cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 So this I met this girl I used to go to school with in a bar a few weeks back and we hit it off, ended up kissing a few times. This is the same girl that cancelled a date as she was ill and ended up in hospital. Chat went a bit quiet and I thought she wasn't interested so I deleted her Facebook and number in a bid to move on, there was nothing spiteful about it at all. Well I saw her on a dating site we're both on and sent her a message not really expecting a reply. She did reply though apologising for the lack of communication explaining that she is out of hospital and still recovering. Fair enough I thought. I told her to be straight up with me and if she's not interested to just tell me. She told me that she would tell me if she wasn't interested and said that we definitely need to arrange something. I messaged back on Monday and have heard nothing since... She seemed interested and speaks as if she still is but I'm not sure... Do I leave this one?
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Also, how do I approach the issue of deleting her from Facebook? Just be honest and explain why?
Frank2thepoint Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I told her to be straight up with me and if she's not interested to just tell me. She told me that she would tell me if she wasn't interested and said that we definitely need to arrange something. I would move on. Women tend to use subtlety in their words. If you re-read her language (which I quoted in bold), she has low interest in you. She could have easily said she is interested in you, and suggested a time for a date. She didn't. She wants you to chase her, to boost her ego. She will continue playing games with you. Don't waste your time.
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Then she should just be honest with me, I've been honest with her...
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 And why would she say that we should definitely arrange something if she didn't mean it?
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 She may not have been able to be direct & be straight with you so she told you what you wanted to hear. Her being in the hospital gets her a pass, to a limited extent. However, when she said she was interested but then didn't respond that makes her appear uninterested. You tried. Just fade away now. Trying to talk this through or just get an answer will be frustrating.
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 What if she's even described herself as being a straight up person who hates games, which she has? Or am I just kidding myself here? Is it worth asking her for a drink one last time and if she can't or won't leave it at that?
cdt76 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Because people lie because they think it won't hurt the other person as much as telling them the truth. Just move on. If she liked you she would make the effort.
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 What if she's even described herself as being a straight up person who hates games, which she has? Or am I just kidding myself here? Is it worth asking her for a drink one last time and if she can't or won't leave it at that? No it's not worth it. She is lying to herself & you.
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 I gave her the opportunity to be open and honest with me so why didn't she take that opportunity if she wasn't interested?
Redhead14 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I gave her the opportunity to be open and honest with me so why didn't she take that opportunity if she wasn't interested? You don't know anything really. You don't know for sure whether she's being open and honest or if she isn't and it doesn't matter why if she isn't. You leave it alone for a while and continue to date other people. If she is truly recovering from an illness, it will take time to feel well enough to even date again. She's told you she's interested, take her at her word for now and see how it plays out. In the meantime, don't lie in waiting, enjoy your life. You could reach out one last time o find out how she's doing and how much longer she expects to be recuperating. If she says soon, offer a specific time and date to get together. Go from there. If she says no, she says no, move on.
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 I don't doubt the illness in the slightest, I know she was in hospital and in a bad way. It's just very frustrating really, I find most women are like this to be honest... She was interested when we met, wanted to go for drinks, so what has changed? I've not been distant or clingy, done things by the book.
Darth_Matt Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 And why would she say that we should definitely arrange something if she didn't mean it? Maybe she's waiting on you to arrange something. Most women want a guy that shows confidence and takes charge. You said you contacted her. What did you say? How long has it been. I would ask her out and if she's flakes out, then I would move on. And are you sure she was in the hospital? That could that have been a lie?
Molly Hooper Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Then she should just be honest with me, I've been honest with her... My girl friends do this with guys too - thinking they are being "chill" with them. They say something like "you can just tell me if you aren't interested." No one ever then says "I'm not interested" after they say that. They just say that of course they are, they've just been busy, and that they need to plan something soon. And nothing happens. This is what is happening with you. She isn't interested, or rather, she isn't interested enough. I wouldn't dwell on the "whys" regarding her not just being upfront about it. It's a waste of time for you. 1
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 I told her not to worry about the lack of contact and everything else as she was ill. She can't drink at the moment due to meds so I suggested going for a coffee or waiting until she's 100% and going out into town. That was sent on Monday night with no reply... Molly, that's fair enough but when did people start becoming so cowardly and dishonest. As I've said before it takes a better person to be honest about this sort of thing than it does to lie and lead people on. It seems to be a modern day thing this and it drives me up the wall. The lack of respect and common decency is shocking really.
Molly Hooper Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Molly, that's fair enough but when did people start becoming so cowardly and dishonest. As I've said before it takes a better person to be honest about this sort of thing than it does to lie and lead people on. It seems to be a modern day thing this and it drives me up the wall. The lack of respect and common decency is shocking really. It's annoying, certainly. But unfortunately it happens a lot, at least from what I have witnessed and/or experienced. It would take too long for you to study the history of people losing their spines and try to stop it at the source - it's just something annoying that both males and females do. Not all, obviously - but enough. I'd just be on the look out for more excuses that get in the way.
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 It has been my experience that however someone describes themselves, especially if we are talking OLD, the truth is the opposite. They say they hate lies and games? They are a liar who plays games. Never keep chasing a girl like that, it's not worth it. If a girl is interested, she won't make it this difficult for you. You've asked her out, and regardless of what she says, you never ended up going out. It's time to ghost on her. Your energy is better spent on a girl who is more interested. I can't say I don't agree with you on that to be honest. I'm sure you all know how hard it is to admit that if you like someone though. I think I am over analysing what she told me. In the back of my mind though I always think that, no matter how unlikely, this could all be true and that be ignoring her I'd be potentially missing out. But then the other side of me says, like you do, that if she was interested she'd make the effort. But then again what if she is interested, is waiting for me to take charge and then thinks I'm not into her when I don;t contact her!... Arghhhhh!
oldshirt Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 What if she's even described herself as being a straight up person who hates games, which she has? Or am I just kidding myself here? Is it worth asking her for a drink one last time and if she can't or won't leave it at that? I can describe myself as tall, rich and handsome with a huge .....l heart. But that doesn't make it actually so. What you are trying to do here is find out if she will go out with you before you ask her out. Stop doing that. You find out If she will go out with you by asking her out on a legitimate date. If she actually goes out with you then you go out. If she doesn't, then you have your answer.
Molly Hooper Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 It has been my experience that however someone describes themselves, especially if we are talking OLD, the truth is the opposite. They say they hate lies and games? They are a liar who plays games. Never keep chasing a girl like that, it's not worth it. If a girl is interested, she won't make it this difficult for you. You've asked her out, and regardless of what she says, you never ended up going out. It's time to ghost on her. Your energy is better spent on a girl who is more interested. Yep. It's kinda like asking someone if they are a liar. Someone who isn't a liar will say they aren't. Someone who is a liar will say they aren't. People who hate drama say they hate drama. People who love drama say they hate drama. People who don't play games say they don't... you get it.
Brooke02 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Cessna, if she was truly interested she would've contacted you instead of going back on the dating site. Let this one go.. Move on.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 What if she's even described herself as being a straight up person who hates games, which she has? Or am I just kidding myself here? Is it worth asking her for a drink one last time and if she can't or won't leave it at that? I gave her the opportunity to be open and honest with me so why didn't she take that opportunity if she wasn't interested? You are being naive. If she was really interested, she would have easily suggested a time for a date, and allowed you to plan the venue. A person that says they hate games, ironically is the same person that only responds to games. But if you don't like our advice for you to move on, then ignore what we are saying and you just do what you want to do. Contact her, and keep allowing her to fool you.
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 I'll leave it a few days, ask her once more and see what, if anything, happens. It's worth a shot, every girl is different and I know a lot of you say she isn't interested (you're more than likely right) you don't know because neither do I. Even if there is a 5% chance of anything happening I'll take that. If she says no or ignores me what have I lost? Nothing. Everything to gain, nothing to lose. And as someone above said she might be one of these girls that is waiting for me to take the lead. All in all I don't see this going anywhere, I don't think she's interested but as I don't know for sure I'll be upfront and honest and see what happens.
Author cessna Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 It's not even all about whether or not she is interested. It's about having a little pride. It's kinda sad to keep chasing some girl around who doesn't show any real interest. She might at least have some respect for you if you backed off. Why are people, men mainly, so big on 'pride' when it comes to women and dating? So ****ing what. I try again, she isn't interested, I never see her again. Who cares what she thinks then? Or maybe, just maybe, she goes on a date and who knows what happens? If she doesn't want me to ask her again then she should have told me she wasn't interested when she had the chance. I'm just going on what she's told me, I'll give her the benefit of doubt for now.
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