So much anger (Updated)

[Ashley S]

Also, I would like to make a point here. I never mentioned the word "love" in any part of my letter. I said "I cared" "I care" "You're my best friend", keyword "FRIEND" never have I said I looked at him as a "potential lover" a "lover" a "boyfriend" a "date". Nothing remotely close. If he thought I was so ugly, then why was he desperately trying to have sex with me all the time? Why would he get super jealous about other guys? Why would he get so angry about other guys? If I was so "ugly" to him? He is turning it around, and it hurts me to know that someone I cared about is going to the lowest level with me. Saying I need "locked up in a mental institute" because I'm "crazy, and creepy" I am also "pathetic" and a "whack job", those are very hurtful words, and I honestly feel like I am sinking deeper into a dark hole. I am trying to get an emergency session with my therapist, but I think she's away. I am just so angry, hurt, and sad. I almost feel suicidal. I need to help myself because this is throwing me over the edge. I don't know how much more insults, and pain I can take in this life. I don't know how much more emotional pain I can take.

[Zahara]

I never mentioned the word "love" in any part of my letter. I said "I cared" "I care" "You're my best friend", keyword "FRIEND"

 

Also, my letter wasn't about dating him, I was just making the point that I didn't feel like a friend, and I felt like an object for the 4 years or a "prize he was going to get".

 

You need to focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and finding your self-respect.

 

What man whom you have felt has treated you like an object for 4 YEARS signifies a BEST FRIEND? In what world does someone treating you that way justify a friendship? It's warped.

 

He's probably wondering why in hell when I treat her less than, I'm her best friend? Does that make sense to you because it doesn't. This is coming from you seeking your value and validation from this guy. I question your honesty in what you feel for him because you don't sit around for 4 years hanging around someone who devalues you because you want to be his best friend.

 

Ashley, you need to stop harping on this guy. Tell your brother to stop talking about him. No more letters. Don't respond to what he said. Shut him out and move on.

Edited December 15, 2014 by Zahara

[stillafool]

Here's another update. My brother approached me with this. My brother said he spoke to him because they are friends with each other and he brought up the letter to my brother. My brother said that this is what he said in these exact words "Your sister is crazy, depressed, and psychotic. She literally wrote me, and sent it to me. How does she even know my address? She is not even attractive, she is really ugly, and she actually thinks I liked her or something? Dude, your sister is a whack job, and I don't know what she was thinking? I mean I will never step foot in your house. I didn't humiliate her, she just is too sensitive and can't take a joke. She said I "blew her off many times" in the letter, well she's not my ****ing priority! Who cares? She shouldn't put that much stock into it. If I invited her out and I did not show up, well that's because she's not a priority. Dude, your sister acts like she is some gorgeous girl, when I would never go out with her, or date her because she is too ****ing ugly. Tell your sister to get help, she's crazy, whacko. I hate her ****ing guts."

 

 

Well at least you now know exactly what he thinks of you so you no longer need to come here and ask what his intentions are. You have it in black and white. Everytime you wonder anything about him just read the above. I don't know why you are hurt because you said you wanted it to end and by the above you have all the information you need about how he feels about you to move on and stop your obsession. I hope the next post you make is about how much fun you are having going out with someone new. This guy never wanted you and if you didn't realize it before at least you know it now. Good luck with new adventures.

[irresolute]

Omg save your dignity and don't ever talk to this guy again. This is really sad. I guess you mistook hints and fantasize this guy was into you

Never mind. He doesn't find you attractive, whatever, his loss. Stu.pid jerk. Now move on from this, no need to waste time, he's not into you at all. A man who's into you would never, ever, in a million years, call you ugly or crazy. I'm sorry

[Ashley S]

Well at least you now know exactly what he thinks of you so you no longer need to come here and ask what his intentions are. You have it in black and white. Everytime you wonder anything about him just read the above. I don't know why you are hurt because you said you wanted it to end and by the above you have all the information you need about how he feels about you to move on and stop your obsession. I hope the next post you make is about how much fun you are having going out with someone new. This guy never wanted you and if you didn't realize it before at least you know it now. Good luck with new adventures.

 

I am upset at what he said about me. I would be upset if a random stranger just called me "ugly", because I have self esteem issues. That's a soft spot for me, so by him calling me "ugly" "unattractive" "crazy" etc. Those are all soft spots. I just didn't expect him to be so mean, and say that especially to my brother. Thank you, I hope so too! I hope I come on here talking about a nice guy, but I am jus really depressed, and upset.

[Ashley S]

Omg save your dignity and don't ever talk to this guy again. This is really sad. I guess you mistook hints and fantasize this guy was into you

Never mind. He doesn't find you attractive, whatever, his loss. Stu.pid jerk. Now move on from this, no need to waste time, he's not into you at all. A man who's into you would never, ever, in a million years, call you ugly or crazy. I'm sorry

 

He would say how "beautiful" I am all the time, he would always look at me up and down, he would always say i'm "pretty", he always said he "loves" me, he "likes" me, etc. He was pretty straight forward. He didn't give hints, he would try to have sex with me all the time, flat out asking me at times. He always seemed to have complimented me, and would joke around about marrying me because he liked me so much. So, I thought he was attracted to me. I thought he did like me. Even our friends would say "Oh T. thinks you're hot" "T has a crush on you" It was pretty noticeable. So, it is very baffling and weird that he said "If she was the last girl on earth, I still wouldn't date her" "She is so unattractive and ugly" "I will never go out with her" etc. Like it's weird how all of a sudden, I am ugly to him when he never expressed that before. Oh well. Thank you for commenting, and giving me encouragement. I am definitely done with him, I just have to deal with the severe emotional pain from it. He could have taken a mature route by just saying "I think it's best we're not friends either" "Your sister wrote me a letter, and honestly I don't want to be her friend either" Would have been fine, but he had to hit me where it hurts, and hurt me. I am just mad, sad, and every negative emotion right now because I have to deal with the emotional pain. I am already emotionally damaged, so it's hard for me to deal with any insults.

[dispatch3d]

Sounds like he was trying to make moves on you but failing. Thats how I read all the behaviour that you found offensive. I also think he's a bit sour grapes that you turned him down previously. People forget others have feelings sometimes I guess.

[Diezel]

What did you expect though? You wanted one response, which was more than likely going to be the LEAST possible response/scenario.

 

Life doesn't always go the way of Hollywood movies.

 

Next time, no letters. Just ignore. If people show up at your house and hang around your dysfunctional family, lock yourself in your room while they are there, or leave.

 

You have a ridiculous habit of getting yourself into all these dramatic situations with the people who surround you. Filter that crap out.

[Silent_Shadow]

I find it interesting how quite often it's the rather attractive girls who are most insecure when it comes to their looks. Perhaps my perception of beauty is skewed? Nah, can't be since other people tend to agree. I ponder, is it BDD? Are they utilizing the magic of makeup too much? Hmm.

 

This bloke was definitely hurt and thus wanted to hurt you in response. Mission accomplished. Hence my previous post. Hate begets hate. Please make new friends, better friends than him. He was never your friend. Just a selfish, manipulative, compulsive liar. Actions speak louder than words, use that as your guideline in determining whether or not people are worthy of friendship. You possess standards when it comes to friendship like anyone else. If people don't meet those prerequisites, simply cut them out and focus on better things/people. Don't dwell on not being able to coerce them into seeing your point of view, for they don't matter anymore.

 

If you try to please everyone and remain on perfect terms with everyone, you soon realize it is a futile effort. Four years, so what? Good riddance. A dick is a dick, is a dick, is a dick. Forgive and forget? You're not Jesus, nor do you suffer from Alzheimer's. Best of luck moving on. The amount of time put in or history with an individual does not determine their friendship, it's decided by as a whole how many times they cause you to smile, feel better, the amount of times they fail to disappoint. True friendship is a mutual thing.

Edited December 16, 2014 by Silent_Shadow

[stillafool]

The point is this guy has no interest at all in OP. He would never say those horrible things about her to her brother if he ever wanted to be her bf. He would know that no brother would want his sister to go out with a guy who said those things about her. He really wanted her to get his message by saying those things to her brother. I would hope her family will not socialize with this guy again and especially invite him to their home. That would be cruel to the OP.

[Ashley S]

I find it interesting how quite often it's the rather attractive girls who are most insecure when it comes to their looks. Perhaps my perception of beauty is skewed? Nah, can't be since other people tend to agree. I ponder, is it BDD? Are they utilizing the magic of makeup too much? Hmm.

 

This bloke was definitely hurt and thus wanted to hurt you in response. Mission accomplished. Hence my previous post. Hate begets hate. Please make new friends, better friends than him. He was never your friend. Just a selfish, manipulative, compulsive liar. Actions speak louder than words, use that as your guideline in determining whether or not people are worthy of friendship. You possess standards when it comes to friendship like anyone else. If people don't meet those prerequisites, simply cut them out and focus on better things/people. Don't dwell on not being able to coerce them into seeing your point of view, for they don't matter anymore.

 

If you try to please everyone and remain on perfect terms with everyone, you soon realize it is a futile effort. Four years, so what? Good riddance. A dick is a dick, is a dick, is a dick. Forgive and forget? You're not Jesus, nor do you suffer from Alzheimer's. Best of luck moving on. The amount of time put in or history with an individual does not determine their friendship, it's decided by as a whole how many times they cause you to smile, feel better, the amount of times they fail to disappoint. True friendship is a mutual thing.

 

I am not trying to go into my past, or have a pity party, but I have self esteem/self image issues because oh my grandfather, started when I was 6 years old. Then my Aunt, my cousins, my brother, and plus I was bullied a lot for my looks in school. I was always told I looked "ugly" somehow. I heard it all too many times. It ruined me. I have been to multiple Psychologists and they all said they can't believe that I have yet to do drugs, and that I am so strong, yet I feel very weak. I don't feel like a strong person. I am so hurt, but pretty much everyone around me brought me down, and didn't boost me. That is why I have these issues. Every one of these therapists I have seen all said I am "severely damaged".

 

You are right about the whole friendship. He is a dick, and he will always be one. I was just stupid to keep giving him chances, and I was under the impression that he liked me, but oh well. I just have to deal with this emotional pain. If I was a person with no self esteem issues, it probably wouldn't be taken so seriously, I probably would have laughed off what he said about me, but because I am a emotionally damaged person, I am not taking it well because it brigs up trauma and my past. Thank you for the insight, you're right.

[Ashley S]

I seriously hate my family with all my heart. My mother is mad and worried about the "repercussions" because her Facebook was up, and I deleted him off of her FB. My father's too. My brother and my mother is like "You had no right to do that", "it's only facebook", NO! I wanted him to know that it's not ok to talk about me like that then still have the privilege to talk or converse with my parents. They should have done it naturally. I can't believe I am being called on for wanting this person out of my life, and my parents life. At least my dad is like "I am never using him for work, he's a piece of ****" At least he doesn't care, but my mom does, and my brother. Seriously, they should have my back! After what he said? It was unacceptable, and I want him to get the notion that it's not ok, you can't talk to my parents etc. But I guess they have some sort of a weird love for him because I am getting told about a stupid FB delete. I am more mad that my parents didn't do it sooner, they didn't do it as soon as possible. They have no ****ing loyalty towards me, and I am her daughter, **** my brother he's a loser like him. Seriously, I can't believe how I am wrong for doing that. I don't want him ever associating with my mother or father. My father is at least on my side, but I can't trust him either. This is contributing to my emotional pain, I don't even got a good support system. I am so ****ing done with everyone, and everything. My family is the worst.

[Diezel]

Focus on school, get a job, move out, profit.

[Rydo]

Am I the only one who thinks it's highly doubtful that someone would say that to a friend about their sister?

 

I mean if my sister sent someone a letter like that I would quite probably agree she was a bit of a whack job but if anyone else said it friend or not they wouldn't stay a friend for long. But even my most blunt friends would never say anything remotely like that.

 

To be quite honest I think half of this is made up attention seeking.

 

Sorry op but you should look to get some real psychiatric help for your low self esteem etc.

[Ashley S]

Am I the only one who thinks it's highly doubtful that someone would say that to a friend about their sister?

 

I mean if my sister sent someone a letter like that I would quite probably agree she was a bit of a whack job but if anyone else said it friend or not they wouldn't stay a friend for long. But even my most blunt friends would never say anything remotely like that.

 

To be quite honest I think half of this is made up attention seeking.

 

Sorry op but you should look to get some real psychiatric help for your low self esteem etc.

 

Ok, here we go. Someone who thinks I am making this up. Unfortunately it's real, I wish I was making this up, I wouldn't have so much pain. You are way off. It's not made up, he is a very blunt person, he doesn't care. He has said to my father many times, about my brother "He's a faggot, your son is a sore loser, he's a piece of ****, who thinks he's better than everybody" He doesn't care, he has no filter, has not couth, if only you knew. If only you knew him, you would know he is a very mean, and blunt person and he doesn't care who he says it too. I am not seeking attention, I am just being honest that I have self esteem issues. I look at this as therapy to come on here and just vent about it. It helps me. I do have a Psychologist, and she read the letter and said it wasn't "crazy" or "out of line".

[Lovebite]

Thank you for sending me the letter, Ashley. I am going to comment on here. The letter wasn't crazy....it's wasn't out of line either. All I got from it is that you were saying why you distanced yourself because you didn't like his secrecy, and you didn't like how he treated you, so you backed away from him for awhile. You stated incidents where you felt like he didn't view you as a friend. You stated that he had animosity towards you, and you don't know why.

 

 

There was nothing about dating or a relationship. I think he has abandonment issues and he read the last line which was "we can't be friends anymore." And that set him off, I think. He is turning it all on you because he is childish, and immature. I don't view this person as a man, I view him as a boy, a little boy. It's pathetic to know he is in his mid 20's

and this is how he reacts. Something tells me he has a mental disorder...definitely mental health related. You weren't insulting him in the letter, so the only thing that comes to mind is that he didn't like that you wanted to end the friendship. He felt abandoned....he wanted to get even with you...instead of owning up to his secrecy, and lies. You caught him! He has nothing on you...so he is turning around saying you're a "psycho" and a "stalker" because he has nothing else. He's being so childish.

 

 

It's kinda like if you were to get into a car accident, and the cops are questioning you about the car accident....and you say "I didn't steal though, I am not a thief, I never was a thief, I never will steal for as long as I live." Hmmm??? Why would you bring that up when the cops are questioning you about the car accident? It's unrelated to the incident. That would tell me you're guilty, and that you do steal. You see what I'm saying? For him to say "I will never date her! Even if she was the last girl on earth....I never wanted a relationship with her....etc etc." That tells he DID want a relationship with you! He is bringing up something that was not mentioned. He is talking about something that you weren't concerned about. You never said anything about dating or relationship with him. I think he had feelings for you, and definitely wanted to date you, but he read the last line which was "we can't be friendsanymore", and he felt abandoned....so he wanted to get even instead of owning up to his secrecy, and lies like a man. He's not a man.

 

 

Ashley you are beautiful! Please don't let this creep determine your self image. He's nothing. He felt abandoned by you, so he retaliated in a 5 year old manner, by getting even. He did want to date you, he did want a relationship with you, why else would he say that he "didn't" when you never said anything about that? He's guilty! He's mad though....because you have self respect, and you caught onto him, and caught him in his lies and secrecy. I think he really is mental. Nobody would take offense at your letter, it was very understanding, and straight forward (like you said). I found nothing wrong with it. Please know those are the reasons why Ashley. Take care.

[Rydo]

The content of the letter is irrelevant. Sending a letter at all is the bit I find crazy.

[Ashley S]

Thank you for sending me the letter, Ashley. I am going to comment on here. The letter wasn't crazy....it's wasn't out of line either. All I got from it is that you were saying why you distanced yourself because you didn't like his secrecy, and you didn't like how he treated you, so you backed away from him for awhile. You stated incidents where you felt like he didn't view you as a friend. You stated that he had animosity towards you, and you don't know why.

 

 

There was nothing about dating or a relationship. I think he has abandonment issues and he read the last line which was "we can't be friends anymore." And that set him off, I think. He is turning it all on you because he is childish, and immature. I don't view this person as a man, I view him as a boy, a little boy. It's pathetic to know he is in his mid 20's

and this is how he reacts. Something tells me he has a mental disorder...definitely mental health related. You weren't insulting him in the letter, so the only thing that comes to mind is that he didn't like that you wanted to end the friendship. He felt abandoned....he wanted to get even with you...instead of owning up to his secrecy, and lies. You caught him! He has nothing on you...so he is turning around saying you're a "psycho" and a "stalker" because he has nothing else. He's being so childish.

 

 

It's kinda like if you were to get into a car accident, and the cops are questioning you about the car accident....and you say "I didn't steal though, I am not a thief, I never was a thief, I never will steal for as long as I live." Hmmm??? Why would you bring that up when the cops are questioning you about the car accident? It's unrelated to the incident. That would tell me you're guilty, and that you do steal. You see what I'm saying? For him to say "I will never date her! Even if she was the last girl on earth....I never wanted a relationship with her....etc etc." That tells he DID want a relationship with you! He is bringing up something that was not mentioned. He is talking about something that you weren't concerned about. You never said anything about dating or relationship with him. I think he had feelings for you, and definitely wanted to date you, but he read the last line which was "we can't be friendsanymore", and he felt abandoned....so he wanted to get even instead of owning up to his secrecy, and lies like a man. He's not a man.

 

 

Ashley you are beautiful! Please don't let this creep determine your self image. He's nothing. He felt abandoned by you, so he retaliated in a 5 year old manner, by getting even. He did want to date you, he did want a relationship with you, why else would he say that he "didn't" when you never said anything about that? He's guilty! He's mad though....because you have self respect, and you caught onto him, and caught him in his lies and secrecy. I think he really is mental. Nobody would take offense at your letter, it was very understanding, and straight forward (like you said). I found nothing wrong with it. Please know those are the reasons why Ashley. Take care.

 

Thank you so much, Lovebite! I really appreciate your insight on this. Thank you for the compliments too! xoxo.

[dispatch3d]

I wouldn't have deleted him from Facebook. Honestly I think its kind of childish to do that. Its just some internet website to talk to people. Deleting him from facebook does absolutely nothing. You aren't establishing boundaries, making a clear statement, or anything. All that might happen is he figures it out and gets mad. I would 100% back you sending him a message saying please don't do x, but to me facebook deletes are dumb. Just leave people on your facebook. If they are in the doghouse with you just tell them in person, express what they've done that has bothered you, and try to talk it out. All your doing with the facebook delete is potentially pissing them off a lot for not much reason.

[ExpatInItaly]

The content of the letter is irrelevant. Sending a letter at all is the bit I find crazy.

 

That is the point I wanted to make too.

[Ashley S]

I wouldn't have deleted him from Facebook. Honestly I think its kind of childish to do that. Its just some internet website to talk to people. Deleting him from facebook does absolutely nothing. You aren't establishing boundaries, making a clear statement, or anything. All that might happen is he figures it out and gets mad. I would 100% back you sending him a message saying please don't do x, but to me facebook deletes are dumb. Just leave people on your facebook. If they are in the doghouse with you just tell them in person, express what they've done that has bothered you, and try to talk it out. All your doing with the facebook delete is potentially pissing them off a lot for not much reason.

 

I deleted him off of my parent's Facebook because I am making a statement that you are done, and you won't have any contact with my family. I will not keep going with him, i's worthless to keep talking to him. He's made up his mind about me, he thinks I am some "psycho", so I am just going to leave him be because he's a loser. There is a reason....I don't know what you are talking about? Sorry.

[ExpatInItaly]

I deleted him off of my parent's Facebook because I am making a statement that you are done, and you won't have any contact with my family. I will not keep going with him, i's worthless to keep talking to him. He's made up his mind about me, he thinks I am some "psycho", so I am just going to leave him be because he's a loser. There is a reason....I don't know what you are talking about? Sorry.

 

Ashley, I agree with you on this point. This guy doesn't have any place in your life and since your parents don't know how to set boundaries, you need to do it for yourself.

[Ashley S]

Ashley, I agree with you on this point. This guy doesn't have any place in your life and since your parents don't know how to set boundaries, you need to do it for yourself.

 

Exactly! Thank you!

[Ashley S]

Hey! SO I wanted to share this. It's 2:55 am here, and I am bored. Well earlier in the night I went to my cousin's house for Christmas Eve, well my friend came along. He was lonely for Christmas, so I thought I would bring him with me. We all ended up at this bar, and guess who was there? "loser"! The one who insulted me, and use to be my friend. I'll just call him Nate. He kept staring at my friend Eric, and Eric didn't even know who he was, but he even said to me "That guy keeps on staring!" I said "Oh yeah, just ignore him. He's a loser" Nate was subtly looking at me, but it wasn't obvious.

 

He didn't say anything to me either. What was kinda awesome though is my friend Eric kept getting pissed off that he was getting starred at so he went up to Nate, and said "You are nothing but a little bitch, quit ****ing staring you piece of ****" Nate just stared at him, hahahaha! He did nothing! I told Eric to stop, and calmed him down, but in the same breath I am feeling a bit victorious It was a good feeling to see Nate at a bar with a guy hanging on me (even though Eric is just a friend), but Nate doesn't know that. Also, to have Eric bitch at Nate, was priceless to me I know it's immature, but I just love though how he kept staring at Eric hahaha.

[Rydo]

Yes I'm sure you loved a little bit of drama, it's been like a week since there was some in your life.