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Does it ever surprise you how predictable physical attraction is?


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Posted

I married up... so she thinks I'm hot...

 

Just so you know.. a 4 can be a mismatch with you just as easily as a 9 can be..

Looks are only gonna get you so far in a relationship and then you have to fall on your personality to take it further and just because a person is a 9 doesn't mean they have the personality of a 9...

  • Like 4
Posted

Wouldn't you think that at least one woman who was a 7 would have found a guy who was a 4 hot?

Because looks aren't THAT subjective. Maybe one person's 7 is another's 9 but universally people tend to agree on what is really good looking and what isn't.

  • Like 4
Posted
[women, as a rule, do not go up to even so-called 10s or 8s and say "I want to rip your clothes off"]

I got stuck on the idea that the OP believes that women go up to any man and tells a perfect stranger they want to remove his under garments orally. :laugh:

 

Not saying it isn't done but I promise that is GROSSLY in the exception rule. :laugh:

I've had this happen to me on a few occasions, but they all involved a borrowed Maserati and a hand-me-down Armani suit. I'm certainly not an 8 or above.

Posted
I've had this happen to me on a few occasions, but they all involved a borrowed Maserati and a hand-me-down Armani suit. I'm certainly not an 8 or above.

 

And there you go. :laugh: I am still surprised that even the car and the suit would get this but kudos! :laugh:

 

I promise, I would never say this to a man at any point in my life. Pure looks and material goods would not have been enough to make me that attracted to him.

  • Author
Posted
Because looks aren't THAT subjective. Maybe one person's 7 is another's 9 but universally people tend to agree on what is really good looking and what isn't.

 

But THAT non-subjective?

 

It's a big world. :eek:

 

What would you attribute that to? Media or natural instincts?

Posted
I have a friend like that. Nice guy, funny, with a great personality, but dude never gets laid. Ever. He goes to parties with his best friend almost every weekend and meets women. Those women go for his best friend every single time. It never fails.

 

I suspect one of two things (or both) is happening there...

 

1) The women his best friend's meeting at those parties almost every weekend are shallow themselves. Women that party a lot tend to be more shallow and immature than those that frequent the party scene less often.

 

Or...

 

2) His best friend is charming and he isn't. And his friend exudes that charm confidently, even non-verbally with subtle gestures and body language. Being personable, funny and likable does not mean you're charming. There's an art to it and some guys just have a propensity (a knack) for it.

  • Like 1
Posted
Does it ever surprise you that out of all of those thousands of significantly more attractive women he meets, there isn't at least one that thinks he is hot? Just purely looks hot. Comes up to him at a bar, or online and says, "You're handsome. I want to tear your underwear off with my teeth."

 

Yes it does (or did). In my formative dating years, I had the same mindset as yours -- that is, the average guy will be able to experience the same kind of intense, carnal, physical intimacy as the attractive player does, just with 1 or 2 women instead of dozens or hundreds. Unfortunately, my experience hasn't borne that out. Instead, the nature of the attraction toward "nice" or "average" guys seems to be different than that toward more objectively "hot" guys who can routinely land ONSs. I would say that my wife feels insane "relationship attraction" toward me but it has never completely translated into the bedroom -- it feels like this limbo where she seems to enjoy it enough so there's no question of her faithfulness but it lacks the intensity that I imagine casual sex has.

Posted
I read all the posts and I think a more relevant point is that the entire thing is hypothetical. He's suggesting a "4" is walking around and nobody thinks he's hot, ever. How do we know this? Who is this 4? What's his name and what does he do for a living? How do we know what women are thinking? [women, as a rule, do not go up to even so-called 10s or 8s and say "I want to rip your clothes off"] Etc. [spoiler: his name is "null", because he's just a creation of the OP's to prove a pet point]

 

So, all the posters pointing out that attraction is subjective are entirely on topic. It's perfectly reasonable to respond to a hypothetical by pointing out: In reality, things are subjective. And anyone who's bothered to actually read posts by women on LS over the years, and also who maybe lives in the world and knows some of them, is aware that women can and do find unconventionally attractive men attractive. You guys might even call them "4s". I don't know, because I think the number thing is dumb. But whatever.

 

On a different note, I read the OP's post and am just imagining all these different numbers walking around, drinking coffee, having a smoke, wearing little bowler hats. A charming picture.

 

i am the 4 and did you read my post about my friend? girls do not say i want to rip your clothes off but they do want to talk to him. some times when we go eat at a diner there will be a group of girls looking and saying some thing about him some times they even stop on the street to talk to him. have you ever used okcupid? i have there are a lot of girls on okcupid and who do not respond to my messages i could not even count how many. how many do you need to see reject me before you realize that looks are not that subject.

Posted (edited)
Right. You totally get it. But doesn't that surprise you?

 

It's such a big and chaotic world, where amazing random acts of nature happen.

 

Wouldn't you think that at least one woman who was a 7 would have found a guy who was a 4 hot?

 

And no, I have never rejected a woman because of her looks, but anyway, it's not really about that.

 

if a 7 finds a 4 hot it'll be for something other than his looks (initially). a 4 can be hot to a 7 if he has some other amazing quality that anyone over a 4 seemingly lacks. but, given time, even a 4 can be hot (attraction-wise) to a 7. feelings can develop and strengthen the longer you're around someone. i assume you're a 4? just make really close friendships with women and let them see your personality shine through to the point they overlook the looks in favor of something else.

Edited by newmoon
Posted
if a 7 finds a 4 hot it'll be for something other than his looks (initially). a 4 can be hot to a 7 is he has some other amazing quality that anyone over a 4 seemingly lacks. but, given time, even a 4 can be hot (attraction-wise) to a 7. feelings can develop and strengthen the longer you're around someone. i assume you;re a 4? just make really close friends with women and let them see the personality shine through to the point they overlook the looks in favor of something else.

 

there is some thing called the friend zone when gils like guys buy do not think they are cute. happens all the time

Posted
The better looking best friend is far from charming. In fact, if he were to post on LoveShack, he would quickly be labeled a woman hater. He routinely insults the women they meet, but they still hit on him. He's good for getting drunk and calling all women whores or talking about how much easier women have it.

 

Okay, are you guys in your early 20s by chance? Younger girls are dumb. Trust me they grow out of it. Almost everyone dates the a%%hole. But it makes you appreciate the good guy/gal afterwards.

Posted

I think the issue here is that the 4, believes he is a 4, acts like he is a 4 and that probably to even women rated 4 and below, is not that attractive.

 

I knew a guy once who was a 4, short, chubby not great looking, but bright, intelligent, hugely charismatic, outgoing, friendly and very funny. He had masses of confidence.

He was a big personality and literally lit up the room. He used to go out with his good looking friend 8-9, but all the girls, whatever their rating clustered around the 4.

Thing was the 4, oozed sexual chemistry and he had the confidence, cheek and self belief to go with it. He believed he was a 10, acted like a 10 and no-one really disputed he was anything else. He always went out with great looking girls.

Posted
I think the issue here is that the 4, believes he is a 4, acts like he is a 4 and that probably to even women rated 4 and below, is not that attractive.

 

I knew a guy once who was a 4, short, chubby not great looking, but bright, intelligent, hugely charismatic, outgoing, friendly and very funny. He had masses of confidence.

He was a big personality and literally lit up the room. He used to go out with his good looking friend 8-9, but all the girls, whatever their rating clustered around the 4.

Thing was the 4, oozed sexual chemistry and he had the confidence, cheek and self belief to go with it. He believed he was a 10, acted like a 10 and no-one really disputed he was anything else. He always went out with great looking girls.

 

But realistically speaking a guy whose a 4 rarely has a long term relationship or marriage with a beautiful looking woman. Eventually they'll still want to find someone on their own level of looks unless they settle just to be secure. I mean honestly ask yourself how many times do you see a great looking woman with a below average looking man. You even say he always went out with great looking girls, which means even with all his personality qualities he still couldn't keep them long term.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
i am the 4 and did you read my post about my friend? girls do not say i want to rip your clothes off but they do want to talk to him. some times when we go eat at a diner there will be a group of girls looking and saying some thing about him some times they even stop on the street to talk to him. have you ever used okcupid? i have there are a lot of girls on okcupid and who do not respond to my messages i could not even count how many. how many do you need to see reject me before you realize that looks are not that subject.

 

I haven't seen a single one reject you, and am not likely to, so that's neither here nor there. This is all anecdotal and hypothetical, so I'm not sure why you think I should be convinced that you're getting rejected left and right when all I've got to go on are some words on a screen. You say you're struggling, and that's rough, but how can I possibly know that it's all down to you being a so-called 4, which is meaningless to me anyway?

 

I have seen a lot of posts on LS, such as on this thread and elsewhere, that strongly suggest to me that it's not just looks that might be standing in the way of struggling guys such as yourself. I'm not saying that to ding you, Mangina, or to suggest that looks don't matter at all (of course they do) but just because seriously I have heard this stuff again and again on here and it seems like despite thousands of man-hours discussing these topics it's still easier for some folks to believe that it's all out of their control and the fault of some arbitrary number system than it is to do what they can with what they have. And along those lines, your chosen name here kind of tells me what I think I need to know about where you stand on this.

Edited by serial muse
  • Like 4
Posted

If your plane crashed on a lost island with 100s of caves you'd find that the cave 1 person chose most people would choose because at its root were all humans - we designed to look for certain things - a cave that keeps you sheltered whilst not too far from the beach or fresh water.. Or a partner deemed good stock!

Posted
But realistically speaking a guy whose a 4 rarely has a long term relationship or marriage with a beautiful looking woman. Eventually they'll still want to find someone on their own level of looks unless they settle just to be secure. I mean honestly ask yourself how many times do you see a great looking woman with a below average looking man. You even say he always went out with great looking girls, which means even with all his personality qualities he still couldn't keep them long term.

 

Well, he married one of them, I know that.

Posted
Well, he married one of them, I know that.

 

But are they happily married? He seems to be an exception if that's really the case. Since like I said it's really rare to see a below average man with a really good looking woman. It's not something you see everyday that's for sure.

Posted

There's an exception to every rule.

 

Every single one.

  • Like 1
Posted

Unless you swim in a sea of shallowness, being physically attractive may give you 5 second head-start, if you're lucky - that's about it, really.

  • Like 1
Posted
But are they happily married? He seems to be an exception if that's really the case. Since like I said it's really rare to see a below average man with a really good looking woman. It's not something you see everyday that's for sure.

 

 

I have not the slightest idea about their marriage, but are you now saying that beautiful people marrying beautiful people, are happier than your average marriage?

Posted
I have not the slightest idea about their marriage, but are you now saying that beautiful people marrying beautiful people, are happier than your average marriage?

 

That's absolutely not what I'm saying. I'm just saying you rarely see a beautiful woman marry way down in the looks department unless their pretty much just using them for the security because they have a good job. I mean why would a woman that's considered beautiful by a majority of people want to get with a guy that's seen as ugly or below average by most women?

Posted
... I'm just saying you rarely see a beautiful woman marry way down in the looks department unless their pretty much just using them for the security because they have a good job. I mean why would a woman that's considered beautiful by a majority of people want to get with a guy that's seen as ugly or below average by most women?

 

While there could be other assets he has that would also attract her (warmth, caring, intelligence, wit, humor, respectfulness, shared interests values or goals, great in bed, etc), of course people choose partners that have something going for them.

 

Consider this too: what if the beautiful woman also has and makes enough money and doesn't need financial security? Chaos ensues! haha

  • Like 2
Posted
While there could be other assets he has that would also attract her (warmth, caring, intelligence, wit, humor, respectfulness, shared interests values or goals, great in bed, etc), of course people choose partners that have something going for them.

 

Consider this too: what if the beautiful woman also has and makes enough money and doesn't need financial security? Chaos ensues! haha

 

lol that's even MORE rare to happen in terms of the attractive woman getting with the way less attractive man.

Posted
Okay, are you guys in your early 20s by chance? Younger girls are dumb. Trust me they grow out of it. Almost everyone dates the a%%hole. But it makes you appreciate the good guy/gal afterwards.

 

i am 26 and i do not think it they change until they are in their mid 40s

Posted
lol that's even MORE rare to happen in terms of the attractive woman getting with the way less attractive man.

 

Not so rare at all. More women than men have been earning bachelors degrees for almost a decade. More women than men have grad degrees and more single women than single men buy houses these days. Many of these women are both beautiful and not in need of financial rescue. So, though it's a side issue, when women don't feel pressure to choose mates for financial reasons, they choose for other reasons. (Might be why the Taliban is against educating women! ;)) It's not rare, and it's more common every day.

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