adrian77 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) I can't deal with this anymore. I'd say 75% of the time he doesn't listen to anything I say. He will even respond to me as if he is listening and then a minute later not even know what he responded to. For example we will be at the grocery store and I will say we don't need eggs and he will respond ok and then 2 minutes later we will pass the eggs and will ask if we need them. We can be driving in the car and I might tell him a story about something that happened (and I keep my stories short unlike him) and after I finish he won't respond or just kind of says huh? and I ask him if he was listening, he says yes so I tell him to repeat what I said and he can't. One night we ordered in dinner and he said he wanted a steak sandwich, I asked him if he wanted fries and he said no. Then when the sandwich didn't have fries, he got mad at me for not ordering them. I told him he said he didn't want any but he just got irritable.* At night he never listens to a word I say because he is too busy gaming, reading FB, watching tv, and drinking whiskey. If I call him out for not listening to me he just gets angry and makes an excuse saying he is in the middle of a game or he is reading something. I hate having to even take the effort to talk to him because 9 out of 10 times he isn't listening. It could be something important or maybe there is something interesting on TV I point out but he can't even look away from his game. When we do engage in conversation he always thinking of his next thought and doesn't listen to my input. It just seems to be getting worse an worse. He manages a business and doesn't have trouble there so it's just got to be that he has no interest in me. All my friends husbands love hearing stories and looking at old pics of their wives and he had no interest. I love hearing about him and pics of him as a kid but he just doesn't seem interested. Edited December 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
eye of the storm Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 That is a tough one. He has gotten into the habit of ignoring you. You are going to have to do some leg work to undo that habit. And he needs to know how big an issue it is for you. As long as someone is comfortable and doesn't see the problem, there is no incentive to change. He has no reason to change because so far you have tolerated this behavior. Tell him this is a problem for you. Not a small problem either. It is the kind of problem that can eventually destroy a marriage. Then ask him if that is a future he wants. You will have to be very calm and very blunt. This is no longer going to work for you. And you need to be willing to follow up or don't even waste your time doing any of this. You can start small with no TV during dinner, dinner at the table. Or 10 minutes either in the morning or in the evening where you two face each other and talk. (ya gotta be looking directly at each other) If you are in the grocery store touch him or call his name to get him to look at you and say we don't need eggs. It is going to be tough. You will need to be consistent. And loving. Reward good behavior, hold accountable bad behavior. And 1 of 2 things will happen. Your marriage will be better, or the divorce will happen sooner. But either way...things will change. good luck
gaius Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 You might just be talking to him way too much about non-important/uninteresting things so now he's tuning out all the time. I've been around women who are so needy they'll even try to make a movie you're watching all about them. Asking questions, making all kinds of comments. Most men just need some occasional time to veg out a little bit and not be hit with constant talking and interaction.
dichotomy Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) Just an idea. Ask your husband regularly "whats on your mind, what you thinking about" I say this because I have a noisy Brain - multitasking several thoughts, past issues, possible future issues, how to solve problems in my life, work, home. I have issues being present in the moment and slowing down. Managers can also be like this. Not saying this is your husband, he might simply be disrespectful, but he may need to work on being present, and letting go of other thoughts in his head. He may also be worn out from dealing mentally with tons of issues from work, managers have so many different issues to resolve and multitask, and his brain is on down mode. Edited December 3, 2014 by dichotomy
Got it Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Can you two do marriage counseling? I think having a third party help mediate would stop the me vs you habit. We have gotten into that rut some where we don't always feel like the other person is listening, I know I have gotten very upset when it has happened to me, and we really had to deep dive the issue. We try and use "I" statements and discuss how it makes the person feel when they are being ignored.
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