CaffyCat Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 My boyfriend an I have been in a LDR for 8 years now. We visit each other often. I've been to where he lives and met his family, and he's met all of mine. For the past 8 days he was staying with me. Over the course of him being here he proposed the night before Thanksgiving lol He even managed to meet my dad months in advance to get his permission, I had no idea! I'm so thrilled to actually be marrying the love of my life, we've been through everything together especially the distance. Last night I woke up at 4 am with a massive panic attack and cried and cried till while he held me, reassured me that everything is going to be alright, and I finally fell asleep. He's so much stronger than me. I could see it in his eyes how much it's killing him too.. but he still stays strong. He left this morning, and my heart is completely broken. I hate being in my room where we spent most of our time. Nothing looks the same to me anymore. I'm so depressed that I can't even see straight. I've done the whole "Make dates and look forward to them" thing, and granted I don't have to stay away from him long. My next flight is a one way on the 27th of December. I'm excited to move, but the wait is going to destroy me. I've cried for hours and I refuse to eat or drink.. I can't even speak. I don't know what I'm going to do. This time seems different than the rest, I've been that girl that breaks down in the airport, and cries the whole plane ride home.. but this time it feels so different so hollow.. so empty.. I'm completely lost without him. How do you deal with being away from someone you love? How does it get any easier.. I can't seem to make myself ok. advice?
Els Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Well, you only have about 3+ weeks left til the distance is done for good. Now would be an odd time to be giving you long haul LDR advice, especially as you did well for the first 8(!!) years. Look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel, you'll be there in no time. 2
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 With less than a month left until the distance is over, I don't understand the dilemma now. Focus on your big move. The gravity of that change is probably what is freaking you out. 2
LittleTiger Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 You've survived eight years of goodbyes. Now, three weeks before you move to be with him permanently, you're suddenly having some sort of emotional 'breakdown'? I would ask yourself if this new feeling has less to do with 'goodbye' and more to do with 'here comes forever'! Don't underestimate the power that even small changes can have on our psyche - and this is no small change. Be honest with yourself and take a really close look at what's causing you to feel hollow, empty and depressed. That's a fairly unusual state for someone who describes themselves as 'excited' to be moving. I would recommend you talk to someone about your feelings. Perhaps your parents if you're close enough to them. Otherwise a friend or even a therapist. One conversation might make all the difference. If you don't investigate the cause of this depression, you might find it follows you to your new life. 2
Author CaffyCat Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 My family is really abusive. Really really mentally abusive. They've destroyed me in that sense. My fiance is my shield. When he's around they tone it down. Now that he's gone they aren't pulling any punches. I've dealt with it my entire life I thought it'd be easier by now but it isnt. I guess I'm just selfish for missing him. He hates it when I'm upset about being away from him, I wish I could stop.
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 But again, you are getting away from them soon to go be with him permanently, right? So hang on to that, count the days / minutes & be happy it's almost over. 1
LittleTiger Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 My family is really abusive. Really really mentally abusive. They've destroyed me in that sense. My fiance is my shield. When he's around they tone it down. Now that he's gone they aren't pulling any punches. I've dealt with it my entire life I thought it'd be easier by now but it isnt. I guess I'm just selfish for missing him. He hates it when I'm upset about being away from him, I wish I could stop. Your fiance is going to be your 'knight in shining armour' and rescue you from a life of mental abuse in just a few short weeks? That really does highlight your need to seek help for your current mental state. Feeling immense joy and relief would be understandable, feeling hollow, empty and depressed is unusual at best. Are you absolutely sure you want to marry this guy and spend the rest of your life with him, or is it just that you think he's the only way out of your current situation? How can it possibly be selfish to miss someone? They are your feelings not his. If he hates your feelings, that's for him to deal with. He certainly shouldn't be making you feel guilty for feeling what you feel. Please see a therapist before you head off into the sunset. I have a nasty feeling you may be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire - and at least a small part of you already knows it! 1
Author CaffyCat Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 I understand where your coming from with the whole wondering if I'm doing the right thing thing. And trust me that's gone through my mind a few times, but I'm convinced he's the man I want to marry. I'm not marrying him because he can take me away from all of this, sure its a bonus, but I'm in love with him for way more than that. We've been together since we were pre-teens. He's seen everything that I've been though, and can't stand my family for it. He's the only person in my life that doesn't judge me, or point out my flaws and pick at me like my family.. My relationship with my parents is very difficult. They are stuck in the past.. like thinking women have no right being educated etc.. I decided to go to college and get a degree.. because of that they see me as mentally sick.. I know this makes no sense, but it's just the way I was raised and the culture I was brought into. I fought against it and made myself something more. I have a college therapist that I go see ever so often. She understands my situation and helps me out most of the time. But no one really knows my situation better than I do. I try to be as strong as possible. But it's hard when your separated from the one person in the world that loves you. My family hates me I'm convinced of that, and they are counting down till the day I leave. I'm too nice of a person, I've taken 23 years of abuse and I'm hitting my breaking point right at the home stretch. With the abuse they are using it makes me feel guilty, they make me feel guilty for even leaving like I'm doing something wrong. I think that's the only thing pulling at my heart strings. Knowing I'm leaving my family, but at the same time knowing I HAVE TO because of the abuse they are putting me through. Its a sick sad situation..
Recommended Posts