How to deal with this girl...

[blue16]

I've posted about this girl before on this board, and I hope this will be the last time I will need to mention her.

 

About a year ago I started spending time with this girl at school (we never really knew each up untill last semester of senior year of high school.) I enjoyed hanging out with her, she was attractive and she was fun to be around. I wasn't sure whether she liked me beyond a 'in-school buddy' kinda relationship, and I wasn't sure whether I wanted a gf or not or if I wanted to take the relationship further. In all honesty, if she would've made the move I would've gone out with her, but I wasn't gonna go out of my way to do anything drastic. Anyways, I didn't do anything till the last day of school (late June) when I sent her an email (I didn't get it directly from her) asking if she wanted to talk or hang out sometime perhaps. I wasn't sure what I wanted really, but I really liked being around her so I figured I could use that as a building point. She never replied to the email, so I chalked it up as disinterest and I was just an 'in-school buddy' afterall. I saw her a couple days after the email (I kinda pretended like nothing happened), instead of her acting friendly towards me she was almost dead quiet and I had to force words out of her to even get conversation going.

 

School starts next year in September(we go to the same local college) we see each other but don't say a word. I would see her once every couple of weeks, we would make eye contact with one another and then just look away. This goes on for a couple of months, till I was bored one day in class and I realized all the signals she had given when we were together which I had missed. These were pretty OBVIOUS signals which showed she was interested in me, but for whatever reason I didn't realize it at the time. So i decided to talk to her, breaking the 4-5 month silence between us. Again she was given me the silent treatment, hardly saying anything. I told her it didn't seem like she was interested in talking any more even tho we used to hang out and everything. She totally denied that, and I asked her 'so we're cool?' and she said 'ya we're cool '.

 

So January comes by after the christmas break, I see her with some mutual acquiantences of ours (she knows them a little bit better than I do) so I stop by to join them at the table. We actually say hi to each other this time, but after about 2 minutes after I sit down she makes a comment about 'her bf' to her friend. Of course I'm sitting right next to her, so she knows I can hear what she is saying. This was all news to me because I knew she hadn't had a boyfriend when we used to hang out, and I just assumed she was still single. Cept the thing is, she was just completely ignoring me. Like...I would make a comment and everyone in the group would laugh/agree with what I said. She wouldn't even look at me. So I just started ignoring her, I wasn't sure why she was acting this way but it was making me feel uncomfortable and I didn't wanna be a part of it anymore. I see her in the halls as i'm talking with a friend...I walk right past her and don't even look at her. She was totally out of my system, I felt so refreshed. Couple days later, she starts trying to talk to me all of a sudden so I figure maybe she wants to work things out between us so we can be friendly again. I see her at a table with the acquaintences of ours...she's doin the same bs. Pretending like I'm not even there, mentioning her boyfriend often (knowing i can hear her) so I just said I had it. I started ignoring her again. So this time...I'm talking with my friend and she comes by and says hi to him (and not me). I didn't even look at her. If I was a stranger I could understand saying hi to only one person, but it seems like she was TRYING to SHOW that she was ignoring me instead actually not caring, if you get my drift.

 

The point of this story is I am wondering where do I go next? She's really starting to ruin it for me. I stopped hanging out with those acquaintences because I knew she'd be there, and I know she'll do the same routine of pretending i don't exist. I see her around like twice a week or so, and it seems like theres lots of tension still between us. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. But they're good people and I'd like to be able to chat with them, I just wish she wasn't there. I really hate how this girls goin to my head, but I don't know what I should to or how to deal with her.

 

PS - oh ya i still like this girl, which is probably why I still even give a damn :/

[AndrewJ]

STAY AWAY!!!!!!

 

She sound slike trouble for ya.

 

there will be plenty of single girls at the new colledge

[papafrita]

To reply to ur main question, is she ever interested on me?: I think she is childishly dealing with her emotions towards you. Unfortunately she noticed how much attracted u are to her,and she is just probably playing. I dont know her and i dont know if she is lying about having a bf but thats a possibility.

She just wants to feel what it is like to have someone behind her steps and teenage girls are certainly good to break hearts, cos young men let them do that!

I am young woman and i have witnessed in the past how immature girlfriends just chatted about certain guys without considering his feelings and its mostly not a cruel attitude, but about insecurity. They may have some feelings in their systems but they dont know how to deal with them, so mocking about them sounds like a better plan.

You sound like a nice, thoughtful guy who is in a one way crush: cos she is not talking back at u. Body language is not enough. Girls use it a lot but when they are reached out by a guy they USUALLY start showing what they want :-P Make it a win situation for u and take this experience to find out what u really want and what u really need of a girl ur age and go out and look up for it. You will go stronger and renewed like u already did once, dont let her strange moves alter ur perception.

 

Good luck.

 

Ps not all teenage girls are like that believe me.

[blue16]

I accidently double posted this thread, so I moved caramelbrownchick's post in this one.

 

Originally posted by caramelbrownchick

Ok this is an interesting situatuation you are in, either this girl really likes you and is trying to make you jealous, or this girl is trying to get a point across that she doesn't like you anymore and she has moved on, the whole fact that she is totally ignoring you seems some what weird and immature, I mean you have to ask yourself would you even really want to be with a girl like that?? Seems to me that she has a few issues, you seem like you have your head on straight, I think you can do better sweetie.

 

Ya she might be trying to overemphasize the fact that she doesn't want to be around me anymore for whatever reason, by ignoring me completely and showing that 'she has a boyfriend'. But then there was that one short period where I had it with her and ignored her, then she started saying hi to me all of a sudden. She could've just not said hi at all and then things would've been over no turning back. But she came crawling back, for whatever reason.

 

...the whole fact that she is totally ignoring you seems some what weird and immature, I mean you have to ask yourself would you even really want to be with a girl like that?? Seems to me that she has a few issues, you seem like you have your head on straight, I think you can do better sweetie.

 

I agree it is immature, but no ones perfect. The thing is if I had made the right moves in the first place this never would've happened. Granted, she's not the nicest person I've met...in fact she isn't very friendly at all to anyone outside of a few close friends or guys she's interested in. But theres just that 'thing' about her which I like that never dies no matter how many irrational things she does. But thank you for bringing up that point it's something I should definitely consider, and have considered in the past. Whenever I am with another girl I usually think "why do I still even bother with her name she's more work than it's worth..." but that only lasts a short while till I come crawling back.

 

Originally posted by AndrewJ

STAY AWAY!!!!!!

 

She sound slike trouble for ya.

 

there will be plenty of single girls at the new colledge

 

Ya she definitely is trouble. Whenever she is in the same vicinity as me I get really nervous and I'm not myself at all. I have been trying to stay away from her, but no matter what I always manage to run in to her atleast twice a week now...when before I would only see her like once every 1-2 weeks at best.

 

Originally posted by papafrita

Unfortunately she noticed how much attracted u are to her,and she is just probably playing. I dont know her and i dont know if she is lying about having a bf but thats a possibility.

 

I know god damn, things were so much better before when she didn't know whether I was interested or not (and frankly I didn't even know if I was interested.) Now she might be playing with me, I don't know. She wouldn't lie about her boyfriend though unless she is staging it to some of her good friends and all the acquiantences.

 

Originally posted by papafrita

You sound like a nice, thoughtful guy who is in a one way crush: cos she is not talking back at u.

 

That's the thing though, all I did was talk to her asking if we were cool so we could get rid of these awkwardness and tension between us. I'm perfectly happy accepting the fact that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, but at the same time I don't see why we can't atleast be on friendly terms. I mean whatever I did was certainly not the worst crime in dating history...she's holding some kind of a grudge against me for whatever reason.

 

I think it would really help if she saw me with another girl. It's bad luck that whenever I see her I'm either by myself or talkin' with some buddies. Whether it's a friend, romantic interest or whatever, if I had a girl walkin with me it would show her there are other females I can spend time with instead of her. She would either a) get a little bit jealous, or hopefully b) realize I'm trying to move on (I am) and that I'm not a threat to her. But for now, next time I get a chance to talk to her i'm just gonna say like "let's just end this feud between us..." and go from there. I know I won't chicken out if I see her, but the hard part will just be finding her alone somewhere.

[papafrita]

Ok lets leave all regrets in the past ( oh my god if i havent shown my feelings in the first place) I think u did ur part, she didnt react like a "serious" person, lets deal with the concept some other day, ok, but i know ur world its really a rolling stone, so i dont agree with "weirdo" and "u got issues" problem. Who wanna go back to their teeanage years? (think twice) and raise ur hand.

 

Hey teenage is wonderful, it s one hell of a ride. But hey, pls dont forget to stay cool about this issue with this lady, no matter how complicated to decode her behavior may be. Thats the point, step back, watch all the panorama, then if u want go back to homework and keep on analyzing her, ur deal, but all i can say is that social aceptation is very important in this part of ur life, and dont forget she may be acting towards that point.

 

So u wont always watch her being totally honest when showing her thoughts or feelings. Therefore, taking rapid conclusions will make another usual victim in the social skills dept of u.

 

I dont really want to advice u to keep an eye on her, if want to study human nature, take another specimen, thank u. Im not going out of the topic, what i mean is that let her do her thing, if u want to wait, wait, and u will see she will feel confident enough to say one honest word to u in a safer environment, yeah, being u two alone would help. But in the meantime, oohhhhh dont expect too much thinking from her like u have shown in this thread. U might have a more insightful trip to ur feelings than her, its about inmaturity and feeling right with urself, dont ask too much of her, she is barely ur age, i dont know if u said so. So far, ur the sharp one in the scene. Mmmm and, ur the only one who can take that uneasyness away from u, dont let her attitude nor anyone's touch ur core :-P keep ur feelings to urself, so far u have told, its not like they "caught u" and u can listen on the radio "XXX is so in love with lady YY in JJJ High". (exaggerating of course)

 

I think u can turn this in ur favor, my 2 cents.

[blue16]

So I decided to keep ignoring her for a while. I saw her in the library as she was entering, I'm pretty sure she saw me but I just glanced at her and then went about my business. That was last tuesday...ever since then I just feel really bad about what's been goin on between us. Then yesterday I was talking with a friend in the library (he was next to her) and she was looking at me out of the corner of her eye. It was kinda funny actually. But I really had to talk to her because it was buggin me how things were between us.

 

I saw her today during a break in one of my classes, she said hi to me and i walked up to her and said like "i know you're still mad at me but..." then she cut me off and said "I'm not mad at I just said hi to you!!!" So I continued on and in a playful joking way by calling her out on her actions and how we were ignoring each other, and how she would talk to everyone except me. She tried to deny full-on she was ever ignoring me, she was like "oh my god!!" in a playful way with a guilty smile on her face. Then we talked for about 5 minutes, just catchin up about what we have been doing lately since we haven't really talked in 9 months. I got the sense that there isn't any tension between us anymore and we're finally cool.

 

I'm not sure if she is lying about not ignoring me....I mean who knows maybe she was just oblivious the entire time and wasn't intentionally ignoring, but that's a long shot. I think I caught her red handed when I called her out, but I thought I did it in a tasteful way and I truly believe she has good intentions and I'm willing to let her off the hook so to speak. (and it's not like I haven't been ignoring her lately either, lol.)

[papafrita]

Cool! it worked out the right way. Its not that i had the right answer for ur question, but waiting was certainly a good move. Some oxygenation after this "nice" tension put on the table a fresher point of view on this situation. It happens at all levels in human relationships, so its not gonna be the last time u pass through this thing. When people is not communicating, like, in the same frequency, misunderstandings are prone to occur. I am glad u could finally talk to her and that she replied accordingly, that guilty smile on her face wasnt casual hehe So keep going, rem, keep a very big piece of ur feelings to urself until u feel sure enough she can handle them, or she will go back easily to her nice habits, its a matter of growing up. In the meantime, enjoy and try to have nice moments as good friends and let it have a good weight on future decisions u will both make about u as "something else" or just as the good nice pals u can be. I know this makes things in ur friends group easier, so even better for u. Focus on ur own life, hobbies, go to movies, whatever, enrich ur life with other interests as well. Good luck.