Itsarabella Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Hey Ladies and the odd curious gentleman. I've got a little bit of a dilemma that I'd love some advice with because a PMSing women in her 20's is about to explode with emotion. Long story short. I started seeing this guy in May that I had matched with/spoke to once on a "popular dating app" haha. Now, I live in a small city so it was only normal that I ended up spotting him in a bar one night and we got talking. We got on great after that, started seeing each other about 5 days a week after work and what not and genuinely got on great. In August he moved due to work about 2 hours away by train. So when leaving we agreed to still see each other and that I would come visit him. Don't get me wrong, I like visiting him because there's a lot more to do where he lives now than where he used to. Ever since August I've gone to see him about 2 times a month, usually a Friday evening until Saturday afternoon (he usually has to go into work for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon) , am I crazy to think this isn't enough? I even feel really guilty suggesting a longer stay but I personally need to actually see a person for more than a few hours on a weekend to feel something for them emotionally and I just don't feel a connection between us anymore. I stayed from Friday to Monday morning this weekend, only because I suggested not going home Saturday night after we had a little fight right before i was about to leave (I didn't want to leave angry because I knew I wouldn't come back if I did) so he had already promised a friend he would go out with him that night before he knew I was staying again) I stayed in and watched a movie on my own, he came back at 4am......... Another thing is, is that he's either really into sex or he just isn't at all and when its a limited time frame of less than 24 hours twice a month, it either happens or it doesn't. He's suggested I get tested before he has oral sex with me, bit insulting..if he doesn't want to do it because of that I'd rather not do it at all. But the big problem now that is really getting under my skin is that he expects me to do it for him..all the time with nothing in it for me. On the last night he started the whole cuddle thing in bed, expected me to go down on him and then we go to sleep with nothing in it again for me. Needless to say that ended badly because of his selfishness, we had a heated discussion and went to sleep angry. We woke up very early the next morning and left for work so there was no time to talk about things and won't be for another two weeks because I'm back home now. Oh, and can I just add another thing that I need to know if I should be mad over? He's still on that dating app we came across each other on first, it went off about 4 times while I was with him and he was even on it while we were at dinner together, I mentioned it to him but he just laughed and brushed it off. I've only noticed all of these things this weekend because I spent more than a silly few hours on a Friday night with him. I'm really really thinking of cutting my cords with him now and the fact that I'm PMSing is not helping this situation at all. Some lady advice for a girl with no sisters would be very very appreciated! Also sorry about the rant I just don't know how to bring this up with him or what to say, I'm as turned off as I can be right now..
Frank2thepoint Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I'm not a lady, just a man. The guy is only using you for his sexual pleasure. He sees the whole situation just as a dalliance. It's nothing but casual for him. By you saying you met him through a "popular dating app", I'm guessing Tinder, which is notorious for hookups. As for you, you haven't said you wanted more out of this casual fling, so I'm assuming you want him to pleasure you as well. So go tell him just that, otherwise find yourself a giving man on your "popular dating app". 1
Zahara Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 He's just using you for sexual pleasure. If that's something you want, a casual fling, then keep seeing him. But what would that do for you when he won't even pleasure you? So, he can have sex with you but won't orally until you get tested? He doesn't make time to see you and when you do make time to see him, he chooses hanging out with his friend over you. He disrespects you by checking out his Tinder while he is with you. You either enjoy this for what it is, if it gives you any type of pleasure, or move and find someone that wants to invest in a relationship with you. 1
venusishername Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 You yourself said you're turned off. Sounds like you bend over backward for this guy traveling by train to see him and waiting around while he goes out with friends. When he does spend time with you, you're still doing all the work and getting nothing in return. Doesn't sound worth the trip. Trust your gut, don't blame it on PMS, this guy isn't worth your time. As far as what you should tell him: I really don't think much will be necessary. He's not going to put up a fight. I'm guessing this isn't working for you. Therefore, dump him so you can find someone who will give you what you want. You can simply say to him: I want something more than what you're giving me. Thanks for the fun times, but goodbye! A man who really likes you won't have you taking trains to see him. It's the other way around.
me85 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Wow. What a jerk. I say, pull the plug on that one. I'm on Tinder but I've only met up with one guy since I've been on it (since May.) Luckily, he was a really great dude. We had fun together for about a month. Dinners, movies...he even came over to my place and cooked for me. (0= Please stop seeing this guy Bella!
smackie9 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Nothing wrong with being asked to be tested before oral, as long as he gets tested too. You or him could be carrying the HPV virus without even knowing it. Same as Herpes, you can have it without knowing it for several years. But his attitude about him not getting tested, and insisting getting oral, he is way off base. I bet money on it since he moved, he is filling his time dating, or screwing other women. That would explain the lack of interest....has nothing to do with the limited time, come on. Ditch this dude. Next time wait for verbal commitment before having sex.....never assume you are official.
Mrin Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Ya I gotta say this dude sounds like bad news. This is just a sexual thing for him and a very one sided one as well. FWIW: asking for an STD test before oral is perfectly normal. Except it should definitely be bi-directional. Nothing is better than a clean bill of health. Move along on this one.
LostOnes05 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 So, I'm a guy but will offer advice as well. First of all, it's not a bad thing to ask someone you plan on being intimate with to get tested. In fact, it is highly responsible but both of you should be tested. This guy sounds extremely selfish. And I'd venture to say he isn't wearing a condom when he gets oral so if you did have something, there's a possibility he already has it and vice versa. And continuing to use the dating app, even more so, in front of you is disrespectful. Either way, this guy sounds like a stupid SOB. Get him outta there and get tested anyway!
Zahara Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I'd be asking for an STD test before having SEX AND oral sex. I have a feeling that it only applies to oral sex because he doesn't want to please you OP so he uses that as an excuse. It doesn't make sense to have sex but shun oral because he's worried about catching an STD. You deserve better OP. Aim higher.
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