Resenting Financial Support

[Toodaloo]

Its not always people who have loads of money in the bank who are "rich".

 

Another thing you may consider is a joint account. When I was living with a partner who was earning a lot more than me we just stuck everything in the pot so it was never his or mine but ours.

 

Warning though only do this if you feel completely secure with your partner. Getting out of joint accounts etc is a pain if you break up.

 

I would also always recommend that you have a fund tucked away in your own name that ticks away nicely. But this is from a woman who has been through hell and back and doesn't trust people all that much any more...

[Gloria25]

 

And I want to reiterate that this is all my problem, and not a reflection on my bf's character or integrity as a "real man". My bf has been extremely supportive and has offered to take on more responsibility financially on several occasions. It's my pride and insecurity that's keeping us in this situation. I don't subscribe to the idea of my guy taking care of me financially for the necessities - that doesn't sit well with me. Even though he's willing to do that, it's my responsibility as an adult to be able to support myself or our lifestyle equally. I feel like a failure when I'm not fulfilling my responsibility. This is the mindset I struggle with trying to change.

 

And this ^^ is why now a days I believe males now a days are on their knees, thanking the women's movement.

[Els]

Hearing a chorus of other perspectives here is helping me to become OK with the idea until I get a better paying job. Thank you again for responding this really is helping me and I will talk to him tonight about this. I don't know that he can say anything to change how I feel, but he would at least understand why I'm acting this way and that I'm aware it's not right. He doesn't deserve my surliness.

 

That sounds like a good idea. I hope you two have a fruitful discussion.

 

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think the bolded is very right. I mean, if I were a guy and covering my partner's share of the bills, the very last thing I would want would be for her to get depressed and moody about that. Because chances are the reason he even insisted on covering your share to begin with, was probably because he just wanted you to be happy and not worry about finances, and because he wanted to take care of you. It would seem to be backfiring spectacularly.

 

I agree in general that it's a bad idea to be dependent on someone to the extent that you would be completely helpless if they left or something happened to them - that would apply regardless of whether or not you are married IMO. Even SAHMs, I feel, should at the very least have some qualifications and experience so they can get back into the working world later on if needed.

 

But that doesn't seem to be the case in your situation, as you have a career, it's just not going great at the moment. As long as you keep working at it, I don't see anything wrong with your arrangement with your partner.

[Gloria25]

Why don't you move out and get some roommates that aren't someone you're dating?

 

Maybe that will relieve all this "tension" as to who pays what.

[Got it]

...ok.

 

 

I really hadn't considered that my insecurity would manifest into hostility. I've made low wages my whole career but only recently started voicing frustration about it. That makes complete sense.

 

 

And jealous....of my own bf.....who supports me! Jesus. So messed up. But that's exactly what's going on.

 

I am glad you acknowledge this. Please remember someone will always have it better or worse than ourselves so you need to keep a 15,000 feet look at something like this.

 

If you are unhappy with your pay, unhappy with your career then use this as the impetus to move things forward and change things. He has nothing to do with your career trajectory does he? He has nothing to do with why you are being paid what you are does he? So don't punish him for it, don't make him your whipping boy.

 

You're human, you aren't perfect so it's okay, but own it and use it as a way to change things.

 

We are the only ones that can take charge of our lives. We need to be our own best advocates and move things forward. If you don't like your career then get out there and start looking at other companies, reach out to recruiters, network in the industry, look at other industries.