fhardy99 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I just wanted to ask a simple question to get a perspective on my situation. This can be answered by both men and women. So the question is: Do you control what your bf/gf, spouse, sigother watches on tv? Or do you allow them to watch whatever? If you do control what they watch, why and for what reasons? Thanks
StalwartMind Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Why would you want to "control" what anyone wants to watch whom isn't a child. As an adult you should be perfectly capable of deciding whatever you want to enjoy on television. I'm really curious what answers can do for your situation, it seems unhealthy to me if anyone actually is "controlled" by others.
Got it Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I just wanted to ask a simple question to get a perspective on my situation. This can be answered by both men and women. So the question is: Do you control what your bf/gf, spouse, sigother watches on tv? Or do you allow them to watch whatever? If you do control what they watch, why and for what reasons? Thanks Umm, no. Am I their romantic partner or their parent??? What are the details to this question? I am sure if someone I was with was watching something racist, misognistic, exceedingly violent, offensive, abusive to animals, others, etc. on a routine basis I would have an opinion and probably not want to be with them based the things they are interested in. But on the very broad normal scope I have no concerns. Doesn't mean I care to watch it but outside of that whatever floats their boat. 1
Lokin4AReason Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 no, they can watch anything they want ...
eye of the storm Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 No, they are adult humans and as such you have no right to control them. Just because you are in a relationship does not give you ownership rights. You may not like their choices but you and they will either have to compromise or get a second TV. If I ever have someone tell me what I can/cannot watch (or do), I will control their exit out my front door, quickly so as I don't miss much of my show. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Many people have more than 1 TV & you can get TV via the internet. That way both parties can control what they each watch.
Author fhardy99 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Lets just say my GF is very controlling so she feels the need to tell me what I can watch/cant watch. For example: If a show I like/watch has a girl she thinks is "pretty or better looking than her" then I cant watch it. She assumes I watch said shows because of the girls and thats not the case. It seems like every show I watch she has an issue with. Its not like I am watching porn.
Got it Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Lets just say my GF is very controlling so she feels the need to tell me what I can watch/cant watch. For example: If a show I like/watch has a girl she thinks is "pretty or better looking than her" then I cant watch it. She assumes I watch said shows because of the girls and thats not the case. It seems like every show I watch she has an issue with. Its not like I am watching porn. Sounds like it is time to lose the girlfriend. Seriously. That would be a major deal breaker for me. And trust me that bullying behavior only gets worse. 6
Author fhardy99 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 I just dont get what makes her think that its fine to act like that... Like what makes people like that and how can they change that behavior.
GemmaUK Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 That's ridiculous! Unless you are spanking Mr M to Friends..which would be plain weird..
Author fhardy99 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 It goes beyond tv as well... even if we go out to eat, I have to pray to god that if a waitress waits us that she isnt "better looking" in her eyes or eles I cant look at them to order our food or she would just order everything. I feel like I cant be normal. I used to never have to worry about stuff like this before.
mammasita Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Time to lose the GF and pick up your cojones off the floor buddy. 2
Got it Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I just dont get what makes her think that its fine to act like that... Like what makes people like that and how can they change that behavior. You are going down the rabbit hole of trying to find reason with unreasonable. Who cares why she thinks it is okay. You know it isn't okay. You have validated with multiple strangers they don't think it is okay. Take it at face value. This is what she believes and how she chooses to act. Now you can try and address with her that this unreasonable and you are not going to tolerate her bullying approach. You can lay down your boundaries and expectations and then decide what to do if violated. How to change it? Frankly the person has a strong enough reason to want to change this and works to doing so. The problem usually comes is they feel justified in it (which I would argue a poor self esteem and need to control) and feels it is acceptable because of it. Is this a deal breaker for you and are you willing to lose the relationship if she continues the behavior?
GemmaUK Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Time to lose the GF and pick up your cojones off the floor buddy. I 100% agree, get out with no explanation. She is being controlling due to insecurity - unhealthy levels of. It won't improve. 3
Author fhardy99 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Its hard because I have become involved with her kids and family but I know that this kind of behavior is not right at all. I know I dont deserve to be put through this. I would never want to control anyone else... hell, who has time for that, I got my own life to manage... not mine plus anothers. You are going down the rabbit hole of trying to find reason with unreasonable. Who cares why she thinks it is okay. You know it isn't okay. You have validated with multiple strangers they don't think it is okay. Take it at face value. This is what she believes and how she chooses to act. Now you can try and address with her that this unreasonable and you are not going to tolerate her bullying approach. You can lay down your boundaries and expectations and then decide what to do if violated. How to change it? Frankly the person has a strong enough reason to want to change this and works to doing so. The problem usually comes is they feel justified in it (which I would argue a poor self esteem and need to control) and feels it is acceptable because of it. Is this a deal breaker for you and are you willing to lose the relationship if she continues the behavior?
mammasita Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Its hard because I have become involved with her kids and family but I know that this kind of behavior is not right at all. I know I dont deserve to be put through this. I would never want to control anyone else... hell, who has time for that, I got my own life to manage... not mine plus anothers. No, its not hard....YOU'RE making it hard. The longer you wait, the harder YOU will believe it will be and you will be stuck. Unhappy. An old unhappy man, stuck. Wishing you left years ago. Do yourself a favor and RUN. QUICKLY. NOW. 1
Got it Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Its hard because I have become involved with her kids and family but I know that this kind of behavior is not right at all. I know I dont deserve to be put through this. I would never want to control anyone else... hell, who has time for that, I got my own life to manage... not mine plus anothers. I understand that it is hard to end a relationship but you have to also make sure that you are advocating for what is best and healthiest for you and for the relationship. This is not. You can go down the road of addressing it with her and giving her the opportunity to change but you have to start reconciling within yourself about the outcome of not changing and what you will do then. You either learn to accept it or decide to leave.
preraph Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Your girlfriend is an insecure mess. She can't tell you what to watch. I'm glad it's not porn or she'd have a cow. She is not your mother. It may not work out. But just stand your ground. As long as you are not watching violent or sexual tv shows or ones with a lot of cussing with her children in the room, she has no say in this. Get your own tv or whatever, but the big problem here is her insecurity and thinking she can just boss you around because of her personal problem. She needs some help.
eye of the storm Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Can you imagine going the rest of your life stressed in resturants, having her preview all your shows and movies and approve or ban them, having to feel guilty or upset because the clerk at the store was pretty and smiled at you. Being angry at you because someone else is better looking than her. This is your life. It will not get better. And you can tell someone a 1000 times you hate a behavior. But if you put up with you you are showing them you accept it and it is fine. They will not change, no reason to. Get out. You are not married to her and thank god do not have kids with her (btw, keep it wrapped up). Get out now while you still can.
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Then talk to her & stop taking her crap Tell her that she's being ridiculous & that you are very happy in the relationship except when she gets like this. Also tell her if she doesn't stop you are going to break up with her because it's an unhealthy way to live. Suggest she get therapy. She does this to you, btw, because you let her.
Gloria25 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Its hard because I have become involved with her kids and family but I know that this kind of behavior is not right at all. I know I dont deserve to be put through this. I would never want to control anyone else... hell, who has time for that, I got my own life to manage... not mine plus anothers. And this ^^ is why I don't agree with introducing your kids to people you just are "dating", cuz if/when it doesn't work out, it's hard to back off from the attachment made to the kids. The kids also suffer another "loss" of an expected replacement parent.... Argument about kids aside, I don't see this getting better...Actually, it is quite delusional. I mean, you can't even check out random women on the TV or some waitress? OMG? But, back to the TV thing. I'm just wondering if the kids are around when you're watching TV. In some of my sibling's homes it's endless Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Boomerang, Disney Channel - get my drift. Now, they'll pop in some "adult" shows (i.e. a rated "R" movie), and I think that's wrong. I've never lived with a guy. Now, guys have watched some TV and/or a movie with me, but I don't know what I'd do if we were under the same roof. I probably would watch my own shows in another room - sorry
MissBee Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I just wanted to ask a simple question to get a perspective on my situation. This can be answered by both men and women. So the question is: Do you control what your bf/gf, spouse, sigother watches on tv? Or do you allow them to watch whatever? If you do control what they watch, why and for what reasons? Thanks No. I don't control anything about a SO. They are their own person and not my child. They can do whatever they want. When it comes on to some things I may voice an opinion or make a request that they can choose to honor or not but I don't try to control them. As for what they watch on tv???? I couldn't care less. If I don't like it then I don't have to watch it, but I've never cared one bit about what my SO watches. 1
MissBee Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 It goes beyond tv as well... even if we go out to eat, I have to pray to god that if a waitress waits us that she isnt "better looking" in her eyes or eles I cant look at them to order our food or she would just order everything. I feel like I cant be normal. I used to never have to worry about stuff like this before. This is insane behavior. I would break up with anyone who was insecure and jealous about me watching folks on tv that I don't know and will never meet. One has to have very deep insecurities, which will manifest in other ways, if they are threatened by tv characters. She will only get more and more controlling about more and more things and will drive you crazy too. 1
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