trying to go no contact with estranged wife but she is not cooperating

[elgringo]

Stbx and have been separated since April of this year. We have 2 girls aged 9 and 12. I told stbx to only contact me if its about the kids, but she keeps trying to engage me with small talk and says she doesn't understand why we can't be friends. I was thinking of writing a letter to her detailing all the manipulative things she has done in recent times and how I need to not have her drama in my life. Is this a good idea or will it bring more engagement? Any advice appreciated.

[BetrayedH]

Stbx and have been separated since April of this year. We have 2 girls aged 9 and 12. I told stbx to only contact me if its about the kids, but she keeps trying to engage me with small talk and says she doesn't understand why we can't be friends. I was thinking of writing a letter to her detailing all the manipulative things she has done in recent times and how I need to not have her drama in my life. Is this a good idea or will it bring more engagement? Any advice appreciated.

 

Do everything by email. If it's more urgent, communicate by text. If it's serious, talk by phone or in person.

 

And no, don't send a letter opening up Pandora's box. Stay consistent. Communication is about the kids, shared finances, or the divorce. That's it.

[d0nnivain]

Don't write her a letter. Talk to her. Tell her that you can't be friends right now. It doesn't matter if right now will last for decades; it's still presently true.

 

 

Ask her to respect your need to only be in touch regarding your kids because you need some time to process. Remind her that healthy happy parents are best for the kids. Play on her sympathy & love for your children.

[mammasita]

You control you. Don't engage her small talk.

 

You don't say if you're responding or not. If you keep asking her to stop with the small talk, she WILL keep trying. Only respond when it has to do with your kids.

[DivorcedDad123]

"I was thinking of writing a letter to her detailing all the manipulative things she has done in recent times and how I need to not have her drama in my life."

 

This itself is going to cause drama. Just do not respond to the small talk. Answer questions about the kids and leave the other unanswered. And, only communicate by email as someone else stated.

[GoBlue]

My advice is to purchase the book Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson and follow the guidelines he provides. If you really want NC there isn;t anything she can do to keep you from it. No one can communicate with themselves (well, not real communication anyway!). Are you completely against trying to fix your relationship altogether? If so, how come?