, but you are already putting someone down and putting forward a negative impression. Remove this entirely. I would suggest adding considerably more about who you are, what excited you, and what you are looking for. Do you read? What kind of music? Favorite movies? A restaurant you frequent with a favorite meal? A dog or a cat? Something like a hook... 2
Author BarronVonYolo Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 How? Do you really or are you being pithy? If you really do, elaborate how; i.e., which organization do you work with and in what capacity. If you don't and are being pithy, remove it - it is disingenuous. Not going to work. You are putting the onus of wanting/having a girl reach out to you which they rarely do. Read the stats on how many responses a girl gets from OLD. They are INUNDATED with messages and will not contact you. You are stating the obvious and doesn't need to be said. I know you don't mean to, but you are already putting someone down and putting forward a negative impression. Remove this entirely. I would suggest adding considerably more about who you are, what excited you, and what you are looking for. Do you read? What kind of music? Favorite movies? A restaurant you frequent with a favorite meal? A dog or a cat? Something like a hook... I'm not going to remove the first line, because it's just a joke, it's obviously a joke, and any girl who reads that and somehow gets offended by it, I wouldn't want to touch her with a 10 ft pole. I will put in more detail about what I like to do to create hooks for convo, thank you sincerely for your advice, but I disagree with you on certain points.
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 POF profile dos and dont's.. Don't explain yourself why, or how. Do say positive things about yourself like: I'm adventurous, happy go lucky, love to joke around. Don't jibber jabber about specific things, DO be casual about it, like: I love to dance, and enjoy hanging out at the club with friends. Don't place your opinions: "just because someone looks like a good match “on paper”, doesn’t necessarily translate in reality" it sounds like you get rejected all the time. DO say: message me, I would love to chat with you or be cheeky and say: message me.....if you dare
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I'm not going to remove the first line, because it's just a joke, it's obviously a joke, and any girl who reads that and somehow gets offended by it, I wouldn't want to touch her with a 10 ft pole. I will put in more detail about what I like to do to create hooks for convo, thank you sincerely for your advice, but I disagree with you on certain points. Don't get so defensive, you wanted outsiders opinions......and well you got um.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Also, just because someone looks like a good match “on paper”, doesn’t necessarily translate in reality. This is the most honest part of your profile. Because it truly reflects your whole attitude and profile. Women that read it will definitely steer clear of you. 2
smg15 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 First thread got closed, here is my new description for viewers of previous one, also would like to get your opinions on this one, thanks: "I'm Joel and in my spare time, I like to save the world from bad guys, feed children in Africa, and help old ladies cross the street. Some of the things I'm interested in are history, various cultures and human psychology. I often go clubbing with friends on weekends and love to hit the dance floor. If you’d like to know more, just drop me a “hi”. I didn’t reveal a lot about my self for you to read on purpose. Rather we chat, talk, engage in conversation to get to know each other instead of us reading through a long page in this section about each other. Also, just because someone looks like a good match “on paper”, doesn’t necessarily translate in reality. Thanks. " Doesn't need to be that long, just write a sentence and eloborate more on you start exchanging messages.
losangelena Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Barron, I think it's a bit better than your last go-round. At least the problematic bits have been removed. I know I'm sounding fickle here, but perhaps you went too far the other direction? Now it just reads a bit generic. As a female, I think I'd have a hard time thinking of things to message you about. I feel like I'm not getting a lot about your personality. This is just a suggestion, but maybe explain more about what you're looking for (dating vs. hooking up, etc), or what you like in a girl. That way, if a girl reads this and identifies with what you say, she'll be quicker to message you.
Dallers Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Here is mine as an example which is simple but effective for me. Only been up 48 hours and had a lot of attention. I f***ing hate online dating with a passion but I do have a weakness for a woman. I live for the moment and do not plan ahead. I can be complex and you need to prove that you are right for me and worth my time before you will be allowed into my restricted section. I walk through life without a care in the world and cherish the moments with those who leave their mark on me. I am far from perfect, have made my mistakes but turned my life upside down and I believe I am nearing the point of being the happiest person I can be. I enjoy keeping fit especially walking, sports and love my coffee and wine. I like nothing more than meeting, connecting and understanding a person. A few things about me: Working in ******* as an Analyst. Lived all over the country. I have no interest in travelling. Originally French and from the coast. Family live in *******. I walk 4500 miles a year. I have a shopping addiction. I always catch an item before it hits the floor. I have a photographic memory. I took a course on full body sensual massage. I like things that need fixing. I am a world class cuddler. I donate blood. Thanks for visiting my profile.
CarrieT Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I'm not going to remove the first line, because it's just a joke, it's obviously a joke, and any girl who reads that and somehow gets offended by it, I wouldn't want to touch her with a 10 ft pole. It is not about being offended. It is about you building yourself up in a manner that doesn't translate to anything other than being a jokester. I will put in more detail about what I like to do to create hooks for convo, thank you sincerely for your advice, but I disagree with you on certain points. Which points?
Author BarronVonYolo Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 This is the most honest part of your profile. Because it truly reflects your whole attitude and profile. Women that read it will definitely steer clear of you. You made an unfair judgment.
Dallers Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 If you want to joke go and look at the examples on Bodybuilding.com but do not expect a response from any women worth your time.
Author BarronVonYolo Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Thank you for the advice everybody, I do not mean to come across defensive, but I felt like a couple people judged my personality from my previous post I made so I was in a slightly defensive state of mind.
bubbletea Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 i'm no profile expert but it seemed a little boring to me, no offense sorry. i would eliminate the last paragraph though.
Author BarronVonYolo Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) It is not about being offended. It is about you building yourself up in a manner that doesn't translate to anything other than being a jokester. Which points? I understand, I figured I wanted to incorporate a bit of silliness in there for balance, rather than come across as completely serious. I also don't want to come across as too qualifying and completely perfect. Baring in mind most of the girls I'll be messaging are 19-21 so they're looking for someone that they can date casually (and so am I). I disagree with the point about stating the obvious and the "just drop a hi" bit making me come across as someone who get's rejected a lot. I figured it would come across more laid back and I might be expecting girls to message me since I have had women approach me in the past. Edited December 3, 2014 by BarronVonYolo
FitChick Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 "I'm Joel and in my spare time, I like to save the world from bad guys, feed children in Africa, and help old ladies cross the street. Some of the things I'm interested in are history, various cultures and human psychology. I often go clubbing with friends on weekends and love to hit the dance floor. If you’d like to know more, just drop me a “hi”. I didn’t reveal a lot about my self for you to read on purpose. Rather we chat, talk, engage in conversation to get to know each other instead of us reading through a long page in this section about each other. Also, just because someone looks like a good match “on paper”, doesn’t necessarily translate in reality. Thanks. " I got your dry humor in the first sentence but many did not so I suggest making the examples sillier, i.e. "I bungee jump off the Empire State Building to relieve stress." However, I would elaborate regarding your interest in history and cultures: "I've always found the Middle Ages particularly fascinating" or "I look forward to camping out in Bhutan on my next vacation." Drop the last paragraph beyond the first sentence.
Molly Hooper Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I got your dry humor in the first sentence but many did not so I suggest making the examples sillier, i.e. "I bungee jump off the Empire State Building to relieve stress." I thought his first line was the best - his humor was clear there. I just didn't think the rest was very funny, charming, or likable.
40 Fonzarelli Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Barren, Instead of taking advice from jeffy, come up with your own profile. To be honest, online dating is all about the pics and less about the profile or what you say. Upload the best pics of yourself or get some professional ones taken.
smg15 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Barren, Instead of taking advice from jeffy, come up with your own profile. To be honest, online dating is all about the pics and less about the profile or what you say. Upload the best pics of yourself or get some professional ones taken. I agree, when a girl responds back because she likes my picture they never read the essay. Instead they want me to discuss things about myself in private messages
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