d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Can you move out? My parents did something similar to me. A woman friend of theirs physically assaulted me. She apologized. I stared blankly at her then walked away. My parents forgave her & expected me to interact with her. When she'd come around, I'd just get up & walk away. My mother called me out for being rude. I replied that if my mother was stupid enough to be friends with somebody that violent it was on her but I was going to be G-D'd if I'd stick around. I assured my mother than if she continued to press me to be nice to this woman I was simply going to stop interacting with her (my mother). That scared my mother because at the time she was growing increasingly ill & therefore more dependent on me. Mom stopped pressing the issue. even when they are your parents sometimes you have to draw your own boundaries & take action to make sure other people respect them. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 When this guys comes to your house, walk away. Don't acknowledge him in any way. I think your father, while perhaps using poor judgement in his choice of employees, has a point to a certain extent. You couldn't possibly have expected to have a good time around this guy. You know what he's like and how he behaves. I don't believe you be deserved to be treated so poorly; not at all. But I don't see how you're surprised or baffled by it. Talk to you father. Calmly. Explain to him how uncomfortable this guy makes you, and that you don't want to be around him at all. It sounds as though your dad is going to keep him on regardless of how you feel, but you can do a lot to protect your own sanity in this situation too. 1
Author Ashley S Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 When this guys comes to your house, walk away. Don't acknowledge him in any way. I think your father, while perhaps using poor judgement in his choice of employees, has a point to a certain extent. You couldn't possibly have expected to have a good time around this guy. You know what he's like and how he behaves. I don't believe you be deserved to be treated so poorly; not at all. But I don't see how you're surprised or baffled by it. Talk to you father. Calmly. Explain to him how uncomfortable this guy makes you, and that you don't want to be around him at all. It sounds as though your dad is going to keep him on regardless of how you feel, but you can do a lot to protect your own sanity in this situation too. I am baffled by it because I wasn't expecting him to be that bad or mean. Yeah, I knew he was a douchebag, but since he was so eager to go out with me all the time, and so eager to go out with my family, that I didn't think he would behave that badly. However, what's weird is that my dad was always quick to jump down his throat. A couple of months ago, he was kidding around and my dad said "Hey don't talk to my daughter that way" "I don't care if you are kidding around, you don't talk to my daughter that way" Then my dad tried to keep him away from me because he knew he liked me, it seemed at any given opportunity my dad was quick to scold him, and now I tell my dad how I was treated, and he has a "I don't give a ****" attitude about it? So weird! You're right. I am just going to remove myself from the situation. I am not even going to speak to my dad, **** him too! He obviously doesn't care how bad I was treated. Douchebag one upped me twice! Not only did he treat me like crap, but he is also working for my dad, and my dad is greeting him with open arms to it too. Thanks for the advice and sharing your opinion.
Author Ashley S Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Hi everyone, this is more of a venting post, but I still have a question. If you read my latest posts then you know that I was cutting this guy out because I had a terrible night out with him, and he humiliated me, the whole nine, and he had the nerve to call up my dad to ask for work. Well my dad is using him for work, but luckily I won't see him. Anyways, the ***hole called up my house to speak to my dad, and to wish my mom a happy birthday. He kept asking what my mother was doing for her birthday, and she said "My daughter is taking me out" He said "Well where ever you and Ashley are going, I am going too. Call me." First of all, where the hell does he have the nerve? What makes him think I would invite him out with me and my mother after what he did? It's frustrating me more that he is acting like everything's fine, and that I am not mad at him? I am ignoring him, but I feel like it's rubbing salt in the wound what he's doing. Is he really just that dumb and clueless to his actions? A narcissist? Or does it sound like he's playing head games, and knows I am bothered? I am filled with even more anger now because he thinks he can get over, and he can because he will be working for my father again Any thoughts? Feel free to comment, thank you.
almond Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 You've made like 10 threads about this guy...a guy that nothing has even happened with. You really need to let this go...it's far from healthy.
Author Ashley S Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 You've made like 10 threads about this guy...a guy that nothing has even happened with. You really need to let this go...it's far from healthy. Like I said it's more of a anger post, and not all of my threads are about him! I think like 3 are. That's it.
BlueIris Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Don’t take his calls, don't interact at all, and tell your family to stop interacting with him. As long as you and your family members keep playing the game, you can't be too angry that he keeps playing too. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 He clearly thinks you are cute enough to talk to and potentially sleep with. He is probably just a friendly guy who enjoys talking to people and celebrating their birthdays. Don't read into it he is NOT into you. If anything he is doing what he can to get sex and fun times off you OR, he genuinely just sees you as a friend he enjoys spending time with. Maybe he is just bring friendly to your parents due to your father employing him? Who knows. DO NOT mistake this latest incident as a sign that this guy is interested in you please.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Yes, he's doing this to mess with your head. He knows it works. As we've all stated, he's a game-player and gets off on the ego boost. That's what narcissistic players do. That's it. And your mother should know better than to interact with him and reveal anything about you whatsoever. She needs to learn better boundaries. 1
Andy_K Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 You need to tell your parents that you don't like him, and to cut him off as far as possible (given the work situation) 1
Emilia Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 First of all, where the hell does he have the nerve? What makes him think I would invite him out with me and my mother after what he did? It's frustrating me more that he is acting like everything's fine, and that I am not mad at him? I am ignoring him, but I feel like it's rubbing salt in the wound what he's doing. Is he really just that dumb and clueless to his actions? A narcissist? Or does it sound like he's playing head games, and knows I am bothered? I am filled with even more anger now because he thinks he can get over, and he can because he will be working for my father again Any thoughts? Feel free to comment, thank you. Anger attracts anger, dysfunction attracts dysfunction. 3
Diezel Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 You and your parents really need to know the meaning of the word "boundaries". At some point, I'm beginning to believe that you are making up these stories. You have dozens of posts talking about guys who hit on you, who are "players" and who just waltz into your house or call up your parents. What gives?
Author Ashley S Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Don’t take his calls, don't interact at all, and tell your family to stop interacting with him. As long as you and your family members keep playing the game, you can't be too angry that he keeps playing too. I am not playing his game though. I don't even speak to him. I wasn't home when he called, and my mother picked up the phone. I am so mad at her about that considering what kind of a person he is, and she knows the situation. She told me all what was said and their phone convo. I am just angry that he thinks he can still do whatever he pleases and my dad is giving him a really HUGE ego boost by hiring him. Just makes me so angry because I can't so anything about this, nor can I tell him off.
Author Ashley S Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Yes, he's doing this to mess with your head. He knows it works. As we've all stated, he's a game-player and gets off on the ego boost. That's what narcissistic players do. That's it. And your mother should know better than to interact with him and reveal anything about you whatsoever. She needs to learn better boundaries. Yeah, I know! I am so angry because my mother knows what happened, and I wasn't home when he called, but she told their phone convo and what not. My mom tried claiming she thought he was looking for my dad, when it's bull****! He can clearly call my dad's cell. He knows it. He chose to call the house phone first, so he can rib it in how much he is getting over, and ****ing me over at the same time. Thanks for your feedback! You need to tell your parents that you don't like him, and to cut him off as far as possible (given the work situation) I told my parents that, and they completely disregarded me. My mom is on my side, but then this **** happens where he calls and she picks up. So I don't know my parents true feelings or whatever. I know he got a one up for working for my father after what he did. So he must feel like he's on top of the world. It's also an invitation to just disrespect me more because think about it, him working for my dad is telling him "I can do and say whatever I want without consequences, so maybe I can say or do something more to Ashley" So he'll probably say or do something now that will set me off. Thanks for the feedback.
Author Ashley S Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 You and your parents really need to know the meaning of the word "boundaries". At some point, I'm beginning to believe that you are making up these stories. You have dozens of posts talking about guys who hit on you, who are "players" and who just waltz into your house or call up your parents. What gives? Trust me, this is real unfortunately. Wish I was delusional and making this up. I am venting my anger because there is nowhere else to vent it. I can't certainly vent it to the loser. Isn't this site for making posts about relationships and what not? Why do you care so much? If you don't like it, you're not bound to comment. Simple as that.
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Your mom answered the phone because your dad's employee called. When he invited himself along on her birthday, she should have shut him down. Since she did not, you have to set boundaries with your parents. One move out. Two tell mom since you invited Him to your birthday, I won't be going. When you can understand that I want nothing to with him, I will be back but until then I'm sorry you picked him over your own daughter but I'm outta here. 2
Author Ashley S Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Your mom answered the phone because your dad's employee called. When he invited himself along on her birthday, she should have shut him down. Since she did not, you have to set boundaries with your parents. One move out. Two tell mom since you invited Him to your birthday, I won't be going. When you can understand that I want nothing to with him, I will be back but until then I'm sorry you picked him over your own daughter but I'm outta here. Thanks d0nnivain. Well according to my mom she said that he kept asking "What are you doing for your birthday?" And she said "Oh my daughter is taking me out, I'm not sure where" She told me she said that to diffuse him because she didn't want him to come out with us. Me and my mother did go out without him, I certainly did not call him, but I don't know. My mother was supposedly "on the spot" and she didn't tell him where I was actually taking her because she told him "Ashley is surprising me, so I am not sure where we are going" She knew where we were going though. In the same breath she chose to pick up the phone. But yeah, that ******* did not come out with us, and I made sure of that. Thank you though for the advice, and for your feedback. I appreciate it.
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Your mom has trouble setting boundaries. She is not a strong person & you have to accept that about her. At least he didn't come with you. Maybe you can introduce this guy to the emo death obsessed guy on your block & that guy can take care of your problem. j/k 1
Author Ashley S Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Your mom has trouble setting boundaries. She is not a strong person & you have to accept that about her. At least he didn't come with you. Maybe you can introduce this guy to the emo death obsessed guy on your block & that guy can take care of your problem. j/k Not such a bad idea d0nnivain..lmfao. Hmmm 1
Author Ashley S Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 So, the guy I have been cutting out and is working for my dad showed up at my house Friday night with a case of beer. He kept asking me if I was mad at him, and he kept forcing hugs. He kept going on and on about it, saying he was "sorry" about the incident, and that it'll never happen again. I know it will happen again, so I told him I don't forgive him, and I said "I will never go out with you for as long as I live" because I know he'll never change. He kept talking to me all the night, and I kept ignoring him, walking away, etc. Well I drank beer, and I got a little belligerent and mean with him. I kept calling him a "cokehead" and I kept calling him "trash" and a "scumbag" I kept insulting him in subtle ways, and basically calling him a loser, and I called him a "piece of ****" I was really being mean with him. I could tell it upset him, and he asked my mother for one of her anti-anxiety pills, and he never takes them. When I said I was leaving I walked to a friend's house and as I was gone, my mom said that he said "I don't think I want to be friends with Ashley anymore, she's really mean" My mom said he seemed really shocked. I forget what else I said, but I was mean to him because I am so hurt, and I wanted to get back at him for what he did to me the other night by putting him down. Now I feel bad. I feel really horrible I said all of those mean things because he was clearly upset. He asked my mom for an anti-anxiety pill which he never takes. He was silent, and he usually isn't silent. He seemed upset. I feel upset more than victorious though. Do you think that was wrong of me? Do you think I shouldn't feel bad? Do you think I should let it go? Or apologize for being mean? Or do you think he deserved it? I am between not feeling bad, and feeling bad. What do you think? Thank you.
Arieswoman Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Ashley S, I really don't get this. If you don't like the guy and he's been mean to you, why are you sitting and drinking beer with him ????
Author Ashley S Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Ashley S, I really don't get this. If you don't like the guy and he's been mean to you, why are you sitting and drinking beer with him ???? My brother asked him to come over. I didn't even know he was going to be at my house. My brother already had beer in the fridge, and I was already drinking it before he came over, and then to my surprise he came over. My brother didn't say anything about inviting him over, so it was a shock to me, to see at first, but I quickly ignored him, and went upstairs when he was down stairs with my brother. I only spoke to him in what I said in my post. I wasn't around him, but when I was, I insulted him, and put him down. I didn't drink his beer.
Arieswoman Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 AshleyS, If you don't like the guy, just don't interact with him. Don't waste time on him. Walk away. Simple. 2
losangelena Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I don't think it would do you any harm to apologize to this guy. Apologize, and then don't put yourself in a situation where you could do this again. Yes, you don't like him, and no, you don't like that your family continues to interact with him, but that's not grounds to call him trash or a POS. No wonder he feels bad, I know I would. The decent thing would be for you to apologize. Do that, then let it go. 1
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