Is it a rebound if the relationship started as an affair? Can death play a role?

[David2193]

Hello!

 

Thank you for reading my thread in advance and for your replies.

 

My now-ex and I started seeing each other last April and things started getting serious very quickly so when she communicated that she wanted things to get more serious I was hesitant; I wasn't able to pay my bills, in between jobs, and had trust issues from my recent relationship that ended 4 months prior to meeting my ex. When we met her dad was very sick and died within the first month of knowing her as well and she said I was one of the only people that we're there for her. She said she understood and I promised I wasn't going to hurt her or leave her when she expressed questioning my loyalty.

She goes to school (3 days of class and 1 day at an internship) and doesn't pay for any bills and goes out and parties all the time. I'm 21 and she just turned 20 on November 15th.

We we're together 7 months while I was working 4 jobs after being unemployed for a month and also being distant because two of my friends lost their jobs and needed a place to stay so I let them stay with me while I took care of them.

 

My ex's relationship showed little to no signs of anything being wrong outside of me waiting to say "I love you" to her; we never argued, always had fun, I surprised her with things... I was so broke that I was sometimes -$250 in my account and took out money for dates that we COULD do (like go to a movie or in-n-out). Throughout our relationship I was constantly tired, lacked motivation for sex because I felt unsexy and that I wasn't good enough for her, and would sometimes not see her for a couple days because I was trying to work to survive.

 

Then a miracle happens and I got a GREAT job and started working seriously in music in the span of two weeks. She leaves for a festival on a Friday (I even dropped her off at her house before she left) with some friends... I called her while I was on my break the next day and we talked about how much she wished I was there and how we couldn't wait to see eachother when she got back!

 

While I was working I was thinking I wanted to take her to Disneyland and tell her I love her there to make it special As I got off work I turned on my phone and saw that she sent me a text saying we needed to talk... I called her twice and she didn't pick up and then I got a looooong text about how she is breaking up with me because she doesn't see this working out.

 

We had a long talk over the phone and eventually met the following Friday to talk about everything and I told her how much I was doing and what I was going through and she said she had no idea. I didn't want her to know so I tried to hide it. She said I wasn't there enough and we didn't go on enough dates... Least of which the fact that I didn't say "I love you" to her but we we're with each other literally every day and sometimes talked multiple times a day! She even liked a picture on my Instagram (she was the kind of girl who liked alllll my pics) that said "Believe those who show you love, don't believe the ones who just say I love you". This completely blind-sided me to say the least.

 

Then she igmits that she met this guy "Dougie" at the festival and kissed him and that's why she wanted to break up. She said that what she's attracted to in him is the same things she's attracted to in me! Even through the argument she said she didn't want to see each other because she would "want to kiss me". She was seeming distant but I thought it was because of her dad so I let her be. Whenever her dad came up she never wanted to talk about him ever.

 

I don't really believe they just kissed and that changed everything; I believe they talked for a while before the festival too. There were some signs and she was jumpy when I joked one time about "where's the other guy?" Because I said my friend joked like that to his gf and I thought it was insecure of him and she agreed... This was about two weeks before the festival. How ironic right?

 

Even after she came clean she said she still wanted to break it off and that she loves me but isn't "in" love with me. I brought her roses and on her birthday that following Wednesday I brought her a bag with all of the gifts I got for her including a $450 spa day at The Hotel Bel Air & Spa and a letter to her along with a couple mementos with hand-written cards in it among other things. She texted me back saying that it was very nice of me to do that but it didn't change her mind and that she would "be in touch".

 

I had to find out that on her birthday she went up to San Jose, where this guy lives, to celebrate her birthday! She led me on saying that "I'll let you know about my birthday plans" and then left 5 hours away to see this guy.

 

He doesn't even live in the same city.

 

She blocked me on FB and Instagram (maybe the guy's idea?) which is odd because like I said we we're very close; she even said that I was important to her and we agreed we didn't want to lose each other from our lives. Is this a rebound? Was she acting out because of the void left from her dad and this guy filled that void because I wasn't there as much as I should have been? I love her deeply and want to be there for her wether or not we're dating. Ever since her dad died I promised that I would watch over her and I don't know of she cares or not.

 

What are your thoughts? She said she wants space so I've been going NC with the exception of wishing her a happy thanksgiving which she wished me a happy one back.

 

This guy is a lot like me (he raps but I produce, write, record, engineer, design clothes, paint, etc..) and he even has a chest tattoo in the same place in text on his chest. He's 20 and works at a car dealership 5 hours away from where she goes to school. Not to mention they like an artist mutually that I work with now hehe He's tall and I'm going insane wondering what makes him so special when I know he's just a copy of me. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but he even tries to inspire others like I do and it's messing with my ego and self esteem wondering why this guy is so great when my ex and I we're so close. She even agreed with me that this could have been avoided if we communicated better.

 

Any advice is very helpful and appreciated )

 

Is this a rebound?

Do relationships that start like this for them last?

Has she really moved on?

What is going on?

[solivervolo]

She sounds like a real b!tch, would you really want to potentially spend your entire life with someone that is so easily distracted? I would just forget her and find someone else, beware though once you do find someone else she will come back, make sure to deny her.