walkingonair Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 How do I stop feeling so much guilt?? So I've been dating a guy for 5 months. He broke up with me last month and two weeks later contacted again and we started talking and seeing each other again. I recently stopped initiating contact and he started to do all the initiating , I do initiate sometimes but I've backed off a lot. I also stopped liking all his fb stuff. And I feel so much guilt! I'm a very giving loving person and I wanna shower him with attention but I'm stopping myself because he broke up with me last month and that really hurt me because he broke up with me for no reason... everything was great. Is it ok that I stopped initiating? I just want him to prove something to me I want him to earn my trust somehow because he really really hurt me and I've only always been super nice and giving to him. How can I stop feeling guilt for not showering him with tons of attention like I did before? I'm just trying to respect and protect myself But im afraid he'll lose interest
Toodaloo Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Be nice to yourself instead. He will be very happy to have a woman who values herself and holds herself in such regard on the end of his arm. Also as he has already done it once, its probably sensible to keep him at a distance for the time being until you can establish if he did make a mistake or if he is actually just bit of a flake. Don't feel guilty. You can't truly love others until you learn to love yourself. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 If he broke up with you for no reason (which is a lie because everyone has a reason no matter how legitimate or stupid) and he hurt you, then why did you agree to get back together with him? 1
Darth_Matt Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I don't think you have anything to be ashamed off nor should you feel guilty of anything. You're just looking out for your heart and yourself. Good for you!! You're being cautious. So stop being hard on yourself. Maybe that's why he dumped you. He know's he can get you back anytime. You're a doormat to him. Or he dumped because you were too overwhelming on the compliments. You showered him with too much attention. Sorry to put it that way. I'm not trying to be hurtful towards you....I'm just speaking form a guy's perspective.
Redhead14 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 How do I stop feeling so much guilt?? So I've been dating a guy for 5 months. He broke up with me last month and two weeks later contacted again and we started talking and seeing each other again. I recently stopped initiating contact and he started to do all the initiating , I do initiate sometimes but I've backed off a lot. I also stopped liking all his fb stuff. And I feel so much guilt! I'm a very giving loving person and I wanna shower him with attention but I'm stopping myself because he broke up with me last month and that really hurt me because he broke up with me for no reason... everything was great. Is it ok that I stopped initiating? I just want him to prove something to me I want him to earn my trust somehow because he really really hurt me and I've only always been super nice and giving to him. How can I stop feeling guilt for not showering him with tons of attention like I did before? I'm just trying to respect and protect myself But im afraid he'll lose interest This is not about you feeling guilty, there is nothing to feel guilt about. You are feeling needy, clingy and hurt. What you are feeling is rejection and trying to pull him to you. There was a reason he broke up with you, you are over the top with affection and showering him. There needs to be balance. He shows you interest, you respond in kind and on the same level. He asks you out, you accept, but not with Oh, I can't wait to be with you . . . or I'm crazy about you, even if you are. You end up smothering him. The only thing you should do now, is back off. Date others and be busy. If he contacts you again, you respond in a reserved, receptive way and don't try to force a relationship. Let things unfold naturally. Very early on in a dating scenario, you must "hold" back. It is only after the relationship has been clearly developed that a woman can begin to shower a man with her love and affection and even then, it must be balanced and controlled,not overwhelming.
Lokin4AReason Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 everyone is different, some are needier than other(s) .... if he dumped you, it may be he doesnt understanding the situation at the moment and needs time to think about it ( a breather ) or something thing else is in the mix ( as in someone else ). the trusth will come out ( it always does ) so be patient and if he doesnt reply, i am afraid to say, move on ( if you dont, you ll always be second in the relationship =0( IMO )
Zahara Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) This isn't about you feeling guilty. This is you feeling the fear of him abandoning you. So, you'll do whatever it is to fuel his interest, whether it is loving him to death or showering him with as much attention as you can to make yourself loveable and likeable for him. And if you can't do that, it strikes fear that you will lose him. That you will be forgetable. It's one thing to be a nice, loving and giving person but not when the other person isn't reciprocating or invested as you are. When one is giving unconditionally without receiving it is because they desire validation. It isn't because of "nice, loving and giving." This man doesn't want a commitment with you. It is time you stop worrying how to make him accept you. If it isn't important to him to earn your trust, then you can't do anything to make him want to earn it. That in itself is a sign to you. The many threads you have created about this man -- let go and move on. Edited December 3, 2014 by Zahara
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