Diezel Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Who are all these dudes who keep coming over to your family's house and trying to harass and violate your personal space? You really do love inviting these situations into your life.
Author Ashley S Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Ashley, I'm sure plenty of people here would be willing to read your letter. But I'm not sure what the point is? It's already been sent. Are you hoping that by posters reading it, we'll be more likely to see your perspective? The most important thing will be his reaction to it, and I honestly don't see any good coming of it. I think you'll be stuck in this cycle with him for a long time. I wanted other people to read my letter because I want to know what people thought. Act as if you were him and you got that letter, like what would be your reaction? I think everyone has the wrong idea, like I wrote this big love letter, lol! That is not the case. I just want opinions because like I said I don't share my feelings or problems with my friends or family. Also people are saying I am crazy, and granted I did say "Do you think I am a psycho?", but I thought about it, and thought "How can people really judge me for that when they didn't even read the letter? Maybe people should read my letter then make their final opinion?" That's what I thought. But it's ok. I actually want opinions on my letter, but I don't think anyone actually wants to read it lol. Because I notice the responses aren't in reference to that. Lol. That was more the point. You maybe right, I am not sure, probably will be stuck in this cycle. Who knows. Do you want me to send you my letter through private messaging? Lol. You can say no. Jus wondering. Thanks!
Author Ashley S Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Who are all these dudes who keep coming over to your family's house and trying to harass and violate your personal space? You really do love inviting these situations into your life. Even though I internalize a lot with my feelings, I am also a person that is too "inviting". I am friends with everyone, and I don't deny people. I was bullied a lot when I was in high school, and so I always had the attitude to "never reject" or "hurt" someone because I knew what that felt like, and I don't want anyone to feel what I felt for years. I think that is my problem. I don't like being in distress, it's not a good feeling. I think that is why these guys thought they could take advantage of me because I was too nice to them, but oh well.
Author Ashley S Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 I know I keep going on about this, and I am probably annoying some people, but I don't know what else to do. It's bugging me now that he hasn't responded to the letter. I keep wondering if he even got it, or if he even read it, or if he will ever respond. I just want to know his confusion because I told him my end, even though I don't expect a response, it's still bugging me that I have yet to get a response. I dealt with so much loss in my life, and even though he was a total *******, and a jerk to me, I lost someone I cared about though. He has been my friend for 4 years! Now we aren't friends anymore? Makes it really hard on me despite the fact what he did to me. It still hurts, and it's still a loss to me. I am really sad that the friendship ended this way! I am also upset that he didn't respond, but now I am just dealing with back and forth thoughts, and emotions. One minute i'm like "**** him" the other minute i'm like "I want to be friends again", it's really hard on me now, and I thought by sending the letter would clarify things, but maybe I made it worse. I don't know. I am just feeling really down, it's another loss
snowflakes88 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 If someone I never even dated mailed me a letter, pouring out feelings, then telling me we bring out the worst in each other and thus, shouldn't be friends anymore -- I wouldn't respond either. What is there to say? Your issue at this point is that you sent him the letter just hoping for a reaction -- any reaction. If you really meant what you said about both of you going your own separate ways (which you were already anyway!), you wouldn't be stressed about the lack of response. As everyone has responded, the letter was a mistake and sounds cringeworthy based on your description. I doubt you'll take this advice, but PLEASE do not do anything else. No follow up letters/calls/texts. Just let it go.
irresolute Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Oh my god. This thread is hilarious! And I haven't even read " the letter". All this people comploting against you, this guy calling you a lesbian, and your father hiring him, and your mother inviting him to her birthday, and then your brother I forgot what have he done..., and the office of your dad is in your home so it's a constant flux of people... I think you and your family are highly dysfunctional. That's the truth. I'm sorry. And there's nothing you could do unless you decide to stop this madness. I think you like it, so there is no point in suggesting you should move and you should start living your life without mam and dad and brother and everything. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 You desperately need to stop tying your self-worth to this character. You're measuring your value based on how he treats you, and seeing his behaviour as a reflection of who you are. I don't think you're actually all that into him. I just think you're upset that he's not validating you in some way, shape or form. I have to agree with another poster that the whole situation - including the participation of your family - is extremely dysfunctional.
HazyCosmicJive Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I know I keep going on about this, and I am probably annoying some people, but I don't know what else to do. It's bugging me now that he hasn't responded to the letter. I keep wondering if he even got it, or if he even read it, or if he will ever respond. I just want to know his confusion because I told him my end, even though I don't expect a response, it's still bugging me that I have yet to get a response. I dealt with so much loss in my life, and even though he was a total *******, and a jerk to me, I lost someone I cared about though. He has been my friend for 4 years! Now we aren't friends anymore? Makes it really hard on me despite the fact what he did to me. It still hurts, and it's still a loss to me. I am really sad that the friendship ended this way! I am also upset that he didn't respond, but now I am just dealing with back and forth thoughts, and emotions. One minute i'm like "**** him" the other minute i'm like "I want to be friends again", it's really hard on me now, and I thought by sending the letter would clarify things, but maybe I made it worse. I don't know. I am just feeling really down, it's another loss I'm late to the show here and I haven't read every post, but I'd like to add my two cents. I've come to the conclusion that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Either way, he's in your head. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. You need to get him out of your head and just stop thinking about him. It might not be easy, but you need to do it.
Author Ashley S Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Oh my god. This thread is hilarious! And I haven't even read " the letter". All this people comploting against you, this guy calling you a lesbian, and your father hiring him, and your mother inviting him to her birthday, and then your brother I forgot what have he done..., and the office of your dad is in your home so it's a constant flux of people... I think you and your family are highly dysfunctional. That's the truth. I'm sorry. And there's nothing you could do unless you decide to stop this madness. I think you like it, so there is no point in suggesting you should move and you should start living your life without mam and dad and brother and everything. Glad you can find humor out of my emotional pain. A real person's emotions. Glad it's so "hilarious" to you. You should be really proud that you laugh at people's problems, and pain.
Author Ashley S Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 If someone I never even dated mailed me a letter, pouring out feelings, then telling me we bring out the worst in each other and thus, shouldn't be friends anymore -- I wouldn't respond either. What is there to say? Your issue at this point is that you sent him the letter just hoping for a reaction -- any reaction. If you really meant what you said about both of you going your own separate ways (which you were already anyway!), you wouldn't be stressed about the lack of response. As everyone has responded, the letter was a mistake and sounds cringeworthy based on your description. I doubt you'll take this advice, but PLEASE do not do anything else. No follow up letters/calls/texts. Just let it go. I'm not going to do anything, but like I said I am back and forth. At first I was like "I don't want a response, this a letter of closure and I don't ever want to see him again", but now I am like "Well, I wonder if he even got the letter? I wonder what he thinks? I wonder if he'll respond? I wanna know his reaction." I keep going back and forth on wanting to know, and not caring. I keep having conflicted emotions.
Author Ashley S Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 I'm late to the show here and I haven't read every post, but I'd like to add my two cents. I've come to the conclusion that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Either way, he's in your head. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. You need to get him out of your head and just stop thinking about him. It might not be easy, but you need to do it. It's not a show. I am highly offended that people think this is some sort of a game or a show, when this is my true emotions, and feelings. It's not something to laugh about. It's not a "show". I understand what you mean, thank you for sharing your input. Ashley,
HazyCosmicJive Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 It's not a show. I am highly offended that people think this is some sort of a game or a show, when this is my true emotions, and feelings. It's not something to laugh about. It's not a "show". I understand what you mean, thank you for sharing your input. Ashley, Hi Ashley, I think you're a very sensitive person and take things to heart that you shouldn't. I meant "late to the show" as a figure of speech, not to make fun of you. I'm sorry you took it the wrong way. 1
Author Ashley S Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Hi Ashley, I think you're a very sensitive person and take things to heart that you shouldn't. I meant "late to the show" as a figure of speech, not to make fun of you. I'm sorry you took it the wrong way. Thank you. It's fine, my apologies.
KatZee Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I think you and your family are highly dysfunctional. That's the truth. I'm sorry. And there's nothing you could do unless you decide to stop this madness. I think you like it, so there is no point in suggesting you should move and you should start living your life without mam and dad and brother and everything. I was thinking this, to be honest. What the hell is wrong with your family that they don't respect your boundaries? If I walked into my house and told my mother, or father, that there was this dickbag of a guy who was publicly humiliating me and who I did not like as a person and who did not want to be around, or want to see, they would not then turn around, invite them over, continue hiring them for work, continue speaking with, or otherwise engaging with them in any way shape or form. My family always has MY back. Not some idiot's back who is hurting me. If said guy ever showed up at my front door, my mother would go outside and literally SCREAM at him to get the hell off our property or else she will call the cops. There is no other word for what you're doing and what your family is doing besides, "dysfunction." Does your father really have such a hard time finding people to work for him? EVERYONE wants work. Does he REALLY have to continue to employ someone bringing so much drama into your life? Forget about the letter. It's been sent and done. It's over with. Trying to analyze it at this point is wasted effort. Seriously. And this is why people will often tell you to write a letter and then NOT send it. Because now you're obsessing over whether he has, or has not read it, will he reply, won't he reply. IT. DOES. NOT. MATTER. That letter should have been written with the intention of closure for YOU. That's it. 2
irresolute Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Ashley, instead of getting mad with all us because we are saying things you don't want to hear, you should seriously start to take control of your life. You are 21 years old. Are you going to college? Are you moving anytime soon? It's not healthy that you live in that environment, you are a growing up woman behaving like a girl and I'm sorry if you feel offended but that's the honest truth. And I said hilarious not to offend you but because you need to understand this is not right and you need to realize it. It's not this guy, it's all the environment you are in.
Author Ashley S Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Ashley, instead of getting mad with all us because we are saying things you don't want to hear, you should seriously start to take control of your life. You are 21 years old. Are you going to college? Are you moving anytime soon? It's not healthy that you live in that environment, you are a growing up woman behaving like a girl and I'm sorry if you feel offended but that's the honest truth. And I said hilarious not to offend you but because you need to understand this is not right and you need to realize it. It's not this guy, it's all the environment you are in. I like that people are honest. I am not mad at anyone. I was upset at what you said when you said "hilarious", I just didn't like that, but I don't know where you got that I am mad at anyone? I'm not. I am in college, full time. Right now I have a month off, but I have to save up a lot to move. I'm sorry, but I don't see how I am behaving like a girl? I am just expressing my emotions and feelings, I don't get how that's immature? I do realize it isn't right. I am not sitting here, thinking all of this normal. I don't like that I am conflicted, I don't like I keep going back and forth, I don't like that I am depressed. I don't like the situation. I am not doing anything to get his attention or anything, this is more about me now. I don't like how negative I feel. Yeah, my environment sucks, I can see that. That is why I am going full-time to Community College, so I can transfer and dorm at a University. Thank you for taking the time out, and commenting, I appreciate it. It's more about my emotions and feelings at this point. Just letting everyone know that, and I am not against anyone.
Diezel Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 If someone sent me a letter saying, "Remove yourself from my life."... I don't think I'd respond either. Apparently YOU say you want closure. I think it's time you start being honest with yourself. You wanted an emotional response from him. This is what irritates people about your threads. Fine. Let me not project. This is what irritates ME about your threads. You are always looking at everything external about the situations and you YET have looked at the common denominator in all of them. YOU. You let these guys, and your family, waltz into your house, harass you, call you names, play games... and yet, you send a letter, seeking an emotional response from him. You do this in every thread and when someone points out that it could be YOU that's a major part of the problem, you get defensive and bring up a wall stating "But these are my emotions, why can't anyone understand?". People can't understand because most people don't have your situations, or a family like yours. You don't think other people in the world haven't been bullied too? This isn't about accepting everyone. This is about developing personal boundaries, introspection, and taking life into your own hands. You have a serious problem with these things, but everytime, you blame "another guy" for the issue. You want to know what the deal is with them, but have you ever stopped to ask, what the deal is with you? What is the deal with your family? Why can't anyone seem to respect the things you want? Why do you keep making excuses for all these guys who apparently see open season on your front porch? At some point, you need to stop making these threads and start thinking about what needs to change in your life. 1
Author Ashley S Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) Here's another update. My brother approached me with this. My brother said he spoke to him because they are friends with each other and he brought up the letter to my brother. My brother said that this is what he said in these exact words "Your sister is crazy, depressed, and psychotic. She literally wrote me, and sent it to me. How does she even know my address? She is not even attractive, she is really ugly, and she actually thinks I liked her or something? Dude, your sister is a whack job, and I don't know what she was thinking? I mean I will never step foot in your house. I didn't humiliate her, she just is too sensitive and can't take a joke. She said I "blew her off many times" in the letter, well she's not my ****ing priority! Who cares? She shouldn't put that much stock into it. If I invited her out and I did not show up, well that's because she's not a priority. Dude, your sister acts like she is some gorgeous girl, when I would never go out with her, or date her because she is too ****ing ugly. Tell your sister to get help, she's crazy, whacko. I hate her ****ing guts." First of all, I typed the letter, and I knew his address because I knew him for 4 EFFING YEARS!! I've been to his house many times, what the ****? Also, my letter wasn't about dating him, I was just making the point that I didn't feel like a friend, and I felt like an object for the 4 years or a "prize he was going to get" because I never put out with him. I was making the point that I didn't even feel like a friend, but I stuck it out because I cared for him. Then I said, "I think it's best if we are not friends anymore", And I was just making that point, I never said anything about a relationship or dating. I am now extremely upset, and hurt. I am not acting like I am a "gorgeous girl" I don't know where he is getting that? If anything I feel really ugly all the time, and I have very bad self esteem issues. My brother found out too, and this was something I just wanted private, but it's ok. I just don't understand? He is making it seem like I am some psycho, when I knew him for 4 years!! How does he think I don't know his address? He kept calling me ugly, when I helped him out sooo much! I kept helping him out because I cared for him. Now, I am really in a bad spot, I got rejected my whole life, I was not expecting to hear that, and honestly my brother shouldn't even have told me what he said verbatim. I am so hurt that words can't even be formed. He's turning everything around, and insulting me, and telling me basically what he did the other night was a joke and I am "too sensitive"? Wow, I really am lost for words. Edited December 15, 2014 by Ashley S
Andy_K Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Classic dickhead behaviour is to turn the tables around to deflect away from his own behaviour. That is exactly what he is doing. You're not ugly, far from it. Your album pics look pretty hot. Rather, he is lashing out because he realises he has failed to get anywhere with you, and because of his lack of maturity he is saying 'yeah well, she's ugly and crazy anyway', like a jilted twelve year old. He's got a lot of growing up to do, and it's for the best that you won't be around him to witness it. Don't let what he said get to you. For one thing it's lies, and for another you still need to learn to let go and not care what he thinks. It will be much healthier for you that way. This guy is having a pretty toxic effect on your emotional and mental well being. 1
Diezel Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Now, I am really in a bad spot, I got rejected my whole life, I was not expecting to hear that, and honestly my brother shouldn't even have told me what he said verbatim. I am so hurt that words can't even be formed. He's turning everything around, and insulting me, and telling me basically what he did the other night was a joke and I am "too sensitive"? Wow, I really am lost for words. Why are you so upset? Your purpose for this letter was to not have him around anymore. See what I mean, you didn't want closure. You wanted DRAMA. Guess what, you got it. Also... what was your brother's reaction to him saying all of that? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Well, you got your response. It was not the one you expected, and it was hurtful, but it was a response. This guy does not care about you, he doesn't respect you, he has no sense of common courtesy. All things you knew before you sent him this letter. And yet you're losing your mind because he's acting precisely how he always has. This is one clown's opinion of you. You don't need to let it define how you see yourself. He isn't a friend. We have all told you time and again not to engage with this guy, and you continue to ignore that advice. This is the very reason why we all told you to stay away from him. He's toxic. Let. It. Go. 1
Author Ashley S Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Classic dickhead behaviour is to turn the tables around to deflect away from his own behaviour. That is exactly what he is doing. You're not ugly, far from it. Your album pics look pretty hot. Rather, he is lashing out because he realises he has failed to get anywhere with you, and because of his lack of maturity he is saying 'yeah well, she's ugly and crazy anyway', like a jilted twelve year old. He's got a lot of growing up to do, and it's for the best that you won't be around him to witness it. Don't let what he said get to you. For one thing it's lies, and for another you still need to learn to let go and not care what he thinks. It will be much healthier for you that way. This guy is having a pretty toxic effect on your emotional and mental well being. Thank you. I really appreciate that a lot. You're right, but it still hurts because I was called "ugly" my whole life, and this is one person I really cared about, and they had to go to that level with me. I never once insulted his physical looks. I know I need to let go, but it still hurts to know how cruel he got with me, and had the nerve to say to my brother? Amazes me. The only thing I can think of about the "your sister acts like she's some gorgeous girl" comment, is I do modeling off and on. However, my therapist is the one that recommended me to do modeling. I wasn't the one that thought of it first, and thought "Oh I am so gorgeous, I should just be a model!" She told me it would help boost my self esteem, and it would be beneficial to my well being. I took my therapist's advice, and did modeling, but I honestly am not too fond of it, so I do it on and off. It's not persistent, and of course my mother has my modeling pictures in the living room, so I don't know if he's referring to that? Either way, I am really really hurt. Can't believe he said that to my brother! Thank you though for your kind words.
Author Ashley S Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Well, you got your response. It was not the one you expected, and it was hurtful, but it was a response. This guy does not care about you, he doesn't respect you, he has no sense of common courtesy. All things you knew before you sent him this letter. And yet you're losing your mind because he's acting precisely how he always has. This is one clown's opinion of you. You don't need to let it define how you see yourself. He isn't a friend. We have all told you time and again not to engage with this guy, and you continue to ignore that advice. This is the very reason why we all told you to stay away from him. He's toxic. Let. It. Go. I know. I understand. It still hurts because I was called "ugly" "unattractive" etc, my whole life. This was someone I cared about, and that had to go to that level with me. I guess because he thought I did modeling on and off, that I am some conceited bitch? When if he actually knew, that my therapist is the one that said I should get into modeling because it would boost my self esteem, and she said "It will help you mentally because you'll see how beautiful you look in pictures, you'll have photographers complimenting you, you'll be around people complimenting you, and you'll be around other gorgeous girls, a new set of people etc" I was thinking "If it helps me to overcome my self esteem issues, then I will try it" But I didn't go into modeling thinking "I am just so gorgeous and I need to be center of attention!" I went into it taking my therapist's advice, and to help my well being. I am not too fond of modeling, and it hasn't helped, so that is why I am not persistent with it. My mother has my modeling pictures in the living room, and so I guess he's calling me ugly because he probably thinks I am full of myself, when I am a really damaged person, and I am far from being conceited. Thank you though for commenting, I appreciate it.
Author Ashley S Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Why are you so upset? Your purpose for this letter was to not have him around anymore. See what I mean, you didn't want closure. You wanted DRAMA. Guess what, you got it. Also... what was your brother's reaction to him saying all of that? I'm upset because I wasn't expecting that. It's very hurtful. My brother just approaches me out of nowhere and tells me. I wasn't prepared nor was I ready to handle that. My brother shouldn't have told me knowing that I have self esteem issues, and I am a damaged person. My brother's reaction was angry, but he also was curious as to what I said in the letter, so I gave him the letter I wrote him, and he thinks it was just about "friends" I didn't even write "love" anywhere in the letter. My brother even said "You are just talking about friendship in this letter, why is he so bent out of shape over it? You said nothing about dating or a relationship. You were just talking about friendship. He's nuts, and can't handle anything." Yet, I think my brother is going to talk to him still, and that kinda pisses me off considering how cruel he was about me, but whatever. He can do what he wants.
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