Golden Method

[tommy_tgz]

So I randomly came across some ingenious therapy and tools that could help LoveShackers here move on from their ex's at an expedited rate. The goal is to minimize the down time of healing from our ex's because we're only getting older. I used to pine over ex's in college for 6 months to a year. I'm 26 now and realizing the time we lose by taking too long to recover from our ex could've been used to build an empire or meet someone new and amazing.

 

The most insightful quote I came across recently about our ex's is "What makes you think she is responsible for your happiness?". We are responsible for our recovery and happiness, no one else. No one will do it for you except you. You gotta love yourself again.

 

Here is the recovery program I found, enjoy it and follow it, its helping me tremendously and picking up the pace on my recovery.

 

I can tell everyone here who is dealing with a broken heart or unrequited love that you WILL get past this. There's almost no question of this.

 

What's important is how to do this in a way that minimizes the disruption to your life and allows you to maintain your emotional, physical and mental well-being.

 

Now, you can get over an ex in a couple of different ways...

 

METHOD 1) Nurse the wound: This is the option a lot of people choose. They become "stuck". The breakup becomes the central issue in their lives. They become depressed, ask "why", wonder why they weren't "good enough".

 

People who take the "nurse the wound" route either talk to everyone about it...all the time, or they become isolated and withdrawn. They keep entertaining memories and thoughts of getting back together with their ex. They put their ex on a pedestal and feel emotionally and psychologically inferior to him or her. Oftentimes these people fall victim to the myth of "my one true love" or the idea of a single solitary "soulmate".

 

Oftentimes, these people will lie to themselves and want to "remain friends" with their ex, although their ulterior motive is to try to "win back" the affections of their ex.

 

This route often leads to a long and drawn out recovery that erodes one's self-esteem and can include therapy, or anti-depressants (I have NO problem with therapy or anti-depressants). The person's work or studies suffers. Ironically, the duration, and the measures one takes when "nursing the wound" becomes more depressing and damaging to self-esteem than the breakup itself. because it can make one feel that they "can't handle" it by themselves.

 

We all have taken this route at least once in response to a breakup.

 

METHOD 2) I call the second method "CUT THE DAMNED LEG OFF, DOC!"

 

This is the quickest, and least psychologically damaging way to get over the pain. But it's the harder method in the short term.

 

I won't lie...I could explain all of the ins and outs of what's going on with someone internally during a breakup.

 

We can talk about such things as "defeat stress" and "fait accompli jealousy". We go into detail about how you've been "projecting" certain traits onto your ex-lover that you actually possess yourself but don't want to admit. We can talk about how you've subconsciously superimposed your lover over a mate "archetype". I'd be happy to talk about the neurochemistry of love and how phenylethylanine, dopamine and oxytocin combined with low levels of serotonin are the prime culprits of your current state of emotional upheaval.

 

And you know what? All of this painful and masochistic behavior probably IS motivated in SOME WAY by your parents! Even if you think they were great!

 

But...so what? All of this understanding won't help you one bit. Because you can know how the flu works backwards and forwards, but it still doesn't make the flu any easier to have, does it?

 

Now, method 1 is easier in the short term. I have done both and can say so from personal experience. Method 2 is for those who REALLY want to FEEL BETTER...QUICKER.

 

Method 2 is ALSO for those who done the nursing thing enough and know that they aren't getting anywhere.

 

DISCLAIMER: WHAT THIS METHOD IS NOT...

 

1) IT AIN'T EASY!

2) I DO PROMISE "EASIER" IN THE LONG RUN

3) IT IS QUICKER, BUT IN THE END, HOW QUICK ULTIMATELY DEPENDS ON YOU!

4) IT IS NOT A "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD" FROM THE HURT.

5) IT IS NOT A BACKDOOR WAY TO GET YOUR EX BACK

6) IT IS NOT A "PITY PARTY".

 

THE OBJECTIVES:

 

MY GOAL IS TO COMPLETELY COME BACK UNTO MYSELF & FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH MY EX.

 

I WILL NOT INDULGE ANY SILLY CONCEPT OF "HOPE" THAT MY EX WILL WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER. THE ONLY "HOPE" THAT MATTERS IS THE "TRUE HOPE" FOR MY FUTURE HAPPINESS AND THAT I WILL EVENTUALLY FIND LOVE AGAIN.

 

I WILL FACE THE FOLLOWING RIDICULOUS FEARS AND PARANOID DELUSIONS HEAD ON AND EXPOSE THEM AS BEING UNTRUE:

 

"I won't be happy again"

"I won't find love again"

"I will be alone"

"without my ex life is meaningless"

"without romantic love life has no purpose"

"Who would want me? I'm unlovable"

"If my ex didn't want me, then something must be wrong with me"

"abandonment is insufferable"

"rejection & jealousy is insufferable"

 

I WILL ALTOGETHER ELIMINATE ANY UNNECESSARY PSYCHIC & EMOTIONAL ENERGY ON HIM/HER. AT THE END OF MY PROGRAM, I WILL NO LONGER THINK ABOUT MY EX AND IF I DO, THEY WILL CARRY NO EMOTIONAL CHARGE

 

MY FEELINGS FOR MY EX ARE THOSE OF GENERAL HUMAN CONCERN BUT ROMANTIC INDIFFERENCE. I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS BY FOLLOWING THE STEPS LISTED BELOW.

 

STEP ONE: MAKING THE DECISION THAT YOU *WANT* TO BE OVER YOUR EX.

This is the single most important step in your recovery. More than anything else, this is the key. You can do all the other steps, you can follow "no contact" to the point of making it an artform. But people who get over their exes are people who WANT to get over their exes.

 

You have to adopt a certain mindset here. See, when you're heartbroken or dealing with an unrequited love situation, only two outcomes can make you feel better...

 

Outcome 1) Your ex comes back to you

Outcome 2) You reach point that you no longer desire your ex.

 

Working towards one of these outcomes can literally drive you crazy, while the other outcome is completely under your control.

 

You have to remember what you were like before you met your ex.

 

This doesn't mean you have to be angry, or vindictive. Hate is actually a twisted form of Love. You're going for "indifference". What it really means is that you now consider your feelings to be a hindrance to you.

 

You will have to fight yourself on this for awhile at first. You'll have to "fake it till you make it" at times. You'll feel these strong desires, but you have to consciously make the effort to say "I don't want these feelings". You may have to do things like create a fantasy person in your head or imagine yourself in love with someone else who is also in love with you. This person DOESN'T have to exist yet.

 

STEP TWO: SET A DATE TO BE "OVER THE EX".

 

This is a serious matter. In every form of major personal endeavor, psychologists say "set a goal and a firm date for when you intend to reach this goal". They say this with everything...except getting over a relationship? That makes NO sense.

 

Look, getting over your ex is a major endeavor. For most, it's THE most important thing they'll ever do for themselves. You can't leave the move-on date "open ended".

 

Now, be realistic with yourself here. If you've been together for some years, or the breakup was particularly intense for you, then a goal date of "a week" from now won't do anything but result in deep denial and repressing of feelings that'll only show through later and more severely.

 

I recommend no less than 30 days, and ideally, 3 months.

 

Now for cases like a divorce, or a breakup of a relationship that lasted years, you may want to consider starting at no less than 6 months. If you have children together and have to see each other regularly, then 6 months is a good place to consider starting.

 

STEP TWO: NO CONTACT...AT ALL!

 

This is what it is. It ain't pretty. But it's the ONLY way.

 

You cannot expect to get over your ex if you continue to entertain contact with him or her.

 

This means:

 

-NO calls

-NO texts

-NO emails

-NO instant messaging

-NO ex-sex

-NO seeing each other

-NO bull$#!+ about trying to be friends...if you want to be friends there'll be PLENTY of time for that in the future. NOT NOW.

 

NO EXCUSES! No stalking...no "cyber-stalking"...no "googling" their name or checking out their myspace and facebook pages.

 

STEP THREE: ADMITTING THE HARSH TRUTHS TO YOURSELF.

 

If you want to really get past this, you're going to have to admit some pretty tough things to yourself...

 

1) It is OVER and my ex is NOT coming back...EVER.

2) It is totally FINE that my ex is not coming back.

3) I will find love again with someone else but NOT with my ex.

4) My ex will find love again with someone else but NOT with me.

5) My ex didn't want me as a love interest, and that is NOT the end of the world, and it means NOTHING about me.

 

STEP FOUR: GET RID OF ANY KEEPSAKES AND MOMENTOS.

 

You don't have to throw them away, but you do have to get them out of your sight and out of your life for awhile.

 

STEP FIVE: GRIEVE EVERYDAY STARTING FOR AN HOUR AND REDUCE IT BY 10 MINUTES EVERY WEEK.

 

The pain and loss you've experienced is real. This program isn't about denying that. It's about working through it and not wallowing in it. It's about not allowing the breakup to overtake you. If you're still really hurting, take a block of time everyday to grieve. You can fall apart if you need to during this time. But once it's done, it's done.

 

STEP SIX: TAKE AT LEAST 15 MINUTES A DAY TO QUIETLY WITHSTAND YOUR PAIN.

 

This is actually very powerful and will bring very fast results for those who do this.

 

What you're doing here is literally just watching your pain as if you were simply a spectator. Don't try to fight it, or distract yourself from it. Just..."watch it". You'll literally feel your pain rise & fall and ebb & flow. You'll finally see your pain for what it really is and not what you've magnified it into. You'll see that you can actually "stand" it and that it's quite manageable. Eventually, you'll even be able to shrink it.

 

STEP SEVEN: EXERCISE 5 DAYS A WEEK FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES.

 

Nothing...nothing...makes you feel better about your prospects of attracting the opposite sex other than working out. It's self-esteem at it's most basic.

 

CONCLUSION:

 

Well, that's the program...it's not easy. But it works. Getting past a major breakup or an unrequited love fixation is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. But you simply just have to do it. You have to keep on moving on. It gets easier, believe me.

[6Pack]

Really good! I came up with a similar plan a number of years ago, and this approcah truly does work.

 

Something else I would add, is to use the "Get Over Your Ex" hypnosis MP3's that you can find out there on the internet. They do seem to work well, at least for me.