SpaceyTracy Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) My ex broke up with me a week ago.We have been together, on and off, for over two years. We are both 32 years old. I wish I could say this came as a shock but it didn’t. Even though went into panic mode, have been crying when I’m alone and obviously seeking help, I know why he did it. He has broken it off in the past too, but we always managed to come back to each other and missed each other. I think THIS time he means it. Basically I was being b**ch and too touchy and accused him of things that didn’t happen and started fighting because I felt ****ty about things, etc. He said he couldn’t take it anymore. We went through this 3 times before, and this time Im pretty sure its real. I have a lot of temper an anger issues to work on, and for that I am meeting with a therapist for it. I am hypersensitive and lashed out often. I felt like he was putting me down, I felt insecure, like he would leave at any moment, afraid to speak my mind to him, to the point where my emotions drove me so mad that I started to make sex feel like a chore for both of us. Yes, he pushed my buttons, but i OVERreacted to most things. He is a good guy, and imperfect of course, but I have to take most of the blame load for this break-up. As much as he annoyed me at times, I pushed his patience. After all, love is conditional and I expected him to be around always and therefore treated him and the relationship however I felt, depending on my “mood” that day. I should mention that we never had a real solid foundation. He expressed to me in the past, even from the start, that he wasn’t interested in marriage or kids, or even a long term commitment to one person forever, whatever forever means. I think these words stung me more than I wanted, and much of my behavior was due to that fear that he would in fact leave me at any moment, so I was almost scared of being too happy with him. But he told me he was in love with me shortly into the relationship, and I know its true. I fell for him too. But this made it even more difficult deep down to stomach the fact that he had so many issues about monogamy, and being tied to ONE person, etc (although we NEVER had an infidelity issue), and I don’t know what happened but the bickering just wouldn’t stop. I kept feeling he could leave me at any moment and all these weird abandonment issues started to surface. But when things were good, they were GREAT. (heard that before I’m sure) I already did the usual crazy needy sounding thing where I sent him 5 texts in a row, novel style, saying how sorry I am and that I will work on myself and that he’s the love of my life, etc. Anyway….Here’s the fun part: we sort of moved in together a few weeks ago. Deep down I think we both knew it wasn’t the BEST idea, but we were so hopeful (more me than him I think), and stupid enough to try it. we wanted to save money too. After he left me a few days ago, he slept at his mother’s, but came home the next day. He was still angry, but cooled down and we talked. I was still apologizing and I told him we could be civil about this and if he is hell bent on moving out which I suppose any normal guy would do after you dump someone, that he could sleep on the couch, or at least I would keep his stuff until he found a place, etc etc. I have NO intentions on screwing him over, and he wouldn’t do that to me either. We also have a dog together, and I need him to walk our dog while I’m working long hours twice a week, so I WILL run into him no matter what. When we talked that night, I told him I loved him immensely and I was meeting with a therapist to talk, and I wish I could do anything to take back the **** I said, or turn the clock back so we could have both been nicer to each other from the beginning without the egos. He told me he loved me and was still attracted to me, but he wasn’t IN love anymore. It was like a knife to the chest. Could he fall back in love with me ever again..? If things change and there’s more positivity and good times like before? We actually had a really good time that night after talking. Even though I was hurting inside, I was SO happy just to have him there on the couch with me. I acted totally cool. Faked it well. We watched some movies and ended up sleeping together. And because there was no anger at the time, the sex was great again. The next morning he woke up and started calling me “baby” and “sweetheart” again. He wanted me to come snuggle with him a bit, etc. Then later that day, he was cold and distant again and I did not get any texts or cute pet names. I sent him a text last night saying “have a great night, I love you.” And I got back “Have a nice night”. Totally cold…It crushed me all over again. I cannot help but hang on to and analyze every word, since I want him back. Is there any hope? Maybe we aren’t meant to be, maybe we are too incompatible and butt heads, who knows! But I do love him. My fighting and ****ty attitude took a major toll on this, and I want to repair it, but since it has happened so much I feel like he won’t care to mend things anymore. He says I’m beautiful and that he cares about me, still really attracted to me, but things can’t go back to the way they were. I agree that they can’t, but I want us to be happy, and Im WILLING to work on myself for this. Does it sound like he still has feelings for me enough to come back, or is there anything I can do to spark his interest again? We can’t avoid each other entirely, but I will try to do minimal contact. How should I act around him to when I face him briefly (when he walks the dog, or needs to get items from the house)? I want him to associate ME with positive, happy things, things that make him miss me. He still has almost all of his stuff in my house…(I'm talking furniture, photos, his whole identity) And until he finds a place, It will be here. Its really hard for me to see his things every day while trying to get over him, while wanting him back. I don’t want to, nor can I be his friend. I can be CIVIL, but I can’t be friends with an ex until Im 100% OK with them being with another woman, and frankly, the thought of it kills me right now. He is currently staying at a friend's house while he looks for a place, etc. I am not texting, calling or anything. The last text I got from him was a picture of a goat wearing a hat (something funny/cute)...I replied with "Ha". Then the other day, while he was packing stuff, he suggested that we both go to this show for a band we both like, about two months from now. Acted totally casual, like it was no big thing. That doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Is he doing this stuff to soften the blow for me out of sympathy, or could he have deeper feelings? Or is it complete indifference? I realize he didn't fall out of love overnight, and I'm sure he has had time to get used to the idea of not having me as his gf, while for me this is new and incredibly hard...But could he just be over me already? From a guy’s perspective…If you fall out of love with someone you used to be head over heels for….Is there any chance of reconciliation, even after lots of drama, perhaps with some time apart? Edited December 3, 2014 by SpaceyTracy
flightplan Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 From a guy’s perspective…If you fall out of love with someone you used to be head over heels for….Is there any chance of reconciliation, even after lots of drama, perhaps with some time apart? Anything's possible but in general, no, not IMHO. Also depends on his personality, etc... but I don't think it's common to flit back and forth falling in and out of love. If someone does, then I'll show you someone who doesn't know what they want... which is a big red sign to avoid. People grow and things happen. Don't wait around for some guy hoping he'll fall back in love with you. Build your life to be what you want it to be with or without him... don't surrender that decision to someone else. 1
oldshirt Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Don't wait around for some guy hoping he'll fall back in love with you. Build your life to be what you want it to be with or without him... don't surrender that decision to someone else. This is great universal advice for countless situations.
Author SpaceyTracy Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Thank you. I know you're right, and Im trying to do those things. Its just really fresh and therefore incredibly challenging at the moment.
Lokin4AReason Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 its never easy in the beginning ..... =0/
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