Eclipse82 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) I'm married and have been having an affair with my ex who is also married. Their spouse just found some pics on there significant others phone. They somehow found me via Facebook and obviously was pissed. I denied everything and acted as if I had no idea what they were talking about. I don't want to ruin their relationship nor see mine destroyed in the process. I have no idea what the significant other really knows at this point. What's the best way to handle this? I would prefer neither finding out about our 1 sexual encounter and we never speak again. Please don't tell me should of, could of, would of....blah blah blah. I already know that! Edited December 2, 2014 by Eclipse82 More information
Wondering33 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 All you can do is see what happens. This is part of cheating, being prepared to be caught. If you're not prepared for that part of it, you shouldn't have done it. 1
purplesorrow Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I'm married and have been having an affair with my ex who is also married. Their spouse just found some pics on there significant others phone. They somehow found me via Facebook and obviously was pissed. I denied everything and acted as if I had no idea what they were talking about. I don't want to ruin their relationship nor see mine destroyed in the process. I have no idea what the significant other really knows at this point. What's the best way to handle this? I would prefer neither finding out about our 1 sexual encounter and we never speak again. Please don't tell me should of, could of, would of....blah blah blah. I already know that! If they found you, they might find your spouse.
petee Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 You are pathetic, let me just go find my wand. You have everything to lose here don't you? Please make it go away, I don't deserve this. Lalala 2
dichotomy Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Can you clarify - having an affair vs 1 sexual encounter? Did you meet up once and have sex...or have you been having an emotional affair for a while but only had sex once? Its going to be hard to keep a lid on this from his SO/Spouse or yours. 1
petee Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Own up now, your spouse will inevitably find out and your betrayal will be all the more worse. You have had unprotected sex with someone else, you have taken their germs and bacteria to your spouse. Please tell me there's no baby? 3
Author Eclipse82 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 There is NO baby, no unprotected sex. We had sex 1 time, we've seen each other 2-3 times. We've know each other for a long time and had a serious relationship over 10yrs ago. We do not live in the same state anymore but our family does.
jm2013 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 You should sit your wife down and tell her the truth. Regardless she is going to find out. It will be a lot more respectable coming out of your mouth than from the mouth of the BS believe me. If you love your wife and have hope in a future with her in marriage you should do this. Otherwise you're going to find yourself wrapped up in lies, trickle truth and unrepairable damage you will later regret when you lose her for good. 5
violet1 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Own up now, your spouse will inevitably find out and your betrayal will be all the more worse. You have had unprotected sex with someone else, you have taken their germs and bacteria to your spouse. Please tell me there's no baby? Why is it always assumed that every cheater has unprotected sex? I sure didn't. I used as much caution with my XMM as I did when I was single. OP, the cat is out of the bag. I suggest you tell your H before the other BS does. Affairs have a way of coming out. It will look better if it comes from you.
Author Eclipse82 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 You are pathetic, let me just go find my wand. You have everything to lose here don't you? Please make it go away, I don't deserve this. Lalala I'm so glad you are perfect and have never made a mistake. We made a mistake that will never happen again. If I didn't care about this persons family or mine I would have told the spouse the truth when they contacted me. Am I pathetic for giving into temptation and allowing this to happen, yes! But it won't happen again and I've NEVER thought about having sex and or talking to anyone else but the person I slept with.
Author Eclipse82 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 If the shoe were on the other foot so to speak, and my spouse was in mine, I would not want to know as long as it never happened again.
Rainbowlove Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Don't respond to the negative and sarcastic breaths here...you'll spend all your time and energy on wasted people. Focus instead on the helpful voices. Confess. I know it's hard and scary, but you need to b/c the truth will come out. Own it. You walked in your mess long enough and now it's coming out for the world to see. I'm sorry for the pain you feel and for the pain of everyone involved b/c of your actions and choices. I'm no better than you, ps. Confess and deal with the outcome. 2
katielee Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I'm so glad you are perfect and have never made a mistake. We made a mistake that will never happen again. If I didn't care about this persons family or mine I would have told the spouse the truth when they contacted me. Am I pathetic for giving into temptation and allowing this to happen, yes! But it won't happen again and I've NEVER thought about having sex and or talking to anyone else but the person I slept with. sure, some people here have probably forgot their purse at home when they went to get gas. THAT'S a mistake. YOU made a series of awful choices that betrayed yourself and your spouse. Don't minimize what you've done. And don't be a coward and manipulate your wife into staying married to you because she doesn't know the truth. She'll be loving you conditionally then. You really want to have to trick someone into staying married to you? 1
TrustedthenBusted Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 My wife's OM had no idea that I knew what was up until he found himself on the ground in the parking lot at his work in a headlock screaming like a little girl. As for advice.... grow eyes on the back of your head. 4
Author Eclipse82 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 This may come as a shocker to some who assume Im a guy but I'm not. I'm(the wife) is the one who messed up not my husband.
katielee Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 same advice applies, just change the pronouns.
TrustedthenBusted Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 in that case, my advice is to wear hair extensions. They will come right out when she finds you in the parking lot and starts trying to tear your hear out.
violet1 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Plus, if you confess you will feel a sense of relief. Yes, your spouse will be hurt and possibly separate or divorce. However, living a lie and constantly having to worry if your H finds out is not a healthy way to live. I also suggest seeing a therapist to help you figure out the why's. Therapy helped me a lot. Journaling is another tip I received when I was in my A and that helped me as well.
petee Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I had my suspicions. Right, until you admit you had choices, you are not going to get help. You failed. It's not an exam or test/quiz or anything so easy. You failed in life, you took the possibility of disease to someone you now realise you love. If you read my past posts I am soft, but this one is glaring. You do not care about your husband or his health. This isn't a playground, this is life. Your husband will find out; would you keep quiet if you were the other the APs wife? No, you'd look to even the score and cause the same pain. Your husband is innocent, you did this for a quick unprotected orgasm. If you work out how long you had him inside you, then divide that by the financial cost it's going to come to many thousands of dollars per minute. Not good, but you've come here for help sio that's the last of my poidon......please, do the right thing and tell him. If you are 100% sure he'll never find out then you have a choice, but that doesn't sound very likely. In life we have to do the right thing.
Author Eclipse82 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Petee, if you would be so kind to read my responses you maybe I would consider your opinion. I've admitted I was the one at fault, not my husband and not the other persons wife! I don't blame her one bit and I deserve every name she will call me, but I TRULY do not want either of us to loose our families over a 1 time mistake, a huge mistake yes but something that won't ever happen again. My biggest fear is that neither one will believe the truth and that's why I would rather not confess what happened.
Rainbowlove Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 It's your choice to withhold. Coming clean is hard work. Regardless if it was a onetime event or not, your spouse is going to be devastated. The only way to save your marriage (if there's a chance) is to come clean and admit what you did. That is the right thing to do here. Tell the truth. 2
katielee Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I TRULY do not want either of us to loose our families over a 1 time mistake,. This is still all about you. You do not want to lose your family. What about your husband? Does he get a choice in the matter? And the one time thing - do you think it really matters to him if it was one or 20 times? 2
oldshirt Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Just to give you a little perspective about this forum. Most of the people on this board are betrayed spouses and repentant wayward spouses who are trying to recover from infidelity and most are trying to repair their marriages post-affair. You are basically asking how to get away with it and get off scot-free. I doubt if you will get much support or assistance in that. You may want to ask those questions on Ashley Madison or some other forum where wayward spouses share tips and advice on how to cheat and get away with it. 2
Author Eclipse82 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 It's about the kids involved, not me! :lmao:If there weren't children I would have no problems telling him because while I know he would be devastated which makes me feel like a POS I don't want to ruin the lives of the children involved. That's what's affecting me the most. The adults in he situation can in time come to terms with what has happened but children are another story. Do you not think I am a person with a heart and even though I've made a horrible decision I can have remorse and feelings. 1
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